


An Obsequious Sense of Self

by ACatOutOfTime



Category: Homestuck
Genre: (Mostly feminism/gender politics), (Some of it is fictional), (not to lovers), (with reference to Bro), Adolescent Sexuality, Alien Gender/Sexuality, Alternian Language, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, BIG PRETENTIOUS WORDS, Beta Kids Suck at Communication, Carapacian Gender, Carapacians can speak (White Queen can speak), Cat Puns, Child Abandonment, Child Abuse, Cooking, DJ Equipment, Dave is complicated, Eating Disorders, Enemies to Friends, Etymology, Extended Programming Sequences, F/F, F/M, Fights, Fluff and Angst, Gang Violence, Gardens & Gardening, Gender Confusion, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Presentation Anxiety, Getting Caught Stealing, Graffiti, Hacking, Hunters & Hunting, I Love Nepeta, I'm Sorry, I'm not sorry, I'm trying to tag themes/story elements and CW stuff here, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Mental Suggestion, In-Story Writing, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Transphobia, Invasion of Privacy, Jade is happy (or at least she thinks), John in Denial, June is learning, Metaphysics, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Multi, Near Death Experiences, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Jade Harley, Original Character(s), Original Characters are mostly cool, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Outing, Parallel Universes Interacting, Politics, Pre-Sburb/Sgrub, Public Humiliation (Non-Sexual), Rose thinks she knows best, Roxy is a Gamer, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow Build, Slurs, Soft Eugenics (Beforus Style), Stealing, Strained Relationships, Strifing (Homestuck), Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff References, Too Many Cat Puns, Too Many Pesterlogs, Trans Character, Trans Dave Strider, Trans Female Character, Trans John Egbert, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Underage Drinking, Universe Shattering Events, White Queen is a total mom, deadnaming, flight, humans and trolls, so please forgive me if it gets a bit mixed up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:28:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 149,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21516064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ACatOutOfTime/pseuds/ACatOutOfTime
Summary: John has spent most of his life so far feeling like something has been off. He's starting high school this year, and he figures it will be just like every other year.Rose is an incredibly smart girl, and besides her lingering admission of her sexuality to her friends, her main purpose is to steer those friends towards their best futures.Dana is a cool girl. Her brother has always pushed her to be the best, and she's always lived up to that. She's simply passing that legacy on to her friends.Jade has always been a happy girl, and her time talking with her friends has only added to that. She's sure she'll always remain a beacon of positivity to them.All of the above are lies.
Relationships: Jade Harley & Dave Strider, Jade Harley & Feferi Peixes, Jade Harley & Nepeta Leijon, Jade Harley & Roxy Lalonde, Jade Harley/Dave Strider, Jade Harley/Feferi Peixes, Jade Harley/Nepeta Leijon, Jade Harley/Roxy Lalonde, Jane Crocker & Rose Lalonde, John Egbert & Original Character(s), John Egbert/Original Female Character(s), John Egbert/Rose Lalonde, June Egbert & Original Character(s), June Egbert & Porrim Maryam, June Egbert/Original Female Character(s), June Egbert/Rose Lalonde, Rose Lalonde & Aranea Serket, Rose Lalonde & Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde/Aranea Serket
Comments: 189
Kudos: 157





	1. Once, Twice, Three, Four. A Question, Uncomfortable Once More

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'll try to reach out and reply to comments as I can. 
> 
> As of now, the fic should release at least one chapter a week, usually on Thursday, with second chapters being released on Sundays (if I have the time).
> 
> The tentative number of chapters right now is 20, but that is likely going to be pushed up as I keep writing.

Your first week of high school started much like any other week of your life. Is that a cliche? Probably. You're kind of a cliche guy, or so you've been told by some of your friends. You woke up the morning of your first day to your alarm and the smell of pancakes wafting up from downstairs. Your dad was clearly responsible for both of those, as you distinctly do not remember setting your alarm (though whether you did this on purpose is for you and you alone to know). You groggily roll out of your bed, not bothering to tidy the sheets, and make your way to the bathroom to shower, grabbing the first clothes you find on your way there.

It's the second week of August, and it is _sweltering_. You are relieved to find that you grabbed a short sleeved shirt, in fact, one that your friend GG got for you a few months ago, on your 13th birthday. It has a little green ghost on it that reminds you of one from Ghostbusters, which _just happens_ to be one of your favorite movies. You pull off your night shirt, and pants and your underwear, and just kind of stand there for a moment in the air of the room. you catch a glance of yourself in the mirror, and kind of just keep looking. You've never really been terribly much to look at, though, you guess that's kind of to be expected, you're 13. You're not exactly fit, though, and while you're not pudgy, you're not thin as a rail either. You find yourself wishing you were a bit more defined as **something** , sometimes, though.

Bluh. You're wasting time. You hop in the shower and get the water nice and hot. 15 minutes later, you hop out and towel yourself off, mussing up your hair just the way you like it. It's short and black, and you mostly just keep it messy because, honestly, fuck dealing with hair? You toss on the shirt and the pair of tan shorts that you grabbed, and head back to your room. When you get there, you notice that the time is 6:43, and god damnit, of course you're later than you thought you would be. Your bus picks you up at 7:10, so you've only got 25 minutes left, and you were meaning to do a few things before school this morning. You quickly login to Pesterchum and send a few messages to your chums.

  


ghostlyTrickster[GT] started pestering tentacleTherapist[TT]

GT: Hey TT, I know you probably won't actually respond to this until later today  
GT: and actually, now that I think about it, I won't be able to talk until later today  
GT: but I wanted you to know that I thought about what you told me  
GT: about how high school is just, like middle school, but a year older.  
GT: I'm going to try to talk to people today!

ghostlyTrickster[GT] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist[TT]

  


with TT out of the way, you send a quick message to your two other friends, just wishing them luck on their first days at school as well

  


ghostlyTrickster[GT] started pestering twistingGeniality[TG]

GT: Hey! I hope you have a good first day of high school!

ghostlyTrickster[GT] ceased pestering twistingGeniality[TG]

ghostlyTrickster[GT] started pestering gardenGnostic[GG]

GT: Hey GG! I know you have some weird circumstances or whatever, but I wanted to wish you luck on your first day of high school!

ghostlyTrickster[GT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic[GG]

  


Having finished harassing (the term is pestering, gosh) your friends, you take a minute to look around your room. Your walls are plastered with posters from your favorite movies: Con Air, Ghostbusters II, Deep Impact. While your friends might claim that these movies are terrible, you personally think that your friends are terrible. Okay, no, you don't think they are terrible, but you think they don't have the amazing taste in movies that you do. If only they would let you show them the movies, then they would understand how great they are! Other than the movie posters, you have a few other things lying around your room, notably a bookshelf full of various books on magic, pranks, and tricks. You consider yourself to be an absolute expert in all of these, and you have the literature to prove it. You also have a chest which contains all of the assorted tools of the trade for a good prankster/magician. Finally, you have a bedside table where you store the boxes to the various games you've bought in the past years. Your favorites have been Team Fortress 2, Spore, and the Ghostbusters II MMORPG, though unfortunately it's been pretty dead recently.

You snap out of looking at your room when you notice the time on the clock: 7:02. Shit. You've got 8 minutes to eat, get ready, and leave for the bus. Why the hell did you waste so much time looking around your room?? You quickly grab up your bag from next to your desk, your keys from on your desk, and you're downstairs in 30 seconds. You precariously look inside the kitchen and see your dad, but given how much time you've already wasted you don't think you're going to get out of this encounter. Walking into the kitchen, you grab up a plate of warm pancakes, stacked three high, a fork, and dump (probably way too much) maple syrup onto the 'cakes before shoveling them in your mouth as quickly as possible. Your dad notices you, and quickly places down a second plate, with sausage and eggs on it, and a glass of milk in front of you, and damnit, this is exactly what you wanted to avoid. You groan something that approximately means "thank you for the food," scarf all of it down as quickly as possible, and barely make it out the door by 7:08.

You're halfway to the bus stop by the time you realize that you forgot to put on deodorant. 

Your name is John Egbert, and today you will be starting High School. Though you have been living on Earth for 13 years, you have never quite felt like you belonged, always finding yourself at the outskirts of social circles, and never having many friends. Today, you were planning on trying to change that, trying to make new friends and become more popular. It seems, though, that fate had a different idea, for today, you have instead been cursed to smell like horrible garbage sweat, because you have forgotten to put on deodorant. While this is just an unlucky break, you do take a moment to reflect upon its universal significance. You look around you, puzzled as to what exactly brought you to this point. The trees and houses around you feel empty, hollowed and voided of any meaning by their sheer impermeability to you. You listen to the sound of the breeze blowing through them, the few wind chimes caught in it adding to the rustling and light creaking. The smell of the mid august morning heat bearing down on you. It feels like this could be the beginning of a long story, or maybe it's the end of one that started very long ago. For you, though, it simply means that you're going to smell pretty bad all day. And you know what that ultimately means: You have a feeling that today is going to be a very long day.

  


* * *

  


ghostlyTrickster[GT] started pestering tentacleTherapist[TT]

GT: Hey TT, guess what. Your plan failed, and I still have a grand total of 0 friends  
GT: Okay, well, that's like, partially my fault, I actually forgot to do something dumb  
GT: But still, your plan failed and I didn't end up talking to a bunch of new people.  
GT: So HAHA! I get to rub it in your face that your plan failed HARD :B  
GT: TT?  
TT: Please, hold on for a minute. I have to take a moment to express my surprise.  
TT: GT, elucidate for me the nature of the part of this failure that was your fault.  
TT: For all we know, this could be a fluke, a simple misunderstanding.  
GT: You and I both know that this failure was totally not my fault at all, TT.  
GT: Sooooooooooo

  


You pause a moment, waiting for TT to respond. Your first day of classes was, as your friend predicted, pretty much exactly like middle school was. For you, though, this meant that your quest to make more friends at your school unfortunately was not successful. You did honestly try; Your failure to equip the all important deodorant was not your only failure when it came to socializing today, however. The first of many was that, upon reaching your first class for the day, you proceeded to, as you had every day during middle school, suck up to the teacher, earning no small amount of disdain from many of your fellow classmates. You can't help it that you liked her though! She had some posters on her wall of movies that you love, and you just _**had**_ to talk about them with her. Your second class of the day was a little better, you did manage to chat with the people around you, but your penchant for pranking seems to have caught up with you, because the people sitting around you were not quick to trust. This pattern continued throughout the day, and by the time you came to your final class of the day, your music class, you had entirely given up on trying. You figured you were just stuck on this path, inevitably isolated by your quirkiness. TT, it seems, has different ideas.

  


TT: While you may believe that this is the case, I would like to hear what happened for myself.  
TT: Perhaps there is some element of today's happenings that you have overlooked, or even willfully ignored in your attempts to pass off your failures to me.  
TT: Please, GT, explain what happened to me.  
GT: Ugh. Fine. First off, I woke up and wasted a bunch of time stupidly  
GT: For *some* reason I felt like starting at my stupid self in the mirror for like five minutes this morning  
GT: Then, when I got back to my room, I ended up just staring at my posters and stuff for like 15 minutes  
GT: I feel like I was just, I don't know, off this morning  
GT: Anyhow, all of this culminated in my dumb ass forgetting to put on deodorant this morning  
GT: I bet the cool people were all just avoiding me like the plague  
TT: I... GT, are you serious? That is the reason that you believe that people were avoiding you?  
TT: I highly doubt that a simple deodorant mishap would be enough to put off an entire school of people from such a genuinely interesting person.  
TT: There had to have been more to it than that.  
GT: Well, I mean, in my first class I was being a super nerd with my teacher, which probably just made all of them think I'm a teacher's pet.  
GT: After that, I got some people to talk to me, but mostly they avoided me because they thought I was going to prank them  
GT: Though, I guess that reputation is kind of deserved :B  
GT: After fourth period, I kind of just gave up on it, it seemed like your plan had failed  
TT: A question, GT  
TT: What period would you happen to have your music course?  
GT: Seventh, the last period of the day, why?  
TT: Would you not think that the people in that course would be most likely to befriend you? You **have** mentioned prior that they themselves have a group of pranksters among them.  
TT: Yet you gave up at fourth period. Clearly you were simply wanting my plan to fail.  
TT: Maybe, perhaps, tomorrow, you could give that a chance?  
TT: I am genuinely trying to help you, GT.  
GT: I know, I know  
GT: I was just so... put off after everything from the morning. I mean, it seemed pretty clear to me that I wasn't going to get anywhere with it  
GT: Bluh. TT, you're just as much of a dork as me, yet you're here talking like you know exactly how to get me all these friends.  
GT: Do you really think this is going to work?  
TT: I really do. I believe in you!  
TT: I believe in you so much I used an exclamation point, a rare sight from me.  
TT: Regardless, if this plan fails, we can always summon some creature from the eldritch depths to be friends with you.  
TT: I'm sure you would get along well with them, considering their supposed penchant for neverending consumption.  
GT: Hey! My consumption is not neverending!  
GT: If you summon some Lovecraftian monster to keep me company, can it at least look like the ghost the shirt GG got for me?  
TT: I do not know of any such entity, but I will be sure to try to find one, just for you.  
TT: Will you try to talk to people in your music class tomorrow?  
GT: Yeah! I don't know why I was so demoralized, I was just being silly. Thanks TT!  
GT: I've gotta hop off for tonight, but I'll tell you how it goes!  
TT: Goodbye, then.  
GT: Bye!

ghostlyTrickster[GT] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist[TT]

  


* * *

  


You can't believe you just did that. You totally thought you had it sealed, that you were going to make some new friends, and then you went and made a complete idiot of yourself. You were so, so close. You walked right up to them, the group of jokesters and pranksters in your music class, and you did it! You started talking to them! They were so freaking cool! Like any good prankster, you, of course, had a prank set up, just to impress the heck out of them.

That, however, was where your plan started to go horribly, drastically wrong. You started off with a card trick, of course. I mean, what self-respecting japester wouldn't start with a card trick, it's practically page one of the book. Like, _**the**_ book, Colonel Sassacre's Abridged, of course. The trick itself went fine, but the group seemed relatively unimpressed. You pressed on nonetheless, talking to them about what you were learning in your music class. You take private lessons for piano, and in the music class you play percussion as well as the piano. You were happy to find out that among them there were a couple other percussionists, as well as a few brass players, and a girl who played flute. You mentioned that one of your friends plays the flute, or at least she was learning to last you knew. You got on pretty well with them, right up until the bell to start the class rang, and you pulled out your last jape, your ultimate trick! You discreetly equipped the little hand buzzer you brought with you, and you went to shake the floutist's hand, hoping that you'd get a funny reaction out of her and get a laugh out of the group. 

When she shook your hand, though, she jumped back and swore at you, seemingly more mad than anything. The rest of the group turned on you, and started telling you how "not cool" it was to just do that to someone, and how you should "be more careful" about who you trick. They quickly moved her away from you, seemingly trying to calm her down, though you couldn't understand why they would need to do that after a simple joke. Once again, though, you apparently screwed up your chance with a group of friends. You walked back to your stand, prepared to study the music for the day, but you could hardly focus. You were starting to think that TT really didn't know what she was talking about, and by the time you got home, you only sent her a few messages before turning to a different friend of yours.

  


ghostlyTrickster [GT] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

GT: Guess what TT, your advice didn't work, again.  
GT: I'm gonna go get TG's advice. I feel like her's is gonna be better, for some reason. At least it will get me away from your "prose" for some time.

ghostlyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

  


While you're sure she's going to keep messaging you, regardless of whether you want her to, but you turn, instead, to your more even cadenced and level-headed friend, twistingGeniality.

  


ghostlyTrickster [GT] started pestering twistingGeniality [TG]

GT: Hey, so TT has me on a wild goose chase and I need some TG branded sanity in my life.  
GT: Please tell me your Bro hasn't put you up to some shit today?  
TG: Not today  
TG: Sup  
GT: TT keeps telling me to try to talk to people, and I keep trying, but it doesn't seem like it's working.  
GT: At this point I'm kinda convinced that she just doesn't know what she's doing when it comes to other people.  
GT: But you know, she is the one who likes the whole psychoanalysis thing, so I would figure if any of us would know how to talk to people it would be her.  
TG: ha so TTs got you going around trying to make some new friends and you just believe her on everything that shes telling you to do  
TG: she doesnt know much more than all the rest of us when it comes to this stuff  
TG: shes like a professor of bullshit she can totally keep talking about it but  
TG: when it comes to actually executing it  
TG: shell fall off the wagon of friendship faster than a barrel that forgot to get rope tied around it  
TG: all twisting in the wind  
TG: a tragic loss of whiskey to the desert  
GT: I'm not so sure, I mean, she definitely at least understands this stuff theoretically  
TG: yeah exactly  
TG: _**theoretically**_  
TG: shes got no more real life expertise than you  
TG: now me  
TG: Im a socially adept gal  
TG: unlike our good friend TT I can give you some tips on how to make friends that will actually help you  
GT: Okay, sure, I mean, it can't hurt any more than what I've already done.  
GT: Lay it on me, what great advice do you have for me, my socially adept acquaintance TG?  
TG: go for the chicks  
GT: WHAT??  
TG: trust me on this dude  
TG: youre already swimming in us girls  
TG: I mean look at your chumroll  
TG: youve got me TT and GG  
TG: your only friends online are girls it seems like youre most likely to make friends with girls in real life too  
TG: come on I just backed up my already flawless experience based analysis with even further logic  
TG: are you going to turn me down like that  
TG: I could start macking on you would that increase your chances of going for it ;)  
GT: Oh god, TG, please don't. No, I get it, I'll try it  
GT: I turned to you out of a solid trust that you'd be chill with me TG, you always are.  
GT: Not that I wouldn't be flattered to have such a cool girl macking on me :B  
TG: you kow it  
TG: guys lining up at my door to mack on me I gotta hide my face when I go out in public  
TG: Im like the coolest girl there is  
GT: Hell yeah :B  
TG: hey Bro is calling me up to strife Ill talk to you later  
TG: tell me how the plan goes Im sure itll be fucking excellent for you  
GT: I will!

twistingGeniality [TG] ceased pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]

  


You hop off your chat with TG with a renewed sense of energy. You might just be the kind of guy that gets along better with girls! That's definitely a cliche, and you are kind of a dork, and exceedingly nice, but for the odd prank. Your thoughts hop to the girl floutist from your music course, being that she is the only girl at your school you've had a good conversation with thus far, but recalling the despair you caused her this afternoon, you quickly think better of it. Regardless, you do see the logic in TG's plan, and you pass out that night with renewed hope that you'll make friends the next day.

  


* * *

  


GOD. DAMMIT.

Three fucking days in and you have continued to make a complete ass of yourself in from of your fellow students, to the amusement of the general populace of your school. This time, at the behest of your friend TG (god, you're starting to wish you knew their actual names) you tried talking to a group of girls that looked suitably nerdy and friendly. You chose to do so during your lunch period, assuming that it'd give you the most time to talk to them. This turned out to be your downfall. It started out innocently enough, you asked if you could sit with the group of five girls and one guy that you had scoped out, and they obliged. They all seemed super nice. Kate, one of the girls, asked you about your hobbies, and you started talking about all of the movies that you love. The girls were giggling, probably about how bad they are, but you're used to that from your friends. You were talking and eating like normal when suddenly, you felt something weird happening with your throat. It started out kind of minimal, a little bit of weird fuzziness and a tingling in your throat. In almost no time flat, though, it evolved into something much more serious, a tightness in your throat that you started to recognize. You couldn't talk at this point so you just started to pound your hand on the table, and before long Kate and Nina, one of the other girls, realized you weren't doing okay.

Thus, the humiliation started. You always keep an Epipen on you for just these instances, but by the time that the teachers got to you and figured out what was happening, they didn't think there was going to be time to get you somewhere private, so in front of the _**entire cafeteria**_ , one of them pulled down one side of your pants and jabbed you in the ass with the pen. You could hear some people vaguely yelling to your left but your eyes were firmly jammed shut by this point. One of your teachers, Mrs. Coleman, tells you that she's going to take you to the nurse's, and gently grabs you up by your shoulder. When you get there, the nurse asks you whether you ate any peanuts (peanuts? no, you're pretty sure you wouldn't have eaten those, you've been crazy allergic to them as long as you've known) You respond as much and, before he can ask you much more, you fall asleep on the cot in the nurse's office.

When you wake back up, you see your dad at the foot of the cot, talking to the nurse. You sit up, a little dizzy and parched as hell, and this seems to capture the attention of the nurse.

"ah! you're awake. I was just telling your dad here what happened at lunch today. We called him earlier but since you seemed to be fine he didn't come in until after school was over."

"School is over?"

"Oh, yeah, you slept through the rest of the day, John. You had quite an extreme reaction. We asked the rest of the students at your table, and sure enough, one of them was eating a PB&J sandwich."

"Could I, uh, get some water or something?"

"Sure!"

He turns to grab you a cup of water and your dad takes this opportunity to start talking with you.

"How are you feeling, son?"

"I'm doing pretty okay. I mean, I got a needle in my butt in front of the school but otherwise."

"John, that's nothing to be worried about, I assure you. I mean, would you have rather choked to death?"

"No, but I also wish I wouldn't have had that happen."

"Hey, tell you what, I'll make you something sweet when you get home."

"Okay, sure, thanks dad"

You genuinely don't think that he quite gets the significance of what happened to you or maybe he's just trying to cheer you up, either way, you down the cup of water when the nurse hands it to you, gather your bag, and head home with your dad. When you get home, you send a couple quick messages to TT and TG, but really, you need some cheering up, so you turn to your ever cheerful friend GG.

  


ghostlyTrickster [GT] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

GT: Day three was again a failure to make any real friends, today with the added benefit of half of my ass getting shown to the school cafeteria  
GT: Just wanted to give you the report for the day. Sorry if I don't talk to you, I'm not particularly optimistic right now, and I just need some cheering up.

ghostlyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

ghostlyTrickster [GT] started pestering twistingGeniality [TG]

GT: Hey TG, your plan to get me to talk to girls ended in me nearly dying from being exposed to peanuts, so thank you for that.  
GT: I really appreciate when my friends nearly get me killed while trying to help me.  
TG: wait hold up what

ghostlyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering twistingGeniality [TG]

  


You know that TG is going to keep sending you messages, and you'll honestly probably get back to both of them later, but for the time being, you just want to talk to GG and get yourself happy. It feels bad to feel bad. Wow, statement of the century right there.

  


ghostlyTrickster [GT] started pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

GT: Hey GG, can you make me feel happy?  
GG: Hey! :D  
GG: Sure! I would love to  
GG: What's got you feeling down?  
GT: TG and TT just keep trying to get me to do different things to get people at my school to like me, but after three days of straight failures I feel like... IDK, I can't do it?  
GG: Aww, GT, I'm sure that's not true  
GG: Trust me, I'm sure you'll have tons of friends, you're an awesome guy  
GG: TT and TG are just dorks  
GG: God, I bet TG pulled out her "I'm such a social butterfly" line on you, and you probably bought it  
GG: Do you want to know how many friends she has in real life, GT?  
GT: Sure, how many?  
GG: 2, a grand total of 2. And that's not to say she's not super cool!  
GG: But, if she tried to convince you that she has all these people following her and fawning over her  
GG: She was spinning you a tail  
GG: Tale! :P  
GG: I meant tale!  
GT: I know none of us is particularly social, but I thought that at least she would be able to give me something to work with.  
GT: TT keeps giving me intricate strategies like "go try to talk to the band kids who are prankster dorks like you" and those have failed me  
GT: Then TG, in her cool girl wisdom, told me to talk to all the girls, because all of my online friends are girls.  
GT: Which is what I tried to do today, but when I went and sat down with a group of pretty cool girls, I started having a reaction to what one of them was eating.  
GT: It seems like the world is conspiring to just keep me from making friends and I can't understand why.  
GG: GT! Hold on!  
GG: What happened the first day?  
GT: Well, I forgot to wear my deodorant and like halfway through the day, after trying to talk to a few people and getting nowhere I just gave up.  
GG: What about the second day?  
GT: I talked to the group during my music class, but when I pulled my prank on the floutist girl, they all got mad at me.  
GT: Telling me I needed to "be more careful" about who I pranked and all that stuff.  
GG: AAAH! And today?? >:|  
GT: Well, today I was talking to Kate, one of the girls at the table I sat at, and suddenly I started to feel really weird.  
GT: I had an allergic reaction to the PB&J that one of them was eating.  
GG: GT!!!! D:<<  
GG: All of this stuff is either accidental or something you could apologize for and push through. Why are you throwing in the towel?  
GG: You're an awesome guy! Not putting on deodorant probably doesn't help because you're probably stinky :P  
GG: But I'm sure that isn't enough of a reason for people to avoid you!  
GG: TT and TG are trying to give you advice for specific things to do but you know what?  
GG: I'm going to tell you something even better!  
GG: You don't have to try to do something specific to get people to like you, GT.  
GG: You're an awesome person, regardless of how much a dork you are.  
GG: You just have to be willing to push through and be okay with making some mistakes!  
GG: So you know what I say you should do?  
GG: That's up to you!  
GT: Wow.  
GT: GG, that was...  
GT: AMAZING!!  
GT: I mean, it wasn't very nice for you to call me dorky but I guess I can accept that for some good advice :B  
GT: So you're saying I should just try being myself to people?  
GG: Sort of, I'm saying be your awesome dorky self, but also, try to work through problems when they come up.  
GG: Like, the girl in your music class. You said the other people in the group said you needed to be more careful?  
GG: Did you ever go and apologize to her?  
GT: I mean, no, I didn't, I thought it would be a bad idea after all of what happened.  
GG: And the girls at lunch, are you even sure they won't want you to sit with them again tomorrow?  
GG: Gosh, GT, you're being way more pessimistic than usual! :P  
GT: I mean, yeah, you're right!  
GT: I'm going to try to talk to them tomorrow!  
GG: Good luck!  
GT: You always know how to cheer me up GG!  
GT: Thanks!  
GG: I'm always glad to!

ghostlyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

  


You check your pesterchum for TT and TG and find you have at least a dozen messages from each of them, but you resolve to answer them after dealing with homework and eating. You've got a big day tomorrow and you can't wait!

  


* * *

  


You wake up Friday morning in a little bit of a daze, and slap your alarm clock. You grab a shirt, this time one with a cute little slumped over salamander on it, and a pair of shorts, and you're in the shower before you can even think about it. When you get out of the shower, you check the time, and drearily realize it's only 6:40. You talked to all three of your friends last night, but you decide to open up a memo so you can talk to all three of them and update them later today.

  


ghostlyTrickster [GT] opened PRIVATE memo The Quest for Friends!

ghostlyTrickster [GT] invited tentacleTherapist [TT] to memo  
ghostlyTrickster [GT] invited twistingGeniality [TG] to memo  
ghostlyTrickster [GT] invited gardenGnostic [GG] to memo

GT: Hey everyone! I'm going to head to school soon, but I wanted to open up a memo to update all three of you at once.  
GT: That way I don't have to explain everything three separate times!

gardenGnostic [GG] joined memo

GG: Hi! :D  
GG: Good luck today!  
GG: I know you'll do great!  
GT: Thanks GG!

  


With that out of the way, you herd your way downstairs, to the breakfast that you know is waiting for you. Your dad always makes you breakfast, and somehow has the energy to be chipper as hell this early in the morning too. When you walk into the kitchen, he already has a plate ready for you, and sitting next to it is a new Epipen. You sit down and start to eat, though you're barely a minute in before he starts talking to you.

"Morning John. Are you feeling better from yesterday?"

"Definitely! I ended up talking to one of my friends, GG, and she helped me a lot."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that. Be sure to stick that pen into your bag before you head out for the day."

"Alright Dad, I wasn't going to forget it."

"One more thing, John. You've seemed down these past few days. Is there anything that you wanted to talk about?"

"Dad! No, I'm fine, don't worry about it. There's nothing going on."

"Okay, but if you're getting bullied at school be sure to tell me."

"I will Dad."

You know why he's worried about that. You moved here from another school district before middle school, and at that school district you were constantly bullied. It hasn't really effected you that much, at least you don't think so, but your Dad is constantly vigilant about it. He's trying his best, he honestly is. He's just so overbearing about it. You finish up your food and meet his eyes as you grab the Epipen and put it in the front pocket of your bag. You head back up to your room, since you still have a little while until you have to leave for the bus, but after checking and seeing that nobody else has responded to the memo, you take off for the bus stop a little bit early.

When you get to school, you are a bundle of anticipation. you have four periods before lunch, and two after. You're planning on trying to sit with Kate, Nina, and the rest of the girls at lunch, and during your music class you're going to try to talk to the floutist girl and the prankster group and apologize. Your first class of the day, Social Studies as you've found out, passes without much thought beyond you noting down your homework, and your Math class is similarly uneventful. When you arrive at your Health class, however, you see a familar set of eyes meet yours, and you go and sit down next to her. Nina calls you out as you walk up.

"John!"

"Hi Nina, sorry about the scare yesterday."

You take on a bit of a forlorn look, doubting you managed to not scare all of the girls at the table.

"It's fine. We were all just really worried. The nurse came in and asked what we were all eating, and I was eating PB&J, which was apparently set off your allergies?"

"Oh, yeah, I actually have a really bad peanut allergy. I wasn't actually sure if you would want to talk to me after I did that whole mess yesterday."

"What? I'm just glad you're okay. I was really worried that I hurt you. Kate was kind of freaking out, but once the nurse said you were okay we managed to get her to calm down."

"I'm glad! So, you're in this class with me?"

"Well duh, John, I'm sitting here, aren't I."

She makes a silly face at you, just about confirming your suspicions that she's about as sarcastic as TT

"Do you mind if I sit behind you?"

"Hey, not at all, and Kate wanted me to pass along that she wanted you to sit with us again today. We all made sure to pack peanut free to be safe, since that's what the nurse said caused it."

"Cool! I'd love to sit and nerd out with her!"

"Oooooooh. Do you have a crush on Kate??"

"WHAT"

You yell. Probably a bit too loud.

"Hahahahah, I'm just messing with you John, though, now I'm not so sure."

You're about to fire a response back at her when the bell rings and the teacher starts talking. Your class for the day is pretty boring, since you're still introducing the topic, but your teacher for this class is particularly strict when it comes to talking in class, so you don't get to say anything to Nina again until after class.

"Hey, I just wanted to say, I definitely don't have a crush on Kate. I'm just... I'm happy to have some friends, I guess."

"You know, you're a dork. A funny and nice dork, but a dork."

"Well maybe I don't want to be friends with you if you're just going to insult me!"

"Wait! Like I said, you're funny and nice, and you seem pretty genuine! Everyone needs a friend."

"So, you mean. Are we friends then."

"Well if you want to be."

The move that you make after this revelation is, to completely honest, far from dignified, but considering all you went through this week to get someone to be friends with you, you think you've earned it. You jump up a little bit and shout.

"Oh my gosh, John, have you ever had a friend before?"

"Uhhh, I mean, yeah, I have some friends online. And before I moved I had a couple of friends but that was like two years ago."

"Whoa. You went a whole two years here without having a single friend here?"

"Yeah? I mean, like I said, I have friends online."

"Yeah, but-"

Just then, the warning bell rings, and Nina cuts herself off, issuing you a quick goodbye before rushing to her next class. You just about run to your Home Ec. Class, your fourth class of the day, getting in right as the bell rings. Your teacher looks unenthused at this, and rapidly points you to your station. You find out that you are going to be starting on your first learning project of the year, making a simple pie. Since this is easily within the expertise that your dad ensconced inside you, you follow along while mostly daydreaming about the fact that _**you made a friend all by yourself**_. You did it! GG, TG, and TT are going to be so excited to hear about this when you get home! When the bell rings, you practically sprint to the lunch room, and when you get there you hear an excited voice yell out your name, this time in a different tone.

"Oh my gosh JOHN!"

Suddenly someone is running up to you and you're startled to see that it's Kate. She starts talking your ear off about how she thought that you were going to get seriously hurt. Nina appears beside the pair of you when she notices whats happening.

"Kaaaaaaate, please, fewer than 80 words per minute love. I don't think John can understand you."

"Sorry. I get. Hyperactive when I'm worried about people. I wasn't sure you were gonna be okay, and like, you were cool and new and you were a huge nerd like me."

"Oh, yeah, I'm sorry about that, I'm super allergic to peanuts. I didn't mean to scare you all."

"I'm glad you're ok."

"I was honestly kind of worried you'd all be too embarassed to let me sit and hang out with you, after what happened yesterday..."

"WHAT?! Wait, why would we be? You were fun to talk to, at least, as long as you were here, and you getting hurt wasn't like, your fault."

"I don't know, I mean, I had my pen applied right here in front of everyone. I can't imagine I won't get made fun of for basically having a teacher put my ass out on display."

"John, you were having an allergic reaction, sure, some of these idiots might make fun of you for that, but you have literally no control over that!"

You're actually really relieved to hear that from Kate. Nina, Kate, and you all find the rest of their friends (your friends?) and you proceed to explain in as much detail what happened the previous day. They all seem relieved that you're okay, and after a while you settle in to a normal discussion. Kate and Nina bring up that you never did get through talking about your movie interests the previous day, and the three of you hop right back into that topic. Kate seems genuinely interested, but Nina can't believe that you actually like these movies.

"Hold up, wait, you actually, like, genuinely like Con Air. No ironic detachment or anything?"

"No, it's a great movie!"

The conversation continues like this for the rest of the lunch period. After lunch is over, you run to your locker, procure your science materials, proceed to class. You are astonished to find that Kate is sitting in the class, reading something. She doesn't look up when you walk in, but when you walk over and take the seat behind her she turns slightly to to say hi to you. She seems really enveloped in her reading, so you take the time to just sit and think about how nice it is to have at least two people who are actively talking to you in your classes. The bell rings and idly go through about a quarter of your class before you remember that, hold on, next period is when you were planning on trying to talk to the floutist girl. You spend the rest of the class agonizing over what you're even going to say: you're pretty sure that the thing that you did that upset her was the prank in the first place, but other than that you're not fully sure what to say. Too soon, the beacon signalling the end of the period sounds, and cautiously progress to the music room.

When you arrive, you spot the group of them immediately. You walk up to them, ready to apologize to her, when you notice a slight problem: she's missing. Not quite willing to ask, you instead apologize to the rest of them and see yourself on your way. You spend the rest of the music period curious about it, though the primary thing on your mind is that you made some friends!

  


* * *

  


ghostlyTrickster [GT] joined memo  


tentacleTherapist [TT] joined memo  


twistingGeniality [TG] joined memo  


gardenGnostic [GG] joined memo

GG: Come on GT, don't make us wait!!  
GG: How did it go???  
TG: yeah were all sitting here with bated breath  
TG: baited breath  
TG: bated breath  
TG: honestly fuck if I know  
TG: point is we have breath that some wild animals are gonna come after if you dont lay some of that real business on us right quick  
TT: I think what TG is attempting to convey is that we all would like to hear whether you have acquired the covetously desired "friends" we have all heard you bemoaning your lack of.  
TT: Perhaps your lack of response should be taken as a confirmation of your death. We will prepare a eulogy, perhaps some nice music, the three of us will be pallbearers, as unconventional that would be.  
TT: Of course, your headstone would read "He died as he lived: without friends (*it is well known he had friends over the internet, apparently he did not consider them good enough friends)"  
TT: I'm sorry, was that too snarky?  
GT: Wow, you three sure can talk a lot in a short period of time, I was just grabbing a cup of water.  
GT: I didn't expect you all to join right away!  
GT: I won't keep you waiting much longer: I made some friends!  
GG: OH MY GOD, YAY! :D  
GG: You've gotta tell us about them!  
GT: Okay well first off, before I do: TT, you know just as well as I do that nobody is ever going to replace you three.  
GT: I've been talking to you three since we were like 8 or something, this bond is going to stay alive forever!  
TG: I mean of course not were like the coolest girls in the whole united states and also wherever GG is  
GG: I live on an island :P  
TG: like I said wherever GG is  
TT: I know you wouldn't GT, I was simply making a "joke," I believed this to be an area with which you were acquainted?  
GT: Oh, I'm really good at jokes, I have books and books dedicated to them. It's literally in my family :B  
GT: Anyhow, on to the friends! I took GG's advice and just tried to talk to the people from yesterday, and they turned out to be really friendly!  
GT: One of them is super nerdy and into movies like me, and the other...  
GT: Wow I actually just realized I didn't figure that much out about what the other girl likes.  
GT: Either way, I have science class with the movie girl and health class with the other girl.  
GT: I also tried to talk to the floutist I mentioned but, she actually wasnt there today...  
GG: That's super cool! I knew this would happen!  
GG: I bet you're going to make even more friends!  
TG: yo I see you went with my strategy of talk to all the girls  
TG: it went as well as I told you it would obviously  
TG: the cool and popular girl knows what shes talking about  
GG: TG, you literally have like two friends in real life, what are you talking about?  
GG: you're not "the cool and popular girl" :P  
TG: this is lies and slander I tell you  
TG: GG is just trying to take the credit for my obviously superior social skills  
TG: who do you think is more likely to know more about social life  
TG: a girl who lives on an island somewhere or a girl who lives in the middle of a city and totally has a bunch of friends and also people pining after her  
TG: trick question its the girl from the city everyone knows that  
TT: _**Regardless**_ I am glad to hear that you made some friends GT, I hope that it will help you avoid bullying like you had been at your last school.  
TT: Perhaps it will even make your classes interesting, though even I doubt that's a possibility.  
GG: I'm sure they're going to be really helpful to you GT, you're going to go through a lot these few years and having people there in person is going to help.  
GG: I mean, you're _**probably**_ going to go through a lot these few years. It is high school after all, and high school is always an emotionally trying time! :P  
GG: I couldn't tell you for sure, any more than I could tell you when the world is going to end.  
GG: **IF**  
GG: Just ignore me, please.  
GT: Okay, leaving all of that vaguely cryptic stuff behind, I'm glad you all helped me through this.  
GT: As much as you all might individually take credit for it, I really couldn't have done it without all of you.  
GT: You guys are my best friends. I really hope we get to meet some day! :B  
GT: I'm gonna go get dinner now, but I'll be back on later to keep talking about this!  
TG: bye dude!  
TT: Goodbye GT  
GG: BYE! :D

ghostlyTrickster [GT] left memo

  


After an entire week, you almost can't believe that you've finally accomplished it. You made friends in real life. At the beginning of the week you probably wouldn't have believed that it would have been possible, but here you are. You sit down to eat dinner, satisfied, and happy with yourself.

The feeling lasts all the way until mid-day Saturday.


	2. A Flighty Broad and Her Delusions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose is struggling against the wind, lamenting the odious nature of such weather patterns, when she comes to a point in her conversation with Dana that causes her to stop.
> 
> John continues struggling through his emotions, unsure of what to make of himself. A revelation hits him at the worst of times.
> 
> Jade becomes worried about Dana and John, and seeks assistance from Rose, though her choice may be questionable.
> 
> Dana is bombarded with uncomfortable questions and nagging from a certain girl with a name that of a flower.

You are walking, as you do every Tuesday and Thursday, home from your local community center. You are also, as it just so happens, quite annoyed on this given Thursday. One might ask why a beautiful young woman such as yourself would be agitated when there appears to be nothing around to annoy you; Indeed, the only thing in sight at the moment is your phone, which you happen to be typing on quite rapidly. Your irritation stems not from any particular thing, as much as it stems from the abstract situation you find yourself in. You are walking home from your local community center, though it might help to repeat this phrase as such: you are walking home from your "local" community center. The problem with this local community center is that it lacks one of the core qualities essential to being a local community center. That quality is, namely, it's locality. It lies approximately four miles from your estate, which is conveniently located at the intersection of ass end and nowhere.

This would not pose much of a problem for an average family. An average family, one with a functional parentage without a predilection for soporific substances, would simply drive their offspring to the community center, and pick them up afterwards. Your mother, the booze befuddled begetter, instead insists that you walk to the community center on all days except those where the temperature drops below zero degrees. Centigrade, luckily. She is, after all, a scientist, and refuses to use Fahrenheit for anything besides making fun of ill-fortuned laypeople. This particular day happens to be one in mid-November, and while it is, graciously, above zero degrees, it also happens to only be five degrees. You planned for this, and your execution of your plan was flawless, however your neck continues to be unable to support as many scarves as you would happily throw on it, and your coat seems to not quite prevent the penetration of as much wind as you would prefer. This, and your unending desire to use your phone likely explain why you are currently extremely cold.

Your reason for depositing yourself at the community center was none other than your twice-weekly after-hours writing course. This extra-curricular activity initiated, or rather was initiated, after an unfortunate encounter between your alcohol-laden mother and a piece of regrettably placed and regrettably written piece of wizard fiction, penned by none other than yourself. An hour and an uncountable number of marks later, her basic critique was as follows:

"Love, your basic structure could use some work, but your romance, smut, and characters are all marvelous. I know a lady down at the community center who runs a course on advanced story writing, I'm sure she'd be just _**dying**_ to have my baby in her class. I'll get you signed up for it!"

As with everything with her, this was not a choice for you, and it was not a choice for the instructor of the course. Once you arrived at the course, you both realized that the level of expertise you had acquired in your independent studies was well beyond the targeted level for the course. Not wanting to disappoint (or receive a strongly worded letter from) your mother, however, the instructor decided to just take and critique your works nonetheless, with the added caveat that you could fairly freely decide your own projects. This incredibly convoluted chain of events has led you to now, and the conversation you are currently having with twistingGeniality, which your phone has just conveniently reminded you of.

  


TG: listen I understand that you probably cant get this but   
TG: my Bro is literally the coolest guy around   
TT: I understand that that is your opinion of him, and if that is the truth, then surely you could explain your affinity to him?   
TG: well sure if I wanted to be fucking laughed into the ground   
TG: he might be the coolest guy around but   
TG: newsflash he grew up in the 90s   
TG: he might get all the internet stuff like   
TG: guy literally runs tons of websites he just wouldnt get this   
TG: anyhow lets get off this   
TT: Alright, any other luxuriating you'd like to do about the greatness of your Bro?   
TT: Reminisce about the good days when he'd take you out skateboarding.   
TG: nah I actually had a different topic in mind   
TG: speaking of I was thinking about something   
TG: weve all known each other for quite a few years and yet   
TG: all this time we just have been referring to each other using our tags   
TG: which I guess is normal   
TG: internet security and all that   
TG: your not supposed to give out your name or some guy with very little hair and a sketchy ass van is gonna just roll up to our house and kidnap us   
TG: hey there kid would you like some candy   
TG: why yes strange man also its not weird at all that you know my name   
TG: but anyhow I was wondering if maybe we could I dont know tell each other our names   
TT: Well, I have certainly considered it. I do trust you and the other two quite a lot, and I'm certain I have told you other, possibly more incriminating information.   
TT: However, was there anything that brought this up?   
TG: nothing in particular I guess   
TG: well the other day I was talking to GG and she slipped up   
TG: mentioned that she was pretty sure she knew what we all looked like   
TG: she didnt give me all the details but she promised that she would tell us as soon as she could   
TG: I figure if that kind of information is floating around what the hell is a first name going to do   
TG: like theres at least 500000 jacks in the us   
TG: so   
TT: I can see the point of that, though I definitely will have to inquire in to GG's source of knowledge myself.   
TT: That said, even without that information out there, I would probably be willing to disclose my first name to you.   
TT: Would I be correct in assuming that your usage of the name Jack in the previous string of messages was not indicative of that being your name?   
TT: I apologize if it is, I simply have not ever met a woman with the name Jack   
TG: haha nah my name isnt jack   
TG: nice to meet you my name is dana   
TT: Well hello there Dana, it is a pleasure.   
TT: Those from this plane of existence call me by the name of Rose.   
TT: I must say, I had several guesses as to what your name would be but, now, knowing your name.   
TT: Dana is the most fitting. It's quite a beautiful name, if I do say so myself.   
TG: whoa whoa whoa   
TG: hey there rose im fond of my name just like anyone else   
TG: and I can appreciate a compliment   
TG: but just so you know   
TG: you might want to hold off on macking on old dana over here   
TG: I dont swing that way, if you catch my meaning   
TT: Oh, I...   
TT: I apologize, that wasn't my intention.   
TT: Regardless, I have actually just arrived at home, and I have several things which I must get done.   
TT: I did enjoy talking to you on my way back home, however.   
TT: It was also quite nice learning your name.   
TT: Goodnight, Dana.   
TG: alright   
TG: night rose

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering twistingGeniality [TG]

  


Well. That could have gone better.

That was a lie. You have not arrived home, and are actually a good 10 minutes from home. You had no intention of cutting off your conversation but your damned friend just made it intensely uncomfortable for no good reason so now here you are, in the mid-November breeze, trying to figure out how quickly you can make the rest of the 10 minute walk.

Your name is Rose Lalonde and you have recently made a discovery about yourself. Well, that is an oversimplification for narrative purpose. You are a lesbian, a sapphic, to some light-years less sophisticated than you, a homosexual. Your predilection for those of the feminine form is nothing new to you, nay, the fire of your appreciation for womanly curves was awoken, likely much too early, and definitely unintentionally. You have your mother to blame or thank for that, whichever you are doing at the moment. Regardless of the origin of your desire, however, it was solidified in the forges of young adult fiction, the kind which is found only in a dark corner of a bookstore, and purchased under looks questioning "are you sure?". As of today you had made the decision to come out to your friends and you were hoping to do so with TG, sorry, Dana this evening during your usual discussion. Then, of course, she had to imply that you were flirting with her and mess that all up. Your entire plan, dashed upon the rocks that are your propensity for evocative praise. You will not give up, however, you just need to find another opportune time.

  


* * *

  


You find yourself sitting on your bed, knitting and replaying another conversation with Dana in your head. It has been several days since your intended coming out day, and not a single of your friends is aware of your sapphic tendencies. You consider this a failure of the highest degree, and you are currently wallowing in self-pity at the lack of opportunities which have presented themselves to you.

Your current knitting project is nothing important. The end is cascading over your legs, each of the various shades of pink and red accenting one another. The colors of the lesbian pride flag are something to behold. You definitely lied when you said it was nothing important. You have been working on this scarf since you initially decided to come out, hoping that it would serve as a reminder of your goal, and would help you show yourself off. You're about three quarters of the way through it at the moment, and still, no progress. 

As if on cue, your phone pings, a message notification popping up.

  


gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

  
GG: Hey tenty!   
GG: or... The Therapist :P   
GG: OOOH! Or maybe, The Tenterapist!   
TT: Hello again GG, I presume you are doing well   
GG: Haha, yeah. How about you?   
TT: I'm doing pretty well myself. TG actually mentioned something which might resolve your nickname dillema.   
TT: She proposed that we give our names to one another, in order to facilitate expedient conversations.   
TT: Unless you would prefer to refer to me by one of your nicknames?   
GG: Oh! She actually did tell me her name, I just wasn't sure if it had gotten around to everyone.   
GG: I'm completely okay giving out my name. I get why you all were so secretive, living on the mainland and all.   
GG: But I live on an island, and honestly even if any of you tried to come out here and take me, Bec probably wouldn't let you :P   
GG: So, did you want to exchange our names?   
TT: Sure. Hello, I am referred to as Rose.   
GG: Hey there Rose people call me Jade :D   
GG: Wow. Rose. Do you like the flower?   
TT: I'm actually not a fan of my namesake. I feel that the name was likely given as an ironic gesture, given the beautiful nature of the flower.   
TT: My comparative looks are, I fear, underwhelming.   
GG: Hold on, that's not true at all. I can say for a fact that you're an absolutely gorgeous young lady.   
TT: Oh. How would you be able to say that?   
GG: Uh. Because you're you Rose, and I can tell from the way you talk!   
TT: Have I ever mentioned that you're quite bad at lying?   
TT: I also seem to have left out of our discussion that a certain Dana happened to accidentally let slip that you mentioned that you know what we all look like?   
GG: Oh crap. Wow I guess that got around.   
GG: I know it sounds creepy but I promise I don't have like, spy cams or anything installed in your houses.   
GG: I can't go into pretty much any detail, for safety reasons, but I promise you as soon as I can I will.   
TT: I'm not particularly fond of this caginess. However, I have known you for many years now and you have never given me reason to suspect you.   
TT: Moving on, was there a reason that you pestered me?   
TT: Not to imply that I find your company upsetting or anything other than completely pleasant, but you usually contact me with a particular purpose in mind.   
GG: Oh. Uh, actually, oh second thought I should probably contact GT or Dana about that.   
GG: I'm sorry for messaging you for nothing D:   
TT: Now hold on, if you chose to message me first there had to have been some reason to it.   
TT: Surely I haven't intimidated you away that quickly   
TT: I would do a winking emoticon however I believe my point was adequately made   
GG: Well it **was** well enough made until you added in the extra sentence, you goof   
GG: Alright, I'll talk to you about it, at least to begin with   
GG: Have you, um, noticed anything off about Dana or GT?   
GG: Okay, given that GT has been in something of a downer for a while now, but like, anything new?   
GG: I don't know, I was having a conversation with GT yesterday and he seemed like, kind of his usual jokey self, but there was this constant undercurrent of him...   
GG: Not really caring?   
GG: Then today I was having a conversation with Dana and like halfway through talking about something she just hopped off completely randomly.   
GG: She barely even sent me a goodbye.   
TT: Hmm. I would say, in the case of GT, we probably need to do some more digging.   
TT: What were you talking with Dana about, if I could inquire?   
GG: I'm not sure I should...   
GG: We were talking about boyfriends and such.   
GG: She hasn't ever had one, which is nothing new in this group, but I think she's kind of feeling ashamed of that?   
GG: I brought up how you hadn't either, and how John hadn't had a boyfriend, and she just   
GG: Dropped off.   
GG: I was walking Bec at the time   
GG: Which, as you probably know, means chasing him around the island more than walking him.   
GG: So I didn't really have the ability to check with you or GT until I got Bec calmed down.   
TT: I may... have a theory as to what could be on her mind actually. I can talk to her about it if you would like?   
GG: Well I mean I'm not sure, I don't want to just be going around spilling secrets behind people's backs.   
TT: Jade, I promise I won't even mention you, and I will do it as subtly as possible.   
TT: Would that make you feel better?   
GG: I'm not even sure there's an actual problem going on. I'm sure she'll be fine, honestly, it was just a bit jarring.   
GG: Honestly this isn't even the first time she's done it.   
TT: Alright.    
TT: I would still like to talk to her about it.   
GG: If you think that would be best, go ahead.   
TT: As for GT, his mystery presents a much larger problem. I will get back to you with regards to what we can do as soon as I know anything more.   
GG: Alright. I appreciate it.   
GG: I'm going to go tend to my gardens, but I'll have my phone on me, if you need me.   
TT: Alright.   
TT: Goodbye, Jade.   
GG: Bye Rose!

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

  


You set down your scarf, for only a moment, and pick up a notebook. The thoughts in your head are too important to forget. Dana, the girl who only a few days ago claimed to be extremely straight, has just appeared to have a crisis of sexuality. This, this you can definitely work with. It presents the opportunity to use your own sexuality as a leverage, getting her to admit hers by utilizing yours. It's perfect, the comforting (digital) embrace of a friend welcoming her into the sapphic side.

You resume your knitting, now with a mind swimming with ideas for how to implement your masterful plan.

  


* * *

  


The following day, plan "Sexuality Double Trouble" is a go. You captchalogue your laptop and knitting supplies and meander your way to the observatory, hoping to get yourself some much needed privacy for what will likely be a long conversation. In typical matronly fashion, your guardian is currently... passed out on the couch with a martini in front of her. Exactly what all good mothers do. 

Continuing to the observatory, you decaptchalogue and lay down your laptop and knitting supplies, and begin knitting. It seems that Dana is currently offline, but you send her a message anyhow.

  


tentacleTherapist [TT] started pestering twistingGeniality [TG]

  
TT: Good morning Dana, I was wondering if you would be willing to talk, when you have a moment?   


  


With that innocuous greeting out of the way, you decide to message GT in the meantime, since he is online. You figure you can attempt to elucidate the nature of his perturbation, and pass that information on to Jade, or better, help him with it yourself.

  


tentacleTherapist [TT] started pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]

  
TT: Well good morning GT  
TT: Have you been up to any trickstering recently?  
GT: Hell yeah  
GT: I got my dad with the bucket above the door trick yesterday :B  
GT: I filled it with shaving cream, which actually seemed to annoy him more than anything.  
GT: But it was still fun  
GT: So what's up?  
TT: Nothing in particular, simply waiting for TG to get back to me.  
TT: Speaking of which, has she gotten to you with her proposition?  
GT: Uh... That's a worrying way to put that  
GT: I don't know of any proposition so I guess not  
TT: This proposition is in no way worrying, unless you find the idea of knowing the names of your close friends worrying.  
TT: If you do, I am reticent to say that the proposition was that we should tell each other our first names, so that we can be done with this "referring to each other by tag" nonsense.  
TT: Would that proposition be amenable to you?  
GT: Oh! I actually was curious as to why we haven't told each other our names before now  
GT: Not that it's that weird or anything, I guess, but I'm definitely okay with it  
GT: I'll start! Hi there, you big dope :B My name is John  
TT: Well hello there John, you even bigger dope, my name is Rose.  
GT: Ooooh. Rose! I really like that name!  
GT: Is that why you use the color that you do?  
TT: Ah, yes, lavender, the most common color of roses.  
TT: As we are all aware, roses naturally occur most often in a lavender color, and as such, one whose name is Rose would obviously use the color lavender.  
GT: Wow, I'm so sorry for being wrong and joking about the color of your text :B  
GT: I guess I'll just never mention color again.  
GT: Did you come to actually ask anything?  
TT: As it were, I had a question for you.  
TT: How has it been going with your friends?  
GT: It's been going pretty well  
GT: I've mostly been hanging around with Kate and Nina  
GT: I know I mentioned the girl from the music class, but ever since the day that I wanted to talk to her, I haven't really found an opportunity.  
TT: I apologize if this is insensitive of me but  


  


Just as you are about to send your next message, really digging into what has been going on with him, your chat window with Dana pings. She must be online now. You'll have to cut this short.

  


TT: Damn, I apologize but I'll have to cut this short.   
TT: TG has just gotten back to me and I'd rather not leave her waiting.   
TT: Goodbye John.   
TT: It's been a pleasure.   
GT: Sure, it's no problem.   
GT: Talk to you later Rose.

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]

  


Wasting as little time as possible, you switch over to your chat with Dana.

  


TG: hey there rose hows it going   
TG: its going pretty great over here in danaland   
TG: fucking swell as hell   
TG: alright you ask me to message and then when I do youre not here   
TT: I apologize for the delay, I was having a conversation with GT.   
TT: GT who I see you have not gotten to with your little name-revealing scheme?   
TG: oh yeah not yet I was planning on talking to him today actually   
TG: so whats up rose got some mighty juicy bits to reveal today   
TT: I wouldn't say quite that but I did want to...    
TT: I came to a revelation recently and I feel a need to confide this in someone lest I burst.   
TT: You seem to be the best person to pass this onto, and the one who I am the most comfortable confessing this information to.   
TG: whoa this seems like some real big deal news should I like   
TG: steel myself for this   
TG: Ill try to put on my serious face   
TG: whats up rose lay it on me   
TT: I admit this might be difficult for me, you are the first who I am telling about this.   
TT: Though, I do not wish to imply that this is something that I am contrite about.   
TT: I am...

  


Your sincere hesitance to admit this brings you pause. This should be relatively easy, you already have nigh-complete confirmation that Dana is also not straight, yet you are struggling to bring yourself to actually admit it. You have a knitted scarf with a flag proclaiming your pride over your lesbian nature in front of you, but the mere act of admitting such is proving to be a cause for such hesitance.

  


TG: you are   
TG: a dinosaur   
TG: yo I love dinosaurs if youre a dinosaur I promise I wont hate you   
TG: I also gotta say its not like you to pause this long when you talk   
TG: wait crap sorry   
TG: serious mode   
TG: I promise whatever it is its not going to be something that is going to change my view of you rose   
TG: weve known each other for years   
TG: youre not getting me off your back that easily

  


Her sincerity is blistering to your fear. She has never, ever given you a reason to doubt that you should be worried about her response.

  


TT: I came to the conclusion recently that I have an overwhelming leaning toward the sapphic side of the sexuality spectrum   
TG: alright uh   
TG: give me a second to look that up and ill give you the response youre probably looking for   
TG: okay so do you mean bi or are you   
TT: I believe I am leaning more towards the "full gay" as it were.   
TT: I feel very little attraction towards anyone who is masculine.   
TT: I am, in no uncertain terms, a lesbian.   
TG: wow I kind of feel bad now   
TG: just earlier this week I kind of made fun of you for being gay didnt I   
TG: hey I just want to say that I dont think any less of you or anything for it   
TG: youre still like a hell of a friend   
TG: and honestly if you ever mack on the good dana now it makes more sense   
TT: Would that happen to be an admission of you having similar desires?   
TG: what   
TG: oh uh no not at all   
TG: Im straight 100% I was just saying I see where theyre coming from now   
TT: Are you sure, I may or may not have gotten the impression that you weren't from a conversation that we had earlier...   
TG: listen im flattered that you want me on team homo no lie I am   
TG: I just genuinely dont   
TG: okay like I cant say I havent looked at lesbian porn   
TG: but like what girl hasnt   
TG: you gotta experiment

  


Though this didn't quite start off as you were planning, you're seeing the start of an opening. She just slipped.

  


TT: Dana, I must say, I do believe that quite a few, if not most girls haven't looked at lesbian porn.   
TT: Would you say that you enjoyed the lesbian porn?   
TT: Did you, perhaps, get off to it?   
TG: oh my god im not having this discussion   
TG: I just watched it   
TG: I dont   
TG: please   
TT: There's nothing unnatural about exploring your sexuality Dana.   
TT: I promise you, I won't reveal any of this to anyone else, I'm simply curious.   
TG: okay I cant say I didnt like   
TG: fuck   
TG: no   
TG: this discussion is over   
TG: bye rose

twistingGeniality [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

  


Whoops.

  


tentacleTherapist [TT] started pesterting twistingGeniality [TG]

  
TT: I apologize for that, I sincerely do, I definitely went overboard.   
TT: I was just hopeful for, I guess, a kinship with one of a similar prediliction.   
TT: I understand that I made you uncomfortable, and if you don't want to talk to me.   
TG: its cool rose just   
TG: please understand when a girl doesnt want to talk about her porn habits with her friend   
TG: especially considering the situation   
TT: I'm sorry, what situation   
TG: nothing nevermind   
TG: ive gotta go strife anyhow   
TG: talk to you later   
TT: Alright, bye Dana

twistingGeniality [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

  


That certainly didn't pan out quite how you anticipated it...

However, you did get some middling confirmation of her being interested in women, which, in your book, is something of a win. You just need to apply a gentler touch in your approach. You **will** figure out her deal.

On a completely different note, you need to figure out how to come out to the other two.

  


* * *

  


Another Tuesday, another trip to the community center. It happens to be the Tuesday before Thanksgiving in the states, so the class itself won't be meeting this Thursday, which you are glad for. What you are not glad for, is that this also means that it is an unpleasant two degrees out. You are absolutely bundled up as tightly as possible, your notebooks and pens captchalogued so you don't even have to carry a satchel with you. The requisite topic for the day is to be a story of betrayal, in line with the betrayal of the indians by the pilgrims. Leave it to Ms. Hartford to be topical and biting with her social critique. You, however, are frankly unconcerned with the writing prompt for today, as you do not have to follow the prompt. 

What you are currently concerned with, besides the utterly absurd level of cold, is the string of messages to which you are responding, left by your friend John.

  


ghostlyTrickster [GT] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

  
GT: Hey Rose I know you have that writing class and you probably won't even see these messages until afterwards.  
GT: But I really needed to vent some stuff to someone and you're kind of the person I trust the most to.  
GT: I really, really haven't been doing well recently.  
GT: Like, I thought getting some local friends would help, but it hasn't that much.  
GT: That's not to say that Kate and Nina and all of the rest aren't awesome it's just.  
GT: I can't put my finger on what exactly but something just always feels off.  
GT: It's like I'm never satisfied.  


  


This is where you find yourself currently, stuck trying to determine how best to respond to him. You know what this sounds like, right away: a standard case of depression. The problem comes with the causation. John has no real reason to have depression, that you know of. Of course, that's an oversimplified view of depression, given, but John has never shown any signs of depression until very recently.

Regardless, it's your best bet.

  


TT: John, have you considered that you may be depressed?   
GT: Gosh, I mean I don't think I'd go that far.   
GT: I just feel like I'm missing something   
TT: That is, incidentally, one of the typical symptoms of depression   
GT: Okay but it's not like I'm sad _**all the time**_.   
GT: It's just, sometimes when I'm alone I get this real strong feeling that I'm doing something wrong   
TT: John... I understand that this might be hard for you to rectify with your understanding of depression.   
TT: I'm sure your understanding stems largely from movies, as that tends to be your media of consumption   
TT: Real world depression instantiates itself in a much more flexible and enigmatic way.   
TT: Now I am by no means saying that you **definitely** have it.   
TT: Can you think of anything recently that has changed that would have caused it?   
GT: That's just the thing.    
GT: I can't think of anything that's really changed in the past year or so.   
GT: Which is really when it all started.   
GT: I mean, puberty, but like, I don't think that's enough in itself.   
GT: It's not like I've been even hit particularly hard, I pretty much look exactly the same as I did a year ago...   
TT: Well, I'm honestly not sure if I have much input in that case. I apologize for not being more helpful.   
TT: I will say that Jade, Dana, and myself will be here for you, regardless of what happens.   
TT: I'm also sure Kate and Nina will be as well.   
GT: I know   
GT: Thanks Rose   
GT: You're kinda the best :B   
TT: Oh, John   
TT: You, are "kinda the best"   
TT: Regardless, I have arrived at my writing course, I will talk to you later   
GT: Bye Rose

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]

  


You wrench the door to the community center open, basking in the glorious warmth within. You unequip your scarves and coat, plop down in your regular seat, and decaptchalogue your notebooks and pencils. Your work on "Complacency of the Learned" has been lagging, so you start working on it once again. A scene in particular involving Frigglish has been giving you extreme difficulty, what with his propensity for insulting Zazzerpan. She needed to get his insults just right, not too harsh, but stinging enough that the tension between Zazzerpan and Frigglish was well enough telegraphed. You end up writing and erasing the paragraph several times, unsatisfied with the precise wording for the scene. 

That is, you end up doing this several times **until** a nearby conversation catches your notice. Surrounding you at your table are several of your common acquaintances, Gabe, Ryan, Skye, and Tori. Usually, you pay this group little to no mind; They are amateur writers, and while sometimes they have middlingly interesting conversations, you do not often have reason to interject.

The conversation started fairly innocently, with Skye saying

"Did you all read that story that Ms. Hartford put up last week?"

Gabe replied

"Nah, I didn't have the time, I had practice all week."

Similarly, Tori said

"Yeah, I spent my whole fucking week babysitting."

Ryan, however, had something interesting to say

"Oh, are you talking about the one with the girl?"

Skye, obviously baffled by the idiocy of her friend, remarked

"oh, yes, 'the girl', that one"

"Well I mean, c'mon, I don't just want to out and say that our weird teacher gave us a story about a lesbo."

"Wow, really?"

"No way!"

For once you are cursing yourself for not having read the story assigned for the week. You figured it likely would have been something relating to the pilgrims, but if Ms. Hartford really assigned something about a queer woman, you would have loved to have read it. You continue to listen in.

"Yeah, it was about a native american woman who fought back against the white invaders, and when she was pushed off her lands, she fled with another woman. They ended up stranded alone, and developed a 'love' for each other."

"Ugh. That's exactly the type of thing Ms. Hartford **would** give us to read."

"I sometimes wonder if she's a lesbo. Theres this lady with like, bright pink eyes who I've seen get real close to her before."

Oh wonderful. Not only are they now insulting lesbians, Ms. Hartford, and the story, they've somehow managed to bring your mother into this. You quickly captchalogue your notebooks and move to a different table, one as far away from them as possible.

Fuck them. Fucking homophobes.

This gives you a devious idea. You know that your writing is well above par for this course. You also know that you could definitely get away with much more than the average student in this class. 

You flip open a notebook, one of your empty ones. You've had enough of Frigglish and Zazzerpan and their troubles for the day. No, today, you have a much more important agenda to see to. One that begins with the line "Zoey started her Saturday at the Cafe much like any other: Alone, bored, and contemplating her choices." and ends with as much lesbianism as you can reasonably fit into a single composition notebook.

Two hours and approximately 4000 words later, you hand your notebook to Ms. Hartford. She is, of course, aware of your sexuality: you wore your pride flag scarf to the class the other day, and you discussed it with her.

She reads the first line and Immediately recognizes what you have done.

"Well, Rose, I assume that someone has annoyed you today?"

"Far from annoyed, they've given me some of my best inspiration"

With that, you walk out of the community center.

  


* * *

  


It's been another week since your last conversation with John about his onset of depression, and you're starting to become more worried. His discussions with you have turned, for lack of a better word, bleak. He isn't so dim as to be completely free of his gags and tricks, but it's always there, under the surface. Whenever you get onto a topic that isn't simply you two joking around, the veneer starts to crack, and you get more insight into how bad he's doing. You wouldn't often do this, but you're turning to someone else to help with the problem.

  


tentacleTherapist [TT] started pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

  
TT: I apologize for the sudden messages but I have been having a real hard time attempting to extricate John from his sudden bout of sadness.   
TT: I know that you have had some moments of foresight before, and I was wondering if perhaps you might have some to offer at this precise moment?   
GG: Hi Rose!   
GG: Oh. Sorry, I actually don't have any foresight to offer on this. All I know is that he will eventually be better, but I can't really say more than that.   
GG: I've been pretty worried about him myself, actually.   
GG: Dana keeps telling me not to, and I'm trying not to but...   
GG: He's like a brother to me, I care about him so much.   
GG: Do you have any idea what we can do about it?   
TT: I have a vague idea. He came forward with enough for me to tell that he is probably depressed. As for why?   
TT: I have no clue. He's been pretty cagey.   
GG: Maybe we could...   
GG: We could start a memo and have him join and talk to him together.   
GG: That might be better than just talking to him alone!   
TT: I do like that idea.   
TT: Do you want to do the honors?   
GG: Sure!

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

  


A few moments later, you receive an invite to the memo "A Nice Garden Retreat".

  


tentacleTherapist [TT] joined PRIVATE memo A Nice Garden Retreat

  
GG: I invited John but he hasn't actually joined yet  
TT: Any idea how we're going to do this?  
GG: I'd say lets just talk to him like normal people  
GG: I mean, we are just his friends :P  
TT: That's fair

ghostlyTrickster [GT] joined PRIVATE memo A Nice Garden Retreat

  
GG: Hi John!  
GT: Hi Jade!  
TT: Hello John  
GT: Hi Rose!  
GG: So how's it going?  
GT: Pretty well! I just got back from school, and I was thinking of playing something.  
GT: How about you two?  
TT: I am personally knitting, as is the usual.  
TT: I must once again thank you for the gift.  
GT: Haha, it was nothing, I just thought you would enjoy it :B  
TT: It has allowed me to show my true colors, so to speak.  
GG: Gosh, you two are so silly.  
GG: I'm just hanging around, playing with Bec.  
GT: Awww, I love Bec!  
GG: He's such a good dog!  
GT: Yeah, so.  
GG: Hehe, so.  
GT: So...  
TT: So, John, it has come to our attention that you have been... struggling with some things.  
GT: Haha, what do you mean Rose?  
GT: I haven't been struggling with anything :B  
GT: I'm the epitome of a collected and lighthearted guy.  
GG: Hey, John, both of us know that you've been having a hard time, you don't have to hide it.  
GG: We want to help you, that's what friends are here for!  
TT: Yes, that's one of the core purposes of friendship, to help each other through difficult times.  
TT: You mentioned before that you felt like you were making mistakes and like you didn't have purpose  
TT: If so, maybe we can help you to figure out that purpose, and get you out of your slump.  
TT: Jade and I are excellent listeners, if I do say so myself.  
GT: Alright, I mean, yeah, I've definitely been pretty listless.  
GT: I was _**so sure**_ that making new friends was going to solve the problem.  
GT: That like, the core was that I just didn't hang out with people in real life.  
GT: You three have always been there for me, but like, proximity is really important in friendships and all that.  
GT: But it's been weeks now and while I really do like spending time with them.  
GT: I still feel like somethings missing or... I don't know, wrong.  
GG: Hey, that's alright, you can't just expect everything to get solved by making friends.  
GG: You're an awesome person John. Don't forget that!  
GG: Maybe there's something else going on?  
TT: Perhaps the problem is the friends that you've made. Are they fulfilling your emotional needs?  
TT: Are they perhaps neglecting some or all aspects of what being a good friend is?  
TT: Worse, are they being abusive?  
GG: Whoa, what the fuck Rose?  
GG: Where did that come from?  
GG: That's completely uncalled for!  


  


Admittedly, this is a stretch, but in the absence of other things which you can see as being the causation, you have considered that his new friends are exacerbating some existing abuse that you are unaware of. You decide to ease off a bit on your accusation, however, not wanting to scare them away or seem like you have too much of an agenda.

  


TT: Sorry, that was definitely too aggressive a wording. I guess, more appropriately, are they bullying you?   
GT: No, actually, that was something that my dad was worried about too.   
GT: Before I moved here I got bullied a bit. I was the school dork and really one of the only outcasts.   
GT: Honestly, though, it's never really affected me any.   
GG: That makes more sense. That really sucks though John D:   
GG: I'm gonna give you a big hug whenever we get to meet.   
TT: Likewise. You say this bullying never affected you, are you sure of this?   
GT: Pretty sure.   
GT: It was honestly when I was pretty young, like, 7.   
GT: I haven't had any friends at like, any school, but I haven't been unhappy until really recently.   
TT: Not having friends itself could be a result of the bullying, you know.   
TT: I wouldn't dismiss it so out of hand.   
GT: No, I mean, I swear, it wasn't.   
GT: I know psychoanalysis is kinda your thing Rose but, I promise, this isn't... This isn't that.   
GT: Ugh, I'm gonna go.

ghostlyTrickster [GT] left PRIVATE memo A Nice Garden Retreat

  
TT: Well that didn't go as planned.   
GG: Yeah, you can say that again!   
GG: What the hell was that?   
GG: Why were you getting so accusatory with him?   
TT: I had to, in order to try to figure out what was going on.   
GG: Rose, we were supposed to try to comfort him, not just dissect him like an animal and figure out what he has going on inside.   
TT: Well, in the field of psychology you need to do one in order to do the other.   
GG: UGH   
GG: Rose, sometimes I swear.   
GG: You need to think more with your heart and less with your brain.   
GG: We probably just hurt him, a lot.   
GG: Don't you care about that.   
TT: I... I didn't mean to hurt him.   
TT: I'm also not sure that we did.   
TT: I think he just probably got fed up with us not getting anywhere.   
GG: Whatever the case. I'm going to go walk around my island for a bit, try to think some things through.   
TT: Alright. Goodbye Jade   
GG: Bye Rose

gardenGnostic [GG] closed PRIVATE memo A Nice Garden Retreat

  


* * *

  


The next morning, you find yourself once again hovering over Jade's name in your chumroll. While your proclivity towards her might imply something of a romantic interest to some (and to be quite honest, you yourself would not be opposed to it, Jade is a wonderful girl) your purpose today is not to romance sweet Jade. Your words will be composed instead with one goal in mind: you are going to come out to Jade today.

You assume this will be relatively easy to do. Jade has never made it a secret that she doesn't really care one way or another when it comes to peoples sexualities. You are actually not entirely sure what her sexuality is. It is entirely conceivable that you come out to her, and she comes out to you, though you aren't going to repeat your failed attempt at coaxing such an admission out. No, you will let this conversation proceed simply as it does.

  


tentacleTherapist [TT] started pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

  
TT: Good morning, Jade   
TT: Rather, good whatever time it happens to be on your island right now, Jade.   
TT: Would you happen to be available to chat for a while?   
GG: Hi Rose! I've got a little bit of time, sure   
GG: What's up?   
TT: Well, first off, how are you today?   
GG: I'm pretty good, laying here snuggling up into Bec's fur   
GG: He's so soft! :D   
TT: I would imagine so, being a wonderful fluffy dog   
TT: Assuming that you wash him   
TT: You know I used to lie on Jasper's stomach.   
TT: He didn't much like that, though, and would scratch me.   
GG: Awwww   
GG: Bec loves it   
GG: Although I think it's partially because then he knows where I am    
GG: But still, he's such a good boy   
GG: Always protecting me   
TT: Good Dog, Best Friend   
GG: Good Dog, Best Friend :P   
TT: So, I did actually have a purpose in coming to you    
TT: Though I adore talking about our respective pets, I assure you   
TT: I had something that I wanted to talk to you about   
GG: Alright, shoot   
GG: _pow pow_   
GG: (that was me shooting my gun :P)   
TT: I fear for those on the receiving end of any gun you shoot   
TT: So, we happened to have a conversation a little ago   
TT: Regarding Dana, and boyfriends   
TT: You, at the time mentioned that not even John had gotten a boyfriend, which I thought was both funny, and quite open-minded of you   
GG: Oh! Well, yeah, I mean, I don't think there's any reason that anyone should be ashamed of themselves for their sexuality!    
GG: Not to imply anything about John, I was mostly doing it to poke fun at Dana   
GG: Also, Dana hasn't actually said anything about hers since then, so I think I may have been barking up the wrong tree :\   
TT: It's funny you say that because, while neither of the two of them have mentioned anything   
TT: I actually came out to Dana earlier this week   
TT: I am a lesbian   
GG: Whoa! That's so cool Rose :D   
GG: I guess when I said that you hadn't had a boyfriend yet, I should have amended that to you won't have one ever.   
GG: When did you figure it out?   
TT: I've known for quite a while, actually.   
TT: An unfortunate side effect of living with both a quite often drunk and a very sex-positive mother is that I was exposed to...   
TT: Let's say the nude feminine and masculine form very early. While the feminine left its mark, the same can not be said for the masculine.   
TT: I believe I puzzled it all out at least a year ago? Around when we all turned 13.   
GG: Wow, that's really young   
GG: I mean, given the circumstances...   
GG: Kinda sucks, though :\   
TT: I'm well aware of the degree to which it sucks, but I'm also mellowed to it after so long living with her.   
GG: Still, hey, it's really cool that you figured it out!    
GG: Congrats! :D   
GG: I still don't know what I am :P   
GG: I like guys, I think, and I like girls, I think.   
GG: So that'd probably make me Bi?   
GG: But I also just don't really know.   
GG: I mean, we're not even 14 yet (So close!)   
GG: I guess this is kind of when you're supposed to figure it out.   
GG: I'm so far away from other people in general though... :(   
GG: Sorry, that really brought a downer to your coming out   
GG: So, got your eye on any cute girls? :P   
TT: I don't at the moment, though I'm always taking applications   
TT: Unfortunately, my abode is nearly as isolating as yours is...   
TT: I figure that I'll meet someone once I come out fully at high school, or maybe one of my long-time friends will become closer   
TT: It's hopeful, I'll admit, but I'm not particularly worried about it at the moment   
TT: We have a long time   
GG: I have to agree there, I'm still working on just making it through all of the lectures that Grandpa has for me D:   
GG: I'm beginning to suspect that some of this stuff isn't regular high school education, either.   
GG: I'll still go through it, I love learning but   
GG: He has a series put together on freaking _**ASTROPHYSICS**_   
GG: I'm fairly sure you don't go over astrophysics in high school   
TT: Through my perusal of my high school's offering I can safely say that that appears to be well above board.   
TT: At least you will be prepared for college, when the time comes.   
TT: Better than me, Dana, and John, at least, us three having received our good old American public education.   
TT: I'm actually surprised that my mother didn't insist on private schooling.   
TT: That said, its not like I have any deficiencies because of it, so I guess her judgement was adequate.   
GG: You at least get to see other kids your age :P   
GG: I don't even get that :(   
GG: Sometimes I really wish I could go to school with you three.   
GG: Aaahhhh, sorry, I got sad again.   
GG: I promise, it really isn't that big of a deal.   
GG: It's just... this island is so alone, and I mostly just hang around it with Bec and Grandpa.   
GG: Sure I can **talk** to all of you but   
GG: Never-mind   
GG: I've got to go tend to the gardens.   
GG: Congrats, Rose!   
TT: Hey, Jade, I really do hope we can all get together at some point.   
TT: You deserve better than being stuck on that island.   
TT: Good luck with your plants.   
TT: Bye Jade.

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

  


You do often feel bad for Jade, all alone on her island. When you were younger, you used to promise that you would scoop her up from there and bring her on a tour of the US, just to make her happy. Though those days are far behind you, you still like the concept. You've talked to your mom about getting your pilot's license before, but you'd still have to wait a few years before being able to fly out there yourself.

You can still dream though. Maybe you'd even pick up Dana and John, and just have the four of you hang out for a few weeks. That would sure be an amazing time.

With Jade out of the way however, that only leaves one friend to tell. Unfortunately that friend might be the most difficult to tell yet.

  


* * *

  


John. There are many things that you could say about John. One of those things is that he is a huge, silly dork. This would likely be among the most accurate things you could call him. However, another thing you might be able to call him is... Old fashioned? It may seem strange to call him, but, it is a concern of yours. John has before expressed his confusion about many things, among them: the internet, modern movies, and importantly, gay people. He's by no means a dumb person, he's incredibly smart, but he is definitely a soul which prefers things from a time before his own. He likes trickstery and has a book from the early 1900s, he is certainly not an example of modernism. Your approach with John needs to be measured.

For this purpose, you have written out something of a script. One that you do intend to follow as closely as possible. It goes more or less like this: say hi, talk for a little, then ease him into it and handle what comes up. Admittedly it's not much of a script but, it's at least something. Reluctantly, you start up pesterchum and click John's handle, preparing for a long discussion.

  


tentacleTherapist [TT] started pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]

  
TT: Hello John  
GT: Hey Rose  
GT: What's up?  
TT: Not much myself, sitting around. I was writing until a few minutes ago, and my book on the zoologically dubious is calling to me.  
TT: Not literally of course, I would need to consult with the elder gods if that were the case.  
TT: How about you?  
GT: Pretty much the same, honestly.  
GT: Dad asked me to help him bake, but we just put the pies in the oven.  
GT: So I'm just sitting around, waiting for the timer to go off.  
GT: I was thinking about watching something later, though.  
TT: Any particular film you had in mind?  
GT: Maybe National Treasure.  
GT: It's been a while since I watched it.  
TT: You must get your fill of Nicolas Cage's certainly above-par acting skills somehow, don't you  
TT: National Treasure is one of the greats  
GT: Hell yeah, National Treasure is a classic  
GT: Somehow the follow-up is even better, if you can believe it  
TT: I somehow don't John  
TT: Would we be able to talk about something that doesn't relate to movies for a while, John?  
TT: Something that I personally consider quite serious, while at the same time, is not something I wish to imply is something dour or sad.  
GT: Definitely Rose.  
GT: What's up?  
TT: This has been something of a difficult topic to approach with you, what with your predilection towards somewhat... Juvenile humor.  
TT: I have had something that I have been meaning to tell you for a while now, something that I have, admittedly, already told Jade and Dana.  
TT: This topic is one I believe that they are more familiar with, Jade being more generally positive and open, and Dana seemingly not giving a shit about.  
TT: Oh, lord, I'm going to spend all night ruminating if I don't at least start on the topic.  
TT: John, do you know what the term sapphic means?  
GT: I don't.  
TT: It refers to a woman, one who has a particular affinity for other women.  
GT: So, a gay woman?  
GT: Like, a lesbian?  
TT: Well, the use of the term is not exclusive to those who identify as lesbians.  
TT: It covers all who are women who love other women. Bisexual women and lesbian women both would typically fall under this label, as well as several other groups.  
TT: However, yes, that is the general concept.  
GT: I guess I can get what that means.  
GT: Are you saying that you're sapphic?  
TT: I am quite sapphic.  
GT: Okay... I mean, I'm not quite sure I'm following entirely.  
TT: I am attracted to women, John. It's hardly a difficult concept to follow.  
GT: Well, yeah, I get that part, but, I guess my confusion is in the whole  
GT: Are you attracted to men part?  
GT: Like, I...  
GT: God, Rose, I don't know...  


  


Fuck. This was kind of what you were worried about. You need to figure out a way to explain that you're not into men while not scaring him away or... Worse.

  


TT: I would say that...    
TT: Let me explain it like this: When presented with a male body and a female body, I am well and above attracted to the female over the male.   
TT: I wouldn't say being attracted to a guy is an **impossibility**   
TT: Simply that the likelihood is extremely low.   
GT: So, no, you're not attracted to men.   
GT: You're like, full lesbian.   
GT: Christ, Rose, I'm not honestly sure how to feel about that.

  


Oh Jesus, abort, abort.

  


TT: John, I'm not quite sure I understand your discomfort, I haven't said anything particularly jarring.   
TT: I understand that you have joked about people being gay before but I was hoping that it wasn't reflective of an actual prejudice that you held.   
TT: I guess I must have been wrong.   
TT: I'm sorry to say that I am not going to change my sexuality, regardless of what you or anyone else says, John.   
TT: While I may be attempting to make you as comfortable as possible and approach this so that you can understand as well as possible, I do want you to know that I am who I am.   
TT: Nothing is going to change that.

  


Hopefully that will at least put him in his place. Maybe with some time you can get him to, come around or something. This is going about as poorly as you could have imagined. 

  


GT: Rose   
GT: Please   
GT: That's not what I was   
GT: I'm not uncomfortable with you being a lesbian because of you being a lesbian.   
GT: You of all people should know that I'm perfectly cool with all types of people :B   
GT: No, uh. My actual reason for being a bit... I don't know, disappointed?   
GT: It's a lot more dumb.

  


Wow. Well that was a completely unexpected turn. You were already raring to go, ready to put him in his place, and he turned around and was all nice. His phrasing though, you want to get to the bottom of that.

  


TT: John, I'm sorry.   
TT: I was just... I was very ready for something to happen with regards to my sexuality.   
TT: I should have known better than to doubt you.   
TT: If I can ask, what, then, made you disappointed.   
GT: No, I'm sorry, it was really dumb.   
GT: I got you all worked up for nothing.   
GT: Let's just leave it, Rose.   
TT: Please, John, I'd like to know.   
GT: Ugh, fine.   
GT: I uh. Kind of had a really big crush on you.   
GT: Knowing that you're a lesbian kills any potential of that.   
GT: It's literally the most selfish possible reason for being disappointed about someone coming out.   
GT: I mean, fuck, I should be happy for you.   
GT: And I am!   
GT: I just.   
GT: Bluh.   
TT: Oh, John. I'm sorry.   
TT: In retrospect, that makes so much more sense than what I was worried about.   
TT: I'm sorry to disappoint you, I really am.   
TT: You're one of my closest friends.   
TT: I would be lost without you, and I truly cherish every time I talk to you.   
TT: But I meant what I said, my affinity for men is extremely low.   
GT: I get that, and I'm a guy, so.   
GT: It's not going to happen.   
TT: Hey, I'm sure you'll find someone for you.   
TT: You are genuinely a brilliant, hilarious person, and the world would be so much darker without you.   
GT: Awww, thanks Rose :D   
TT: I do my best

  


Your conversation proceeds for several minutes more, but your brain is overflowing. You feel like such an idiot for doubting your friends. Even John, the one you were most worried about, turned out to only react badly due to a crush he had. You really had made much to big of a deal out of this in your head. 

When you stop talking to John for the day, you head back to your room and collapse down on the bed. You reach down to the notebook that Ms. Hartford returned to you, the one containing the story about the lesbians that you wrote out of spite. You flip through a few pages. She always leaves her critiques on sticky notes, so as to leave the original work clean for you to preserve. You pull off a sticky note from about halfway through.

  


"Zoey relished the look that Miah was giving her. It floated through her mind, coating each neuron in a sticky warmth that relaxed her and massaged her emotions. She hadn't known Miah for that long, but they seemed to communicate by mere presence, raw sentiment effervescently cascading over one another. It felt... Right. Miah's contemplation was not one of desire, not one of lust, though that no doubt lie underneath somewhere. It was an inspection seemingly of introspection, looking into her to look into herself.

Zoey chose that moment to lean in and place a kiss on Miah's lips."

  


The sticky note that covered that passage simply read:

"This feels almost like something that's happened to you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've been both really excited for and kind of worried about this chapter. I've been really excited because Rose is kind of the defining character for this fic, because she has some of the most... learning to actually do.
> 
> I was excited for this because I have a particular view of Rose that I wanted to get out and this chapter introduces her and really starts to dig into some of those things.
> 
> Minor spoilers from here on out:
> 
> My worry over this chapter is a few things: Broaching the topic of teenagers exploring their sexuality is never an easy thing, and I'm sure that I'm going to piss off or make some people uncomfortable with it. If you're uncomfortable with it, I totally understand that, and I'm sorry.
> 
> As for the people that I might piss off: this story is a reflection of my own experience with gender and sexuality, through the lense of the characters of Homestuck. I have no intentions of putting anything explicit between the characters in the fic, but the characters themselves reference some pretty heavy stuff with a pretty blasé attitude. I just want to make it really clear that while the characters themselves might struggle with defining things as problematic and abusive, I'm not trying to ride that line. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I'm very excited for the next chapter!


	3. the perpetual resounding of a cast-iron denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dana is the coolest girl in Houston. She rides around all the time on her board, a menace to the common folk.
> 
> Thing is, what if she just, doesn't actually exist?
> 
> That'd be completely absurd, wouldn't it?
> 
> We all know it would be, so why the hell does the idea keep coming up in her head?

It's a pretty normal day in Houston. Pretty normal meaning that it's fairly warm, there's an abundance of people out wearing shitty clothes, driving trucks with bumper stickers saying things like "love Jesus... or else" and other pretty questionable things, and just generally being a menace. You include yourself in the people that are being a menace, since you're currently out skateboarding, on the streets and sidewalks of course. The urban sprawl of the area around your apartment is pretty good for it, all things considered, and you've been skateboarding for a few years now, ever since you and a couple of your friends from school picked it up.

You usually just hop over a few things and don't do too many tricks, since you use your board to get around. Your Bro has a car, but he mostly doesn't drive you anywhere, so you rely on self-propelled transportation. Your current destination is a corner store a few blocks down that, coincidentally, isn't actually on a corner. Brilliant fucking design there. After a little drop down a staircase, you find yourself on a mostly straight stretch, and start to space out looking at the walls of the buildings around you. You've always loved the graffiti that dots the landscape. In this particular stretch, there's a few familiar ones: A skull with a tongue poking out of it (for all the sense that makes), a really nice looking abstract mural that you've always thought looked vaguely like a sunset falling on a seaside, and finally, one that's always confused you. This one is the one you find yourself looking at now. It consists of a blue-white planet background with a green Spirograph over it. It's been there for a few years, and keeps getting replaced whenever the cops get it washed off.

There's nothing much more to the graffiti than that, so you continue onward to the store. Though it isn't too hot out, you're wearing both a jacket and a fairly hefty backpack. It's a school day, though you actually didn't come right from school here, you've stopped at home. You forgot to bring your phone to school, to your dismay throughout the day since school is endlessly boring, and had to stop back to get it.

You'd been talking to John and Jade earlier, having only a couple of days earlier found out their names. John being depressed has really gotten you down, and you keep trying to get his spirits up, but none of your usual tactics are working for you. It really sucks. On the other hand, Rose has been weirdly cagey about something for a few days. The day you found out about her name, she just suddenly cut off the conversation after you jokingly said that she was hitting on you. Not that you'd mind if she was, haha, but you're definitely not a lesbian so you'd have to pass on that. Rose has only talked to you a couple times since then, and mostly so you could worry endlessly about your Bro not understanding the fundamental coolness and irony of your newest art project.

Your new art project is something breathtaking, something that will shatter the realms, something that will be remembered for era, nay, epoch to come.

Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff.

Problem is, you've gotta get your Bro to help you host the thing if you're going to actually have it online, and that means you have to convince him that it's got ironic artistic merit. **That** of course means somehow either making it ironic enough, or making it good enough, and while you're the queen of irony, he's the king.

Fuck. Not that you're like, married or anything, Christ, ugh, why does your god damn mind always do this. Holy shit, Rose constantly gets on you for these god damn Freudian slips. Anyhow, yeah, Rose and her cagey self, what's new on that front. She pretty much is verbose about telling other people what she wants them to do but rarely about her own self.

As for Jade, she's been her usual peppy bubbly self, but John's depressive state has gotten her worried, and you've had to talk her out of a worry spiral a not insignificant number of times. You love Jade (not in a gay way), but she's really worrying too much. She's got that weird knowledge about the future, she should know John is going to be fine. 

You've made it to the corner store now, so you captchalogue your board and head inside. Now, here's where your visits to stores differ from a typical teen's. You... don't actually have money. Okay, well, you do, but not very much. You have two dollars, basically enough to grab a drink and a snack, but your goal is to get quite a bit more than that. You've been to this store a few times now and have managed to map out the blind spots of the cameras, and you happen to know how to avoid the eyes of the cashier. 

You dressed in pretty nice looking clothes, all things considered, and your backpack is full of what looks like books. In reality, you have it popped open so you can throw stuff in there without it looking like it changed size any between you coming in and leaving. Then, you go up, check out for a couple things, and the cashier thinks you were just taking a long time to decide. Classic bluffing technique.

Your first stop in the store is the back; You need a few more bottles of apple juice for your stash, since you ran out a couple days ago. You pull open the door to the refrigerator, grab three bottles, then, looking pensively, appear to put them back. What you actually do is flip them towards your sleeve, and then shove them in the convenient opening in your bag. Apple juice, check. Next, gotta grab some tea, and a few bags of chips. You repeat the same general procedure with those, but you keep one of each to actually buy. With your trickery done, you go up to the front counter. As you do, you notice that the cashier is eyeing you suspiciously, so you decide you're going to be real nice to him.

"Hey there dude, how's it going?"

"Pretty good, is this going to be all for you?"

"Yeah, just the tea and chips."

At that he pauses, but turns to the register and rings you up.

"That's gonna be $2.05 today, ma'am."

"Yup, I've got that right here. Got anyone weird in today?"

"Ha, other than you? What's a girl like you doing out here at a fucking corner store, not even a nice one?"

"I'm just grabbing some snacks, I live just down the street."

"Fine. You're sure this is all?"

That starts to make you panic. Fuck. What if he saw? What should you do? Fuck. Fuck.

"Yeah, this is all, why?"

"Ma'am, I fucking saw you stuffing shit in your bag back there, now either take it out and pay up, or I'm going to call the cops."

FUCK.

You don't even think about the consequences, you just bolt out the door. This is the first time you've gotten caught, and you've been stealing from shops like this for years. You hear the guy yelling after you but you've popped your board and hopped on in seconds, jumping over a nearby curb and burning down the street. Once you've gone far enough, you duck in an alley and scramble up a low roof and hide. You aren't sure if the cashier called the cops, but you hear sirens, so you duck down and lay low for a few minutes. You can feel your heart ripping in your chest, not just because of being caught by the cops, but because of having to tell your Bro later.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 

It's gonna be alright, you keep telling yourself, you're fast enough to outrun cops even if they find you. Bro will understand, he lived on the streets and got in trouble with the cops probably more than you ever have. Still, he's a hell of a guy to piss off, and you've managed to avoid that for a long time now.

After a few minutes, the sirens turn off, and you manage to calm yourself down. You peak over the edge of the building and don't see anything, so you grab up your board and abscond back to your apartment building.

When you get there, you toss it back in your sylladex and hightail it up to the top floor. The fifty-fourth floor. Christ, you hate living in this building. Fifty-three flights of stairs later, you get to your door, and immediately feel like something is wrong.

Your name is Dana Strider and you have made a major mistake. You have gotten caught stealing, and you have a feeling your Bro is already aware, somehow. You're standing outside of your door and you can already tell that he's sitting in there, waiting to ambush you with his fucking puppet. You've lived in this city long enough, in this house long enough to know when he's there. So you sit there outside your door for a few moments, contemplating what to do. His puppet, Lil' Cal, is the coolest ever, but whenever you do something wrong it's there to remind you to keep in line. Today, you did something extremely wrong, and you're sure that an absolute ass-load of strifing is waiting for you on the other side of that door. The significance of this moment is grandiose: a latchkey the only thing standing between you and oblivion. Your Bro's retribution stands like a effervescent plague, halted only by the impermeability of this holy barrier, and you can hold it off if you only just don't go in. You know better though. If his retribution is a plague now, it will be an epidemic if you refuse to approach it, if you shirk the duties which he expects from you when you fuck up, and facing the far greater threat of that notion, you do the only thing a rational person could be expected to. You step through the door.

You hear a click.

  


* * *

  


The first thing you see is a red splash. A few moments later, you feel the pain. Of course, you should have expected the door to be trapped, if he knew that you fucked up he _would_ set a trap on the door. You quickly occlude the doorway behind you, making sure that nobody in the hall can tell what happened, before surveying the space in front of you. Lil' Cal is sitting on a chair at the end of the entrance. With one hand you secure the door, assuring yourself he wouldn't set a trap on open **and** close. With the door fastened, you take a look at the injury that you've incurred. A knife was mounted to a spring-shaft above the door, and it hit you right in the right arm. You've got a pretty good gash there, but nothing a couple of bandages can't fix. For the moment, your greater concern is avoiding any further traps he's got set up. 

Lil' Cal has moved since you checked your wound, and now is holding up a note. You check the ground for any wires or plates, and, sufficiently convinced there are none, proceed forward. The note reads

"You fucked up Dana. Meet me in the kitchen, we need to have a chat."

Fucking hell. Not only did you disappoint him by getting caught, you tripped one of his traps and didn't avoid it. That's two strikes. He's not going to go easy on you.

Reticent to leave this to fester, you cautiously approach the kitchen. Nobody is standing there, but you know he can show up out of nowhere almost immediately. You walk in and grab a cup, intending to fill it with water, before you feel a slight gust and look up to the shadow of a man nearly twice your height.

"Heeeeeeyyyyyy Bro..."

"Don't give me that shit, Dana. You and I both know what you fucking did."

"Hey, come on, I didn't mean to get caught. I did everything like you taught me.

"'Everything like I taught you', sure, that's why you had one of the bottles half sticking out of your bag when you left?"

Crap, how the fuck could he know that?

"Wait, no I didn't."

"You sure as fuck didn't check. I've got eyes everywhere, remember. You're lucky I disabled the cameras when I did, or you'd be caught forever."

"Bro, you... you were watching me? Was this another test. Fuck. and I fucked up, again. Bro, I'm sorry, I really am."

"Sorry doesn't fucking make you better. Sorry doesn't keep you safe and out of jail."

"They wouldn't even put me in jail for that, you know that Bro."

"Like hell they wouldn't, you want to really risk that when you've got your whole life ahead of you?"

"No, Bro. No, I... I don't."

"Good. I'll deal with it later. For now, up to the roof, you know the punishment for this. Don't think I didn't notice that you failed my little trap at the door too. Extra for that."

"Alright, I'll grab my swor-"

"Nah, no swords today. Gotta get you better at hand to hand. Well, hand to sword."

Wow, fucking shit, did he really just say he was going to make you fight without your sword. This must be worse than you realized. You make your way up to the roof after dropping the bag in your room, along with your board. When you get up there, he's already got the dim lights set up, just enough for you to be able to see in the darkness of the Houston twilight. You equip your gloves (finger-less, like any cool girl) and get into stance. Before you're even fully settled he disappears from in front of you. You feel around for the pressure wave of a flash-step, but it never comes. Instead, you feel a gust and only have a split second to parry the sword from behind you. He must have flash-stepped further away and just moved quickly towards you.

You turn around, but again he's gone. This time, you feel the indicative pressure of a flash step a mere quarter-second before you feel the blunt-edge of a blade hit you savagely in your gut. You go flying, hitting the ground and skidding before rolling back to your feet. Ugh. You've never been able to outclass Bro, and he seems to be taking his anger out on you especially today.

This time, he stays in front of you. He braces himself for a flash-step, so you brace to parry a blow. When he flashes, however, he ends up a good foot from you. You flash forward to him, intending to grab for his blade. You get a hold of it for a good instant, but the next, it's gone, and you're reeling from a slice across your fingertips. Shit. That's going to be hard to explain. 

The fight goes on like this for several minutes before you finally get an opening. After a strike, he rapidly flashes behind you, but you catch him off guard when you already have a hand towards him to strike at his chest. You deliver a single punch to his torso before kneeing him in the side, and finally, kicking him while wrenching his sword out of his hand. Your moment of elation from your success lasts for just that: a moment. The next thing you know, you're crumpled up, face in the AC unit, bloodied nose, the result of a kick delivered firmly to your back and with the energy of a man who is done fucking around and annoyed with this girl thinking that she can actually beat him.

You slump to the ground and flip yourself over. His shadow slowly approaches, picks up his sword, and walks off. You weren't even good enough to merit an actual critique. You really, really fucking need to get better at this. Every time, **Every GOD DAMNED TIME** you two strife, he wins handily. He's trying to train you, you know that, but you don't think you're getting better.

You're unsure if you pass out or if you just sit there for a while, but either way it's easily a good fifteen minutes before you go back inside. You find Bro in the kitchen, downing the last of a beer. He doesn't even look at you when he says

"I'm going out for the night. Leave the door locked, don't answer if anyone knocks, and don't turn the lights on for any reason."

This is pretty much standard procedure for when he's out. You're unsure why, but you've never really questioned it. You have had a few people knock over the years, but since you follow rules, you don't actually know who. He leaves shortly after, taking lil' Cal with him, and leaving you alone in the apartment with not much to do. 

Without much else to do, and finally having some privacy, you do what most other kids your age would: you find some smut, and you do some unspeakably naughty stuff. In other words, you do something that is completely healthy for people to do.

  


* * *

  


Isn't masturbating supposed to like, feel nice. That's something you've never quite gotten. Like, it's relief, it gets rid of the urge, but it doesn't really... Well, there's pleasure, but it's definitely muted, or like, weird? This time, though, there's something else on your mind as you're laying on your bed post-pleasuring. Your mind is reeling from just _**what**_ you got off to.

Now, you consider yourself to be an open person, you really do, but, Christ, this was a little _more_ open than you thought you were. You're not gay, you're not a homo, you swear, but... Let's start from the beginning. You were getting ready to, uh, play with yourself, and you pulled up some of your normal smut. Typically, you look at some straight stuff, and some guys, you know, typical teenage girl stuff, nothing weird about it. Today though it wasn't really doing it for you, so you started clicking around a bit. **Nothing weird, you know, nothing like, nobody getting tied up or anything like that**. Somehow, though you ended up on a video of two _**girls**_ going at it and that... got you going. But you're _**NOT GAY!**_ That's the weird part. It wasn't like what they were doing together was that great it was just that like... Nope, nope, fuck, nope, not going there.

You run a hand down your face and groan. Holy fuck, did you get yourself into a messy situation. You can't make sense of what just happened, you just kept going on horny, curious momentum and suddenly you were getting off looking at pictures of girls touching themselves and. No. You're not gay, that's not it. They must have just been... people you wanted to look like? That'd make sense. Kinda.

Fuck, no it wouldn't, that's not...

Jesus fucking christ.

It must have been something about the things they were doing, that had to have been it. You must just have wanted to feel what that stuff felt like. That definitely makes sense, like, considering how nice so much of it looked. _Then again, though_ it's not like they were doing anything you don't find in straight stuff that much... But that's the only explanation that makes any sense. You're not gay, you haven't ever found girls att-

Okay but like, is that true? You've definitely looked at girls before and been like "whoa, damn, she's pretty cute." Again, though, definitely not fucking gay. Gotta be some other explanation. 

Honestly, why are you even worrying about this, though? Like, your Bro isn't shitty towards gay people or anything, fuck, you're about 70% sure he's some flavor of gay himself. Maybe... It wouldn't be that bad.

Somehow, though, that still doesn't feel right. Like you said, masturbating doesn't ever really feel good, and while this felt **better** it still felt pretty, uh, weird? That's not a normal thing for a girl to be like, is it? Like, people are definitely supposed to enjoy sex. Maybe you just don't like sex. Is that even... a thing? 

You decaptchalogue your phone and start typing phrases into (incognito) Google: "I don't like masturbating", "masturbating feels weird", and so on, but most of the stuff that comes up is just... not exactly helpful. Half of it is trying to sell sex toys (you've got enough of those in this house), and the other half is people just saying you need to try a different way; This half is almost always targeted towards those wonderful penis-havers, not people such as yourself.

Okay so maybe you're not normal, or maybe it's just not supposed to feel good for girls. You haven't exactly _**asked**_ any other girls how it's supposed to feel. That'd be pretty strange, just walk up to another girl and be like "hey, when you pleasure yourself, how does it feel". That'd be sure to definitely not ostracize you even _further_ at school. 

Well, being gay would probably do the same thing, honestly, so.

Beautiful fucking Texas, wonderful Houston, totally able to be gay here in peace. Wow, when did you suddenly switch over from denying that you're gay to accepting it. News flash: you're not gay, you don't like girls, you're super cool with gay people, but you're just not gay. Today must have been just. A weird one or something.

You need to get your mind off this.

Jade always helps you get your mind off things, so you open up a chat with her.

  


twistingGeniality [TG] started pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

  
TG: hey sup garden girl   
TG: hows it hanging on the good old death island   
GG: It's pretty good :D   
GG: I'm actually walking around right now, looking around near the frog temple.   
GG: Bec never lets me get near it, but I'm sure I can sneak by him one of these days :P   
TG: you know its really weird that your dog is the one who controls where **you** go   
TG: dont you think   
TG: like im not judging or anything you do you but   
TG: ever questioned that?   
GG: No, he's super smart and he's just doing it to keep me safe!   
GG: I actually used to be allowed to go to the temple when I was younger, but he kept me away after I nearly fell off one time.   
GG: He barely caught me before I hit the ground, and since then he hasn't let me near D:   
GG: I guess I'm lucky to be alive, honestly   
GG: for some reason, though, he still lets me go near the volcano :P   
TG: okay hold the phone jade   
TG: you live on an island with a lake-bound temple that your dog keeps you from and a fucking   
TG: _**volcano**_   
TG: are you sure you live on earth and not some fantasy planet   
GG: Well..... I definitely live on earth :P   
GG: At least, most of the time!   
TG: oh my god jade you can't just say shit like that   
TG: what the fuck does most of the time mean   
TG: are you a space alien all come to harvest our brains out   
TG: should I get my tin foil hat out to protect myself from your brain eating waves   
TG: wear some butt-protecting underwear so you cant probe me   
TG: youll never get me jade   
TG: **never**   
GG: Oh my god, I'm not going to probe you Dana, calm down :P   
GG: It's complicated and I actually can't explain it to you   
GG: I shouldn't have even brought it up...   
GG: I'm just like you, John, and Rose, don't worry.   
GG: There's nothing weird about me :P   
GG: Anyhow, what are you up to right now?   
TG: oh please no   
TG: please jesus dont   
TG: you dont want to know   
GG: Okay gosh Dana D:   
GG: Sorry!   
GG: Are you sure you don't want to talk about it though?    
GG: That definitely seemed like something sitting heavy on your mind.   
GG: You know I'm always here to talk   
TG: I appreciate it jade but really   
TG: I dont think you can help with my current predicament   
TG: rather even if you could I would prefer if you didnt   
GG: Dana :/   
TG: dont make that face at me   
TG: I know what im for   
TG: ugh   
TG: jade why do you always make this hard   
GG: It's part of my girly charms :P   
GG: So what's up   
TG: im having a weird time   
TG: worried about   
TG: I dont know   
TG: I guess   
TG: does it ever bother you that none of us have had boyfriends yet   
GG: I mean, no, not really?   
TG: okay well you also live on an island so im not sure thats surprising   
GG: Hey! I still could want a partner   
GG: I just think we're kind of young for that, you know   
GG: Rose hasn't had a boyfriend   
GG: I haven't had a boyfriend   
GG: and you haven't had a boyfriend   
GG: I don't think there's anything weird about that at all.   
GG: I mean, if you want to get extra specific, John hasn't had a boyfriend either :P   
GG: So

twistingGeniality [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

  


Of course. Of course she ended up mentioning the exact thing that you wanted to avoid thinking about, the gay question, whether you're gay. Fucking hell. You're not going to get away from this, are you.

You throw your phone to the side, grab a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, and head to shower off.

  


* * *

  


Thing is, it didn't stop after the shower. You got out of the shower, and you just _**kept**_ thinking about it, you went to bed and you just kept fucking thinking about it, you boarded around and still just _kept **fucking THINKING ABOUT IT**_. So, you... looked at some more of it. This time you just looked at women, not very much lesbian stuff, mostly just women, but that just made it worse. There's no fucking denying it, you're definitely attracted to women. Thing is, that still doesn't feel like the big fucking revelation.

That also isn't the thing that's scaring you right now. You're sitting looking at the end of a conversation with Rose that you just had, nearly shitting yourself because **she knows**. She knows, somehow, she isn't supposed to be the one with the fucking future predicting powers, but she's somehow already, less than a day after you started questioning, figured out that you like girls. You don't know how she fucking did it, but you're terrified right now.

  


TG: and honestly if you ever mack on the good dana now it makes more sense   
TT: Would that happen to be an admission of you having similar desires?   
TG: what   
TG: oh uh no not at all   
TG: Im straight 100% I was just saying I see where theyre coming from now   
TT: Are you sure, I may or may not have gotten the impression that you weren't from a conversation that we had earlier...  
TG: listen im flattered that you want me on team homo no lie I am  
TG: I just genuinely dont  
TG: okay like I cant say I havent looked at lesbian porn  
TG: but like what girl hasnt  
TG: you gotta experiment  
TT: Dana, I must say, I do believe that quite a few, if not most girls haven't looked at lesbian porn.  
TT: Would you say that you enjoyed the lesbian porn?  
TT: Did you, perhaps, get off to it?  
TG: oh my god im not having this discussion  
TG: I just watched it  
TG: I dont  
TG: please  
TT: There's nothing unnatural about exploring your sexuality Dana.  
TT: I promise you, I won't reveal any of this to anyone else, I'm simply curious.  
TG: okay I cant say I didnt like  
TG: fuck  
TG: no  
TG: this discussion is over  
TG: bye rose

twistingGeniality [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

  


That's not where she ended, she apologized, but this is the most important part, and you just keep looking it over. Did you give it away? Did you somehow give something off that activated her gay-dar? Does she even have that, considering she's a lesbian? You really need to get the dynamics of this whole thing down.

You're lying down for a good minute before you realize that you're on the edge of hyperventilating. Rose will tear you apart if she finds out that you're gay, her smugness over being right is just going to shoot through the roof. You can't deal with that.

"fuck this"

You yell, aware that your Bro can probably hear you. You honestly don't care. You sit up from your bed, go to your closet, grab a sports bra, some jeans, and whatever T-shirt you first see. It doesn't really matter what you're wearing, you're just going out to board to calm yourself down.

Your Bro is sitting on the couch as you drift to the door, and you give him a curt nod and flash your board at him. He gets the idea, and nods back at you. You know when you have to be home, and it's nowhere near then now, so you don't think it's going to be a problem. You throw on your bag and head out.

You proceed the opposite direction of the store you robbed the other day, deciding that testing the waters of the law isn't the best idea when you're already stressed as hell. It's pretty nice out, so your boarding takes you downtown, closer to the river. You haven't seen much of the art on the walls this direction and you see some pieces that you actually take a second to take a picture of. Some of them are your normals: cool lettering, some cool abstract work, but you also catch what you assume are variations on that piece near the store.

On the side of a building downtown, you see another Spirograph. This one encircles not a blue planet, but what looks like a person, except they're made entirely of black material. Not like, a black person, like brown skin, like, genuinely entirely black. It's really strange. 

Fucking Christ, that's gotta be an aggressive marketing scheme, with how nice the damn art looks. You've gotta wonder what for though. 

A few minutes later, you notice something peculiar. You feel... nice. You usually aren't particularly anxious while you're boarding, but something just feels... nicer right now. You struggle to put your finger on it for a few minutes while you roll down the street, until you go by a set of particularly reflective windows and double-take at your own reflection, thinking it's someone else.

Damn, is that really you? Guess you've never worn this particular outfit before. The T-shirt that you're wearing is pretty loose, compared to a lot of your shirts. On top of that, your pants are at least a size too big. That's not the core of the thing that's sticking out to you though.

You turn to the side a little to look at yourself from a profile. Well, it doesn't exactly reduce them _completely_ , but the bra that you're wearing really makes your chest look small. For some reason, rather than this making you hate it, though, it kinda feels... good? That's confusing.

You spend another minute looking at yourself. You've never had particularly long hair, so this whole ensemble kind of makes you look pretty boyish. Hell, if you saw yourself out you honestly wouldn't be sure if you were a guy or a girl.

Thing is, that's not _completely_ true, obviously, but you look a lot more like a guy than an average day. Is that it? That couldn't be it. It's gotta just be something with the way the pressure feels or, something with the relief of getting that gay stuff off your mind. Something like that, definitely.

It's about this point that you realize that you're looking into the window of a restaurant and there's people staring back at you.

  


* * *

  


It's March. Late fucking March. It's been 4 months. Somehow, you're more of a mess than you were back in November. You've been wearing that same bra a lot, admittedly because it really makes you feel good. Your initial hypothesis about _why_ is just, complete nonsense though. It's definitely not because of any pressure thing. You've figured that out by now.

You like looking flat chested. Ha. Haha. Aaaahhhhhhh.

You're a normal everyday gal, you are, you just, you know, like looking more boyish. Being a tomboy is normal. 

But... That's not just it. You've been wearing looser jeans, trending towards your more boyish T-shirts. It didn't just all start at once, obviously, it's been a progression, but somehow, over the course of the last few months, you've started looking less like a "cool girl" and more like a "cool... person". You don't know if there's a term for this, honestly, and you've been a bit afraid to check, but today you got hit with a blast of something a bit too scary to let you just avoid it.

You were out at a shop and someone, from behind you, called out to you, and... called you "sir". Which, hey, whatever, not a big deal. Except yes a big deal, because it felt... nice.

Once again you find yourself on your bed (the bed of incalculable distress, as it seems to now be coming to be known), contemplating what the fuck is wrong with your brain that you would **_like being called sir_**. You aren't a dude, a guy. Like, you're a girl. 

Ha, this is going through your head just like all the lesbian shit was back in November, and look where that got you. Fucking nowhere. Just got you a head full of confusion and a heart full of stupid. Well, you already had both of those but it exacerbated both of them, seeing as you could no longer deny outright when you look at a girl and think "cute" since like, uhhh, gay.

Never could quite get yourself to accept that nice L-word to describe yourself though. Didn't sit right with you, even after repeated prying by one Rose Whatever-the-fuck-her-last-name-is. Stopped you from a revelation about the imminent gaying of the self though.

You decide to turn to your ever-failing source of help: the internet. You start off small, questions like "I like wearing tight bras". That, of course, brings up it's fair share of weird shit: Porn (Oh god it's fetish shit fucking why), sex toys (what the fuck do you even do with that oh god it goes **on** someone), and some random forums threads by people who have worn too tight bras for too long. Nothing too helpful for you. Next, you try something different, "I like my chest looking flatter". This time it's less of the smut stuff, more just threads for people who have abnormally large chest sizes. That's not exactly what you're dealing with.

You've got one more idea. One that's been digging at the back of your mind, that you don't _really_ want to admit to yourself, but that might help you figure it out. 

"I don't like my breasts"

It takes a second for the search results to load, and the second they do, you clear the history and close the browser. 

In a few short seconds you're up on the roof, not really sure how you got here, but you're entirely sure why. You start practicing your flashes, going back and forth, things running through your brain over and over and over.

_flash_

I don't really like pleasing myself that much.

_flash_

That's a lie, I just feel like there's something wrong with me when I do it.

_flash_

Maybe there is just something wrong with me.

_flash_

Is my body just wrong?

_flash_

That's probably it, I'm probably just overthinking this.

_flash_

I'm probably just gay, and I'm overthinking this.

_flash_

It couldn't have to do with me not liking my body that much.

_flash_

I swear, I'm a normal person.

_flash_

I don't want to change how I look.

_flash_

I didn't just spend **literal months** changing how I looked.

_flash_

That'd be fucking ridiculous. 

_flash_

Listen, if there were something wrong with me like that, I'd have known earlier than now, there would have been signs.

_flash_

I'm not some fucking freak.

_flash_

I'm normal.

_flash_

I'm fucking normal.

_flash_

I'm

_flash_

Normal

_flash_

I'm

_flash_

Fucking

_flash_

Normal

_flash_

I'M

_flash_

You don't feel the ground underneath you.

Fuck. Fuck.

You don't _feel the roof underneath you_.

You went too far. You weren't paying enough attention, and you went off the edge of the roof. Fuck. You're going to fall. Maybe you can catch something, the wall, or a sill, and keep yourself from becoming another fucking blood splatter, a suicide statistic. Some kid that decided to jump, even though you didn't decide to, it was a fucking accident, but nobody is going to fucking know that, it'll look like you did it intentionally, and after all the shit you've been through, why would anyone fucking blame you. You fucking deserve it, it's not like you have anything to really live for anyh-

A pressure wave hits you squarely and you feel someone grab onto your hands which were only a brief second before flailing for some hold, something to keep you from falling to an inevitably messy end. 

Ten seconds later, you're up and on the roof again, hyperventilating, unsure of how you even got there. Bro is standing over you, yelling something at you, but honestly words are about the last thing you're thinking of right now. You almost just fucking died. You almost just fucking died and that's not even the thing on your mind. You just can't keep it out of your fucking head. You saw it and it's going to be there forever. God fucking dammit. 

Bro leaves you alone and you take that as a free ticket to do whatever the fuck you want. You go back to your room and grab some more clothes, the ones you're in right now are drenched in cold sweat and you need a fucking shower. You just grab whatever you first find, unconcerned with what it looks like.

You proceed to the restroom. Bro is on the couch but you don't even think to look his way when you go by. You fucked up big time, you're sure of it. 

You get in the shower. Bro's puppet is in the bathroom but you kindly show it the door before you get in. You undress slowly, calmly, just thinking.

How did you even let yourself flash that far. You've never gotten that distracted or worked up before. It's so unlike you.

You step into the shower and adjust the water until it's just below scalding, releasing all the tension from your shoulders and neck. You didn't even realize how worked up you had gotten, so you spend a couple minutes just sitting in there. 

While you do, the word you saw just keeps running through your head and you just keep ruminating over the idea. Could you be like that? Could this actually be something about your body? Could you actually want to change yourself that much?

It seems a fucking stretch, but you don't actually know anything about it. You're scared though, your Bro may be cool with gay people but you've never heard him talk about them. How would he react? Would he even be okay with it? You've never met someone else like it. Fuck, how would your friends even react?

Rose would probably be okay with it. Jade is always cool with everything, but then again, she lives alone on that island of hers so... it's possible that she's weird about it. Fuck, you don't even know how you would react to someone else telling you this about themselves. 

And fucking John? You can't even begin to think how he would take this. The only reason Rose would be cool with it, for sure, is because she's all for that sex-positivity, queer-positivity stuff.

Fuck, wait, why are you considering this so heavily, it's not like you ever accepted it? You're not a guy, you couldn't be. It just... it doesn't make any sense. It's not fucking possible, literally. Yeah, you might have some attraction to girls but that doesn't suddenly make you a guy.

You might have times where you're uncomfortable with your body, but that doesn't suddenly make you a guy.

You might like looking more boyish but that doesn't suddenly make you a guy.

You might have liked being called "sir" but that doesn't suddenly make you a guy.

Fuck.

The word just keeps running through your head, over and over and over, you can't get it out, it's driving you crazy.

"Transgender"

  


* * *

  


Your Bro doesn't buy that you fell because you were tired. You end up spending the next few weeks just working on practicing flash-stepping, which, to be honest, is your own god damn fault. He thinks it's because you don't have enough experience, and honestly you'd rather him think that than the actual reason at the moment, so you go with it. It gives you a hell of a lot of time to think though.

What does it mean to be you?

That's a relatively simple question for a lot of people.

You thought it was simple for you, until that day, and honestly, it's not like its changed that much, but something significant has really gotten mixed up and it keeps messing around with your brain. You don't really know **what** you are. You aren't a girl, that's been pretty well determined by your continual ruminating over the factor. What you are, however is... fucking complicated.

So, let's start from the bottom. Literally. You don't like, hate your fucking feet. Understandably, very few trans (as you've come to understand is a good umbrella term for whatever the fuck you are) people do, but hey, at least you've got that going for you. Your legs are pretty decent, nothing much to complain about. 

Here's where we get to the fun part. You don't like, dislike your... privates. Your vagina. That stuff. It sucks to get periods, like, a lot, but, overall you're ambivalent towards it. The bigger thing is that you feel like you're missing something, like you wish you had something? That's a bit of a strange thing to describe, of course, but it's the best way you can. 

As for your ass and hips... they're a fucking lot. Before you read up on this stuff you didn't quite have the words to describe it but. You've never liked them. They're so much, too wide, too big, and if you keep going through puberty they're just going to keep fucking getting bigger and how the fucking are you going to be able to deal with that you're not going to be abl-

...

...

Okay. Gotta keep yourself calm, this stuff still works you up. Moving up, your stomach is iffy but nothing to write home about.

Your breasts. Your fucking breasts. Holy shit you want to burn them.

You want to cut them off your body.

They just... they fucking suck. Why? Why the fuck do they exist? They're painful, they just jut everywhere, you know you're never going to fucking use them, so why the fuck do you even have them? It's just... Stupid. Fucking absolutely stupid. What the fuck use are tits anyhow? Babies like them but guess what who the fuck wants to have a baby near their god damn chest not fucking you.

God damn these things disgust you, why is your body so disgusting? It's like...

Nope. Dana, get your shit together, stop just running through this over and over again. Your body isn't disgusting. That's just dysphoria talking. The revelation that you accept your own dysphoria of course means that you accept that you're trans but ha that would only be for a perfectly logical person and that definitely doesn't describe Dana Strider. Dana Strider isn't the perfect example of a logical person, that's for damn sure. 

You're sitting at your computer with about 15 (private) tabs open in your browser. Most of them are various tabs with information about trans people, and various definitions. Dysphoria, bottom surgery, top surgery, testosterone, estrogen, binders, packers, MtF, FtM, the works. You've had to quickly shut them all and reopen them a few times when Bro came in, but otherwise your research has been productive.

Dysphoria is definitely something that you have. Hips and breasts give you the most dysphoria, from what you can tell. You've watched a few videos of bottom surgery, MtF and FtM alike. The MtF surgery is... kinda disturbing. Well, to you, as a person who doesn't _**want**_ to get a vagina. The FtM one though is... Fascinating. You've never really considered **having** a penis but it gets you excited. The videos though they're... scary. 

Bottom Surgery.

You just wish you could have one without having to go through all of that... medical shit. Hell, it's unlikely you'll even be able to afford it, with how poor you are.

Top surgery. You definitely want to get that. Your fucking chest is horrible for you and you wish you could get rid of it right now. 

The first step, as far as you can tell, though, is to get testosterone. Also, binding and packing will definitely help.

Christ, this all just seems like so... so fucking much. It's overwhelming. 

What fucking pronouns do you even want to use?

Are you a guy?

Wait, do you even keep your name? Dana isn't a damn gender neutral name.

You take a deep breath and think for a few seconds. Your mind is whirling and you really need to calm down. You get up from your seat and walk around your room, looking at your various things. You've got a line of photos hanging up near the window, all of them old-school developed photos. You like to do things that way a lot of the time. It really helps you to relax. Maybe... Maybe that'd help you relax right now. You go over to your closet, to your stash of food, to grab a bottle of apple juice.

Thing is, there's none there. It's a tragedy. You spend a few minutes lamenting it before you realize that this is the perfect thing to get your mind off of all of this trans stuff. You need to refill your stash, and you just found another store. The one you robbed before actually got shut down a few weeks after you robbed it. You figure it's just a coincidence, it's not like it was particularly nice.

You captchalogue your board and head down to the lobby, bag in tow. Bro isn't even home right now, so you didn't have to deal with his bullshit before you absconded from the house. You step out into the breezy evening, the smell of blacktop and a subtle hint of sulfur hitting you. 

The crunch of your wheels hitting the ground is resounding. The shop is further, just outside of downtown. You focus all in on boarding. The feeling of the wind whipping by you, the sound of the cars on the street and the scrape of your board against the ground. The lights above cast a lambent shadow under you, colors twisting around. There's not many people out this late.

Why would they be?

The metropolitan sprawl becomes your canvas, your architecture an instrument unlike any other. Each scrape, crack, shadow, and turbulent breeze you cause is the reminder of your being and an existence otherwise unremarkable. An art-form temporal and temporary, magnificent and marginal, incapable of being recorded yet dying to be remembered. What magnanimity one such as yourself must have to provide for the masses like this, how callous they are to not show.

Okay, you've been pretentious enough for the night. Anyhow, you're at the store.

Same as last time. In you go, back to the juice, stuff in bottles, grab some snacks, go up to pay.

"Sup dude"

"Hey"

"Just these two?"

"Yup, that'll be it"

"What about that bottle in your bag"

Jesus fucking Christ of course.

Well, here we go again. You run out the door again, wheels hitting the ground seconds after your feet hit pavement. You're sure the guy called the cops on you, so you turn into an alley when you can and climb a building, just like last time. 

Sure enough, a few seconds later, you hear the characteristic "whoop whoop" of police cars going past you. You calm your breathing down and they go by.

It's a little before your eyes adjust, but when they do you look up at the wall, and you notice there's a really well lettered piece of graffiti right there in front of you. It's someone's name, obviously, and it catches you off guard just how much it just... connects with you. Maybe it's that you're high on the adrenaline, or that this night has been so much, so fast, but... 

"Dave"

And fuck, something just clicks. That's you. That's your name. Dave Strider. Dave. Motherfucking. Strider. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dave.
> 
> Okay my only real comment on this chapter is that I was happier writing it because there was way less formatting than Rose's chapter.


	4. A Girl, On a Beach, Sits Alone. She Wonders, Why?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade has always been a happy girl, and she really loves that about herself. Her friends' recent problems have unfortunately dragged her down as well, and she's started to feel like she's missing something.
> 
> Her uncertainty leads her to seek counsel from an old, wise friend. However, her friend only serves to further her worries, and she is left reeling from the words.
> 
> She turns to Rose for relief, but her friend is being ornery and unhelpful. In her time of need, she seems to be unable to find someone.
> 
> She finally seeks peace in nature. This, however, does not quite turn out how she would hope.

It's a nice, warm spring day on the island, and you find yourself preparing to go out and tend to the island. You do this about once a week, mostly just checking to make sure nothing is broken, and that the wildlife is healthy. Your grandpa created this island house to be self-sustaining, and while there haven't been many things that you have had to fix during your tenure on the island, you still feel a responsibility to keep tabs on all of the facilities. You're walking around your house at the moment, gathering your assorted supplies, while at the same time trying to decide on what to wear for your trip.

It's a pretty nice day out, like you said, so much so that all of the windows that _can_ be opened in your house are currently opened, and there's a lot of air flow all throughout it. You're hopping through the transportalizers that your grandpa has set up all throughout your house, grabbing screwdrivers, shovels, a blowtorch, your gun, and of course your five portable computers. Though you don't anticipate getting pestered by your friends, it's pretty late where they are, you still figure it's better to have them on you in case. You really think you want to wear a dress when you go out to work but you also don't want to get it messy if you do have to do anything in the dirt. It's an eternal struggle for you, because dresses and skirts are very cute and feel nice in the nice weather. On the other hand, wearing something like a durable pair of shorts and a shirt can also be comfortable and cute, and is more likely to be what you should actually wear. Begrudgingly, you end up deciding to go with the shorts.

You finish up by grabbing some apples and tossing them with everything else in your sylladex. This week you're using the Pictionary modus, since you're trying to get better at drawing. it's been frustrating, since it keeps interpreting your drawings as completely absurd things. Who thinks that a drawing of a rifle looks like an orange? it makes no freaking sense! That's why you have to get better, so that you can retrieve things without any issue whatsoever.

You transportalize back to the room below yours, with everything you need in tow. After walking up the stairs, you grab a set of knee-length shorts, and a shirt with a squiddle on it. You love squiddles! Squiddles are best friends! Okay, so, it may seem childish, but it just seems so wholesome to tangle up with someone like that, to get so close with someone. You're getting distracted! You throw on the shirt and shorts, grab a pair of socks, slip them on your feet, and scurry downstairs, suddenly excited to get out and walk around the island again. You love this little island of yours!

Bec is laying down in the kitchen, the effective atrium of your house. You catch him peeking an eye open at you as you lumber through, ever the protective dog. Good boy, best friend, loyal protector. He would never let anything happen to you, and you always feel so safe around him. You crouch down and give him a pat on the head, which he reciprocates by licking your hand. You giggle and wipe it off.

You're out the door a few minutes later, on your way first to the power generation facility. The various instruments and facilities that are essential to keeping you alive all rely on geothermal power. You learned how to fix anything that might go wrong here first, because it was the most important. 

The geothermal facility is pretty messy, your grandpa apparently likes to sit in here sometimes. You can't blame him, the view from the control room is spectacular. It overlooks the entirety of the island, and you figure that he sits up here and does... okay you're not honestly sure what it is that your grandpa does but you're sure that it's very old man like. 

You check the computer up here, and it says that everything is functioning correctly, so you take only a moment more in the geothermal control room before bounding down the stairs and making your way to the water purification plant. This place is the second most important facility here, since it gives you all of the water you drink. 

It's nestled back behind the volcano, so that it can pump water close to your house. Very few other locations on the island actually need fresh water, so it makes sense for it to be there. You again go in, check around and, it's all good, so you leave. 

There's only a couple more facilities on the island, but they're on opposite sides, so it ends up taking you several hours to get to them. By the time that you're finished checking through them and making repairs, you're quite tired, and you find yourself sprawled out on the beach opposite your house.

The beach is a nice place for you to sit when you're tired, since you can just sit back and listen to the waves and the wildlife around you. These past few months have been exhausting, with John dealing with his listlessness and trying to find friends, and with Rose coming out. Dana has been kind of absent recently which has been stressing you, and all the time you've spent trying to figure things out seems like it's just been wasted because you can't seem to do anything for your friends right now.

You hear something trotting behind you, and your instinct to defend yourself kicks in. You pull out your rifle and are on your feet before you can even realize that it's just Bec. He struts up to you, seemingly picking up on your somber attitude. You sit back down, letting him curl around you to comfort you.

Your name is Jade Harley, and you've always been a happy girl. Nothing in your life has been a major worry, you've just lived on this island. Recently, since your friends have been struggling more, you've been feeling off. Something about your life so far has just not stuck well with you. You have had everything you've ever wanted provided for you: good food, a good house, any toy you'd ever want. You've had the best education, the best medicine, not to mention your dog Bec. Yet you've been feeling like you want more. You look up at the sky and you realize that there's something off about it, some slight brightness that it shouldn't have, but it doesn't bother you too much. You can't get the feeling out of you head that something is missing. You feel like you would have known, everything that ever would need to happen has been shown to you, so you couldn't have missed something could you? So how could you be feeling like something is missing? You know in a short time, you and your friends will undertake an important journey, and it's your responsibility to prepare yourself for it. You can't let your friends down like that. You can't let your emotions be the reason that you failed, you have to be str-

You look up and realize you're on Prospit. You're not sure when you fell asleep.

  


* * *

  


Prospit has always been part of your home, at least as long as you can remember. You know that you "woke up" here at some point, but it had to have been when you were so young that, for all intents and purposes, it doesn't matter. The golden ecumenopoleis, consisting of the main planet and it's chained moon, provide you somewhere to go and some sort of civilization to interact with, even if that civilization does consist of chess people.

Importantly, adorable chess people who get so happy when you come around!

You stand up from your bed in the tower, deciding that some walking around might help you get out of the mental funk that you worked yourself into. You haven't managed that in a while, and Prospit tends to be able to calm you down. 

You watch out the window for a few minutes, just mostly taking in the view of the various prospitians going about their day. They all have jobs, whatever jobs those may actually be; You aren't actually sure what they do, since there doesn't seem to be much to actually **do** in the kingdom, since there aren't farms, and there isn't industry of any sort. You think a lot of them might just be playing at doing jobs, but you've never really felt comfortable asking, since that always felt like it might be demeaning. You wouldn't really be asking out of malice: if that's what they do, there's nothing wrong with it. You're just really curious.

Okay, enough gawking, you're going to actually get mingle with the proles now, or whatever it is nobles say when they go out in the public. Since these are chess people, you guess this would be mingling with the pawns? That sounds way too sinister for your likes though.

You sail down to the stone of the walkway below, in the center of a group of carapacians who greet you with open-mouthed awe, as they always do. You give them a giddy wave and do your best (admittedly kind of goofy looking) lass scamper over to a newspaper stand to the side of the square. You always want to keep up with the word around prospit, even though admittedly nothing much seems to happen around here. 

You know why. You're why. They're waiting for you and your friends.

You pick up the paper, scanning down the dulled-grey of the text to see if there's anything interesting. Most of it is actually reporting on you, John, who is in the other tower on Prospit, the Queen and King, who you _**love**_ , and then it's filled out with your typical anti-Derse propaganda. Derse sucks, Prospit rules, Dersite royalty smells, Prospitian royalty wafts scents of lilies and freshly made pie. To be honest, you don't fully believe the hype, but you do have to admit that Prospit smells good, especially compared to the island. You've gotta conserve supplies since you have to make your own soaps, and the ingredients to make them don't come easy. 

You give the paper back to the cute little pawn, who you would swear has hearts in their eyes, considering they haven't even moved the entire time that you've been there. Awestruck. It really sucks because you just want to be around people who treat you normal while you're here and of course the carapacians aren't going to do that for you. They worship you as their savior. You're not their savior, at least, not really. 

You're getting down again. Ugh.

Okay, time to go talk to someone who will talk to you as an equal. 

You float up a little as you prepare to fly to the main planet of Prospit. The main planet is about four times the size of the moon, and a fair portion of that is taken up by the royal palace, which happens to be your destination. The white queen has been one of your frequent companions, though your earthly friends aren't aware of her. She's very kind to you, understandably, as you're "her Witch" as she calls you. She doesn't quite understand the concept of proper names as you have on Earth. 

The front of the palace is ornate, so much gold artistry that you genuinely can't believe that this much of it exists. You touch down softly in the small garden in front of the doors to the side instead, knowing that you'll avoid most of the prying eyes if you go in this way. The queen has told you that you're welcome any time, and you can come in almost any way.

This way actually brings you by the palace kitchen, and on your way in you pass by the Voracious Culinarian. He, of course, gives you a whole plate of food, which you graciously take with you regardless of how not hungry you are. You don't actually get that hungry while you're in this dream world, probably on account of being _dreaming_ and all? The door out of the kitchen brings you into the main feast hall, which is set up with a table as long as your house is wide. It's shocking to imagine this room completely full, which you'd actually be surprised if it has ever been. 

Another set of doors brings you into the servants halls, which sprawl throughout the palace, and allow them to travel quickly and in peace. They give you peace too, since they know that you come through here to get away from the crowds of adoring people who just want to stare at you. The queen once commented on how strange it was for you to use them instead, and she didn't seem to grasp when you explained your modesty.

You love the carapacians, you really do, and you will take your duty to defend them incredibly seriously, but there's so many of them and every single one of them treats you like divinity walking among them. It's overwhelming. 

You make it to the door to the throne room relatively unscathed, with your plate of food still in hand. VC always makes you good food when you come by, and you really ought to thank him more. You pull the door open, surveying the room, but it's mostly empty so you step inside.

"Hello again, my Witch"

"Hi, White Queen"

"Has some particular purpose brought you to me today?"

"Not more than any other day :\"

"come, sit next to me, my Witch"

You meander over to her throne as she slides over to make room for you. She often does this, in a sort of motherly way cares for you. It's nice, since you don't have anyone else to. She wraps an arm around you when you sit down next to her, and you start picking at the food that VC made for you.

"I've just been feeling... off recently. My friends have been going through some stuff and it hasn't been sitting well with me."

"Well, that would make any person feel down. Have you discussed these things with them?"

"No! Uh, I mean, yes, but not how it's been making me feel. I have to let them deal with their issues, I can't just drop mine on them."

"My Witch, perhaps these friends would prefer to hear from you about yours. I assume the friends you are speaking about are the ones who will join you here?"

"Yeah, they are. Which, I know, means there's not much I can do to mess up, they won't abandon me. Especially recently though, they haven't been talking to me as much and it just feels... off."

"Perhaps... Do you feel worried that they'll abandon you regardless?"

"What? I..."

"My Witch, they _are_ your friends."

"Yeah, they are, and I'm not worried they're going to abandon me. Not at all."

You're not, they have to stick with you, you have a destiny together. You've got something that bonds you for life, that can't break apart, no matter what.

"Young one, then perhaps it is something else. You find yourself here more often than any other. My Heir has yet to awaken, and the Knight and Seer are slumbering as well, at least from what those dreadful Dersite rags tell. You tell often that you are content with your life, so what reason could you have to feel down, besides what has been happening to your friends. If you fail to talk with them, then your momentary depression is your own doing."

"Ugh, I know you're right, I just. Dana has been stressed out lately, talking to Rose just fills me with more confusion, and John is always so depressed that it doesn't really help me. I want to talk to them but... it doesn't really help me that much."

"Do you have any other friends, than the three you are destined to save us with? Perhaps someone else you could rely on for this interlude of sorrow?"

"That's the problem! You're it. The rest of the carapacians just look up to me, and give me these looks like they can't believe that I'm really here in front of them. The King is so often away that I don't get to talk to him. When I'm awake, I don't have any other friends because I live alone, on a freaking island of all places. Bec is a freaking dog who can't give me any real conversation. You! And you're just like a mother to me and that can help sometimes but it-"

She cuts you off by putting a finger up to your lips. They're cold and tough, pretty much what you'd expect if a chess piece was brought to life.

"My Witch, you are getting worked up. I think what you need is another friend. I can requisition one from the ectobiology labs, if you would like, a personal playmate for you."

"Oh god, please, no, that would _not_ make things better."

"If you're certain. I simply want to make sure you're happy during your time here, so that you can be your most effective."

"I.. I understand. I just don't think that would help."

"I'm sorry, I just don't quite know what would be best. While I conceptually understand loneliness, I cannot myself experience it. I have millions of prospitians at my call every day, and while they all look up to me, they also talk to me and respect me. I am sorry."

"You did what you could."

You gather yourself up from her grasp, feeling no better than you did when you got here. You're lonely? How could you not have noticed, how could you have not put words to it? You pass by the kitchen on your way out and place your empty dish on a table. VC greets you but you don't return the gesture, your sulking too strong. You just want to be happy.

It's not long before you wake up. By that time, Bec is gone from around you. Great, even your gentle protector doesn't want to be around you right now.

You begin the trek home.

  


* * *

  


You're brooding. You don't really want to call it that, what with your predilection for a joyous demeanor, but that's what you are doing at the moment. You are sitting in your room, curled up around a plush doll of a... you think this is supposed to be an anthropomorphic fox of some sort. It's cute. Too cute. It doesn't deserve to be getting your sad all over it. 

You shouldn't be brooding either, you should be talking to your friends, or walking around the island basking in the sunlight, or something else fittingly cheerful for you. You're Jade fucking Harley. You're supposed to be the giddy joyful girl. How the hell did you let yourself get "lonely".

Probably because you were set on a fucking rock alone in the middle of the ocean your entire life and your only escape was to fall asleep but even there your only exposure to other people was chess people who couldn't honestly treat you normally.

You only really talk to three people, plus the White Queen, and the only passing idea that you have that other people even exist is planes that you see in the sky. 

You don't deserve to be lonely though, that's ridiculous. You're just being petty, honestly. Your friends are wonderful, and being lonely is you just not appreciating them enough. That's the honest truth here. You should open up a chat with them right now just to tell them how much you love and care about them. You scribble what looks approximately like your lunchtop, and luckily you actually get it. Your luck runs out there though because your friends are all offline. You shouldn't have expected anything different. It's midday here, which means none of them are probably awake. You send them messages nonetheless, just to show how much you care!

  


gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

  
GG: Heya Rose!   
GG: I know you're probably asleep and all but I just wanted to make sure you're doing okay.   
GG: A lot has been going on recently and you matter a lot to me :D

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering twistingGeniality [TG]

  
GG: Hi Dana :P   
GG: I know you're busy being a coolkid and all, but I wanted you to know that you matter a lot to me :D   
GG: Take care of yourself

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering twistingGeniality [TG]

gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]

  
GG: Hey John   
GG: You've been going through a lot of stuff recently and I just wanted to make sure you're okay   
GG: And I wanted to tell you that you matter a lot to me :D

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]

  


Okay, now they know. They always knew, of course, but, they just, extra know now. You huddle back down with your fox-plush, trying to keep your thoughts off of your totally not loneliness. It doesn't work. Frustrated, you throw the doll down to the floor. Of course, you immediately feel bad about this, since it didn't do anything to merit getting hurt like that. You grab it up and tuck it under the sheets, and pat it's head.

Transportalizers. Garden. Your destination awaits you as you try to find something to get your mind off your creeping feeling that she might be right. You survey all of the plants that you are growing at the moment. The garden is about two-thirds of the way up your tower of a house, and is entirely covered in greenhouse glass. You grow pumpkins (which, incidentally, disappear all the time), squash, tomatoes, cucumber, celery, onions, potatoes, and various other vegetables, as well as apples, oranges, bananas, pears, lemons, and various other fruit. You have a veritable oasis here, most of which you can and preserve for later months, and even years. Down in front of your house, you have further fields of wheat, corn, and a few other staple crops, which you had to plant outside because of how much you needed. Up here, you've got a few herbs and spices for cooking, and a whole bunch of flowers which you grow because you just love flowers. A lot of these have been genetically engineered by your grandfather to be able to grow in this climate, since almost none of them are native. 

You love being in your garden. While your grandpa started the garden, you took up the mantle and really kicked food production into high gear. When you realized what you and your friends were going to be in for, you took it upon yourself to learn horticulture, assuming that they wouldn't. You also have started preserving the various seeds of the species of plants that you have, figuring that once you fulfill your destiny, it'll be good to have backups. You've gotten shipments of some outside species too, though you don't actually plant them because they aren't modified for the environment. 

_**This**_ is why you don't have a right to be lonely. You have friends all around you, hundreds of living things to keep you company every day, that you get to care for and love and that give back to you as well.

Thing is, plants aren't very good conversationalists, are they. Plants don't give great hugs when you're sad.

You amble over to the transportalizer again, unsatisfied with the garden giving you an out from your loneliness. You zap down as low as you can. The bottom floor transportalizer is covered by a great green worm, so you actually can't zap that far down. You come to the foyer with your grandpa's blue ladies.

And quickly move on. You don't... really like that room. Sure, the ladies are nice, but...

Ground floor this time. The living room, where, ironically, you don't spend much time living. For a good reason. You walk in, the only light in the room the firelight. Normally you'd do something sneaky and play this whole thing up, but today you're not feeling it. His stuffed corpse is in front of the fireplace, surrounded by his favorite dolls. 

Your grandpa is gone. He's been so since you were young. You're not fully sure what happened, but you had to go forward with the family tradition of stuffing him when you found him dead. A stuffed blue lady was in front of him, a gun on the table, and a bullet in his heart. At first, when you were young, you thought that the lady doll did it to him. You actually were terrified of her for a long time.

Thinking back now, you're pretty sure he killed himself.

This isn't making you any happier. 

Your next idea is to find Bec. He often lays in the kitchen, so you traipse over there, but he actually isn't there for once. You head outside, thinking maybe he's roaming the wildlands of the island. Your first stop is right outside of the house. You call his name, hoping that he'll just come to you. 

He doesn't.

So you head into the forest. Maybe he just didn't hear you. It's entirely possible he's just caught up trying to hunt something. He really likes to hunt in the forest. You call his name again and...

Nothing.

So you head back towards the frog temple. You know that you can always get him to come out by going there. If he's going to ignore you, you'll just **make him pay attention**. When you arrive, you spot the lillypad path to the base of the temple. You glance around seeing if you can catch some of his bright white fur. Of course not. He'll be here though, just as soon as you step on.

You put one foot onto the first lillypad. Sure enough, you feel a static charge around you, and hear the distinctive pop, and the pressure wave that indicates him teleporting in hits you seconds later. You turn around and he's right there staring at you.

Such a fucking _loyal protector_. What the fuck is he even protecting you from. You take another step on the lillypad, and he comes closer. You know he's just going to teleport you to your bed, you know it, but maybe if you're fast enough you can outrun him.

What are you, an idiot? Of course you can't.

You still try though. You make it four steps before you suddenly hit the soft plush top of your bed. Drat, of course. You turn around. Bec didn't even come with you.

Good dog, Best friend, what a load of crap if he won't even give you love when you're sad.

  


* * *

  


It's the following day, and the feeling hasn't abated any. Not that you really expected it to, since it's been gnawing at you pretty much constantly. You were just hopeful, since you've mostly been the happy peppy girl for your entire life and you didn't want this to be the crushing realization that ruins it all for you. 

You're currently out trying to find your dog because he ran away right when you were going to feed him. He's running around somewhere near the beach, you know that, but precisely where he went is completely escaping you. 

You decided to talk to Rose earlier. You don't really **want** to talk to any of your friends about this oncoming train of a problem that you've been steadily trying to ignore, but if there was any that you'd trust, it'd be Rose. She's kind of the most well put together when it comes to helping people solve problems, and you figure her knowledge of psychology might actually come in handy here. Come in handy to prove to you that you definitely aren't lonely and that the issue that you're having is something else.

You're holding out a fresh steak and calling to Bec, and he is predictably, being a stubborn ass about this whole thing. You know he's hungry, so why is he taking so long to get his food?

You get your answer when you do find him. He's made himself a nice tasty meal of a rabbit that he apparently caught near the edge of the field. You sigh and just toss the steak down next to him, eliciting a whine from him. You pat his head. He's a hell of a good hunter, you do have to give him that, but it'd be nice if he would give you a few more minutes sometimes to get to him before he just off and fends for himself.

Whatever. You just hop back to your house and set up your computer to talk to Rose. 

  


gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

  
GG: hey Rose   
GG: how are you doing?    
TT: I'm doing pretty well myself, other than the oncoming end of the school year for me.   
TT: My mother wants me to do something this summer, and while I would love to do something to get me away from _her_ , all of the options that she has given me involve her joining me in some way.   
TT: As you can imagine, I am _less than thrilled about that prospect_.   
GG: dang, really?   
GG: I mean, I know you don't like your mom that much, but wouldn't at least getting away from your cooped up house help?   
TT: As much as it would help, much of the problem with being in my house is her. She is... overbearing.   
TT: I struggle to even imagine that she means well, honestly. I truly used to believe as much, but her actions seem to be more passive aggressive than anything.   
TT: I've mentioned that she stole and read a piece of my writing and then enrolled me in a writing class because "the structure wasn't that good", yes?   
GG: well, I mean, yeah, that doesn't sound too nice of her...   
GG: sorry...   
GG: anyhow, I wanted to talk to you about something, if you're willing.   
TT: I'm always willing to talk to you, Jade. Whatever you could possibly need.   
GG: I... okay, so this is kind of hard for me to talk about, and it's kind of hard for me to explain where this idea even came from.   
GG: I think I might be lonely.   
TT: I can't imagine why you would be lonely, living on that island all alone, except for a dog and your ethereal grandfather who may or may not even exist.   
TT: Sorry, snarky attitude kicked in, truthfully, I do believe that would be an entirely reasonable judgement to make.    
GG: well I'll try to start from the beginning because it's mostly been hard with you and John and Dana having your own problems   
GG: I haven't really felt like I could just talk to you all whenever   
GG: which I know you're going to say "well Jade you can just message us" but I know you going through your own stuff makes life more complicated and me wanting to talk to you might just complicate things   
GG: I talked to someone who I've known for a long time and they told me I might need a new friend but I can't make new friends because I don't have any way to on this island, the only people I can interact with are you three.   
TT: Okay, hold up a minute Jade.   
TT: I haven't really been going through much myself, so I'm always free to talk if you want to just chat.   
TT: As for John, I'm sure he is always happy to talk to you, whether he is happy or sad.   
GG: Rose you're not getting what I'm trying to say.   
GG: if I'm sad and I try to talk to all of you then aren't I just going to make you all sad?   
GG: isn't that just making things worse?   
GG: i'm the happy girl, I jump in when you're all feeling sad.   
TT: Nobody can be expected to be happy all the time, Jade. You do have feelings just like everyone else.   
TT: Perhaps... This might be a long shot, but we have had conversations about relationships before.    
TT: This might sound like a strange proposition, but, maybe if you got into a relationship with one of the three of us, you would feel less guilty about talking to us about your loneliness, and it would further instill you with... a sense of constant companionship, regardless of the distance?   
GG: oh my god Rose what are you even saying?   
GG: I mean... it's not like I haven't considered it. you and I talked about our sexualities, but, I can't do that...   
TT: And why not? There's nothing particularly unappealing about any of us, I don't think.   
TT: This isn't meant to be me "macking" on you, as our dear friend Dana would say.   
TT: I actually was thinking it might be worth you "macking" on her.   
GG: Rose   
GG: are you trying to set me up with Dana?   
GG: oh my god is this still about your pet theory that Dana is a lesbian, or at least sapphic?   
GG: will you stop it with that! let her be!   
TT: I cannot deny that it is somewhat related but I do believe that it would benefit you both.   
TT: You are both going through stressful times and relationships can provide stability in an otherwise unstable part of life. Dana needs that, and I think you too could benefit from it.   
GG: how can you be this smart and this dumb at the same time, Rose?   
GG: I'm not saying that I want to date someone!   
GG: holy crap is it really that hard for you to figure this out?? D:   
GG: you yourself said that I'm stuck on this fucking island with just a dog and my dead fucking grandpa.   
GG: yes, my grandpa is fucking dead. I've lived here alone for most of my life. My only companion is my dog, and some chess people that I see in my fucking dreams, and the wildlife on my island.   
GG: I'm so fucking alone and you think the solution to that is to get into a fucking relationship?   
GG: I get that your mind is on relationships and sexuality right now Rose, I do, but that isn't the solution to this, I promise you that.

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

  


Rose, Rose, Rose, why. You just wanted help, and now here you are, frustrated, exhausted because one of your friends is thinking more about her schemes than trying to honestly help. You love Rose, you really do, but you just wish she could stop for a minute and think. 

You pull yourself up off the floor and wipe a couple of tears that managed to escape your eyes. It won't do for you to just sit here and wallow in your sadness, you know that. 

A transportalizer ride down, and you're on the ground floor again.

  


* * *

  


The wilderness isn't a friend, but sometimes it feels like one. You have found yourself in the pleasant company of these trees several times, and in fact, you are currently sitting in what you consider to be _your_ sitting spot. It's in the middle of a clearing, surrounded on one side by a short cliff, with trees on the other three sides. The cliff has a small trickle of water coming down it, which forms a tiny pool at the bottom of it. It's calm.

You, on the other hand, are a complete mess. Your previous small number of tears escalated into a torrent of them once you got out here. Not only did Rose confirm that you're probably lonely and just dying to talk to people, she also just didn't even bother helping you with your problem. Okay, she "tried" in her own way, but realistically it wasn't going to help. Dana is great but you're not going to join in on trying to force something like that on her. John has been nagging Rose to stop anyhow, you're sure she'll just quit on her own and Dana will figure out for herself in due time.

The rock you're laying against isn't _comfortable_ per se, but you don't really care about comfort at the given moment, since you kind of lost that the moment your crashing realization came to you. Ha, funny, considering that you were trying to help John make friends only a a few months ago and now here you are, realizing that the problem that he realized _**wasn't**_ his major problem _**is**_ yours. You really should have caught on sooner.

You don't really want to sit here feeling sorry for yourself, and luckily something catches your attention to knock you out of it before you fall too far down the rabbit hole. Bec trots up to you before placing something down at your feet. It happens to be your rifle. He quickly teleports off after he has given it to you.

That's another thing though. Your dog is kind of keeping you prisoner on this island. If it weren't for him, you probably would have been able to leave years ago. He's weird and you know that, but you do still love him. When your grandfather died, he took care of you until you were able to take care of yourself. In a way, he still takes care of you, though it does kind of feel like he's protecting you more as _property_ than as a child. That's kind of a chilling thought, and you're not really sure it's accurate considering he is literally just a dog. Yeah, no, honestly, you're pretty sure that doesn't make any sense. He might have teleportation powers, but he definitely doesn't work for any higher power. He's just protecting you in the ways that your grandpa taught him to.

You captchalogue your rifle and throw it in your strife deck, just in case. It's not particularly dangerous out here, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be prepared. You run through a few things you can do in order to keep your mind off the sadness building inside you. You've already done the maintenance, and you've dealt with the crops, cleaned up the house, you've even planned out the next rotation and done all your laundry. You're stumped for chores.

You pause for a second.

You _**are**_ in the forest. Tracking some animals wouldn't be an awful way to lose some time. You open your sylladex, checking- yup, you've got your gear on you. First thing to do would be find a fresh set of tracks. Luckily, there's plenty of animals in this forest.

You find what you believe to be deer tracks relatively quickly, leading east, somewhat towards the frog temple. Crouching down, you follow the tracks. The deer can't be far in front considering how fresh they are. 

Indeed, less than five minutes later, you come across the deer itself. It's a lone stag, which is actually pretty strange to see on your island. There's at least five sets (that you've seen) living in the forest, so seeing just a single stag means that, most likely, he's going back to his mate. You decide to follow him to see. You are slightly hesitant however. Stags around their mate are very aggressive.

The deer takes a winding path to get back, and you almost suspect that he's caught on to you following him, but eventually you see him approaching a doe. They sniff at each other before lying down next to each other. It's pretty cute, you think.

It's also... kind of kind of making you sad for some reason. Duh, of course it's making you sad, it's literally you watching wild animals be companionable together. That's so dumb, why didn't you think this through? You groan a little and the stag and doe look up, apparently having noticed you being self-castigating. You're about eight feet from them right now, so your first thought it of course to back up. you survey the space behind you to make sure you don't fall for the old "sneaking backward only to crack a stick and reveal yourself" trope.

It just happens to not be a stick that reveals you, but a ping from your phone. Crap. Probably Rose, or Dana, or whoever, someone trying to get to you and it just alerted those deer to your position.

The stag rapidly stands up and starts brandishing it's horns towards you. Of course, this makes you pull out your rifle, because you're being threatened and that's pretty much when everything goes to hell. 

The stag charges at you and you quickly pull the trigger. Blood splatters on your face, warm and sticky, a feeling that you really hate. The stag stops mere inches before it reaches you. The doe, on the other hand, has already darted the other direction, the second that it heard the gunshot.

Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god.

Why, why did you even come out here? You came out here to relax and it went to crap. Now you've just ruined that companionship that you were lamenting not having, and on top of it, you just killed something that didn't deserve to be killed. 

You feel like a monster. You don't even bother to clean up the corpse, you can't. You wipe yourself down of the blood, change into something different, and near bolt away, tears already forming in your eyes.

You end up on the beach in front of the frog temple. It's almost night, and the moonlight overhead silhouettes the caecilian shape above you. You're crying. You seem to be doing that a lot this week. Apparently the dam in your mind broke and you're just some weak baby who can't keep her tears in.

You're supposed to be strong, but that doesn't mean that you're supposed to be needlessly violent. You don't kill for any purpose except food, and you mostly sustain yourself off of the crops that you grow. Bec has to eat meat, and you do too to keep yourself healthy, what with your limited access to food supplies, but you're never really happy about it. You fish for a lot of it, and otherwise you limit and plan your hunting. You just killed when you didn't really have to. You could have gotten out of there.

You hate seeing animals suffer, and you just caused two of them to suffer.

You end up curling up crying right there in front of the temple, dozing off. You vaguely recall Bec curling around you.

  


* * *

  


You're on Prospit again. This time you actually do remember falling asleep. This time you know exactly why you fell asleep. You feel like such an idiot, doing something so mean, so cruel. You sit for a few minutes before you can even consider getting up from your bed, just staring at the ceiling.

Well, if you're here, you might as well spend the time on _something_ valuable. 

You stand up, gazing down at your golden dress. You've never quite understood how the clothes here work, because they sure as hell don't correlate to what you're wearing on Earth. They're always this skirt and shirt, and you've never had anything else to put on, but when you've flown over to John's he's wearing a shirt and pants. Which, honestly, kind of doesn't seem fair because what if you wanted to wear a shirt and pants sometimes? Like, it'd be nice? Sometimes skirts are just annoying to deal with!

All you're saying is that you wish your dream wardrobifier actually worked, so you could switch out your clothes. Instead it just sits there in the corner of your room, blinking but not actually working.

You glide out the window of your room without a real set destination in mind. You come here almost every night, but you don't really feel in the mood to try to talk with the locals tonight. Sometimes you'll just fly around and watch the clouds and things that have or will happen, which you're thinking might be something fun to do tonight. You really do need to get back on the ball and pay attention to important things again, like the visions of the future that you get from the clouds.

At the apex of Prospit's rotation, its comes within the upper atmosphere of Skaia, as much as it can be said to have one. You, as the only conscious Prospit dreamer, have a responsibility to record what you see in the clouds on Skaia, because they can provide useful information for your friends, and yourself. This is how you have seemingly had a "prophetic" sense of the future. Of course, the clouds can also show you things in the past, so your friends just think you know everything, but since you've successfully predicted events happening in the future, that's the main thing they focus on.

One of the things you've seen in the clouds is what's going to come to pass with John, and you're quite excited about it, though you have to let it proceed naturally or you know it's not going to happen right. You got hints about Rose in the clouds too. The biggest secret that you've seen in the clouds, however, is the date that you and your friends will escape the end of the world, presumably someplace here. You know all four of you have some dream self here. Rose and Dana sleep on the moon known as Derse, though you haven't ever been able to actually go there because of the extensive Incipisphere between. You trust the Queen's word on it, however. 

You find your usual perch for cloud watching. When you were younger, you used to be scared that you would get hurt if you were outside of your room, but you've since realized that isn't the case, so you tend to find somewhere nice and comfortable with a good view. There's a church-looking building, which you've honestly never inquired as to the purpose of, that you tend to go to at this point, and which you have currently leisurely sprawled yourself out on top of. 

The eclipse, as it is known, is going to start momentarily, so you ready yourself for the transition into atmosphere. You close your eyes so you don't get hit by the extremely fast wind at the very top of it. It's strange, feeling yourself hit the air of the planet, since you're approaching it from outside. The scent is the first thing to hit you, though there's not actually much since there's not much going on on Skaia. Still, having air at all means having something of a scent, which you would mostly describe as being "vaguely like hot glass", though honestly, who even knows what hot glass smells like?

Once you're inside the atmosphere, you open your eyes. Immediately you are afflicted by the sheer brightness of the planet, and have to cram them closed again, bringing your hands up to shield them as you attempt your second take at vision. This time goes a little more smoothly, and you successfully open your eyes.

Skaia is a strange place. At the center of it is what appears to be a chess board, with one black and one white piece on it. Those, are the black and white king, and though they wouldn't look like it, they can actually talk. You've met the White King, and he's fairly nice, but he has to keep up the age-old struggle on the battlefield or this realm will fall to chaos. Above the battlefield lie a number of clouds, constantly shifting and changing. You figure this is where Skaia derives its name, considering it is predominantly a sky. 

With your position secured within the atmosphere, at least for the time being, you start to scour the skies for any clouds that could be relevant.

Dana skateboarding down a street, a bag on her back. She looks panicked, but you don't know why.

Rose sitting on her bed, a curious look on her face. She has a notebook open next to her, with several lines in it.

John sitting on on the ground with a girl next to him. They seem to be talking about something pretty serious. You don't know who she is, but she looks cute. You hope she's one of his friends. 

Hey! That one is you! You're sitting on the beach with your phone next to you!

There's one with a girl that you've seen a few times. You can't quite figure out who she is, but she's got blonde hair and wears a pink scarf.

You catch a glimpse of one that makes you worried after those. You see Dana sitting on her bed looking really panicked. Well, crap, you better figure out what you can do about that.

It's followed up shortly by another one, this time with Rose sitting at her desk confused and somewhat concerned. Oh boy, this has to be a sign of something bad happening. Maybe you need to get out of here.

The clincher in the whole thing is seeing a third cloud, right next to the other two, where John is sitting looking dejected and hurt. You need to go back to Earth and check on your friends right now. Something seriously must be going down for Skaia to be showing you these three in direct sequence. 

You hop up off of the church, uncaring as to your current position within the atmosphere. Your tower is only a few hundred feet away, you know you can make it if you just push through. The rush of air against your face is unusual, since you usually fly only on Prospit where there isn't much air to speak of, but you force your way through anyhow.

You arrive at your tower, and crawl in and to your bed. You wait for sleep to take you, so that you can wake up on earth. Problem is, it doesn't. You wait for moments on moments, minutes passing as you just wait.

You're not going to get back to Earth. 

You _**need to get back to Earth**_.

You have a different plan. The White Queen might have some idea of what you can do to wake up. She's always known how to do everything.

Your flight down to the palace is less of a flight and more of a plummet, as your haste takes you faster than your flight abilities can and you give in to gravity. Once you're close enough, you take over again, and swoop down through the main entrance, flying through the halls over the heads of the carapacians. The throne room is only a few yards away now, you know it.

You stumble into the throne room and effectively scream

"queen, I need your help!"

She looks up, startled at your sudden intrusion.

"My Witch, what do you need?"

"I need to wake up right now!"

"I don't believe I can help you with that, I don't quite understand what you mean. Are you not awake?"

"I am but... I need to go back, to Earth, to my friends, right now."

"I don't know if I can help you with that, My Witch"

You let out a guttural cry and burst back out the door. You're just going to have to do this the hard way you guess. Nothing like your friends being sad to motivate you to get your butt moving. You're quickly on your way back up the chain, towards your room. You're just going to have to lay down and wait.

Wait you do. Half an hour passes, at least, before you wake back up.

  


* * *

  


Your scrambling once you regain consciousness alerts Bec to your newfound state, to which he seems primed and ready to go. Unfortunately for him, your plan does not involve running, fetch, or any form of teleporting. You can do your checking on your friends perfectly fine right here. You decaptchalogue your lunchtop and quickly turn it on, the hologram projecting above it in the somewhat eerie manner it always does.

The first person you message is Dana, since she was the first one you saw in your dream.

  


gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering twistingGeniality [TG]

  
GG: hey, completely weird and out there question but are you okay right now?   
GG: if you are just tell me and ignore if I sound frantic   


  


She doesn't answer for a couple minutes and your fear spikes further. Could something have happened to her? You didn't see anything, but that doesn't mean something didn't. Skaia doesn't always show you everything that happens. 

You shift over to Rose next, hoping that maybe she can help shed some light on what's happening. You pull out another computer, since you always keep several on you, and open up a chat with her, making sure your chat with Dana is still visible.

  


gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

  
GG: hey Rose can you tell me if everything is alright with everyone?   
GG: I was sleeping and I just woke up but Dana isn't responding and I'm worried   
GG: I really hope everything is okay   
TT: I don't know. I think... I think I might have made a miscalculation.   
TT: If Dana isn't responding, I fear that she... he might have done something drastic.   
GG: he? who?   
TT: Dana. I was simply trying to help, I promise, but I must have missed something, some factor. I swear I didn't mean for this to happen.   
GG: Rose, calm down, I don't even know what happened   
GG: please just give me the gist and I can see what I can do   
GG: please?   
TT: Jade I don't... I don't think I can do that. I don't feel well.    
TT: If you must know, read through the group chat.    
TT: I invited you to it earlier.

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

  


You see the link to the group chat, but before you click on it you consider whether you should. You need just what happened, and you might have to dig through the chat for a while to see that. You have no real idea how long it is, and considering your friends, it could be literal pages on pages. It could be safer to just ask John. With that in mind, you pull out a third computer and open up a chat with him.

  


gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]

  
GG: do you know what's happening with Dana   
GG: she's not responding and Rose wouldn't give me a straight answer   
GG: i'm starting to get really worried D:   
GT: Oh crap Jade   
GT: Did you not read the group chat?   
GT: So much has went down in the past couple of hours I don't even know what to think right now   
GT: I'm sorry I don't know how much help I'm going to be   
GG: John! D:<   
GG: just please tell me what happened!    
GG: I just want to know simply, whatever you tell me is going to be enough, I promise.   
GT: I don't even know _**how to tell you**_   
GT: That's kind of part of the problem Jade!   
GT: I... this is so overwhelming.   
GT: The best I can do is, Dana told us something, a really big deal thing, and...   
GT: It's really messing with me   
GT: I'm not sure I'm okay with it   
GG: how could you not be okay with it John?   
GG: she's our friend, she deserves our support!   
GT: You can't just force me to be okay with things, Jade   
GG: oh my god John   
GG: I'll talk to you about this more later   
GG: for now, you just, figure your crap out

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]

  


This is really bad. John is apparently fighting with Dana over something, and you still don't even know what. You thought your friends couldn't even break apart, it's destined or something!

This is so bad, did you somehow mess something up? You couldn't have, you didn't tell anyone anything they shouldn't know. Everything should be proceeding correctly otherwise. There's no reason for this to be happening.

You need to be the rock right now, for your friends!

You wait for a couple minutes, until Dana messages you back. 

  


TG: oh hey jade i was kind of worried that you were going to ostracize me just like john   
TG: i guess youre not    
TG: something is at least okay today   
TG: the sky opened up and took a shit on my head but at least it dropped a snickers bar down with it   
GG: Dana! :D   
GG: what's going on?   
GG: everyone is sad and I just woke up and I just want to help and make you all happy :P   
GG: can you please explain simply to me   
GG: I really don't want to dig into the group chat   
TG: oh i guess im not lucky because im actually still at risk of losing you   
TG: thats the trick, the snickers is actually just more shit   
TG: god jade i hope youre actually as cool as you always seem like you are   
TG: because ive had one "friend" go behind my back today and another "friend" completely be disgusted by me   
TG: the scoreboard is 0-2 and it's the bottom of the 9th inning   
TG: one more slam dunk and we're going to just be unable to come back   
GG: Dana, do you understand sports like, at all?   
GG: I live on an island and I think I grasp them better than you somehow   
GG: would you like me to teach you so you can improve your metaphors?   
TG: jesus jade thats not the point, the point is if I lose you too im basically out of friends   
TG: im near running on empty as it is so please please dont   
TG: this shit sucks enough already without it   
TG: alright so you know how our lovely "friend" rose has been pushing me about my sexuality   
GG: yeah   
GG: if this is about your sexuality I promise I won't mind :D   
GG: mine is pretty up in the air as well, I actually think I just like everyone   
TG: god damn that is the cutest most jade thing you could say   
TG: its not _**specifically**_ about my sexuality   
TG: i guess my sexuality is wrapped up in it but   
TG: fuck theres no easy way to say this is there   
TG: maybe rose was right just saying it blunt   
TG: im trans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE JAAAAAAAADE.
> 
> Jade was my original inspiration for writing this fic, which might seem odd, but I just absolutely love her and her story was the framework for the entire fic.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I apologize for it getting up a bit late. As always, if you have any comments feel free to post them below, I love to hear them!
> 
> I don't know if anyone would consider it, but if anyone would want to draw fanart of this, feel free, you can send it to me through twitter @FadingEchoes. I don't have a tumblr that I use actively so unfortunately that's not an avenue for that.
> 
> Next chapter will be up Thursday next week, and I *may* have the following one up on Sunday after that. I am out of classes now so I will have more time to write!


	5. is it really betrayal if we didnt even know each other that well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave came to his realization about himself very recently, but after an encounter with Bro, he is more hesitant about his identity. He turns to Rose because of her history with the whole "lesbian" thing.
> 
> This turns out to not be the greatest idea in the world. 
> 
> Jade ends up picking up the pieces while Rose, Dave, and John are left struggling and trying to understand why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so just a brief note here:
> 
> Big CW for outing and child abuse in this chapter. This will be the only chapter with outing, but the child abuse is going to come up a lot in subsequent chapters as Dave struggles through.
> 
> Anyhow, I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Be ~~Dana~~ Dave

You get back to your house after your brief escapade to the store, feeling pretty proud of yourself. You figured out a new name, a hell of an accomplishment for a stop over to the freaking corner store (which again isn't on a corner, has the concept of a corner store been completely eroded in the face of this newfound ability to have stores not on a corner?), regardless of the fact that you got caught stealing again. You figure Bro probably has some shit planned out for you because you're pretty mellowed to the fact that he seems to just have eyes everywhere now, so you're sitting outside the door getting ready for the assload of traps you're sure that he has set up just inside the door.

Last time, it was a knife above the door, so that's out, and you're relatively sure he wouldn't use a gun, both because he's him and because it'd alert the neighbors, not that your strifing wouldn't generally anyhow? Actually that's a good question, how the fuck has nobody seen you strifing up there. Bro must have something installed to keep you from prying eyes. Anyhow, knife above the door is out, guns are out, so probably a tripwire of some sort to knock you over and something to scratch up your back. 

That's your best guess anyhow, so you put your hand on the doorknob and listen closely for any noises that might give away that you're wrong. All you hear at first is the click of the knob unlatching and the creak of the door hinges, so you're in the clear for that. Even stranger, once you get inside, there don't seem to be any tripwires or any pressure plates or anythings like that set up. You briefly consider that he might not have set up a trap, but that can't be, because you fucked up and that always results in you getting a punishment.

Instead, you make it all the way to the kitchen to find Bro standing there, popped collar polo, with about the angriest expression you've ever seen on his face. You're genuinely stunned by him being there, he isn't usually one to be so upfront.

"I thought I told you last time that you needed to fucking learn, kid. Seems like you didn't get the fucking lesson."

"Whoa, whoa, I had my bag closed this time, nothing was sticking out, even if you had the tapes, you saw that."

"Oh, I saw that, nah, this time you just got caught in an even more pathetic way: you got seen directly."

"Bro, what the fuck? I didn't do anything different this time, and I didn't get caught afterwards."

He doesn't even respond to that. Well, he does, but he doesn't with words. Instead, before you can even feel the pressure wave from him flashing towards you, you feel the impact of his fist against your face. Your footing falters and you end up plastered on your ass on the ground. He lunges forward, and even with his shades on you can see the pure rage in his eyes.

He has his sword out.

He never pulls his sword out inside.

Holy shit you might actually be fucked this time.

He's totally the kind of dude that could just kill you and hide the body and nobody would know.

Holy shit.

He knocks you flat onto your back and you feel the sharp edge of his blade grazing against your neck, like it's just begging to feast upon the smorgasbord that is your delicious blood. Bro is straddling you in a really uncomfortable way, digging a knee into your pelvis. The real concern though is that he's straight up about to slit your throat, so hey, let's concern ourselves with that at the moment.

Bro growls, fucking _**growls**_ right into your face, and you can smell the fucking booze on his breath. 

"Ha, you think you can fucking talk to me like that you worthless piece of shit? I could kill you right now, you know that?"

You don't really know if he's actually looking for a response but you do your best to nod your head without cutting up your neck.

"Good, you know your fucking place. Dana, you stupid girl, you're only 14, you've gotta listen to adults. We know better than you. You're my little girl, my baby. I wouldn't kill you, I care too much about you, but you've gotta get better."

He shifts his weight off of you and the edge that was once begging for a feast of your throat is removed and thrown back into his strife deck. 

"You just give me a lot to deal with sometimes. I've gotta go out for the night and deal with some stuff. You know the drill. Get yourself cleaned up, and ice that bruise."

He walks over to the counter and captchalogues something. You don't catch what it is, and he saunters by you and out the door.

Well that was fucking _**something**_. You decide to take his advice and grab an ice pack from the freezer before promptly **just about losing your shit**.

So, you actually didn't get _that_ punished for getting caught, which is good, because holy crap that could have been bad. What you are worried about now is that he's pretty openly said that he knows better than you.

Which, like, he does, on a lot of stuff, that's why he's been training you.

But he also is doing surveillance on basically everything and you've been really careful about your trans stuff and now you're starting to worry that what if he figures out about your trans stuff, how the hell is he going to react to that?

Because he sure as hell seems to think he knows better than you in general?

You're pacing around the kitchen and living room which are, incidentally, kind of the same room? Modern apartment design, a thing of mysteries. Anyhow, you're pacing around that room and you're effectively working a damn groove into the ground because how the fuck are you going to deal with this, you _**just**_ came to terms with the fact that you're probably a guy, and you _**just**_ gave yourself a new name, and now all of a sudden, you're internally screaming because your Bro, the person that you look up to like basically nobody else, might not be okay with it?

Like, why wouldn't he be okay with you being a guy?

He probably has some fucking vision for you because he always has some vision for you... maybe he's right?

But you're you?

Fuck.

You need to talk to someone, talk to someone who knows their shit about this, but that would mean coming out to someone, and that's terrifying because who would actually accept you? Like, who woul-

Rose. Duh. She's the fucking girl who was pushing you about being a lesbian, you're sure that she would be perfectly okay with you being trans. She'll help you with this. She has to.

You run into your room and effectively slam the door, crashing into your desk chair at mach fucking 5, before opening up pesterchum.

twistingGeniality [TG] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

TG: hey rose  
TG: rose  
TG: rose get your ass on pesterchum I need to talk to you holy crap  
TG: rose holy fuck  
TG: rose this is really important it's not even that late its only like 8  
TG: what are you an old woman  
TG: wait ive learned the secret you are an old woman  
TG: the knitting  
TG: the witchcraft  
TG: the writing questionable smut  
TG: youre actually an old lady who has turned herself into the appearance of a young woman in order to experience the wonders of youth again  
TG: why the fuck would you go through high school though thats really dumb  
TG: rose oh my god answer me please  
TT: Well, Dana, you sure know how to get a lady all hot and bothered at  
TT: 10 PM  
TT: Did you once again forget that I live in a time zone that is an hour ahead of you?  
TG: I don't care I know youre still awake  
TG: hi  
TG: wow okay actually doing this is a lot harder I need to talk to you about something serious and im kinda scared  
TG: so hey big serious mode alright  
TT: I can promise that I will be entirely serious with you, Dana.  
TT: Additionally, I can assure you that I will always be here for you when you need me.  
TT: You matter a lot to me Dana.  
TG: oh god so here we go  
TG: fuck how the hell do i even go about this?  
TG: uhh so i might be in a bit of danger or at least i dont know i guess im just like scared of somebodys reaction to something but first i have to tell you what that thing is so hey i dont actually know how to go about this because how do you go about saying that you struggle with relating to other girls  
TG: and not just in the fucking "im not like other girls" way like hey cool im so cool and unique more like hey i genuinely dont understand what being a girl is like  
TG: i dont like my body either like my fucking tits suck and i dont want them and like periods suck and im not just saying this from a "typical girl" perspective like i am actually disgusted by having them its awful  
TG: but like how do i go about saying that to a close friend that ive known for years because honestly im not sure how i would go about doing that  
TT: I imagine the way that you just did is a fairly effective, if long-winded way of doing so.  
TT: Are you saying that you are trans, Dana?  
TG: uh fuck i mean i guess yeah  
TG: also its not really dana  
TG: its dave  
TT: Dave... I like it, it's a great name, and it fits you well. Do you want me to use he/him for you as well  
TG: oh god yes please  
TG: that would be awesome  
TG: so  
TT: So, hey lets tell the other two, they should know this.  
TT: I promise you you have no reason to worry.  
TT: They're incredibly understanding and I'm sure they'll be supporting of you.  
TT: I came out to them and they were great about it!  
TG: wait rose that wasnt what i was worried about  
TT: Well you said that you were worried about how someone would react so who else could you be talking about?  
TT: Please, Dave, trust me on this.  
TG: oh god rose wait please dont tell them  
TT: Dave, they're our friends, they deserve to know this  
TG: rose wait no you cant do this i wasnt planning on telling them

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering twistingGeniality [TG]

TG: i just wanted your help with dealing with bro  
TG: fuck

Fuck.

Oh god, this fucking can't go well. Why did you tell Rose, she always has her fucking plan about how things will go.

Fuck.

\----------

Dave: Be Rose

You've just gotten out of a conversation with Dana... er, Dave, and it was a thrilling experience. What you believed to simply be Dave being a lesbian in fact was him holding a much more interesting quality, that of being transgender. You are teeming with energy given this revelation, and you have decided to grace your other friends with it as well. Dave was hesitant to tell them but you know that he is simply paralyzed by the same fear that you had when you were first coming out. You are certain that if you expedite his coming out, he will see that him being out to your friends is a great thing because he'll be able to be more free.

You set up a memo with everyone to prepare to do this.

tentacleTherapist [TT] opened PRIVATE memo A Big Announcement

tentacleTherapist [TT] invited twistingGeniality [TG] to the memo  
tentacleTherapist [TT] invited gardenGnostic [GG] to the memo  
tentacleTherapist [TT] invited ghostlyTrickster [GT] to the memo

twistingGeniality [TG] joined the memo  
ghostlyTrickster [GT] joined the memo

TT: I suggest that we wait for Jade to join, so that we don't have to repeat this.  
TT: In the meantime, how are you doing, John?  
TG: or rose we could just not do this  
TG: like i was telling you  
TG: jesus christ maybe fucking listen to me rose  
GT: I'm doing pretty good!  
GT: What's this all about?  
GT: also, are you sure that Jade is even going to be here?  
GT: isn't it like, really early morning for her?  
GT: I'm sure she'll be able to read through the log and see  
TG: okay but we could also just not do this  
TG: considering its my thing to fucking say no to  
GT: Hey Dana, what's the problem?  
TG: oh you know just rose not listening to me like usual  
TG: trying to talk about stuff that i dont want her to talk about ha  
GT: That doesn't sound like Rose, ha  
GT: Rose is great!  
GT: Anyhow, what could there possibly be that you think you can't tell us?  
GT: We're your friends, we'll always have your back!  
TT: I promise you I told Dana the same thing, but she is simply being recalcitrant.  
TT: Dana, the quicker that you tell them, the better that this will go.   
TT: I promise you, in my experience that is the case.  
TG: okay but hey consider this your case wasnt this  
TG: your case was something which while related was different and hey maybe let me decide for myself  
TT: I'm just going to tell them.  
TT: Then you will see that I was right.  
TG: holy fuck please rose dont  
TG: i will literally do anything for you  
TG: christ i will be your god damn servant for the rest of my life if you dont tell them right now  
TT: Dana, our friend that we've had for years, is in fact not actually Dana. Dana is Trans.  
TT: Dana goes by Dave and uses he/him/his pronouns.  
TT: I think he is being far too worried about this, and I know that you will be understanding about this.  
TG: holy shit my life is fucking over  
TG: holy fuck holy shit  
TG: welp  
TG: fucking kill me  
TG: im gonna end up dead in a ditch somewhere because rose fucking whatever-her-last-name-is just outed me to my friends and now theyre all going to hate me  
TT: You're being over-dramatic, Dave.  
GT: Wait.  
GT: I'm... confused.  
GT: Dana isn't a guy!  
GT: Ha! This is a great prank that you two are trying to pull on me, but I see right through it :B  
TG: oh god he thinks its a joke  
TG: fuck  
TT: I assure you, John, this is no joke.  
TT: Dave is actually Dave, he is transgender.  
TT: Are you perhaps not familiar with the idea?  
GT: I guess I can't say I am but I don't see how Dana can suddenly be a guy?  
GT: Like, she's a girl, you can't just suddenly switch your sex like that!  
TG: yeah im gonna grow a penis right now  
TG: thats how this works  
TG: wow god i wish thats how this worked  
TG: holy fuck this isnt going well  
TT: Dave please, for the love of Gl'bgolyb, be quiet so that I can explain this to him.  
TT: It isn't going _poorly_ , he just doesn't know what being trans is.  
TT: It's perfectly reasonable to just never have encountered the concept before.  
GT: So what is it, then?  
GT: Because as far as I can tell nothing has changed about her.  
TT: Him.  
TT: Dave is a him, he uses he/him/his pronouns.  
GT: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN ROSE??  
TT: I apologize. You use he/him/his pronouns as well, meaning that when I refer to you I say "he did this" or "go talk to him", or "this cup is his".  
TT: Similarly, I use she/her/hers pronouns, meaning that when someone refers to me they say "she did this" or "go talk to her", or "this cup is hers".  
GT: Okay, sure, I can understand that, but how did he suddenly, out of nowhere, become a "he"?  
TG: oh my god i didnt suddenly become a he ive been dealing with this shit for like months  
TG: i first figured out that i might not be a girl back in like fucking november  
TG: ever since then ive been just confused and flailing about doing shit  
TG: so this didnt just come out of nowhere  
TG: i mean it still hit me like a semi-truck on a mountain without breaks  
TG: like damn hope they have an emergency runoff lane  
TG: or whatever the fuck those things are called  
TG: because otherwise that fucker is going to get really fast  
TG: but they didnt have an emergency runoff lane and then the fucker just hit me really hard  
TG: and suddenly i was like wow im a dude  
TG: crazy how that happens  
TT: The revelation of being trans is not often one that instantaneous, indeed.  
TT: Though I doubt that it "hit you like a semi-truck on a mountain without breaks"  
TT: However, having not went through that revelation, I cannot say for sure.  
TT: Regardless, as I expected, this revelation has been coming for some time.  
GT: Okay, well, I guess if its been coming for some time.  
GT: Changing your name though?  
GT: Also, what does it even mean to be trans?  
GT: You haven't really explained any of this to me?  
TT: Ah, I admit that I seem to have left that part out.  
TT: To be trans is to be someone who is a gender that they were not said to be when they were born.  
TT: For example, Dave was said to be a girl, but is a guy.  
GT: What, so the doctors made a mistake?  
TG: yup they looked at me and thought they saw labia  
TG: turns out they were wrong  
TG: i had a dick all along  
TG: okay seriously though no  
TG: while i dont know whether that actually happens i have girl parts i just feel more like a dude than a gal  
TG: because i am a dude  
TG: this is studied shit  
GT: Okay but if you have "girl parts" then how can you be a dude?   
GT: Dana this doesn't make sense.  
GT: You're a girl, you've always been a girl.  
GT: I feel like you've been lying to me...  
TG: oh fuck i guess i was lying to you by _**not fucking realizing it earlier**_  
TG: im fucking sorry  
TT: John, being trans has to do with cognition, and how peoples brains and sense of self can disagree with their bodies.  
TT: Some trans people will take steps to make their bodies more similar to what their sense of self expects.  
TT: Others won't. Whether Dave chooses to or not doesn't make him any less trans.  
TT: The disagreement itself is the thing which makes him trans.  
GT: How does she know though?  
GT: How does she know that shes a guy?  
GT: Like could I wake up tomorrow and suddenly be like "wow I think I'm a girl"?  
GT: I don't think that happens.  
TG: nope fuck  
TG: oh fuck john jesus christ  
TG: well shit i think im done here  
TG: hes not going to understand i can tell that already  
GT: Well you know what Dana you can't just do this to me  
GT: This is a lot for me to take in and you're getting on me for not being perfect already.  
GT: So what if I'm not okay with this.  
GT: So what if this is really fucking weird to me.  
GT: You can't just suddenly become a guy!  
GT: That's not how this stuff works.  
GT: If you're a girl, you're a girl, and if you're a guy, you're a guy.  
GT: You can be gay, a lesbian, whatever, I don't care.  
GT: But you can't suddenly become a guy!  
TG: wow john super smart take on this  
TG: im out  
TG: i told you this wouldnt go well rose  
TG: maybe you should listen to me for once in your life

twistingGeniality [TG] left PRIVATE memo A Big Announcement

TT: John, what are you even talking about?  
TT: I swear, you can't do this to him.  
TT: You are his friend, you're supposed to be there for him.  
GT: I care about her, which is why I'm doing this.  
GT: She's doing something wrong for herself, she has to be.  
TT: John, please.   
GT: You're not going to magically change my mind Rose.  
GT: I can't accept that she's a guy, Rose, because she just isn't.

ghostlyTrickster [GT] left PRIVATE memo A Big Announcement

That was not quite how you imagined that going. You haul yourself our of your desk chair with a dazed feeling and lay in your bed. Dave told you that things would go wrong, but you didn't listen to him. Honestly, why should you have, it's not like you could have known that John would have reacted negatively.

Maybe if Jade was there?

Jade has a tendency to temper John.

If you wait just a bit, maybe Jade will get up and resolve this whole thing.

A ping wakes you and you realize that you must have dozed off. You glance at your phone and see that you have a message from Jade.

gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

GG: hey Rose can you tell me if everything is alright with everyone?  
GG: I was sleeping and I just woke up but Dana isn't responding and I'm worried  
GG: I really hope everything is okay

A sickening feeling hits your gut and you start to go back over everything that happened earlier. You telling John, and his response to it. If Dave isn't responding now, you're scared as to what might have happened.

TT: I don't know. I think... I think I might have made a miscalculation.  
TT: If Dana isn't responding, I fear that she... he might have done something drastic.  
GG: he? who?

Oh right, she doesn't know, at least if she didn't read the memo. Fuck, what did you do wrong? You can't grasp what it was that you did wrong, there had to have been some way that you could have done this right.

TT: Dana. I was simply trying to help, I promise, but I must have missed something, some factor. I swear I didn't mean for this to happen.  
GG: Rose, calm down, I don't even know what happened  
GG: please just give me the gist and I can see what I can do  
GG: pease?  
TT: Jade I don't... I don't think I can do that. I don't feel well.   
TT: If you must know, read through the group chat.   
TT: I invited you to it earlier.

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

The sickening feeling continues to sit in your gut as you sprawl over the rest of the bed. You always have control, always know how to do things right. How did you make such a significant miscalculation this time?

\----------

Rose: Be John

You're stunned. You're sitting in your room, staring at your monitor, and you're completely stunned by what just happened. It's a little after 7 right now, and you just got done with a really hard conversation with your friends that ended with you basically yelling at two of them because how can they expect you to just accept something like that?

Dana was obviously not wanting to tell you anyhow. Maybe she doesn't even fully believe it? That wouldn't make sense though because she _**was**_ explaining things to you as you were going, it was just more like she wanted to take time to figure out how to tell you?

So she thinks its true then. How can it be, though, like, how can a girl be a guy? They can't, that's how. Girls have vaginas, guys have dicks, that's just how sex works. You've learned enough biology to know that, you know enough about how reproduction works to know that, no matter how much your dad _didn't_ teach you.

Rose said that people go through stuff to make their bodies more like what they want to be so, like, is Dana going to cut her tits off or something? Get a synthetic dick. Wow you can't even stand to think about that, that's awful.

You stand up from your desk and lope over to the door. You need to talk to your dad, this is really freaking you out. You lumber down the stairs and find your dad sitting on the couch, watching a TV show, like he does a lot of the time. You plop down next to him, bouncing a couple of times on the springs of the couch before you're resting soundly, and lean your head on his shoulder.

"Hey dad, I need your advice on something"

"Sure, son, what's on your mind?"

"I got into an argument with my friends, and I'm sure I'm right, but I feel bad for it anyhow."

"Well that happens all the time son, you've just got to push through it. Real friends will understand."

"I think this might be a bigger deal than that though. Like, this might be a fundamental differences thing."

"Well what did you get into an argument about?"

"I... I don't think I can tell you? It sounded like something they didn't want people to know about."

"Is it anything dangerous, to you or to them?"

"I mean, I guess not, but that doesn't really make me feel better about it dad."

"I just wanted to make sure you were being safe. You can keep any secret as long as it's not putting you in danger."

"Thanks dad. It's just, They were all yelling at me trying to get me to agree with them about something and I don't agree with them. They've never done this before, so it was kind of shocking to me."

"Well, people can get really opinionated when it comes to certain things, pal. You just can't let it come between you."

"I don't want it to, but it's something I'm pretty sure is going to come up every time I'm around them now, so how am I even supposed to interact with them?"

"If that's true, then maybe you should talk to them about it more, explain your side of things and your discomfort. That can't hurt things more, I don't imagine. Communication is always key, son."

"I guess so, dad. I just hope that I can. This has just been a long day."

"Hey, tell you what, you go up and get clean, and I'll whip up something sweet to eat, to get your mind off it."

"Ha, always with the sweets dad. Sure."

"Your nanna taught me well. Son, I'm sure you did the right thing. I love you." 

You cautiously rise from your categorically quite comfortable condition cuddled into your dad's arm and walk upstairs. This perambulation does little to clear your thoughts, though you are hopeful that a pampering in the washroom will relax both your body and mind. 

You meander into your room first to grab some night clothes, and you grab your phone while you're in there, just in case someone messages you while you're showering, or after you get out. You don't know if that'll happen, but you're anxious about what happened and you'd rather be safe. 

It happens that your caution is rewarded when a few moments later you get a message from Jade, while you are in the process of undressing to get into the shower. You sit down on the ground to message her.

gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]

GG: do you know what's happening with Dana  
GG: she's not responding and Rose wouldn't give me a straight answer  
GG: i'm starting to get really worried D:  
GT: Oh crap Jade  
GT: Did you not read the group chat?  
GT: So much has went down in the past couple of hours I don't even know what to think right now  
GT: I'm sorry I don't know how much help I'm going to be  
GG: John! D:<  
GG: just please tell me what happened!   
GG: I just want to know simply, whatever you tell me is going to be enough, I promise.  
GT: I don't even know _**how to tell you**_  
GT: That's kind of part of the problem Jade!  
GT: I... this is so overwhelming.  
GT: The best I can do is, Dana told us something, a really big deal thing, and...  
GT: It's really messing with me  
GT: I'm not sure I'm okay with it  
GG: how could you not be okay with it John?  
GG: she's our friend, she deserves our support!  
GT: You can't just force me to be okay with things, Jade  
GG: oh my god John  
GG: I'll talk to you about this more later  
GG: for now, you just, figure your crap out

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]

Figure _**your**_ crap out? What the heck does she thing she's talking about. You're not the one who is delusionally thinking that she can suddenly become a guy. You're not the one who yelled at their _friend_ for not just going with this nonsense. She's Jade though. Of course she's going to go with Dana. Hell, you wouldn't be surprised if this is some play to get with Dana. That's probably what it is.

You toss down your phone in the pile of clothes on the floor, pretty much done with anyone who might even _think_ to talk to you, and climb into the shower. The water is nice and warm and massages your back as you stand under the flow, mostly thinking.

Earlier this morning you wouldn't have even thought that something like this could have happened; You and your friends had been close for years, but now all of a sudden you get into a fight, and you're not sure what's going to come of it. Worse, it seems like it's everyone against you, so you're getting ostracized from your group because you don't want to go along with Dana's fantasy.

That's all that it is, it's just some fantasy that she wants to be a guy. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad for you to go along with it, for a while at least. You're pretty sure she'll just give it up, and then you'll all just go back to normal, right?

No, you can't do that, because then you'd just be giving in to it, and you don't even think you'd be able to fake that well, you'd mess it up too much. They'd figure it out, and then they'd _definitely_ get mad at you. Anyhow, you aren't the one who should be doing anything different, you're not the one who did anything wrong here.

You're getting pruney, so you switch off the water and grab your towel. A few strokes of coarse fabric over yourself later, and you're mostly dry, other than your hair, which you will muss up tomorrow morning anyhow. Your phone has a bunch of messages on it which you promptly ignore the fuck out of. You pull on your night clothes and exit the bathroom, tossing your dirty clothes in the hamper in your room on your way by.

You can smell something wafting up from downstairs already, and it definitely smells sweet. You hazard a guess on pie, and since its late spring, you hazard a guess that it's going to be strawberry, or maybe some type of lemon? You had your 14th birthday a few weeks ago, and you had a lemon/strawberry cake, so it's likely he made some more stuff like that.

Indeed, when you get downstairs, he has a pie out and waiting for you, and it looks to be a strawberry pie from what you can tell. He passes you a plate of it when you wander into the kitchen and you sit down to a lovely treat.

\----------

John: Be Jade

TG: fuck theres no easy way to say this is there  
TG: maybe rose was right just saying it blunt  
TG: im trans

Okay, so, panic mode doesn't need to be engaged _**that much**_ , but Dana is definitely freaking out a bit. You need to calm her down and get her to explain what happened or you're not going to be able to help her though.

GG: Dana, you being trans isn't going to make me hate you  
GG: what's going on?  
GG: nobody is giving me a straight answer on how this even came up, let alone why it's a big problem  
GG: well other than that John is being an insufferable idiot about the whole thing :P  
GG: but we'll get him to come around, don't worry about that  
TG: i guess that short and the long of it is that i told rose because i was really worried that my bro might find out  
TG: except she didnt even stick around to figure out what my _actual_ issue was  
TG: she just found out i was trans and figured hey why dont we tell the whole fuckin neighborhood  
TG: so she started the memo and told john which  
TG: at first he was just acting confused because apparently he didnt know what it meant  
TG: then he got like actively upset at me   
TG: which to be fair i was being a bit snarky but okay i just had one of my friends fucking out me and i was having another friend get up my ass about being trans so i wasnt exactly in the best mood  
GG: Rose just outed you? when you asked her not to?  
GG: that doesn't sound much like her :\  
GG: she was really worried when she was trying to come out to everyone as a lesbian, trying to find the exact perfect way to come out to you and everything  
GG: what was she even thinking?  
TG: i honestly dont think she was but hell if i know she was just being a bitch  
TG: anyhow so i get outed john doesnt like me anymore long story short i dont want to talk to either of those two right now  
TG: im not figuring very much on you since i just got betrayed by my other two close friends  
TG: sorry to say but my confidence in yall isnt very high at the moment  
GG: hey D:<  
GG: okay, it's fair for you to not want to talk to Rose or John right now but i haven't done anything against you  
GG: and i don't plan on doing anything against you because i care about you a lot and this is a load of bullshit!  
GG: i'm going to talk to the two of them and get them to come around and realize what they did wrong.  
TG: good luck i honestly dont think theyre going to be on board with it   
TG: rose doesnt seem to want to admit that shes wrong and john is being a transphobic asshole  
TG: honestly i bet theyre both asleep right now anyhow  
TG: so i wouldn't even bother with it  
TG: fucking god i should probably be getting to sleep too  
TG: hey  
TG: jade  
TG: thanks for being awesome  
TG: you really made me feel better about myself  
GG: hey wait you forgot to tell me something really important!  
GG: did you choose out a new name?  
GG: also do you want me to use he/him/his pronouns for you?  
TG: oh yeah i did choose a new name  
TG: or i guess i found it on a wall ha  
TG: its dave  
TG: and yeah he/him/his is generally what i want to use  
TG: if you slip up its whatever though  
GG: Dave! :D  
GG: you're definitely a Dave :P  
GG: alright Dave, get some sleep  
TG: i will jadey  
TG: good luck with the other two  
GG: night!

twistingGeniality [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

Well, you managed to at least quell his fears about you hating him or doing something awful with the information that he's trans. You grab up your scattered computers and captchalogue them all. The sun is peeking over the horizon and you need to get inside and cleaned up. Bec is still sitting next to you, though his slumber was disturbed by your frantic pestering. You give him a few rubs on his head and his mouth lolls open. God, he is such a good dog, best friend!

He follows you as you saunter back to the house. By the time that you get there, the sun is just above the horizon, and the heat is starting to kick in. You can tell it isn't going to be a nice day like yesterday, it's going to get hot. You transportalize up to the floor below yours, and grab a skirt and shirt before you head to the shower room. You don't take very long in there before you're back with a towel around your admittedly quite long hair, skirt and shirt on. 

Your vision ended up being right. You kind of hate that it was, but at least it gave you the time to get here and help out in whatever way that you could. You don't even know what Dave would have been going through if you hadn't woken up in time to talk to him before he tried to sleep. It's scary to think about. 

You figure you have at least until mid-afternoon for Rose and John to wake up, so you just flop on your front on your bed and just sit there for a while. You honestly are kind of reeling from Dave coming out to you, because you didn't expect it at all. Dave didn't strike you as the kind of person to be trans, but considering you don't really fully know **what type of person that would even be** , you guess that's not terribly meaningful. He matters too much to you for you to question it though. If he believes it, then you're going to take him at his word.

That said... Rose. What the hell was she doing. You're glad to know that Dave is trans, and yeah you have her to thank for that, but god damn. You can't just come out _**for**_ someone else. This isn't even the first of her behaving like this. She always seems to have these crazy plans for exactly how things are going to happen and then when they don't turn out like that, she gets frustrated. You don't hate her, but she just needs to accept it.

You probably should be the one to talk to her about it, too. She won't listen to Dave, you know that, because he's the object of the failed plan, and she's not going to listen to John either, if John were even willing to talk to her about it, because John was the cause of the failed plan.

Well that pretty much resolutely pushes the responsibility onto you.

Great.

Not that you're reluctant to or anything, but this could just... end poorly. You don't want to have things get difficult between you and Rose, you love her. Not like that. Well, you don't think like that?

Whatever, honestly that's not even important right now. What you really need right now is time to just think.

\----------

Jade: Be Dave

You are Dave. You **are** Dave.

You just told Jade you were going to sleep for the night but that was _slightly_ a lie. You're actually going to try to talk to John. 

twistingGeniality [TG] started pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]

TG: hey john  
TG: hey so about the memo so i dont know what was going on there  
TG: but hey i just want to make sure were cool  
TG: im definitely dave though just so you know  
TG: but youre a trickstery guy  
TG: so i was wondering and maybe hoping that the whole thing that you were doing in the memo was a joke maybe  
TG: like hey ha i got you all hahaha  
TG: im not actually being crappy to my friend dave im just joshing you all  
TG: you know i was always curious as to where the phrase joshing came from  
TG: like was there some guy named josh who was super funny  
TG: i bet thats probably it  
TG: its not some stupid thing concerning old english  
TG: whatever hey john are you going to respond to me  
TG: please confirm to me that you are indeed joking with us  
TG: so that i dont have a freaking panic attack about this  
TG: ha who am i kidding im already doing that  
TG: ive been doing that since rose opened the memo  
TG: okay so i think the answer is youre not going to answer me john  
TG: im still going to believe that youre joking  
TG: so hahaha  
TG: its a pretty funny joke  
TG: gotta say i wouldnt have considered it  
TG: probably because its also kind of mean  
TG: but hey thats the prank part of the joke  
TG: oh who the fuck am i kidding  
TG: youre doing this for real arent you  
TG: what the fuck john  
TG: i genuinely cant fucking believe youre being transphobic like this just saying i cant be a guy  
TG: guess what i can you asshole  
TG: youre such a fucking dick just get on here and fucking talk to me  
TG: i fucking deserve it after the shit you pulled with me today  
TG: how dare you fucking pull all that shit and then say _**im the fucking one in the wrong**_  
TG: youre the one in the wrong here  
TG: you and fucking rose  
TG: she outed me and then you had the fucking gall to tell me you wouldnt react bad and then wow  
TG: john the asshole suddenly isnt okay with people defining themselves  
TG: well fuck you  
TG: god  
TG: fuck  
TG: fuck im sorry  
TG: john please just  
TG: talk to me please  
TG: i just want to talk to you and make things okay im so scared of losing you and losing rose and  
TG: i dont even know if i can forgive rose for what she did honestly  
TG: but i just want to talk to you until you understand the pain and the distress and all the shit i feel  
TG: john please come and talk to me its not even that late there its just like 8:30 or something  
TG: you couldnt even be asleep you have to be ignoring me and i wont even get mad at you i just want to talk  
TG: jade talked to me and she said that she was going to talk to you about stuff but i know she hasnt gotten to you yet  
TG: im not even that mad at you i promise and ill even let you explain your perspective  
TG: god what am i even doing  
TG: this is pointless im never going to get through to you  
TG: sorry for spamming your message box with a thousand messages  
TG: i just want us to stay together but hey thats probably kid talk and i need to be a big dude now  
TG: gotta be a man already i guess  
TG: have to be okay with losing friends over this including friends that i have known for most of my life and also are the core of my social interaction  
TG: okay how the fuck am i going to be okay with that  
TG: short answer is i fucking cant  
TG: long answer is im gonna be worse off than an ice cream cone sitting on an asphalt drive surrounded on all sides by anthills  
TG: that shit is getting before it melts  
TG: and then the ants are going to get eaten by some other shit  
TG: i dont actually know what eats ants to be honest  
TG: i mean frogs i guess or maybe like other small lizards and amphibians  
TG: but if its hot enough to melt ice cream i figure they wouldnt want to be out either  
TG: this metaphor is off the rails further than a train in the middle of marianas trench  
TG: thats right  
TG: 2x metaphor combo  
TG: im using my metaphors to shield the fact that im actually fucking completely distraught at this  
TG: nothing like hiding your emotions behind humor  
TG: thats a guy thing to do right  
TG: thats gotta help to convince you  
TG: john fuck please just  
TG: talk to me we were literally the best of friends  
TG: im literally gonna fuckin cry  
TG: fuck this whole god damn day  
TG: get caught at the store and then bro punches me in the face  
TG: and finally rose outs me to you and youre not accepting  
TG: i think this is it  
TG: this is the world showing me that my confidence for the past few weeks was completely unfounded  
TG: god i sound like such a pessimist there ha  
TG: but its gotta be true theres no possible reason else that i would have this much bad shit happen to me

ghostlyTrickster [GT] blocked twistingGeniality [TG]

TG: god well fuck you too  
TG: ill take my fucking words elsewhere  
TG: you cant even see this what am i fucking doing

You wipe the logs of your chats for the day and let yourself fall face first onto your bed. You definitely _don't_ have tears in your eyes, and if anyone says you do they're a filthy liar.

Who would even blame you though...

\----------

Dave: Be Rose

You really don't want to be you right now. Being you is kind of a bad time at this time of day, that time being.

After a brief check of your clock, you determine that it is ass-o-clock, since what else can the time denoted as 8:00 be called? Considering how you feel, ass-o-clock seems like a reasonable estimate of the span of time that you are occupying.

You've never been much of a morning person, much preferring to wake up late and stay up later. Eight is not what you would consider to be "late" and considering even that you did not stay up particularly "later", you are still incredibly tired. Last evening is a dim haze and you honestly kind of want it to remain as such. You scarcely recall that you made something of an error in judgement last night, and not the kind that your mother seems to be fond of, though she wouldn't likely call them "errors". 

Lets hit this morning one step at a time. First step: coffee. You lethargically draw yourself up, stretching and yawning as rays of light filter in from your window. It seems to be fairly clear and mild outside, nice weather all things considered, and you idly stare at the dust mites floating around the air. It's surprisingly calm all things considered. Then again, why wouldn't it be. The world itself didn't suddenly come upon a startling revelation last night.

It's too early for these thoughts still. 

The kitchen is nice and **way too bright** because your mom of course decided to build a house so that the kitchen got the first glimpses of the light of day directed straight at it. It doesn't matter much though because you could make yourself coffee with your eyes closed. 

A few minutes later and you have a nice hot cup of coffee, a bagel, and the book you're reading, and you're curled up in the corner of the couch, idly reading while definitely not thinking about what happened last night. You're paying a lot of attention to "The Baroness and Her Vampire Wife". Okay you're definitely not paying that much attention to it considering that it's pretty trashy but hey it's keeping your mind sort of off the stuff that happened, so you can't ask for that much more.

Except that's not true because of course every ten minutes or so your thoughts drift back to what happened. You weren't in the wrong by wanting to tell everyone, you know that, so your only explanation could be that you didn't have enough information. Which, clearly you didn't, you didn't know that John was going to react like that. Considering how he reacted to you, there wasn't any evidence that he would. That said, how you would actually go about rectifying the issue... you aren't fully sure. Talking to John about it right now doesn't really seem like the best idea, all things considered. He's probably just pissed off about it and you need to give him time to simmer down. Thing is, that doesn't leave you with many options. You're pretty sure Jade would have taken it well, but you didn't actually talk to her yesterday after she found out, so you don't know for certain, and talking to ~~Dana~~ Dave right now doesn't seem like it will do anything productive.

This process repeats for a couple of hours until around the time of noon, when you finally hear the door to your mothers room open. She waltzes down the stairs as if noon is a perfectly normal time to wake up and glances at you suspiciously before she sits down on the other couch.

"Something bothering you, baby?"

"Nothing really, mother."

"Oh, babe, don't be sassy with me, I'm being genuine here. You look like something's bothering you."

"Mother, you know that I can handle myself. I'm being genuine as well, nothing is bothering me, nothing significant at least."

She pauses for a moment, a thought almost visible on her lips before she simply stands and walks to the kitchen. She returns past the couch with a glass and rubs your head before returning upstairs to her room.

"If you do need anything love you can always talk to me."

"I will."

Of course she's going for the alcohol already. Why are you not surprised. You curl back up but she broke your focus and your mind is whirling with thoughts about Dave and John and... okay, something else needs to happen right now. You mark your place in your book, and take your dishes which have long since been emptied to the sink. 

Knitting. That'll help you keep off the oncoming panic attack.

Your knitting supplies are in your room, so up you go. Your bed is nice and plush and makes the perfect place to lay everything out. You have an ongoing project, a sweater, somewhat ironic considering it is now getting warmer, but you're sure you'll have it finished by the time you'll need it. It has the logo of the company that your mother works for and honestly, essentially runs, skaianet, on the front. You plan to give it to her for Christmas, and yes, you are aware that it is not even summer yet, you like to be well prepared with your gifts.

You start knitting, but not even a few minutes in you're already getting incredibly frustrated with it. For some reason, you just cant seem to be satisfied with the stitches that you're making. They all seem to be too big, or too small, or too far over, and while you know that you'll be able to fix them later, you just _**need**_ them to be the right size. You've had this happen while you were working before, but your anxiety is really making it worse.

Great, so you can't even knit in peace anymore. You throw down your needles and just sit back against the wall. Everything today is frustrating you, and you _know_ why, but you don't honestly want to admit it to yourself.

You lost control of something last night, and while you know that you probably ended up hurting your friend. Thing is, you can't admit that it's your fault, or at least that you did something entirely wrong. 

You just wish somebody would talk to you today. Somebody would acknowledge you, and tell you that you aren't a failure for what you did yesterday. 

And of course, someone does.

You hear a noise from your laptop, and immediately you know what it is. It's pesterchum. You practically throw yourself at your chair to get over there.

It's from Jade.

\----------

Rose: Be Jade

You ended up falling asleep on your bed, which is just as well because it wasted the time between you waking up and everyone else waking up. Unfortunately, that means it also drastically decreased the time you had to decide how you were going to confront Rose about what she did. You decided that you would have to do it, but that doesn't make the process of actually **doing it** any easier.

You don't want to confront Rose about this, being honest. You're sitting next to your window just looking out at your island. Its always so peaceful here, which is a nice change some times from the drama of your friends. You know if you avoid this, though, things won't get better, and that's the goal.

So, what exactly do you need to say?

Well, Rose took what Dave confided in her and just told other people, which isn't something that is okay to do, especially when it's something that he was explicitly saying could have put him in danger. She needs to acknowledge that and apologize to Dave. She also needs to try to help figure out what to do about the John situation.

That's... a lot to get out, and even more for you to come out of the gate saying as an accusation. She doesn't always take accusations of being in the wrong well, so maybe you should go about this differently, but...

If you don't confront her directly, there's a chance she won't even understand what you're saying, or she'll misinterpret it. You can't risk that, at all. You **_need her to understand_** for Dave's sake, and so she doesn't do this to someone else in the future. You're kind of the only person who _can_ do it. 

So... lunchtop out, plopped down in the pile of assorted plushies, and this is it.

First, though.

gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering twistingGeniality [TG]

GG: hey Dave  
GG: i'm about to talk to Rose  
GG: i don't know if you really care that much but i just wanted you to know  
GG: just in case  
GG: i hope you're doing okay

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering twistingGeniality [TT]

Well, your confrontation is nigh inevitable now. You need to do this. You flick over to Rose's name and open up a chat.

gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

GG: hey, Rose  
GG: i need to talk to you about some stuff  
GG: i figure you kind of already know where this is going  
GG: considering what happened last night  
GG: i promise im not just here to get angry at you but i need to discuss what you did last night  
TT: I understand. As long as we can talk civilly, and as long as you're not simply here to yell at me, I am willing to talk to you.  
TT: In fact, I'm more than willing. I have somewhat been eager all day to speak with someone, however I have not reached out myself for fear of retribution.  
GG: i'm going to ask a favor of you while i'm doing this, because it is genuinely really important to me that i get what i need to say out uninterrupted  
GG: i want to request that you don't say anything until after i've finished, at least once i start  
GG: can you do that for me?  
TT: If that is what you require from me, I can definitely do that for you Jade.   
TT: I promise you that I will sit back and simply read until you give me the okay.  
GG: okay  
GG: Rose, what you did to Dave yesterday was completely irresponsible  
GG: i say that knowing that you had your reasons, and i promise this isn't just an attack on you  
GG: Dave explained the situation to me and you cut off your conversation with him before he even explained to you what the _real problem_ that he had was  
GG: he was concerned that his Bro was going to find out that he was trans and react poorly to it  
GG: you only made him more scared by outing him to John and I, because now more people know that he wasn't intending on telling  
GG: i know that you thought that you were doing him a favor by telling us all, and that you had only the best intentions with it, and i don't doubt that  
GG: if you had just listened to him a little longer you would have had more of the picture  
GG: as for the situation with John, I really don't know what to think about that  
GG: alright, that's all i really had planned  
TT: Well, I would first say that it was not irresponsible of me to tell everyone _**in general**_ , simply that I should have waited for more information.  
TT: John knowing can not endanger him further, as he has no way of contacting Bro or further passing on that information.  
TT: As long as Dave maintains a secure messaging system, which I assume he does, there should be absolutely no way that he could become compromised.  
TT: John responding negatively was an oversight, one which I regret and which I am personally attempting to determine a path to rectifying.  
GG: Rose, you're missing the entire point  
GG: it wasn't your place to tell us anyhow  
GG: Dave needed to have the choice to tell who he wanted, when he wanted, how he wanted  
GG: would you have liked it if i went around telling people that you are a lesbian?  
GG: you don't have a right to spread that kind of information around, whether you're his friend or not  
TT: Jade, I was doing him a favor. He should be proud of being trans, like I am of being a lesbian.  
TT: I wear a literal lesbian pride flag around my neck in the colder months, I wear that crap all over myself because it is such an integral part of who I am.  
TT: I assume the same can be said about Dave. I understand his fear with his Bro, he can be a very unpredictable person, but his friends?  
TT: John will come around, in time. I assure you that.  
GG: not even half a year ago you were coming to me worried sick about how you were going to come out to everyone  
GG: and now you're saying that this is right?  
GG: that he should just be able to come out like this?  
TT: God, no, of course not. He wouldn't be able to, just like I wasn't able to.  
TT: I was incredibly scared when I was first coming out, and I'm sure he is right now too.  
TT: Those fears were unfounded, all of you supported me.  
TT: Just like me, eventually he'll see that this was a net positive for him.  
TT: It's better for this stuff to be out there.  
TT: I'm sure the same thing will happen for him.  
GG: oh my god we're going in circles  
GG: how can you not see that his situation is different?? D:<  
GG: you're so fucking brilliant but you're such a fucking idiot at the same time  
GG: yeah, everyone supported you, congratu-fucking-lations  
GG: guess what's different about Dave's situation  
GG: Dave has a potentially unsupportive guardian, an unsupportive friend, and has no way to meaningfully do anything about being trans  
GG: and you just fucking outed him to all of his closest friends  
GG: this isn't even the first time you've done this  
GG: you tried to do this about Dave potentially being a lesbian, and you tried to force me and Dave into dating  
GG: you always want your perfect little plan to pan out but guess what  
GG: it's not going to happen because that isn't how the world is going to work  
GG: and maybe at some point in your fucking life you should learn that Rose  
GG: preferably _**before**_ you get someone significantly hurt  
GG: honestly i'm not going to wait for your response  
GG: i'm so done with you right now  
GG: i was so ready to come in here and have an actual conversation but you've pretty much proven to me that you can't be reasonable

gardenGnostic [GG] blocked tentacleTherapist [TT]

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. **FUCK.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whooooo, oh boy Rose. What did you doooooo???
> 
> Rose and Jade are mad at each other, Dave and John are mad at each other, Dave and Rose are mad at each other, oh god I've made everyone mad at each other in this chapter D:
> 
> I promise it'll get better! :P
> 
> Oh boy, apologies for how late this one is going up, editing 10,000 words of mostly pesterlogs is a hell of a time. I hope you all enjoyed, as always feel free to leave comments, I always enjoy them and I try to respond to all of them.
> 
> Next chapter will hopefully be up Sunday, and is a chapter I've personally been looking forward to ;P


	6. The Aftermath and the Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of Rose outing Dave, everyone is bewildered. Dave ends up closeting himself further as a tactic to keep Bro from finding out about his identity, against the wishes of Jade.
> 
> Rose confronts John about his transphobia, however their conversation doesn't turn out how Rose imagines it will. 
> 
> Jade gets a surprise, after a scare. Will this be the beginning of her finding a way to get her friends back together?
> 
> Time will tell.

Be Dave

Alright, you're Dave, but you really are kind of hesitant to be, what with the whole not very many people knowing that you're Dave thing and fewer people acknowledging and accepting that you're Dave thing. You're currently sitting on the couch with Bro, watching as he plays some game on his Xbox. It's Sunday night, so there's not really much for you to do right now, and you've already strifed, as can be seen by the abundance of tiny scrapes and cuts on your arms and legs.

You did better this time, which you're proud of. Your flashstepping has been improving pretty significantly, ever since you almost fell... Guess if there's anything positive to come out of it it's that. You can _almost_ keep up with him now, and that means that your fights now consist of the two of you more or less completely invisible as you're constantly flashing around one another. It'd be quite the sight for the outsider, you're sure, if they could even see it that is. 

Fighting kind of makes you feel more manly. It's definitely a manly thing to do, get all sweaty and slice at your Bro with your sword, even if realistically it's exactly the same as what you were doing beforehand. Whatever, it doesn't matter, now that you've acknowledged that it's a manly thing to do you embrace it fullheartedly.

On the other hand...

You haven't been able to bring yourself to dress as masculine as you were before you came out to Rose. The fear of Bro figuring it out has been driving you to go back to how you dressed before, which admittedly makes pretty much no sense, but your rationalization for it is that if you dress normally and act like a girl, he won't figure anything and he won't go looking too hard. 

It sucks.

It sucks a fucking lot. You got a gasp of real, fresh air, only to have it ripped away by your own paranoia. You don't really have anyone to blame but yourself for that. 

Yourself, and fucking John, the transphobic asshole. 

Picking yourself up from the couch, you call out.

"Hey, I'm gonna get myself showered off and head to bed."

"Alright, Dana. Sleep well."

"You too, Bro."

You really can't hate him. You know he is just trying his best for you, he just doesn't understand. And you can't let him understand because he might hurt you. So you have to keep quiet about it. It makes sense, it just sucks to be in your position.

The shower is nice and hot and you spend a few minutes just languishing in it. After the day and week you've had, the fatigue is wearing you thin, and these have become your scarce moments of calm, separated from an underlying panic and tension. It's nice to be able to just be for a while.

The problem is that you get quite dysphoric while showering. Nothing that just keeping your eyes shut the entire time can't solve, but it just reminds you how seriously you hate your body. Even having to wash it is a chore, just feeling the parts that disgust you.

You stand there dripping for a few moments after you've freed yourself from the water's clutches, the cold seeping into your skin, before grasping for your towel and hunting down every drop of hydration on your skin's surface. It might be late spring, but that doesn't mean that you're not still freezing after getting out of the shower.

You still wear panties and a bra, though you don't wear a bra to sleep. You have always preferred a sports bra because of the chance of a surprise strife at any moment, so your continuing application of those doesn't draw any suspicion. You slide your panties on and just sit there for a moment, annoyed with yourself. 

You kind of just wish you had the guts to at least wear more masculine panties. Boy shorts, or some more masculine briefs or something. That wouldn't be too suspicious, would it?

Wait, what the fuck are you even thinking, it's not like Bro sees your panties anyhow? You could wear whatever the fuck you want. But... fuck, if he even saw a pair of guys underwear, what would he think. He could think that you were trans, but even worse, he could think you were sleeping around. _**That**_ would definitely push him over the edge, and you don't think explaining the actual situation would make it better.

Masc-ish boyshorts would work though. For now. Until you can figure something else out. Or until you work up the courage to do something more.

You realize that you've been standing staring at the mirror for a good 5 minutes and worry that that alone might be suspicious. Quickly, you throw on your nightwear and walk to your room. When you get there, you toss everything in a pile and just lay there for a moment.

Why can't this be easy for you?

You bet if any of your other friends were trans it would be a fucking walk in the park for them, but you have to deal with tip-toeing around a transphobic guardian. 

You pull out your phone and open up a chat with Jade. She might be able to help, to some degree.

twistingGeniality [TG] started pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

TG: hey jade  
TG: what are you up to right now garden girl  
TG: because im sitting on my bed wishing i could actually like  
TG: act like and dress like a guy  
TG: so thats my life right now  
TG: huh you usually answer by now  
TG: are you asleep or something  
TG: its like mid-afternoon there isnt it  
GG: yeah, it's mid-afternoon :P  
GG: doesn't mean I can't be busy though  
GG: also, why don't you at least act like a guy  
GG: i mean you're acting like a guy right now :\  
TG: no im not im acting like i always used to  
TG: im being the cool kid you know laid back gal  
TG: but like thats not guy like  
GG: Dave, what are you even saying?  
GG: if you want to be a cool laid back dude, you know you can do that, right?  
GG: there isn't a single way to be a guy :P  
GG: and honestly, you are a guy, so you're already acting like a guy  
TG: wow very helpful information there jade  
TG: i guess all my problems are magically fixed because im already acting like a guy  
TG: too bad nobody recognizes me as a guy  
TG: too bad i still walk like a girl and talk like a girl  
GG: Daaaaaaaaaaave >:\  
GG: i know that doesn't just magically solve your problems but do you know what you want to act like?  
GG: do you know what you want to talk like?  
GG: if you don't know how you want to change things then you're just beating yourself up for no reason!  
TG: heres a hint for you  
TG: i would like to talk like: a guy  
TG: i would like to act like: a guy  
TG: i mean best example i have of a guy is my bro so i guess lets say him  
TG: i want to talk like and act like my bro  
GG: okay well why can't you do that then?  
TG: christ jade you don't get it do you?  
TG: if i start acting to masculine hell know somethings up and then hell look into my stuff  
TG: looking into my stuff means finding these conversations means finding out im trans  
TG: we cant have that  
GG: well... i guess that makes sense  
GG: i just feel like there has to be _**something**_ you can do in the meantime  
GG: otherwise you're just going to sit there and get worse D:  
TG: i appreciate the effort jade but i really dont think there is  
TG: im gonna head to bed  
TG: thanks for trying  
GG: sorry dave  
GG: i wish there was more i could do...

twistingGeniality [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

\----------

Dave: Be Rose

You're currently walking on your way to your writing class, in an act that has become nearly cliche for you. One would wonder if you ever do anything else, and that person would be an asshole, because of course you do other things. You knit, and you go to school, though honestly not much happens there. You're an upstanding student so you mostly sit around and listen to the teacher while taking notes. Incidentally, you actually do not have many friends at school, likely because you do not make any attempt to reach out to people. You also, uhh... You read, a lot. Wow, okay, you play games with your friends a lot, or you used to before... all of this stuff happened.

This stuff.

Yeah, that's the most eloquent way you can refer to the catastrophe that occurred last week. You find yourself reeling anytime you try to consider it, and honestly right now is no different. No fewer than 5 times since it happened have you found yourself staring off in the middle distance just, thinking. 

About... This stuff.

Perhaps it is best to clarify that your brain is not having the best time sorting out your feelings about what went down. In all honesty, you don't think you did anything particularly wrong, because, realistically?

You didn't.

Regardless, however, your friend got hurt and you're remorseful over that. That cascaded outward and here you are, walking to a class where you aren't going to talk to anyone, not talking to anyone on your phone on your way there, and you haven't been talking to anyone at school or really at home. To be realistic, you're...

Lonely.

Someone out there would be contemplating the deep irony of this position considering not even a week earlier you had attempted to set up your friends because one of them was lonely, but you are not that person, nor do you quite have the perception to notice such irony. Instead you are simply walking, idly thinking of what to write today. You were assigned reading this past weekend, however it was some boring story of an "American Hero". Not typical for your teacher but she likely has to have _something_ in the cirriculum for Memorial day.

You, coincidentally, did not care to read it. You will not be writing the assigned work for this week. You will not likely even listen in on what it is.

You're staring at the sky, the opalescent moon staring back at you. It's not so late that the moon is shadowed by a pitch black night, but instead is outlined by the colors of a burning fire. Strange how the moon is still so visible when the light from the sun has yet to fully drain from the atmosphere. 

A more poetic writer could draw analogy between the draining of the light and the draining of your hope that your friends will just naturally make up. That writer would also be a hack and you would take their writing and smack them with it. Your hope is as strong as ever, it's just... Tempered, like a strong blade.

In the handle of such a blade you would find the beautiful core of that belief, like you find the beautiful moon in the sky, a gem unlike any other, a relationship forged through years and years of experiences and shared deep thoughts that none other could replicate. 

~~Even the strongest sword can shatter, though, and a gem has a cleavage angle.~~

No.

Your pace quickens as your thoughts turn dour. As you approach the building you hesitate, knowing that with trespass comes a familiar face, one that might be able to figure out some of what is happening. Worse, one that knows your mom.

Would... Would that even be that bad though. Sure, your mom has proven herself to be a fairly malicious or at least passive aggressive figure in your life, but Ms. Hartford is nothing if not kind towards you. She does care, or at least puts on airs of caring. She wouldn't-

Your thinking is interrupted as a familiar voice calls out from behind you.

"Hey, Rose?"

"Oh, yes, Skye, right?"

"Yeah! You used to sit with us. I don't usually catch you outside. How are you doing?"

"I'm more or less unprotuberant."

"Oh... Good, I, uh, I think. Hey, why don't you sit with us again today?"

"I would rather not, if you don't mind. I prefer to write in peace, not to mention that you and your company are rather... hmm, what's the word? Oh, yes. Antipathetic. Not to imply that you are not also pathetic."

"Wow, okay, that's not very nice. What the fuck did we even do to you?"

"Oh, nothing much. In short, implied that my sexuality is lesser than those of you and your 'straight' ilk, and further went on to refer to my mother and Ms. Hartford with demeaning language. Not that I would even begin to assume that you would care anyhow, you all seem to be quite content being homophobic."

"Oh, fuck. Wait, you're talking about that story way back in November, aren't you? Shit, wow, I'm really sorry about that. One of my friends came out as gay since then and I've really done a lot of learning. The shit we said then was completely unacceptable. I've been getting on them about it."

You whip around when she says this.

"As if that suddenly makes it **better**. As if you can suddenly heal the fucking wound just because you're getting 'better'. I don't want to be around you."

"Christ, okay. That's... a bit fucking rude, but sure, whatever. You don't owe us anything after what we did, that's fair. But for real, are you sure your mom and Ms. Hartford aren't dating? I see them around each other a fair bit."

"Wow, and here we are once again discussing something that is completely none of your business. I'm going to say this with the best of intentions: Fuck. Off."

You open the door into building, a glower on your face that would light everyone on fire within the building if it could. You are completely done with this bullshit. 

Luckily, a gentle and understanding look from Ms. Hartford relieves you of your anger fairly quickly, and you pace over to her desk.

"I could hear your yelling from outside. Was Skye bothering you?"

"Nothing I couldn't handle myself, I assure you. What was the prompt for today again?"

"Oh, I'm not sure how much you'll actually get out of this one. You're supposed to write about a theoretical situation involving you and a few friends of yours. One where it turns out poorly and one where it turns out well. Some writers struggle to put characters in negative situations, so I figured it would help ease out some of that."

Your heart jumps at the prompt. This is... She can't have known, or designed this perfectly for you, but somehow.

You can't _not_ use this opportunity.

"I may find myself actually utilizing this prompt. Thank you, Ms. Hartford."

You place yourself at an isolated table once more and pull out a more empty notebook. Fairly quickly, you recite the events that occurred when Dave came out to you, narrativizing so that it appears to be more fictional than it actually is.

For the positive one, however.

"A young girl sits in her bedroom, knitting as she often does. This girl is known as Rose, and she will be the protagonist of our story. She recieves a message from one of her friends-"

Nope, that's too inane, let's try this again.

"A young girl sits in her bedroom. She has recently recieved a message from one of her friends. This message carried revelatory importance, and she has decided to-"

Fuck, you forgot to introduce yourself.

"A young girl sits in her bedroom. This girl, who goes by the name Rose, has just recieved a message from one of her friends. This message carried information of a revelatory nature, and she has decided to pass this information on to her other friends. She determines that the best course of action would be to open a group chat, so that she can tell the rest of her friends at once.

She opens this group chat and invites all of her friends. The first to join is the one who told her, Dave. Dave tries to tell her not to reveal this information to everyone, but Rose knows better, she understands that he is simply scared. She chooses to push onward nonetheless, assuring her friend that nothing will go wrong.

The second to join the chat is John, a dopey and prankstery boy. He joins in with Rose in saying that everything will go well, even without knowing fully the context. John has always been supportive of everything that anyone in the group has done, and he certainly wouldn't change now, would he?."

That was... somewhat snappy.

"John has always been supportive of everything that anyone in the group has done. He is a great friend.

Finally, after a few minutes of joking and japery, the remaining friend shows up. Jade, the light of the group-"

...

"Finally, after a few minutes of joking and japery, the remaining friend shows up. Jade, the mysterious and fascinating loner of the group, always one to provide meaningful insight joined in and proclaimed how happy she was to have everyone together.

Rose took this opportunity to claim everyone's attention. She walked them all through the basics of what had happened earlier that day, what preceded Dave's proclamation to her. How Dave declared to her his fear and pertinent hesitance. 

An important matter. Jade and John do not know Dave as Dave. They know him as Dana. For this proclamation was, in fact, that Dave was trans. Rose shared this fact with the two who were left unaware. Dave was floored that Rose had actually done it. 

John was the first of the two to speak up. He was _confused_ -"

Not like that would magically change.

"He had never encountered a trans person before, and didn't know what they were. Rose, of course, in her magnanimity, explained what they were to John. John was still somewhat confused, but did his best to understand."

~~But that's not what happened, is it?~~

"He rose to the occasion and wonderfully accepted Dave as he was. Jade, who was already familiar with what being trans meant, showed Dave a huge amount of support, as she always had. The two had been close for a long time-"

That particular head-canon needn't force itself into this.

Satisfied with your work, you close the short story and begin idly working on another of your writing projects. Having recently finished a large portion of The Complacency of the Learned, you find yourself instead writing a portion of a smaller work, something you have left idle. It covers the life of a powerful witch in the hills of a far off land, who is widely feared. She finds a woman stranded in the woods and they fall in love. It is a beautiful tale, though you are struggling with the core conflict.

About an hour later, Ms. Hartford calls the class to a close, and you hesitantly turn in your writing for the day. The... One about your friends. She doesn't have the time to look it over immediately but you are concerned for what she will think of it.

As you go to walk out the door, you hear Skye call out to you again.

"Hey, Rose, wait up!"

Fortunately, your legs have other plans.

\----------

Oh, you were feeling so smug. Walking out of the building to spite Skye. Little did you know that she _**also had legs**_.

Okay, in retrospect that seems obvious but you felt so awesome just letting the door slam in her face. In reality, she simply followed you outside and caught up to you. She was rather kind in apologizing about further discussing the potential relationship between your mom and your teacher, saying it was completely uncalled for.

Unfortunately, that got your mind back on her, and what she said earlier.

She learned. She had someone who she know come out as gay and she learned from it. So, if that happened, why couldn't something like that happen with your friends? John might be stubborn and an ass at the best of times, but he's not so much that he's completely incapable of having empathy.

Then, you reflected on your writing and genuinely the only flaw that you could find in your plan is John's transphobia. You couldn't control Jade not being there, and she likely wouldn't have been able to convince John anyhow. John being transphobic is the variable that made your plan fail. John is the variable that needs to be fixed. 

Which, of course, leads us to now, and you sitting in the den of your house, trying to determine whether or not you can be the one to talk John out of his transphobia. You're not trans yourself, but you know a lot about _**being**_ trans. That, itself, might be enough?

Realistically, you don't think that John is talking to Dave anytime soon, so you might be the only one able to...

Well, nothing ventured.

tentacleTherapist [TT] started pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]

TT: John  
GT: Rose  
GT: Is there any particular reason that you've been ignoring me?  
GT: Are you going to ostracize me like the other two?  
GT: I mean I figure you think I deserve it.  
GT: So go ahead.  
TT: John, I simply wished to speak to you. About everything that has been occurring recently.  
TT: I understand that me reaching out to you specifically to talk to you about these things appears necessarily confrontational.  
TT: Honestly, I cannot say that confrontation is not my intention.  
TT: However, I do intend more than just to attack you.  
TT: I do still consider you my friend, and I want what's best for all of us.  
TT: I made a crucial mistake when I revealed that Dave was trans to you.  
TT: I failed to account for your potential lack of knowledge.  
GT: Rose, first off, that's honestly really demeaning  
GT: I don't just disagree with you because I don't know enough  
GT: I just don't think that she can be a guy.  
TT: I disagree.  
TT: Regardless, would you be willing to engage with me?  
GT: I guess. At least it will be talking with someone.  
GT: I've been talking with my friends at school but I haven't... mentioned this.  
GT: I don't know how they'll react honestly.  
TT: I don't imagine I know, however, they seem to be nice people.  
TT: I doubt they would abandon you over this, John.  
TT: Same that I am not going to abandon you.  
TT: That said, your beliefs as they stand now are actually very harmful to Dave, and trans people in general.  
GT: How can _my beliefs_ be harmful?  
GT: They're just beliefs Rose.  
GT: They don't **do** anything.  
TT: Not on their own, no. However, they motivate you to do things.  
TT: Regardless, let us begin at the beginning.  
TT: What, fundamentally, do you believe about Dave?  
GT: I believe that Dana is a girl who mistakenly believes that she is a guy.  
GT: I'm not entirely sure where she got the idea but honestly? Probably the internet or something like that. It's pretty easy to find that stuff online.  
GT: I figure she isn't happy with her body, which like, who of us is, and interpreted it as being trans.  
GT: Which, it's okay to have body issues, but I don't think being trans is really a thing.  
GT: You can't just change your brain like that  
GT: And you can't be "Born wrong".  
GT: I don't think she's deluded, really. I just think she's going down the wrong path to solve her issues and she'll see the longer she goes on with it.  
TT: Hmmm.  
TT: I'll begin by addressing the point about changing your brain like that.  
TT: There is sufficient evidence in the psychological community to say that the brain operation of trans men, such as Dave, is very similar to that of cis men, meaning people who are identified as men at birth and associate with that label. The same goes for trans women and cis women.  
GT: Meaning? That they have brains that have the same sex?  
GT: Can brains even be sexed?  
TT: That point is arguable, but the important part is acknowledging that there are cognitive similarities between trans and cis men, and trans and cis women, respectively.   
GT: Okay, but whatever, I still think that you can't really be born wrong. I mean, how would that even happen?   
TT: There are several theories, relating to chromosomal fluctuations, hormone fluctuations, and even just mutations and regular variation. The how is the biggest question science has at the moment, but that doesn't change **that** they exist.   
TT: The fact of the matter is that trans people exist.   
TT: Just because we lack a perfect theory to explain why does not invalidate their existence.  
GT: Dana isn't trans. She just isn't. She just has body issues.  
GT: She's even kind of talked to me about them before.  
GT: Relating to...  
GT: uhh...  
TT: John?  
GT: Sorry, but I'm not going there.  
GT: Dana just isn't trans. She can't be. She just looked up stuff about body issues online and convinced herself that she was trans.  
TT: Have you actually looked at stuff online regarding trans people?  
TT: There isn't much that pushes people into being trans, most of it is along the lines of simply describing, to the best of people's ability, what it is like to be trans.  
TT: Of course, trans men and trans women have different experiences.  
TT: So looking at stuff about trans women if you were a trans man would be somewhat misleading.  
TT: I trust, however, that Dave came to this conclusion over a long enough period of time that he is certain about it.  
GT: I don't. Sorry that I just can't trust him about it.  
GT: Her.  
GT: She's got to be making a mistake.  
GT: Anyhow, I've got to go Rose.

ghostlyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

TT: Wait, John, please don't  
TT: Well, crap.

John is just being so damned stubborn about this. He won't listen to reason. You want to throw things at him until he gets his crap in order.

You reluctantly head up to the shower, intending to wash the annoyance down the drain.

\----------

Rose: Be Jade

You're sitting in your kitchen, staring out the windows at the breeze flowing over the plains in front of the frog temple. You're looking over one of the textbooks that you are studying this year, one on advanced mechanics. It's relatively easy stuff, all things considered, but you're not paying too much attention to it so you're not actually getting it that well. Your grandpa would be annoyed with you, but you aren't actually supposed to go over the exams he put forward until next week, and you've read through this textbook three times already. That's what happens when you're stuck on an island alone with nothing much to do for your entire life and one of the only things that **can** occupy you is learning.

That's not to say you don't like learning, you love it, but it's just not the most important thing on your mind right now. It's been less than a week since Rose outed Dave and you've never felt more lonely. You blocked Rose and John hasn't been talking to you, which honestly you're pretty okay with. You've been talking to Dave still but pretty much every conversation with him since then has been him freaking out about potentially getting caught, or him just being sad about what happened.

It's been exhausting and it's kind of stopped you from wanting to do really anything. You would usually draw, or play with Bec, or go out and explore, but you just feel... Dejected? The White Queen told you your friends couldn't possibly break apart, but here the four of you are, each taking sides and getting angry at one another, and honestly you probably made things worse.

You lift yourself out of your chair and wander over to the transportalizer in the hall idly. There's nothing much down here and since you finished your food you don't have much else to do down here. You go up to the garden with a zap, but quickly find yourself out of things to do there as well. 

So, you continue and just transportalize yourself to the room below your bedroom. Once in your room, you slump down on a set of plushes.

Nothing really feels... Happy anymore. Even gardening, the thing that you love to do and that you rely on for life, has been drained of any joy. So, you just... sit there. Stare at the ceiling. At the posters that you used to love, and honestly you like the drawings and stuff that are up there. The anthropomorphic animals are still really cute, but you're just not feeling into it right now. 

You don't even doze off. You have a tendency to fall asleep easily, but sleep doesn't come to you today. Instead, you just lay there for easily an hour before you hear Bec padding up the stairs to your room. When he gets there he looks at you for a moment before nuzzling at your face. This doesn't get you to stir, so he goes for another tactic.

Licking.

Oh god, oh no, the licks. A giggle escapes your lips when he licks your face, and you have to push and prod at him to get him to stop. You scratch behind his ears and he tilts his head to the side and opens his mouth. He's so cute when he does this. He really does care a lot about you. He's such a good dog. Definitely best friend.

He curls up in the pile with you and his warmth helps you relax. After a brief while you actually manage to doze off, and you find yourself briefly on Prospit. You somewhat lament that even in sleep you can't escape lucidity, however after an instant, you decide to fly around a bit. The grand architecture of Pospit helps you to get your mind off of things, and before you know it, you're nice and calm. You almost think you could w-

BRRRRRRZZZZZZTTTTTTT

A loud zapping noise startles you awake, and instantly your rifle is out in front of you. You scan along the room but the only thing you can see in your immediate vicinity is Bec, standing in front of you with the dopey look that almost looks like he's smiling. You bring your rifle down, your gaze wandering further throughout the room. Nothing has visibly changed.

Well, that doesn't mean something didn't happen in the house though. Thinking this, you keep your rifle out as you walk to the transportalizer. You transport to each room in the house, scanning them as you go, before you end up outside. Nothing looks any different anywhere.

Something made that noise, something real. Not something on Prospit. It wouldn't have woken you up otherwise. Your head hurts by the time you get back up to your room, and you're completely unsure as to what could possibly have made the noise. You checked the diagnostics on the water purification plant and geothermal plant, but both were green across the board. Those were the two most likely to cause that sound, so you're stumped. 

The only other thing that you can think of is to question whether one of your friends heard it. It would be strange, and nothing is supposed to happen yet, but if they did hear it, it could indicate a worldwide event. 

You flop onto your bed and decaptchalogue your lunchtop. Once it finishes its boot sequence you open up your pesterchum app and...

You have a message from someone, someone you don't recognize.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] started messaging gardenGnostic [GG]

TG: heyy  
TG: so hey quetsion who is this?  
TG: *question  
GG: i could ask you the same thing  
GG: i didn't add you to my chumroll  
GG: wait a second  
GG: TG... is this Dave?  
TG: i can tell u with 100% certanty that thish is not dave  
TG: *certainty *this  
GG: who are you then?  
GG: because i don't know anyone who uses this color or this handle  
GG: wait  
GG: pink  
GG: are you Rose?  
GG: oh my fucking god  
GG: this has to be Rose trying to get around the block that i put on her  
GG: make a new fucking handle and type really poorly and you think i'll just fall for it?  
GG: nobody else has any idea i even exist  
GG: so hey Rose  
GG: i don't want to talk to you  
GG: pretty sure i made that perfectly clear when i blocked you the first time  
GG: but hey, just in case you didn't get it

gardenGnostic [GG] blocked tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

Of course. As if your day couldn't get any worse, Rose gets in contact with you and tries to fucking trick you. There's no way it could be anyone else. You didn't block John, Dave can still talk to you, and Rose is the only other person who has your chum handle. She just doesn't fucking know when to stop.

You're so fucking frustrated, tears start to form at the edges of your eyes. You just want things to go back to normal. You just want your friends back.

You lay down and end up crying until you fall asleep.

\----------

Jade: Be tipsyGnostalgic

Whoa. Be you? There haven't been many people who have wanted to be you like, ever. Ha, you don't even want to be you most of the time. But hey, if you're sure. You're sitting on the floor next to your bed typing away at some matrix-looking window on your laptop. It probably would look incomprehensible to anyone else who might be around, but luckily you live on a planet with only one other human occupant!

Ha. Luckily!

Okay, well, maybe lets not sound so grim. You're a happy gal. You were just sitting around minding your own business when a massive zappy sound knocked you out of your daze. When you looked at your computer, thinking it might have been the (admittedly old) tech giving out on you, you noticed that you had a new contact on your chumroll. Considering that you, the carapacians you live with, a certain Strider, and the fish-bitch are the only sentient things on the planet, you were, of course, immediately curious.

What made you doubly curious was that this stranger first said that they thought that you were "Dave", which, if you're not mistaken, is the aforementioned Strider's Bro. Then, you got blown away, because they said that you had to be "Rose". Your mom. 

This person knows your mom. You can't let this opportunity go to waste. So, of course, your leet haxxor skills are being put to good use right now. Well, to the best degree that they can. The routing to the person who blocked you is a bit strange, because it seems like they're not even on the same planet. They're back in time, which, honestly isn't surprising to you considering your current situation, but being on a different planet? That'd be a new one.

Aaaaaaaaaaand. 

gardenGnostic [GG] unblocked tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

GG: got it!  
GG: in ur face mystreious person  
GG: *mysterious  
GG: oh wait crap

gardenGnostic [GG] is now an idle chum

TG: there we go  
TG: hey so lmoa i can just hack it if you block me  
TG: *lmao  
TG: i'm not rose, if you were wonderin   
TG: though i do know somenoe named rose haha  
TG: *someone  
TG: funny how that works  
TG: think you got the wrong rolal  
TG: rolol  
TG: see waht i did tthere  
TG: *what *there  
TG: but anyway i'm not the rolal you're lookin for  
TG: or i guess not looking for since you bolked her  
TG: *blocked  
TG: wow i am having _**a time**_ rihght now  
TG: this is what i geet for dirinking in the early mornin ha  
TG: *not even gonna bother  
TG: anyhoe  
TG: hehe  
TG: rose is my mom so if you have some kind of grudge against her  
TG: ulness its a blood gudgre it shouldn't extend to me lmao  
TG: *unless *grudge  
TG: not that i'm jugdeing  
TG: also  
TG: i didn't add you to **my chumm roll either**  
TG: so don't go assing me like i'm repsonible for this  
TG: *sassing lmao  
TG: i just heard this really loud zappy staticky  
TG: staticy?  
TG: staticky sound and all of a sudden you shwoed up on my list  
TG: i was just messaging to try to puzle out who you were  
TG: heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy  
TG: myserty person  
TG: *mystery  
TG: c'mon message me back   
TG: you acted like you know my mom and i really want to know what you know  
TG: i'll be supes serouis  
TG: *serious  
TG: watch, i'll make sure i don't make any spelling mistakes  
TG: I, Roxy Lalonde, want you, mysterious person, to come and tell me about my mom, Rose Lalonde  
TG: fuck please?  
TG: tath took sooooo much efofrt  
TG: yo what if this was fate  
TG: like, the stars alinging to make us come toegther  
TG: *aligning *together  
TG: like teh universe was all like "gotta get thees two talkn"  
TG: awww  
TG: fyi i'm not gonna stop buggin yuo until you answer  
TG: *you  
TG: like for real you gotta  
TG: youre gonna hvae like 600 messgesa by the time you check it  
TG: *have  
TG: if you jusst tell me about mom rolal i'll leave you alone  
TG: i just  
TG: i wish i knew more about her  
TG: fuck this was probs jsut the universe messni with me  
TG: gettin my hpoes up all ihgh when i don't even desevre them  
TG: im sorry mystreous person im hraassing you arent i   
TG: i'll just go

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

Well, what's new there? Another dead end. You've read your mom's books a dozen times each and you've read the letters that she left for you, at least the ones that she doesn't have time locked for after you're a certain age, and yet you still feel like you need to be closer to her. But of course, the one opportunity that you felt like you might have to get close to her, and you end up burning that bridge.

Pretty standard behavior for Roxy Lalonde, fuckup extraordinaire. You let your laptop fall to the ground and sulk over to the fenestrated plane that acts as your TV. Playing games will help keep your mind off of it. You load up some Halo, since you're a real GameGrl (as indicated by the fact that you have all of the magazines in your room... uhh, somewhere) and start shooting some noobs. Well, simulated noobs. The carapacians play but they're not exactly very good at it, so you mostly play bot games.

After a few matches of Halo, though, you end up getting bored. So, you switch off your Xbox and turn on the GameCube instead. Something nice and fun will do, like Twilight Princess. Absolutely the best Zelda game ever made, at least according to your excellent taste. You've played them all at least once. Well, the ones that were preserved and not corrupted by the WaterBitch's influence. So, Twilight Princess and Skyward Sword. The other ones were mostly destroyed. Or turned into propaganda.

Just as you get to the title screen, though, your laptop makes a notification sound. Figuring that it's likely just one of your pals, you open it next to you on the floor.

What you aren't expecting, however, is

gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

\----------

Roxy: Be Jade

Your slumber is being interrupted. _Why is your slumber being interrupted?_ You can faintly make out a sound and its annoying you, so you bring your hand up to where your alarm clock is and smack down hard. Problem is, that doesn't stop the sound. 

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

You crack your eyes open and realize why your alarm isn't going off. It's definitely mid-afternoon, not when your alarm would be going off. What the hell is that sound then? A few seconds (and a few more instances of the sound) later and you finally figure out what it is.

It's the pesterchum notification sound.

Well that's just wonderful, maybe Rose made another account to try to harass you into unblocking her. You roll your eyes and sit up, shutting off the sound on your lunchtop before lying back down. Sleep should reclaim you any moment now.

Any moment.

Shouldn't be too long yet.

Thing is, you end up sitting for a good 15 minutes before you just give up on sleeping. _Of course_ you got knocked out of sleep by some annoying ass messaging you. You couldn't keep on just flying around Prospit, just like earlier today, the world seems to be conspiring against you just sleeping away your problems.

Whatever. You roll out of bed, stretching and yawing, and walk over to your desk. You had started work on a micro-reactor before everything went down and your sleep (and Bec being awesome) managed to get you enough motivation to work on it. If all goes to plan, it should be able to power a small transportalizer, which passes through a wormhole into a new space, one that coincidentally has an extremely low temperature. Another press of a button and you can retrieve whatever you want. The technology was prototyped by your grandpa, but he never got the micro-reactor to work. You have a lot more background in that area though, with the books he left you, so you figured you'd pick it up. 

You have to stabilize the shielding on the reactor and adjust the micropump still, so you start on the shielding first. The lead-osmium outer layer of the shield isn't calibrated to redirect the radiation correctly, so you have to pull out the inner fiberglass/concrete composite to reweld it. You finish that job and recombine the shielding. You'll have to test it later. 

Your mind drifts back to the messages you got. You really ought to check them. You didn't even look to see if it was Dave, and he might have needed you. That wasn't a great idea on your end. You amble back over to your bed, where your lunchtop is sitting. Better to check and be disappointed than to regret not helping Dave if he does need your help.

Strange thing is, it's not dave messaging you, it's tipsyGnostalgic. You're pretty sure you blocked them, so you go up to the top of the message chain and sure enough.

gardenGnostic [GG] blocked tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

A little later, though, you see something that catches your eye, some new messages from this curious interloper.

gardenGnostic [GG] unblocked tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

GG: got it!  
GG: in ur face mystreious person  
GG: *mysterious  
GG: oh wait crap

Well, they're actually messages from your account. That's both suspicious and scary. This person, whoever they are, somehow managed to hack into your account and unblocked themselves. You scan over the rest of the conversation and your suspicion only becomes deeper. They claim to be the child of Rose (whose last name is Lalonde, apparently, though you don't have the data to back up the veracity of that particular allegation). Not only this, but they claim to have heard the same sound that you heard, which, while it would make sense, doesn't explain _how_ they got on your chumroll in the first place. They also, and this is the least important bit, appear to be either intoxicated or suffering from extreme issues spelling things, though the line mentioning "this is what i geet for dirinking in the early mornin ha" seems to imply the intoxicated rather than the simple spelling issues.

You ponder a minute over this information. You aren't the type to hold blood grudges, and this "Roxy" appears to be nice enough. Maybe it would be better to reach out to them, try to figure out what's going on. Reluctantly, you start a new chat with them.

gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

GG: hi  
GG: Roxy  
GG: uh, sorry for blowing up on you, i guess  
GG: i've been going through some drama with Rose and you happened to message me at possibly the worst time  
GG: so, while i don't fully believe you   
TG: OH MY GOD!  
TG: you actually messaged me i didnt think you would!!  
TG: wow so wait first off hey i'm your gal roxy tho i guess i intorduced myself in my whole rant  
TG: *introduced, wow, embarrassing   
TG: wahts ur name?  
GG: uh, it's Jade  
GG: also, you have a lot of energy  
GG: which usually would be really cool and i would love i'm just not really feeling it today  
GG: sorry  
TG: gorl  
TG: *girl  
TG: or whatevs up to you, if you want to be a gorl u do u  
TG: what did my mom do?  
GG: uhh, i'm not honestly sure i should tell you that?  
GG: like, who even knows if it'll matter like, what, 30 years down the line?  
GG: figuring for however long it'll take for her to want kids and then actually have you  
GG: i hope this'll all blow over  
GG: wait a minute, how can you be Rose's daughter  
GG: that doesn't make any sense?  
TG: oh you mean because of the  
TG: wohle lesbian thing?  
TG: well it's compilcated  
TG: *complicated  
TG: she didn't like, give borth to me heself or anything  
TG: but lkie i'm her daughter  
TG: even genteically speaking  
TG: *birth *like *genetiaclly  
TG: **genetically  
TG: at least as far as i know  
GG: how do you not know?  
GG: don't you live with her?  
TG: not... i live alone  
TG: haha old rolal bieng a liebrated youth l o l  
TG: *being *liberated  
TG: uh  
TG: she kinda died  
TG: sorry if taths spoilers or anything but  
GG: what??  
GG: fuck, how did she die?  
TG: wow damn i know mroe about her life tahn you do  
TG: *more *than  
TG: she went toe to toe with the batterwitch  
TG: got all killed real good  
TG: this was... a long time before me though  
GG: oh my god i'm so confused  
GG: wait, how can you even be alive??  
GG: the world is supposed to be ending in two years  
GG: you _can't be alive_  
GG: fuck, shit, you're not even supposed to know that  
TG: well the world is hell's of fucked so maybe it came true anyhow?  
TG: i'm kinda living aolne tbh  
TG: i was raised by some chess lookin pepole so  
GG: you were raised by carapacians??   
GG: Roxy your entire life is so confusing to me  
TG: lmao listen i just live here  
TG: i was actually... kind of hoping you'd be able to tell me about my mom fyi  
TG: she kind of died a long time before i was born  
GG: that's... i mean that's not any more absurd than anything else you've told me  
GG: how can you prove to me that any of this is true though?  
TG: i dont really know  
TG: ist true but  
TG: *its  
TG: doesn't mean i have proof  
TG: i could send you a picture though i guess  
GG: that'd be the best way i think  
GG: i'll send one to you so this is an equal exchange  
GG: you first though

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] sent gardenGnostic [GG] the file "selfieee.png"

GG: wow  
GG: damn you look a lot like her  
GG: okay well i do believe that you're related to her now  
GG: i'm not so sure about the rest of it but

gardenGnostic [GG] sent tipsyGnostalgic [TG] the file "face-picture.png"

TG: yoooo  
TG: girl youre cute  
TG: :3  
TG: but hey  
TG: what do you say?  
TG: freinds?  
TG: *friends  
GG: okay! friends! :D

You kept talking with Roxy until you fell asleep. She's a very strange girl, and not at all what you would expect from a daughter of Rose's. She's extremely smart, which makes sense from Rose, but she loves hacking and video games, and she's not very articulate, which is very unlike Rose. She fascinates you in a way, cool and at the same time very clearly ill at ease. You like her though, and she's a relief from the drama of your friends.

You hope she feels the same way about you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ^.^
> 
> AAAAAHHHHHH
> 
> Roxy. Rooooooxy. ROOOOOOXXXXYYYYY.
> 
> That is all. I promised some fluff this chapter and I hope I delivered. As always, I love reading your comments and I try to reply to them all. If you have any fan art or anything that you want to send to me, you can find me on twitter @FadingEchoes. 
> 
> I'll have another chapter out on Thursday (oh god what am I doing to myself), but I'm going to be restructuring the story a little bit, so the number of chapters might jump up a bit. Rose's story needed some stuff added, and I needed to shift some stuff around with Dave.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Edit: After receiving a comment on the previous chapter, I want to clarify that, as the tags say, this fic isn't going to involve the kids playing SBURB directly. The Sburb stuff that I am including is world-building and some build-up for potential follow-up fics (which I have ideas for bouncing around my head). My main priority is this fic for the time being, because it's a story I want to tell well.
> 
> Edit 2: Alright everyone, the holidays have got me dead, so I might end up getting the update out late. I apologize for the delay. Happy holidays everyone!
> 
> Edit 3: I will not have a chapter out until next Thursday! Sorry everyone, but the time I had this week basically gave me enough time to go through and revise the outline, but not enough to actually type up another chapter. Sorry for the delay, and I promise this next chapter will be worth the wait :3


	7. A Psychologist (Amateur) and a Detective (Also Amateur)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John finds himself questioning whether he is truly in the right in his argument with Rose and Jade, or whether he's in over his head.
> 
> Dave finally gets Bro to host a website for his magnum opus.
> 
> Jade and Roxy spend an afternoon talking with each other about their families, and why Jade doesn't want to talk about Roxy's family.
> 
> Rose and a certain strong willed investigator get to the bottom of this mystery.

Be John

You're sitting watching a movie, some action schlock, the kind of stuff that you absolutely love, at least usually. It's a pretty decent film, it's got guns, car chases, and a cathartic scene with the (obviously gritty and decently beefy) protagonist facing off against the (obviously dark looking and bearded) antagonistic. It's kind of formula, but formula is sometimes exactly what you need to make something work so well. That's why this is probably the... 6th time you've watched this movie. This year. 

You like to watch action movies and this is one of your favorites, who can blame you. You need to get your mind off stuff after Rose picked a fight with you a couple days ago anyhow. It's a Friday, so the extra perfect occasion for lounging and carefree movie times.

"oh my god that guy totally just got punched in the face! god, I love this scene!!"

"I'm glad, John. We're going to have to get to dinner fairly soon, though."

Oh, crap, you forgot about that. Eating is pretty important. You're only about halfway through the movie, so...

"we can finish the movie after dinner if you want."

"I think that'll definitely work better. I'll get everything out, go get washed up."

He stands up from the couch and ruffles your hair as he walks by. You muss it back up and lift yourself, proceeding to the bathroom to wash your hands. He always makes you do this before you cook, though why you aren't allowed to do it in the kitchen is a mystery to you. 

With your distraction out of the way though, your thoughts wander to your conversation with Rose. She made some good points, though, you really don't want to admit it. You can't really _conceptualize_ Dana as anything other than the girl you've always known her as and it really makes it difficult for you to accept any of this stuff. She's always been cool, and admittedly pretty tomboyish, but that doesn't mean that she can suddenly change her gend-

You're doing that thing again. The thinking in circles thing. Whatever. You haven't told Nina or Kate, as much as you hang out with them pretty much **every day now**. You probably would have, if you hadn't had that talk with Rose and... that made you too conflicted. 

Not conflicted, just, it made things confusing. Before all of that it was really easy, Dana was clearly wrong and you were clearly right, and Rose was just taking the wrong side because she has a bias towards people who appear to be the victim. It's just her thing. After that conversation, you feel like you need to at least _**know more**_ before you can just say that.

You're finished washing up so you walk back to the kitchen. You see a thing of pasta pulled out, with some chicken, a head of broccoli and some carrots, and various spices.

"so, what's the plan?"

"Well, if you can get the broccoli and carrots chopped up, I can prep the other stuff."

"alright, dad."

You pull out a knife and a cutting board and start by cleaning the carrots. After chopping for a few minutes, the same thoughts circling through your head, you say out loud

"hey, dad..."

"Yeah, John?"

Okay so how do you phrase this without giving away exactly what you're worried about?

"how do you know if you... are in the wrong when you're fighting with someone?"

"Well, if you're afraid that you might be, that's often a good first hint that you may be. I know that you got into a fight with your friends a bit ago, has that not resolved yet?"

"well, not really. they've been getting all mad at me still, and i've barely talked to a couple of them"

"That certainly sounds like a pretty big problem. What has you thinking you might be wrong?"

"one of them talked to me and tried to explain things to me, and I just... felt like I was realizing how I didn't really get it."

"If you were speaking from your emotions, and someone explained something that changed your emotions, you may want to reconsider your position and find more information."

"thanks, uh, dad."

Well that didn't help, like, at all. You've finished up the prep work, put the veggies in a bowl, and since you're unsure what else to do, you go and sit at the table.

"John. I know you're worrying a lot about this, you're doing that thing you do. You only get really silent when you're brooding."

"it's whatever, not important. how much longer now?"

"Only a couple of minutes. Want to set the table while you wait?"

You hop up and grab up two sets of dishes, one for you and one for your dad. When you're finished with that, your dad has the food, chicken alfredo with steamed seasoned corn and broccoli, and a bowl of rolls that must have already been in the oven by the time you got in here. You don't talk very much as you scarf everything down, and after dinner, you help clean up before basically running up to your room.

Distraction time. That's what time it is. You hop on your computer and pull up a game, Roller Coaster Tycoon 3. You have a pretty nice park going already, so you're mostly in the process of beautifying it and balancing it so you can make more money. Which isn't to say you aren't trying to design more coasters, you just aren't to the point of being able to put another one in at all yet. 

You set down a few plants around the newest attraction, "The Roarer" (the name probably needs some work-shopping), a few more around the surrounding paths and yup this isn't distracting you. Honestly how could it, it's a game about managing things, it's not exactly the most engaging of the games you have...

Hmmm...

Why not... actually try to look some of this stuff up?

You close the game and pull up your browser, Typheus. The main thing that you remember from her chat with you is the whole "brain of the other gender" thing, so you start with that. Unfortunately, that mostly pulls up what look like academic papers which are... well outside of your depth. God, maybe this is the type of stuff Rose can read but you really need something more simple.

What would you even say for something like that? "Trans brains"?

Well...

You type that in and it pulls up a few more basic summaries of the concept. So, basically, trans people have brains that closely match what brains of their... uhhh, "cis" counterparts. That prefix feels a bit unnecessary since they're just, you know, men and women, not trans people. Also, why do you suddenly need a qualifier because trans people exist?

Okay, whatever, so their brains are similar, that's... certainly something. Well like, how different are two people's brains anyhow? Probably not that different, so it's entirely possible that this doesn't really mean _that much_. One word in all these articles keeps catching your attention though, because you've really never seen it before in any context. Dysphoria.

You thought they were talking about dysmorphia, which is what you think you have about your whole body situation? Because you feel really dissatisfied with it? It's definitely a different word though. A few searches pulls up a website titled "What is Dysphoria?".

Well that's convenient.

So, pray tell, mystery website, what _is_ dysphoria?

"Gender dysphoria is a condition where an individual experiences discomfort, distress, or a level of disunion between their body and their gender identity. This usually occurs because of an inconsistency between what they feel their body should be like (based on their gender identity) and their biological sex (also referred to as their sex assigned at birth). This inconsistency can be due to genital configuration, appearance, presence or absence of breasts, or further secondary sex characteristics such as: fat distribution, height, body hair, presence or absence of Adam's apple, pitch of voice, as well as a number of other factors. While any of these _can be present in a person with gender dysphoria **none is singularly necessary to be considered as having gender dysphoria.**_ "

Well, that's a lot more expansive than just... well, penises and vaginas and breasts like you thought this would be about. You know Dana never really liked her breasts, she's told you as much, though, about the other, uhhh, parts. You don't really know. You really bonded with her over your mutual body issues, which, to be completely honest, have only gotten worse over the past few months.

If she has dysphoria though... Well, it's not like you have dysphoria. You just. You're not trans, definitely, you've never really hated your dick or anything. You just look at yourself and kind of wish you looked like something different. Maybe stronger, or leaner, or really just anything but the kind of flabby, kind of pudgy guy that you are. It's just that you don't really like your body, and kind of don't really like the body hair you are growing, and really don't like your chest because it just looks weird...

God, no, whatever, that's not even remotely a fucking possibility. Christ. You need to get this out of your head.

\----------

John: Be Dave

A successful scene transition is made, and you get the thoughts of being trans out of your head by definitely being trans. You don't really have to think about it if it's 100% no doubt definitely true oh hey look there's some nice flowers that are distracting you from the crushing doubt that you're definitely not feeling right now over whether you're actually trans because your best bro is being an ass and doubting you about it hahaha there's actually no flowers and you're just distracting yourself by ranting to yourself in your brain which isn't doing a very good job so how about we take this nice train down to "stop this crap" junction where we can drop off ol' Dave motherfucking Strider and he can continue his ride in mind-numbing peace.

Oh, yeah, you're currently Dave, and you're currently boarding to school, which admittedly is part of why your brain is so empty at the moment. Nothing much to think about except the things which are around you which happen to be just about fuck-all right now. Okay, a bunch of buildings and maybe some cars and streets and stuff but that might as well be nothing when you live in the middle of Houston. It's scenery at this point. You pull up to the building and hop off your board, captchaloguing it as you do. You're running a little late but that's honestly pretty much normal for you.

You get into your first class, something something whatever who cares you never pay attention anyhow. What you really care about is what's in your sketchbook, which you pull out and quickly open to the first page.

There it is.

Your magnum. Fucking. Opus.

~~God, how much you wanted to say dong.~~

You've sketched out about 15 pages worth of panels for Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, and you're working on perfecting them now. You've got to have them perfect when you show them to Bro or he's not going to go in on the idea of setting up a website to host them, so you've been working on this for a while. The first few are definite killers, and then the middle ones are slow burns which set up jokes that pay off on the last ones. The thing that really kills is the pure indulgent irony of the project, which, as Bro was your mentor in the ways of irony, has to be absolutely perfect. That's kind of the clincher though. How can you be intentionally perfectly ironic without some degree of sincerity slipping in? It's a paradox.

Except as the master of irony you understand that letting some degree of sincerity slip in is the _**ULTIMATE IRONY**_.

You're the best. It's you.

You spend most of the first half of the day working on it, flitting between classes without really paying any attention. By the time you get to lunch, you have most of it finished. 15 full pages of comics, absurd and ironic, fully finished, all you need to do is go home and ink them on your computer and you'll be able to show them to Bro.

"Hey Dana, what kind of dumb shit are you working on over here?"

"what do you want jeff?"

"Oh, nothing much, just want to see if the 'artist girl' wants to hang with us guys. You know, a girl as hot as you could get with pretty much any guy in the school, I don't see why you sit around and draw these dumb comics"

Wow, a neg, damn, wouldn't expect anything better from him. 

"hey jeff maybe if I actually wanted to sit with you guys I would be sitting with you guys have you considered that?"

"I figured you were just playing hard to get, you know."

Holy crap is this guy actually every jock stereotype in one? First a neg and then he says something completely sexist about women's dating habits. Even without considering that you're actually a guy and have basically no fucking interest in him, which... wow okay I mean that should basically negate anything he has to say anyhow, but it's not like he knows that. Whatever. You just want to get back to drawing.

"would you just fuck off? im not 'playing hard to get', I don't want you at all. I just want to keep working on this piece. im trying to get it published so it's kind of important."

"Ha! Wow, if you think something as crappy as that is getting published, you're fucking delusional."

Jesus christ dickwad, can you not take a hint. Before you can say anything else though, he takes a hold of the back of your shirt and your instinct kicks in. You grab his arm and trip him, toppling him to the ground, a feat considering he's a pretty solidly build swimmer probably touching the 200-220 lb mark and you're... well you're not built for muscle by any stretch, you've always relied on speed. 

"fuck man you startled me. you shouldnt grab people without asking them first you might get hurt. now if youd kindly leave me to my work we can both get to it without getting any more hurt."

"Oh can it Strider, you're a fucking nutcase. I was just hoping you'd be an easy lay. You sure look like a fucking slut."

Why. You deal with this shit on the reg at school. Jeff and his friends are pretty much constantly coming over here and flirting/not flirting with you, and its probably the most confusing fucking thing that you've ever encountered. You want them to go away, but it's not like the school administration would help. They pretty much don't give a shit as long as nobody has to go to the hospital, because they've got enough fires to put out elsewhere. There's definitely people who carry weapons to school, to defend themselves. You've got your sword, and a knife to be more discreet.

You finish up your lunch and amble on to your next class, which is the only one you actually care about: Art. This is where you can actually get some work done on these that isn't just drawing them in the notebook. You quickly scan and start inking the panels, but you only get about half of them done before the end of the class. You throw them on a flash drive and meander your way through your last class of the day. Whatever, that class doesn't matter.

You're out the door of the school basically as soon as the bell rings, and on your board not even a moment later. Bro is heading out of tomorrow afternoon, so you have to show these to him tonight if you want him to set up the site for you before he leaves.

The afternoon goes by in a blast: inking, coloring, messing up (intentionally), JPEG artifacting, and finalizing each scrumptious image. But you did it. 5 hours after you got home, 3 bottles of apple juice, and blood (none), sweat (only a little), and tears (maybe like one) later, it's finished. Now, you've just got to show Bro.

"hey Bro ive got something to show you!"

Yelling is always the most effective way to get someone's attention.

"Dana, you know you could always fucking come and get me instead of just yelling out."

"yeah but that would require me to stand up which is the exact opposite of what i want to do right now"

"Fuck it, what do you want."

"aight so youve got to hear out my entire pitch. ive been working on this comic for a whi-"

"Comic. I'm out already."

He starts to walk towards the door but you grab his arm.

"nah but Bro heres the important part: its an ironic comic. its not supposed to be a good comic. just let me show it to you. i wanted to see if youd host a website for it."

You start him on the first page and hop out of the chair, giving him full control of your computer. That's not really something you'd do for almost anyone else but... he's Bro. He knows what he's doing. 

You sit on your bed. 5 minutes pass. Then 10. He just keeps clicking through them. He's gone through the same panels easily 10 times now. You don't get it, why is he taking so long he must not like them oh god why isnt he just telling you he doesnt like them fuck he isn-

"I'm impressed."

"whu-"

"I need to know more though."

"okay what do you need to know?"

"How many pages are you planning on, do you have an actual story planned out for it or is it an ironic only comic, how are you going to keep the comic revenue neutral, what all do you want on the site, and most importantly, what is your artist name going to be?"

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Okay, you've got answers to most of those.

"these first 15 are just the first flush but the goal is to do one to do at least three a week from this point on. i have a story planned out its not entirely ironic though the ironic aspects play into the actual story. it can remain revenue neutral by putting some ads on the site assuming your current partnership would be down for that. I really only need a basic website with image hosting for the panels an email inbox comments per page and a directory to get around."

"You missed one question there, Dana."

"i know i did... I'm not honestly sure what my artist name should be."

"Well, that's kind of an important part of being an artist. Gotta establish yourself, or nobody will know who you are. C'mon kid, I taught you this stuff."

"well could I even just go by something simple like StriderD"

"It'd kinda mess with my jam, considering we're both StriderD. Maybe get a little more creative."

You spend a minute thinking before Bro interrupts your thoughts again.

"Tell you what, kid. Just think on it. I'll get the basics of the site up for you."

"thanks bro. i'll get it figured out before you need it from me."

"I trust you, Dana."

\----------

Dave: Be Rose

Rose would prefer to be unavailable as a narrative host, but unfortunately, she can't help it. So, now you're Rose. Rose Lalonde. Like a more teenage, lesbian, female, James Bond that actually isn't anything like him. You're sitting on your couch the Wednesday after your discussion with John. You're still feeling a little put off by the whole thing. Why can't he just listen to what you have to say and actually understand things when you say them for once? He always has to be stubborn. 

Whatever. You've got reading material. Good reading material. 

"Iris mounts her horse, the model of knightly strength. Her facade, as of now, is working perfectly. She must hope that it continues to work so, if she is to gain the hand of her beloved Faye. Faye, the princess of the kingdom, has been promised to the knight who can bring back the head of the dreaded beast of the woods. Iris intends to fill this role, and claim her love. 

Iris kicks her horse, which bounds off on the path towards the woods. These woods have long been known to be haunted by a great beast, however in recent months the beast has started to terrorize the town. This unprecedented change led to the queen being slain, and with no heir, the king did what he knew he had to. His daughter would have to be offered as a prize for the killing of the beast. His bloodline would still be intact that way.

Upon reaching the edge of the woods, Iris dismounts. Though she could bring her horse with her, the lush undergrowth would only slow them down, and possibly trap the poor creature as well. Neigh, that creature must-"

Wait a minute, did the author just make a fucking horse pun?

"Neigh, that creature must steady itself in the pasture while Iris descends further into the forest. She draws her sword, the long blade glinting off the few spare drips of light which have penetrated this deep through the cover. Scanning through the woods, she takes a tentative step into the woods, holding her sword vigilantly, ready for the creature to surface at any moment.

This would be worth it, all of it for her sweet Faye. Faye and Iris had known each other nearly their entire lives, had essentially been destined for one another. Faye was the king's daughter, of course, and Iris was the blacksmith's daughter. Every time she had delivered something to the castle, she had taken time to play with the princess, and the king had allowed it, taking pity on such a young girl working in such an 'unfitting place for a girl'. Well Iris would show the king now. She could be both elegant and strong enough to protect his daughter.

The foul creature's lair is known to be a quarter of a kilometer into the forest off the main path, so Iris hops off the main path once she comes to the junction. Immediately, the environment of the woods becomes more claustrophobic. The sounds of the creatures around her become more dim, replaced by ominous rustling around her. She makes it not even twenty feet before her paranoia catches up to her and she is wielding her sword always at the ready position. 

A noise behind her. She swings around to face it, her sword at the read-"

BRRRRRRZZZZZZTTTTTTT

Holy shit that wasn't in the book. You tumble from the couch where you were lounging and hit the ground with a loud thud, before rapidly rising to your feet. You rush up to your mother's room. 

"Mom, what the hell was that?"

No response. Crap, what if she isn't okay?

"Mom! Are you awake? Are you okay?"

You slowly approach her bed, prepared for the worst. As you get closer, however, you hear her low snores. 

"Fuck, of course you're just out drunk. Not like I should expect anything different."

You place a couple fingers on her wrist, taking a pulse. After confirming that her pulse is steady, you lift yourself back from your crouched position next to her bed.

"Why did I even come in here first? Why was I even worried about you? It's not like you'd do the same for me."

Well, that sounded vaguely electrical. Next stop, the transformers behind your house. Lord knows if those blew you're screwed. When you get outside, however, you don't see any signs of damage. That's weird. You don't get it. What could have happened.

You head back inside and flick on a light. Yup, it works. So, not electrical. It could possibly have been the lab next door, but if it was, there's absolutely no way for you to know. Your mom will know in the morning, or whenever she drags herself up, but the mystery isn't getting solved tonight. It's late anyhow.

The last thing you can think of is that maybe there would be some news about it, so you pull out your phone. Strangely, you have a message from someone you don't recognize. Someone you didn't even add to your chumroll.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

GG: Uh, hello there!  
GG: I can only hope you are a relatively normal person, what with a handle like that.  
GG: I do not recall adding you, and I must say if you are just some paparazzi I assure you this will not work.  
TT: Apologies, but I didn't add you either. I simply opened my phone and suddenly you were messaging me.  
TT: I would hypothesize that you are Jade, but the color and the handle don't make any sense, and that would be one hell of a conclusion to draw from you just having the same abbreviation.  
TT: The color could bring me to conclude that you are perhaps John, but that also seems far-fetched.  
TT: So, if you would be so kind, could you perhaps elucidate for me who you are?  
GG: Whoa, hold on there buster.  
GG: John? Jade? You can't just come in here spouting those names without an explanation.  
GG: Those are some important people who you are just claiming to know all willy-nilly.  
GG: I knew it! You have to be paparazzi.  
TT: I assure you I'm not. If it would help clear anything up, my name is Rose.   
GG: No! That doesn't... AGHHH. 

gutsyGumshoe [GG] blocked tentacleTherapist [TT]

Well, you don't know what that was about. It's about time to sleep anyhow, though.

\----------

Rose: Be Jade

You're currently chilling at your kitchen table, talking to Roxy and not doing much else. The aforementioned "chilling" is not, however, a reference to the temperature, because it a solidly nice temperature and you're letting the pleasant air flow through the house. It's early June, only a couple weeks after you first talked to Roxy, but you've fallen into a comfortable groove of talking to her pretty much daily. Not really about much, which is conveniently what you're talking to her about right now.

TG: heh, lil frigglosh  
TG: suhc a silly kitteh, he gest into so mhuc torbule   
TG: *trouble  
TG: ha kinda buchtered tatht scentence didn't i  
GG: just a little bit :P  
GG: what's he doing now  
TG: well he _wahs_ siting on my lap  
TG: but he jstu jupmed up on my bokoshelf  
TG: *bookshelf *jumped  
TG: hehe he's totes g'na konck smthn down  
TG: like the mischeiveious kitteh he is  
TG: *not even gonna bother triying to fix that  
GG: hehehe gosh you should send me more videos of him! :D  
GG: i love seeing them and i didn't even know you could send videos  
TG: oh i srure can jadey-cakes  
GG: speaking of, why don't you ever send videos of yourself if you can send videos?  
GG: it'd be really cool to hear your voice!  
TG: oh, no patariculr reaosn. u kno how it is, im not vrey iinteresring  
TG: pluss im drimking like haflf of the teim   
TG: *drinking  
TG: porbs dont look 2 great  
GG: i'm sure you do!   
TG: whatevs frigglih is cuter anyhow  
TG: oh god he just pused one of my muntan cats off!  
TG: *pushed  
GG: oh no! D:  
TG: i caught it befroe it hit the gronud :3  
TG: wiat did I expain to you why ive got thes murant kitties?  
TG: *mutant  
GG: i don't think so? i'd love to hear it though!   
GG: though i find myself more partial to dogs :P  
GG: Bec is definitely a good dog, best friend  
TG: gal you can be a broth girl  
TG: *both lmao  
TG: becmoe broth  
GG: haha :D  
GG: what about the mutant cats though!  
TG: oh haha, so theres thsi weird thing in my moms old lab  
TG: it can take the geetics of anthing adn smoe othre ting  
TG: *hloy crap just give me a berak on that one please  
TG: it smahses them togeter and out coms a mutnat   
TG: sometimees thye can actualy live, whiich is why i have a lab full of mutant kitties :3  
TG: ohter times tho they just cant make it so i put them in resin  
GG: you have a bunch of kittens in glass D:  
GG: that's so sad :\  
TG: they wer ded when they popped out  
TG: i coulnt do anythin else  
TG: *couldnt  
GG: i don't think i could ever do that to one of Bec's pups  
GG: if he, uh, had pups :P  
GG: which he hasn't, and i doubt he ever will  
GG: though, honestly that wouldn't be the weirdest thing i've ever done  
GG: and it's not even the most morbid  
TG: ha i pormise its not enve that morbid  
TG: wair waht did you do thats so bad?  
TG: *wait *what

Oh boy. That... you may have just said something you shouldn't have. That wasn't a great choice. Should you really tell her about your grandpa? It's not like she'd know him, and she certainly would be sympathetic, with what happened to her mom. Maybe... maybe it is a good idea.

GG: alright but this might take a while so.  
GG: grab a snack and sit back.  
TG: you got it babes _wonk_  
GG: so, i live on this island out in the middle of the pacific ocean  
GG: i live here pretty much alone, as you know  
GG: i've lived here my whole life, at least as far as i know  
GG: my grandpa used to live here with me, but i honestly never really knew him  
GG: my guardian has mostly been my dog Bec, which i get kind of sounds weird  
GG: how did i survive on a tropical island basically alone except for a dog, right? :P  
GG: uhhh, genuinely i'm not fully sure  
GG: i think ol' gramps set up a lot of stuff before he died  
GG: he might have even known that he was going to die when he did which kind of brings me to the sad part  
GG: my grandpa died when i was 4  
GG: i don't know why it happened, but I found him there  
GG: of course, i didn't really get what was going on  
GG: he was having tea with a blue stuffed lady doll and i thought she killed him for a long time  
GG: i was super scared of the doll for a few years after that  
GG: but eventually i realized that didn't make much sense and  
GG: i realized he probably just killed himself  
GG: which  
GG: uh  
GG: yeah  
GG: that's not the morbid part, the morbid part is that Bec teleported him to the arctic to keep him well preserved  
GG: and then when i was old i uh... stuffed him  
GG: it's a family tradition, so i had to, but it was still pretty morbid, digging around in my dead grandpa's guts when i was like 7  
GG: i learned a lot about anatomy though!  
GG: so i guess there's a positive there :P  
GG: ...  
GG: Roxy?

Oh fuck you scared her off she's probably terrified of you now knowing that you personally dissected your own grandpa. 

TG: damn jadey  
TG: sory i canrt be threr to hugg you ritgh now   
TG: you raelly dearsrve hugs  
TG: that wafs so sas  
TG: oh gof jade hoe are you soi staebl   
GG: i dont know, it happened so long ago  
GG: it doesnt really bother me much  
GG: i mostly just exist.  
GG: whatever, dont worry about me Roxy :D   
GG: i'm fine!  
GG: i want to hear about you! :P  
TG: alrigth i can do that   
TG: i geuss i can  
TG: but yorue friensd with my mom arent ya?  
TG: liek shoudnt you know all thsi?  
TG: *like  
GG: i mean, i haven't been... talking to her very much  
TG: well im produ of what my mom ddi and hwo seh died  
TG: thb i hpoe to die even hlaf as nbole as she  
TG: she deid fighting the damn tyrnat that is lording ovre all of us and taht presonally wreckde my life  
TG: im defiintely her descendant, i konw that much  
TG: *know  
TG: as mcuh as you might qeustion how i know it i cna tlel you taht i am  
TG: not exactly cmofy telling you how but jsut trust me tehre  
TG: i just know that she set up thsi house and teh lab fro me so i cuold gorw up knowing smoething rleatively nice  
TG: *wahtever you know whta i meant  
TG: and i tihnk she aslo gaev me all this booze  
TG: maybe as a tset or sometihng i dnot kwno  
TG: anyhow i ended up with the little chess guys here  
TG: theyer nice and all thta but  
TG: jaed i really wnat to aks yuo this adn i know you dont like to talk about it  
TG: wyh are you and my mom on scuh bad terms?  
TG: *such  
TG: shes nto a bda person i prmoise  
TG: seh literalyl fuoght to save the wrold  
TG: *fought *world  
TG: therse no way someoen lkie thta can be a bad person  
TG: please jade?  
GG: Roxy, you know i don't want to talk about this  
GG: please, just let it go  
GG: if all goes well, you won't even have to know about it by the time you're around  
TG: im not just asknig fro my sake jaedy  
TG: waht about you?  
TG: sureyl its eatnig you up a bit  
GG: Roxy...

She won't get it. She can't get it. You can't even tell her. This sucks so much. You just want to have a good friend, but of course it comes with the caveat that she's the daughter of Rose, the person who just happens to have pissed you off recently. She's nice but... you need to do something else right now.

GG: i'm gonna hop off  
GG: sorry to leave you hanging, but Bec is just begging to be fed  
TG: wati jade im soryr i ddint mean to make you anrgy

gardenGnostic [GG] has ceased pestering tispyGnostalgic [TG]

\----------

Jade: Be Rose

Again? Alright, but don't say you weren't warned. It's very early morning, quite a bit too early for any sane person to be awake, which is wonderful because you're awake and definitely not sane. You also happen to compliment those qualities with cups of coffee and/or tea, whichever suits your fancy. Whichever you choose, you brew it strong.

However, today, you find yourself the witness to a miracle. Your mother is awake, and not just awake, fully sober and standing in the kitchen with a cup of, get this, not liquor of any sort. Rather, she has a glass of water set next to a mug of something hot, which you can tell by the steam coming out of it. 

"Rather strange to find myself in the company of you this morning, mother."

"Oh, think nothin of it. Work called me and asked me to be up and doin stuff by 8, which is what I'm doin right now."

"You don't find anything about this situation extraordinary? You, sober, and working on something mysterious today of all days?"

"Honey, if you have somethin that would link to my work, it'd be better for you to just say it. I get enough evasive bullshit from my damn scientists."

"You would think, effectively running SkaiaNet would somewhat belay the need to get up in the wee hours to do work."

"Love, you have a misunderstanding of what exactly I do. I don't, by a long shot, run the company. I just order everyone around in the absence of that old mess of a man."

"That sure sounds like running the company to me."

"Yeah, well, I don't want to run the company. He needs to get his butt back from that island adventure of his. Not like it's unlike him to be gone for years without contact though. God, some of the gals at the company could tell you some stories about what he used to get up to."

"I'd rather not hear about what an old sack of bones gets up to in his free time. What are you working on this time? Anything... strange happen last night?"

You've got actual money on the fact that that noise is somehow related to that strange person you talked to last night, and that your mom being up today is also related to that. As if to confirm your suspicions, she tenses a little at your accusation.

"What do you mean by strange, darlin?"

"I don't know, strange strange. You're always dealing with strange. Strange sights, strange things coming through the atmosphere, I mean, even strange noises."

She basically freezes fully at the last one. Bingo. Of couse, she's investigating something related to that. Never escapes her when something weird happens on this backwater planet of yours. Meteor showers, UFOs, seemingly universe-tearing sounds, she'll be there for all of them.

"Rosey, love, just trust me, nothing bad is happening."

Then, and here's what solidifies for you that something is **definitely wrong, or at least that something significant happened** , she comes up to you and pats your head.

"You worry a lot baby, you should just let yourself chill out."

That's definitely not going to happen. Never. Especially not with an actually sober mom walking around your house who is just screaming imminent catastrophe. No, this needs to be dealt with right now.

*ping*

Or, right after you deal with whoever is messaging you. This could genuinely be important, and it's not like your mom was likely to actually listen to you anyhow.

Wow. It's... that random person from last night. gutsyGumshoe, who it appears has decided to unblock you, though why they would have is beyond your ability to comprehend, since you haven't exactly done anything to merit doing so. Not like you'd be able to either, since you don't even know who they _are_.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] 

GG: Hello there, Rose.  
GG: I am going to start this off by apologizing for my behavior last night.  
GG: I was being a downright immature lady and for that I am sorry.  
GG: Faced with a person who I did not know who appeared to know too much about me and my family and friends, I came to the conclusion that you must have been someone with ill intent.  
GG: I believe that I was mistaken in this assessment.  
GG: Let me be clear, though that if you prove yourself to actually have ill intent towards me, my family, or my friends, I will not hesitate to terminate our communication and seek you out with the full power I can.  
GG: I have the full strength of the Betty Crocker Corporation behind me, and I am not afraid to bring legal force against you.  
GG: With that being said, hello, I am Jane Crocker, Heiress to the Betty Crocker Corporation. I am pleased to be acquainted with you.  
TT: Dang. I thought my introductions were intimidating. Well, hello to you as well Jane, nice to finally get a name out of you.  
TT: Would I be able to get some insight into why exactly you decided to flip the script on me from last night?  
TT: If I recall correctly, and I believe I do, you heard me refer to my friends John, Jade, and then myself, Rose, and immediately believed me to be some paparazzi phisher trying to goad you into saying something for the tabloids.  
GG: I was... mistaken. I mistook, or perhaps misunderstood, who you were referring to.  
GG: I have a question for you. If you will allow me to ask something somewhat personal.  
TT: I am, admittedly, hesitant, what with the phrasing, but sure, go ahead.  
GG: Are you by chance Rose Lalonde?  
TT: How could you possibly know that that is my name?  
TT: Now it's my turn to be suspicious of you.   
TT: You say that you are the heiress of the Betty Crocker Corporation, well, did you get one of your corporate spooks to hack my account?  
TT: Possibly steal all of the information you could find on me?  
TT: If you're looking to blackmail me, I regret to inform you that there's nothing that you can find that I'm not fully willing to admit in the public forum.  
GG: Rose, please, I'm not trying to blackmail you. :B  
GG: Gosh, you're really pretty funny, and honestly kind of like her.   
GG: More put together, and you don't drink, but a lot like her.  
TT: Like who? Who could I possibly be like? The only person who I am related to in this entire world is my mother, and whoever happened to breed with her to make me.  
TT: _That_ person is luckily out of both of our lives, though I don't happen to remember him, I imagine that if my mother chose to be free of him, she made a good choice.  
GG: No! Rose, wait! You're completely misinterpreting me.  
GG: I'm not talking about your mom or your dad, whoever that might be.  
GG: I'm talking about... well, actually I'm not sure I should tell you that.  
GG: There's someone I know who you are really important to.   
GG: As soon as I said I was talking to someone named "Rose" to her, she told me I had to get back in contact with you.  
GG: She told me that if your last name was Lalonde, you definitely could be trusted.  
TT: Well, given all that, would you please answer for me, why did you freak out when I mentioned John?  
GG: Sure, I guess. John is my grandfather's name. He died a good bit ago, but I still see him every day.  
GG: Having you, out of nowhere, accuse me of being my Pop-pop, was a little bit jarring.  
TT: Well, unless there are some quite complicated shenanigans at play here, I do not believe the John that I was referring to could possibly be the same John you are.  
TT: Namely because the John that I know is, importantly, still alive.  
GG: Oh, bother, surely I can't have made that mistake? You are definitely Rose Lalonde, though?  
TT: I am indeed. This does not, however, clear up the issue.  
TT: You also reacted to me saying the name Jade.  
GG: Ha, I was hoping you might have missed that one.  
GG: This one is more complicated to explain.  
GG: I have a friend, a close friend, whose grandmother was named Jade.  
GG: She is also dead, however, in fact she died back when that friend was quite young still.  
TT: This seems like something beyond mere coincidence.   
TT: Pray, tell, you said you had another friend who knew me?  
TT: What was the relationship there?  
GG: Well, you are her mother.  
TT: See, right here, this is absurd.  
TT: I can't be her mother, and there's one simple reason why.  
TT: I'm a freaking lesbian. I have absolutely no intention of ever reproducing.  
TT: If she truly believes that I am her mother she is absolutely deluded.  
TT: Beyond that, _**I am 14 years old. I am nobody's mother.**_  
GG: Perhaps we are somehow speaking through time? I mean, my Pop-pop was definitely not 14, and I'm assuming he's around your age if you're friends with him.  
GG: Though, that said, that would require quite a few leaps of logic.  
GG: I would like to figure this puzzle out, my detective senses are speaking to me.   
TT: Well, if this is true, would you happen to have someone with a relation to anyone who goes by the name Dana?  
GG: Dana? I don't think so. Drat, maybe you're right, and this is all just some very far-fetched coincidence.  
TT: Wait, I have... I made an error in my previous statement. It wouldn't be Dana. It would be, rather, Dave.  
GG: Rose. I have to tell you, you're not going to like this but I sure as heck do.  
GG: I do have a friend who is related to someone named Dave!  
GG: Dave is one of my good friends' Bro!  
TT: Hold on, hold on, hold on. This chronology still doesn't make sense. We're all 14 right now, and I assume that you're all the same age, correct?  
GG: Definitely, same age, in fact, we're all 14 as well. :B  
GG: Gosh, I'm so excited by this. Such an enticing mystery!  
TT: I'm assuming that I am also dead, is that correct?  
TT: As is Dave?  
GG: I... let me check with them.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] is now an idle chum

gutsyGumshoe [GG] is no longer an idle chum

GG: You sure predicted that one, Rose.  
GG: I'm not sure you'll want to hear how you went out, but you and Dave are dead.  
TT: I would rather find out for myself, yes.   
TT: Would you happen to know how old each of us was when we went out?  
GG: If you give me another couple of minutes I can figure it out! :B  
GG: Wow, this is a lot of fun Rose!

gutsyGumshoe [GG] is now an idle chum

gutsyGumshoe [GG] is no longer an idle chum

GG: Alright, so the best I have for you and Dave is in your 40s

Boy, that's a wonderful thought, you've only got a couple more decades to live.

GG: For my Pop-pop, he died when he was 86. Jade lived to be around 90.  
TT: Quick math here, but, assuming that we died the day that we had our two kids, and even assuming late 40s = 50 here  
TT: 50+14=64, meaning that John and Jade could only at most be 64 right now for you.  
TT: The math of this doesn't add up.  
TT: Something is definitely not right here.  
TT: I'm unsure why I didn't ask you this question before, but what year is it exactly, there?  
GG: Oh, it's 2010.

Well, that certainly can't be right.

\----------

Rose: Be Roxy

You're currently Roxy, the coolest gal on the Earth. Considering the currently population of Earth, there isn't necessarily much competition, but at least you kept it from DiStri this year. You have an important mission to get to, however. That mission being, sit here, in the... well you're pretty sure it's the den of your house, but you actually don't come here very often. Whatever, sit here in the den of your house and initiate ultimate hacker skills.

Your goal? Get the handle of your mom. You've given Jade a few weeks to get you that information but she's been straight up rude about it. What kind of cold-hearted garden girl would keep a cute sea girl such as yourself from talking to her mom?

The kind with some dumb grudge is what kind, obviously. Not that you hold it against her, Jadey is great, she just needs to get the stick out of her ass (lmao) and realize that not everything needs to be the end of the world. Not that you even really know what they're fighting over, but whatevs, _you're_ not the one fighting with Rose goddamn Lalonde right now. You shouldn't have to be embargoed from communication just because of Jade's self-imposed one.

Which is why you're sitting with a laptop right where the name would imply it should be, directly hooked into the wall. You're gonna need direct link speeds for this important work. It's gotta be quick work, from what you've found out, Jade's access to her account can be sporadic at best. You're gonna hack in, grab mom's account details, and hop back out, undetected, like a ghost. Better than a ghost, like a single particle of wind among thousands. No chance she'll even know what happened.

From there, it's just actually talking to your mom that's going to be the interesting spot. You know that Jane somehow managed to get in contact with her, but has put an embargo of her own in place on account of "not wanting to mess with the proper sequence of events" or whatever. Screw that. You want to talk to your mom.

You pull up the first part of the exploit. It's relatively simple, a program that polls the ports on a specific device and tries to identify what ports are being used for specific purposes, or which ports could be vulnerable for exploitation. Since you already know what's running on her lunchtop, you don't really _have_ to run this one, but it's better to be safe. 

Sure enough, a couple minutes later, the program comes back with a couple ports open exactly where you want them. Pesterchum always uses the same ports, and conveniently since it hasn't been in development for a couple hundred years, you've had plenty of time to develop exploits to gain access through vulnerabilities over those ports. This is how you gained access to unblock yourself last time. You scroll through to the pesterchum exploit and pipe it through to the first port, the incoming traffic port.

A nifty part of this program that you whipped up is that, since you can't have a visual on their end, you wrote a front end that mirrors their pesterchum program to your own computer once you have access to the execution level of it. So, while you can't literally see their pesterchum, you can use a visual interface rather than having to navigate using the raw data sent out from each screen. That's how you used to do it, and it was kind of a nightmare.

Alright! You're in. So, the hard part about this is going to be figuring out which of her contacts is actually Rose. You see a list of several, twistingGeniality, ghostlyTrickster, tentacleTherapist, and of course tipsyGnostalgic. Damn, she wasn't joking when she said she didn't have many friends... Well, regardless, just looking at that list, you're not quite sure. ghostlyTrickster doesn't **quite** fit with the impression of Rose that you've gotten from her books and the stories you know about her, or what you've seen around the house. Neither really does twistingGeniality.

In fact, on top of that, tentacleTherapist, while still being on her chum roll, is blocked. If you remember correctly, Jade has Rose blocked! That has to be Rose. You quickly jot down the details of the account, as well as the basic details of the other two, before shutting down the probe and going back to your own pesterchum account.

Well, here goes.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] added tentacleTherapist [TT] to their CHUMROLL

tentacleTherapist [TT] added tipsyGnostalgic [TG] to their CHUMROLL

Whoa! She added you back. Just like that, even. No delay, not even any seeming hesitation. This has to be her.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

TG: hi mom  
TG: i dont rlealy know if youre going to beileev me btu im your daughter  
TG: i live 400 years in teh ftuure adn ive been waiting a logn time to takl to you  
TG: *future  
TG: wow making spellign misatkes in frotn of your mom is a lot more embarrassing  
TT: Hi Roxy, I've somewhat been anticipating a message from you for a while.  
TT: I imagine Jane has already informed you that we've been speaking for some time now.  
TT: It's good to finally talk to you.  
TT: I figure I should clear this up before we get too deep into this.  
TT: Jane and I have dug fairly deep, and we are fairly certain that the worlds that we inhabit are not literally the same.  
TT: We inhabit separate universes, or parallel universes  
TT: Too many things between our two Earths are completely different for them to be the same.  
TT: So, in a literal sense, I am not your mom.  
TT: However, if you would get some catharsis out of talking to me, I understand it.  
TG: wow i actaully dont know how to react to all of that  
TG: youre nto lkie atcually my mom?  
TG: *like  
TG: youre just a diffreent rose laolnde from a different earht  
TG: that kind of messes with my plan  
TG: i was gonig to come in here all 'hey mmo i really love yuo adn i really wish that i had gotten to actually talk to yuo fcae to face so here we go this is teh closest that were goign to get'  
TG: *mom *face  
TG: so rose i guess  
TG: how muhc did janey tell you about yourself frmo my lfie?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Nyall! :3
> 
> Finally got chapter 7 up. Sorry for the break last week, but I definitely needed it. I'm back and energized and hey look this is going up later than I wanted it to whoops. Anyhow, Roxy is hard to write, she makes typing mistakes and I make *no typing mistakes at all*. Definitely. Yup.
> 
> About halfway through this chapter a friend/acquaintance of mine showed me a tool that I could use to take properly spelled text and make it misspelled, so if you notice an increase in the number of typos in Roxy's sections that probably accounts for it. 
> 
> I really hope you all enjoyed this chapter! As always, please leave comments, I really really love getting them from you. We actually hit a really big milestone (for me at least) between last chapter and this one. This fic made it to 500 hits, which I honestly didn't know if it ever would. This is my first piece of writing that I've ever published anywhere, so seeing all the positive response (it's at 49 kudos too, so close) and the number of people seeing it is really motivating me! Thank you all for reading!!
> 
> Speaking of this fic! I was considering commissioning some art for some of the later chapters, so if you have any input on whether that would be a good idea, or who to commission, I'd love to hear it down in the comments. There's a few scenes in particular that I feel like need a visual to them.
> 
> Edit: Hey y'all, sorry to say but the update for this week is going to be out tomorrow (friday, the 10th), not today (thursday, the 9th). It's going to be a fairly long one, so look forward to that at least! Sorry again for the delay, and I promise not to make this a regular thing!


	8. Recognition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade, after waking up, finds herself at odds with her friends, old and new. Her battle is won but ultimately, will she come to be happy with this decision? Perhaps, when the universe once again smiles upon her with the gift of friendship.
> 
> John is engrossed by a life of little occurrence, enveloped by friendship, but still finds himself questioning. His anxieties may overwhelm him, but assures himself that his true core is in the self that he has known all along.
> 
> Rose and Jane discuss the disparities between their life experiences. Jane, the heiress to a large company, has been trained her entire life for the position. She insinuates the same for Rose, however Rose's mother has apparently not lived up to the legacy that Jane supposes.
> 
> The strangest part is, why does Rose feel almost... betrayed by Jane?
> 
> Dave, on the other hand, has a good day, and finds some nice turntables.

Be Jade

You're waking up from a... well, a "nap" is probably the best way for you to describe it. It's still early morning, which you hadn't planned on, but you're not tired enough to get back to sleep, so waking up now it is. You attempt to sit up but that idea is foiled when you realize that the weight that you felt on you while you were sleeping, that you thought was just you laying some strange way, was actually a large dog laying _on_ you. That large dog being, of course, Bec.

"beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeec"

He doesn't respond. Well, his ears shift a bit so you know he heard you but he doesn't **move** , which really is the important part. One of your hands is pinned under his warm, really soft, honestly pretty comfortable wait a second this is how he gets you!

"BEC!"

You literally yell it this time, and he lifts his head, but still doesn't move the rest of him. This dog. He's so smart, but at the same time, he's the biggest dope you know. Actually... okay that prize might go to John? You're feeling more like leaning towards the "dumbass" label for John at the moment, though, considering his whole stance on the Dave stuff.

_The Dave Stuff_. Like it's a classified military secret, or some crime that none of you can talk about. Might as well be, considering how much he's trying to keep it from Bro. He hasn't even actually tried hinting at it to him or anything. He's just 100% convinced that Bro is going to suck about it. You're not going to do anything drastic like outing him, that would just be awful (hahaha, who would out someone else), but you really keep trying to push him to do... _**something**_. Change his hair, change his clothes, change his fucking underwear, god, he's going to go insane just bottling it all up.

Well, this is exactly what you _weren't_ trying to think about right now. You still haven't even managed to get Bec to get off of you. You're sitting here in this early morning bronze light, the deep tan of your skin contrasting against Bec's pure white fur, and to any outside observer you've seemingly accepted your fate as a dog pillow.

Okay, physics time. He might weigh more than you, but you know the six simple machines, you can figure out a way to get him off of you. Wheel and axle, pulley, inclined plane, and screw are out right away because how the hell would _any of those be even remotely possible right now_. So, lever and wedge. You grab a book off the side table with your one available hand, a fairly big one so you can actually do this. As gracefully as possible, you force it between you and Bec. There, wedge utilized. Kind of. Close enough. Then, resting the bottom edge of the book against your pelvis, and positioning it so that the part that you are going to push on is about twice as long as the part that's going to push on bec, you push down as hard as you can on the book. He looks up at you and you stare right back at him. That's right. This is happening. If you won't get off, you're getting pushed off using **PHYSICS.** You keep pushing down, as hard as you can, and you feel his weight shifting off of you. As soon as you're clear, you roll out of the way of him and off your bed, onto the floor to the side. **SUCCESS!!**

That. Was probably the most absurd thing you've done in a long time. It worked though, so, hey, another success for science! You pull yourself up off the floor and give Bec a rub on the head that he definitely doesn't deserve.

"you're mean, you know that right bec?"

...

"whatever silly. do you want some food?"

At that he perks up. Wow, predictably Bec gets interested in food, what a shocker. You decide to actually use your wardrobifier today. It's not like you're in a particular mood for any outfit, it's.... damn, it's like eight. That's not even that early. Why does it feel so early? Either way, the wardrobifier gets a smack on the button that does the randomize thing, and a few seconds later you're wearing a cute skirt and a white shirt with the Rutherford model of the atom on it. It's inaccurate, but it's a lot cuter than wearing an atom with accurate orbitals marked. It's kind of your symbol too. The skirt is a blue and green striped deal that you wear pretty often. Not too bad wardrobifier.

Next stop: Transporta-

The green that envelops you tells you that you will _not_ be taking the transportalizer, Bec would like his food now. You pull out a steak from the box that you keep in the fridge of meat that you butcher for him specifically. Bec, good dog, best friend that he may be, also eats a hell of a lot of meat. You, on the other hand, grab out a bowl and pour in oats, some homemade dried fruit, some nuts, and a bit of almond milk. Getting all of your nutrients was something that you've always been really worried about, so you've always eaten as diverse a diet as you can get your hands on. That doesn't mean a lot of meat, however. You've also never been able to get your hands on a reliable source of dairy, which means figuring out another source of those nutrients.

You make it work though. As Bec is finishing his food, he goes toward the door looking outside, and before you can even try to open the door for him, he's already teleported through. Not like you can keep him inside anyhow. Figuring out what you're going to do with yourself is the more difficult task anyhow. You've got a few projects started up since it's nicer out, the biggest one being upgrading the filtration system in the water intake plant. You need some specialized parts for it, so you either need to make them or try to figure out some way to _get_ them, which is... not really going to happen.

Whatever you're going to do, you need to get some computing device to do it, either to look at schematics or go on the internet. You start walking idly towards the transportalizer, passing through the living room, into the main pillar of the house. The great beast that decorates the first floor, its worm-like form always intimidating, towers over you as you ascend the first half of the steps to the upper level. You've been curious as to what it was, where it came from, and while you have a suspicion, you have no idea how you would even confirm it. Not that it's even important.

Once you get up to the second level, surrounded by the ghastly faces of the blue women your grandpa collected, you really start to question his choices. You go up and down here all the time, traversing the levels of your house regularly, and the amount of stuff makes you think he was probably a hoarder. You continue your ascension, passing by the mummies, the knights, and finally, upon reaching the trophy room, you transportalize to right below your room. If you only had a way to move that giant worm, you wouldn't have to make this trek every time you just want to go downstairs. At least he had the foresight to install a bathroom up here for you.

Your room is mostly quiet, so you hear the Ping Ping Ping of your pesterchum going off right away. Considering the people that _aren't_ talking to you at the moment, it's pretty much going to be either Dave or Roxy, so you rush up to your computer, excited that someone wants to talk to you. A glance verifies that it is indeed one of the two, Dave to be precise. According to the notifications, you have about thirty messages, so you're fairly sure he started messaging you about when you woke up.

twistingGeniality [TG] started pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

TG: hey jade  
TG: jade my good girl  
TG: ive got something important to tell you  
TG: okay it actually isnt important at all you called my bluff  
TG: i just want to talk to the only friend that actually respects me anymore  
TG: i mean i guess rose does but i dont really trust her  
TG: like sure i could technically talk to her about anything but how do i know shes not going to just up and tell the world like shes a whistleblower revealing government secrets  
TG: "the president is what? an alien and a clown? thats impossible sir, you _are_ the president. unless... this is a confession!"  
TG: damn i cant even get you to respond by slandering the name of the good man barack obama  
TG: you know i love that man you should have caught on that something was terribly off with your super powers by now  
TG: your super powers that let you predict the future and also probably fly or some shit  
TG: can you imagine how sweet flying would be  
TG: just rolling around in the sky without a care because you dont have to care you can fucking fly  
TG: thatd be the shit  
TG: okay for real what the actual hell jade its been solidly fifteen minutes you cant just do this to me  
TG: what if there was an actual emergency what would i do then  
TG: would you just expect me to sit here wailing to myself sadly about how my one true friend was missing when i needed her the most  
TG: go all woe is me i am alone in my darkest hour wont some knight in shining armor come save me  
TG: like im a damsel in distress and not the gorgeous fucking man that i am  
TG: and then the knight shows up and takes off their helmet and im like whoa youre a girl damn  
TG: thats a genre fucking subversion right god damn there   
TG: wait is there a gender neutral term for damsel  
TG: theres gotta be i know old english wont fail me on this one  
TG: english has never failed to have words for the most asinine of things  
TG: okay so apparently some people say that damsel can be gender neutral since it has been used that way but that's not satisfying to me  
TG: damoiseau is the masculine equivalent to the word that damsel comes from but theres not a shortening like damsel for it  
TG: the best this forum is telling me is lad or bachelor so  
TG: im your bachelor in distress over here  
TG: come help me jade  
TG: only you have the power to save me from the dragon that is my boredom  
TG: holy crap the dragon is about to eat me  
GG: dave you are beyond ridicule  
GG: you're so silly :P  
GG: that's really interesting though, the thing about the etymology of the word damsel  
GG: so what did you want to talk about?  
TG: well first off were you really up at 3am your time today  
TG: do i need to talk to you about regular bedtimes jade  
GG: what... dave, i was asleep at 3, like i always am  
GG: did my account message you then?  
TG: nah but your normal away status switched to online for like ten minutes  
TG: you sure you didnt like get up to get water or anything  
GG: im 100% sure :\  
GG: and bec wouldn't have set it off or anything, you have to actually access my computer to  
GG: what the heck could have activated my account  
TG: honestly it could have just been a glitch  
TG: i don't doubt that at all

You pause. You kind of doubt that. There's one person who has shown that they've been able to get into your account before. You send Dave another message before checking some things.

GG: hold on, i think i might have an idea of what's up :|  
TG: that doesnt sound suspicious at all jade  
TG: but alright

You pull up a history of your network activity and expand it all the way back to midnight. There's the usual middling activity that Pesterchum and your various other programs use, but sure enough, right around 3 a.m. there's a huge spike in the activity. You don't know enough about networking to know for sure, but that looks pretty suspicious to you. 

GG: hey, sorry dave, but i might be kind of unavailable for a little bit.  
GG: i need to talk to someone  
TG: uhh alright jade but do you think maybe you could fill me in on whats going on  
GG: i really can't  
GG: i just need to ask someone some questions :(  
GG: i promise i'll get back to you after it all! :D  
TG: alright jade just take care of yourself  
TG: i guess im going to keep looking at the etymology of damsel

You minimize the chat with Dave. You're not entirely sure _why_ she would have gotten access to your account, but you're just going to confront her about it straight on. That's about the only way that you're going to get an answer out of her.

gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

GG: hey roxy  
GG: can we talk for a few minutes?

As you wait for her to respond, you try to keep yourself calm. She could have theoretically looked at any of your conversations, stolen any information that she wanted to on Pesterchum, but she isn't the type of person to do that and honestly what would she have to gain from it anyhow? No, you need to just go at this with a level head. She's your friend, a good friend, and she probably had some good reason to do it.

TG: hey whats up my gla?  
TG: yoru gilr rox is heer to meet all of yuor cnoversational needs  
TG: *here *your  
TG: what is up in teh house?  
GG: this is kind of serious roxy, can you be serious with me for like, 10 minutes? :\  
GG: please?  
TG: alrigth, i'm yoru ssr business girl  
TG: waht do you need my jadey-cakes?  
GG: did you hack into my account last night?

There's a noticeable pause before her next message, as if she's typing out a long message or maybe contemplating what to say. You're going with the latter since the message that comes in is

TG: yea  
GG: alright, can you tell me why? :|  
TG: im not really srue thats a great idea  
TG: like u mgiht nto take it teh bets  
TG: *might  
GG: roxy, it's my account, i have a right to know what you did with it >:|  
GG: what could you possibly have done that is that big of a deal if you didn't even send any messages to anyone  
GG: if you read my messages to someone, tell me who  
TG: jadey, youre alreayd maikn it a big deal thouhg  
TG: like this whole converstaion is provni to me thta its definitely a big deal  
TG: *provnig *that  
TG: **proving lmao  
TG: yuore blownig up on me adn yuo dnot even know whta it is  
TG: i didnt talk to anyone tho  
TG: adn i didtn reda ayn of your chats  
TG: *read  
GG: why are you being so stubborn about this? D:<  
GG: you do get that this is a major breach of my trust, right?  
GG: like, i knew that you could hack my account and yeah i can't really do anything about it but that doesn't mean that i'm just going to be happy if you do it  
TG: hwo ddi you even find out abotu it anyhow?  
TG: like, i didn't leaev any trcae or anythnig, so theer should'nt have been any wya thta you should hvae bene able to tell  
GG: my internet doesn't usually spike at 3am for no reason >:((  
GG: are you going to tell me or are you just going to continue to be stubborn about this?  
TG: i dont really think i shuold tell you  
TG: liek i said i thikn it'll juts make you agnrier  
TG: *just  
TG: maybe if you were'nt so quick to get angry and have grudgse against people tehn i woudlnt have to keep secrets from yuo  
GG: oh, wow, is this about rose?  
GG: i guess you did get some of those lalonde genes because you're being so much like her right now  
GG: you don't even know what started this whole fight and yet here you are, being just as stubborn as she was being  
TG: my mom inst a bad perosn adn maybe you should take the tmie to takl to her and forgive her  
TG: youre probabyl just misunderstanding her  
TG: *misundertsanding  
TG: **wait nope taht one was right lmao  
TG: and no i dont realyl understadn teh situation because you wont epxlain it to me  
TG: but you're accusnig me of being stubbron?  
TG: jadye, look in a fucikn mriror sometiem  
TG: *jadey *mirror  
TG: you need to have a dilaogue of some sort to be able to gte any sort of undesrtanding gonig  
TG: you cnat juts blcok people at teh first sign of you not liking what they're saiyng  
GG: you think that's what i do roxy? >:((  
GG: i'm not even going to bother with this any more  
GG: i can't block you, since you can just get around that  
GG: but hey, i can just ignore all of your messages  
GG: maybe that'll get it through your head that just hacking into someone's account isn't an okay thing to do  
TG: jade, you're literally just doing waht i said yuo would do  
GG: shut up roxy

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

You slam closed your lunchtop. You said you'd get back to Dave, but you're in no mood for that right now. Honestly, the only thing you're in the mood for at the moment is throwing things, but instead you just collapse on your bed and punch it a few times. 

\----------

Jade: Be John

It's mid June in Washington, and you've been out of school for a few weeks now. You haven't had much to do that entire time, since you would usually be spending it talking to Jade, Dana, and Rose, and playing games with them. Your dad has been as helpful as he can, but honestly, the two most helpful people have been Kate and Nina, who you are hanging out with at a park right now. The weather is really nice, and you're sitting on one of the cracked orange swings here, though honestly the seat is digging into your butt a bit. Kate is sitting in front of you, picking at the grass, and Nina is sitting sideways on the other swing.

"Hey John. Joooohn. John."

"kate, i literally only didn't answer you for a second"

"shush, it's enough. So like, what classes are you taking next year?"

"i already told you this. twice."

You shoot her a tongue out, and she returns the favor, so you up the game by making a raspberry at her. Only the most mature antics for whatever this gang is known at.

"He's got a point, Kate, you're not really the type to be this forgetful."

"well okay so I didn't actually completely forget but i definitely have a reason for this so just hear me out."

"Whatever, come on John, let's hear it."

"well i've obviously got the core four, i'm not taking anything special there. unlike last year i'm actually taking an english class this year, which means one less 'fun' class. i guess i finally got to the point where my skills match the grade level. i always take a music class, but this time i'm switching from percussion to a composition course. it sounds interesting, and i only have to play instruments occasionally rather than every day. i finally managed to get out of doing home ec, so instead of that i'm taking a class on computer programming. it sounds kind of interesting to me, and at least it'll be a change of pace."

"Actually, I think i'm taking that computer programming course with you, John"

"Aaaaaaand, I'm going to be in the composition course with you!"

"i didn't know you were into music like that, kate. did you recently change your schedule?"

"how did you not know?? i talk about music all the time!!! but yeah i changed my schedule because i was supposed to be taking a digital music course but not enough people signed up for it so they cancelled the course and i switched into the composition course and i was pretty sure that you were in the composition course too so i wanted to check with you about it. i only actually switched yesterday."

"wow, that's really cool! sucks that the digital music course is being dropped though, i wish you could take that."

"oh, they promised me they'd offer it next year no matter what so it's not like i'm missing out on it regardless, and i was going to try to fit the composition course into my schedule at some point too."

She slouches back onto her arms as she's saying that, forming herself into a sort of laying shrug motion before fully dropping into a lay on the ground. Nina flops off her swing and crawls over to Kate, picking up a flower on the way, a small pink one that you see a lot in the grass around your house. She lays it daintily on Kate's face, so the flower itself lays right on the tip of her nose. The pink contrasts against Kate's deep brown skin, which honestly looks really pretty, but the stem of the flower is basically poking her in the eye so after a few moments she shakes her head to rid herself of it.

The three of you sit there in peace for a few moments before you decide to join them on the ground. When you plop down next to Kate, you catch a glance of hazel in your peripheral vision. When you look up, you notice that Nina is looking at you with a perplexed look on her face.

"So, are you intentionally growing your hair out?"

"what do you mean?"

"Well, your hair is like, at least three times as long as when I met you."

"i just kind of haven't gotten it cut"

"hey, john, you should totally let me put your hair up. i bet it'd look cute that way."

You consider it for a second. With all of the gender shenanigans going on with your online group of friends, you're kind of worried about doing anything to even possibly hint at being anything but a guy. Which, you're definitely a guy, but you know if Rose sees anything that could show otherwise she'll latch on to it. Nonetheless, their pleading looks sway you. That, and you know that saying otherwise might actually be more suspicious.

"sure, not like there's any reason i wouldn't be okay with it."

She scoots around behind you, pulling out a hair tie. You can feel her grabbing at the strands at the back of your head and it kind of hurts a bit to be honest? You can't even see what she's doing, but you figure she's probably putting it into a ponytail or something. You hear the sound of elastic snapping and suddenly there's a bit more pressure on your hair, but it's constant. A few hairs are left to the front which kind of tickle your face but she sweeps them to the side and uses what you think are bobby pins to keep them in place. Nina is just sitting there admiring the job that she's doing, but you can tell that she's got her "this is making me happy but i'm trying not to make that obvious" smirk on. 

"okay, i'm done, do you want to see?"

"Whoa, you actually look really cute like that!"

"aaaaaaahhh, genuinely yeah john. you should try doing more stuff with your hair."

Nope. No. Kate is pulling out her phone to take a picture and Nina already has hers out but you don't think she's taken any pictures yet but you take a hand and run it back until you catch the hair tie and you just yank it out of your hair as hard as you can. You're not some play thing. You're not 'cute'. And you're definitely not a girl. The hair tie comes with several of your hairs, but you dont care, you lay it in your lap and pull out the bobby pins. It takes you a few seconds to realize how shocked Nina and Kate are. 

"uhh, sorry, it was just really painful. i didn't want to keep it in anymore."

Their looks tell you that really didn't convince them. You're also not really in the mood to convince them anyhow. 

"listen, we should go get some lunch, it's already like 2."

"alright, that's totally cool with me."

"Yeah, that's alright with me. You know you could have just said no."

"i just said, it was painful, it's not like i would have known that beforehand"

The two of them, graciously, drop the topic after that. Your brain, however, does not drop the topic.

It's not like you're growing your hair out to look more like a girl. You just don't really care.

Right?

\----------

John: Be Rose

Rose is currently occupied with... Alright, frankly speaking, Rose is not occupied with anything. Why Rose is choosing to speak in the third person in her internal monologue is a query that will be deliberated over by scholars far and wide into the 25th century, you're sure. You, of course, being Rose. The current state of the "Rose" is that of disquiet, a morass of twisted limbs and tentacles and tenebrosity engulfs her every movement. How she will be able to extricate herself from this unholy locus, or whether such an action is even possible, is yet to be witnessed.

Enough fucking dramatics. You pull yourself out of the sheets and miscellany of knitting supplies, scarves, half finished projects, and books that you tumbled yourself into after you fell off your bed this morning. You were quite content to just further tangle yourself within that mess until you realized that at least two things would need to happen today: consumption of some form of nutritious substance, and a trip to the restroom. The latter is that which calls to you at the current moment. 

Once you've finished your brief interlude in the lavatory, the former calls to you as well. Your phone mentions that it's about 2 p.m. which explains the ravenousness which is currently paralyzing you from doing anything except **very carefully** descending the stairs. You _still_ almost slip on the third to bottom one. Socks and stairs not lavished in carpet never tend to agree, in your humble opinion, and why your mother decided that all of the stairs in your house should be made of marble is beyond you. It looks nice, sure, but it stains like hell and it feels bad no matter what is on your feet.

_That_ aforementioned parental unit has been gone from the house for several hours. Though you haven't actually checked her room, it's a Monday, and that means that she's forsaken this housing for the lab nearby, usually frightfully early considering the hour which she turns in at. During the summer, as it is currently, this leaves you with an empty house and naught to do. Even your writing class takes off for most of the summer period.

You pop a few frozen waffles in the toaster, and do the same with some scrambled eggs that are mercifully left over from the last time that an actual breakfast was prepared in the house. A glass of orange juice finishes off the meal, and you sit down at the couch. 

Usually during the summer, you just read, write, and chill out. Honestly, that's probably not going to change much this summer. Your best work has come out of countless hours of sitting around, writing, scratching out words, sentences, ripping out pages, and casually throwing sidelong glances at your portraits of various eldritch beings, including Sigmund Freud. Let it not be said that you are a person who basks often in the voluminous rays cast down upon you by the radiant furnace in the sky. _You_ , indeed, prefer to keep yourself inside, where the dim light permits your soul to feast upon it's... darker intentions.

Today you think you'll go outside, however. It seems like a relatively overcast day, with a nice temperature, and you know you can let the weather guide you into a simple melancholy that will satisfy you. You gather your phone, and yourself, and quickly change into a skirt and a simple shirt, one of your own design. This one shows a horror, though the original outline was of a "Squiddle", a creature from one of Jade's favorite shows. In retrospect, it suits you well, something that could have been cute reshaped into something that, to an everyday citizen, represents disgusting and dreadful terror.

Much like you indeed.

You trot along the path, following it through the woods alongside the offshoot of the river that runs through your house. The river, marvelously, is what gives the town a few miles down the road it's name, Rainbow Falls. It's a wonderful name, in your opinion, and fitting for someone of such a... queer persuasion. You imagine, however, that the people who originally named it as such had no particular thoughts in mind. In fact, they were likely homophobes and all around awful people, as many of the current inhabitants of the town are. It is perhaps symbolic, then, that you and your mom have broken off a portion of that river to claim as your own, as indeed you have turned a portion of the town very, very gay. Well, your mom seemingly has. According to the gossip that you definitely don't listen to, that is.

You walk is all around peaceful; The lab which rests nearby is silent and you pass by it without even giving a thought as to what is occurring within it. Though you have your suspicions considering the situation that connected you with Jane, and the subsequent reaction from your matronly figure, your ability to actually pry into that information lies, now as before, dormant.

So, you continue to walk. Once you happen upon a rocky section of the path that butts right up against the river, though, you decide to take a break. You sit down on the rock, remove your shoes, and set your feet in the satisfyingly cool stream flowing by.

And, your phone goes off. 

gutsyGumshoe [GG] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

GG: Hello there Rose!  
GG: Gosh it's good to speak to you again.  
GG: I've just finished most of my afternoon appointments and I was wondering if you had a minute to chat? :B  
TT: Of course I do Jane. I, unlike you, am not at all busy at this juncture.  
TT: What is it that you would like to talk about?  
GG: Well, I haven't got anything in particular that I want to talk about, I just like chatting with you.  
GG: Has anything changed with your friends?  
TT: Unfortunately not. John continues to be stubborn, and Jade is simply not speaking to me.  
TT: It's been a while since I've attempted to contact Dave, and I am reticent about that.  
TT: I simply don't know what I would even say.  
GG: I know it's not exactly my position to interject, but perhaps you should try reaching out to all three of them?  
GG: You might try apologizing to Dave?  
TT: Whatever for?  
TT: He overreacted to what I did, and worse yet, Jade ended up turning against me because of it.  
GG: Okay, perhaps start with John then. I'm from the same family as John, at least, even if the exact specifications of how so are a little strange between our two universes.  
GG: We aren't the type that can't be reasoned with, not at all.  
GG: Surely there's something that you can say to him that will help him understand what he's doing wrong?  
TT: I appreciate your optimism, Jane, I really do, but he seems recalcitrant against all of my efforts.  
TT: I care about him, and I believe he will come around, with time, but I must admit that I have met with increasing frustration the longer I carry on.  
TT: He simply denies any chance that what **is** the truth **could be** the truth.  
GG: I admit, even in life, my father said he was stubborn.   
GG: Alright, let's not dwell on matters of undue sadness then, what have you been up to during your summer break.  
GG: I really miss having those :B  
TT: I've really mostly been sitting around, writing and reading as I do.  
TT: I don't have many local friends, so my options when it comes to "going out and doing things," as many of the youth do, are indeed limited.  
TT: At the moment I'm soaking my feet in Rainbow Creek, the one that runs through my house.  
TT: I imagine that you would miss having these breaks when you're the heiress to a corporation, but to be quite honest, I often find them fairly dull.  
TT: They lack the common activity that being in classes and my extracirriculars do.  
TT: Boredom sets in quite quickly.  
TT: Honestly I would find myself playing games more if my darned friends would simply join me.  
GG: Oh, being an heiress is quite stressful indeed. I mean, I'm happy to be it, and I have big plans for the company once I take over.  
GG: I will admit that the stress is a lot though. I've been performing the duties of an heiress for a long time, learning how to run a company, avoiding assassination attempts, fighting lessons with a trident, attending long term strategy meetings, the works, and while I never get tired of it I also always look forward to the breaks.  
TT: Jane I _do_ have to wonder if some of those are truly that "standard" for CEO training.  
GG: I assure you they are. Regardless, certainly you undergo a similar amount of stress, what with your parentage.  
TT: Me? Ha, not at all. I'm barely under any stress with my mom.  
GG: Well, I just thought that... maybe we were mistaken?  
GG: It certainly wouldn't be too out there to assume that we had simply gotten the wrong person, right?  
TT: What do you mean you had gotten the wrong person?  
GG: Well, after the whole thing with you, Roxy and I did some snooping around on your side of the internet.  
GG: We found who we believed to be your mom. World famous scientist working for SkaiaNet, effectively in charge of it, she's got 5 doctorates _at least_. In your world SkaiaNet is one of the largest companies out there, isn't it?  
GG: Surely she expects you to take up the mantle to some degree, doesn't she?  
TT: I knew that she was a famous scientist of some sort but.. really? Five doctorates?  
TT: No, that doesn't really come up at home at all. Actually, her home life mostly consists of wizard statues, drinking, and absurd housewife rituals.  
TT: I mean I know she's basically in charge of SkaiaNet but she doesn't even accept that. She thinks that Jake Harley is still going to come back.  
TT: He'd be like 100 at this point, but she's adamant that this is nothing new for him.  
GG: So she doesn't put any sort of expectations on you to like... run the company, be a scientist like her?  
TT: She's always pushed me to follow whatever I wanted to, honestly. For me, that's been psychoanalysis, lovecraftian creatures, writing, and most recently, women.   
TT: I think she's just happy that I'm _alive_ and have a brain at all considering her drinking habits.  
GG: I'm not honestly sure whether to be happy for you or sad for you. It is quite nice to have all the responsibility.  
TT: Thanks, but I'll pass. I have enough stress a lot of the time just keeping her out of trouble.  
TT: Her passive-aggressive antics towards me definitely _**don't**_ help things, either.  
GG: I imagine not. I have to say that I'm somewhat disappointed by this revelation.  
GG: I was somewhat hoping that I would find in you a common soul, someone who is going through what I am, with being the heiress and all that.  
GG: Regardless, while I _have_ enjoyed this conversation, I have to go to another meeting.   
GG: Bye, Rose! :B  
TT: Goodbye, Jane.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

Roxy is your... well, she's not _**your**_ daughter, but she's the daughter of an alternative version of yourself. So why does it feel weird knowing that her, alongside Jane, a good friend of yours, just looked up information about your family. Sure, knowing what your mom does isn't exactly that strange all things considered but... why didn't they just ask you?

You continue to ponder this as you walk back along the path. As you pass the lab, you notice that the satellite on the roof is moving.

\----------

Rose: Be John

GT: rose, all i'm saying is that, i don't know, maybe i might be wrong about it?  
TT: I'm glad to hear that from you, finally, but I think perhaps there's more to this than that?  
GT: oh lord here we go  
GT: no, there isn't more to this whole thing than me just questioning my stance on trans people, alright?  
GT: i just actually went and read stuff and realized that i kind of don't know that much  
TT: You **_didn't_** know that much, John. Clearly, if you're changing your opinion on it, you've educated yourself more.  
TT: My question is, if, as you mentioned before, you relate so much to what Dave said about his experience with gender  
TT: Perhaps you, yourself, have some underlying issues with gender?  
GT: you and i both know that's ridiculous on the face of it  
GT: have i ever shown any signs of anything like that?  
GT: i'm not some flaming queer just prancing about, you know  
GT: like, i'd show it  
GT: right?  
TT: All I'm asking you to do is do some introspection, John.  
TT: That, and reach out to Dave and Jade and apologize.  
TT: Also, kindly don't refer to anyone as a "flaming queer"  
GT: is it not accurate?  
TT: It's a fucking slur, John  
GT: okay, sorry  
GT: genuine mistake on my part  
GT: i'm not exactly good at the whole introspection thing though, and you know it  
TT: An aid in this might be to find some literature, maybe even a "test" of sorts which helps you to determine whether you're trans  
GT: sure  
GT: i already know what it'll say, so whats the harm  
GT: it will also get you off my back  
TT: That it will.

ghostlyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

You're not trans, not even remotely. You're honestly not even sure why you brought up your anxieties to her, not even a week ago you were fretting over even _thinking about it_ , lest she somehow suspect something from an idle slip of the key, as she often does, and today when you bring up your anxiety over potentially being wrong about the Dave being trans thing, she turns it around on you and makes it about **you** being trans.

Which you're not. How does someone turn you telling them that you're coming around to being accepting towards trans people into that? Rose and her psychobabble.

You pull up your web browser. Might as well get this over with as quickly as possible. You figure the test will be the quickest way to prove to her that you're not, so your first search is "Trans Gender Test."

That pulls up your typical clickbait, but under a few of those, there's some genuine forum posts asking for the best gender test that people know of. A few into that, you find the COGIATI.

It's the most official sounding one you've seen yet. 

When you get to the website, though, you have other ideas. It's a bit of a mess, colors all over the place. You decide to push forward nonetheless. 

A lot of the test's questions have to do with things like your ability to remember peoples' faces, voices and such, abstract thinking puzzles, and some about "why you dress femininely" and similar sorts of questions. You've never dressed femininely, and you've never even really thought of it, so you're kind of unsure how to answer those questions. You figure it's not going to mess with the result of the test that much though, since it's not too many questions that are along those lines.

It takes you about a half an hour to finish, which is a half an hour more than you wanted to spend on it if you're being honest. You're on the verge of salty already, and the result that you get only sends you over that edge even more.

"Probable Transsexual"??

Yeah fucking right. So, either the questions that you _couldn't_ answer right threw off the result, or this test is just fucking wrong. 

There's no way you could actually be trans. You've never like... thought about wearing dresses. More than a couple times, at least. You've thought about wanting to change your body but it's more abstract than just "I don't like my gender."

~~Maybe dysphoria just isn't that simple.~~

You click back to the first page and reread the opening text. Pretty quickly you get the gist: the whole thing is a disclaimer saying that this test is pseudo-scientific bullshit. Alright, well, that blows, you should have read that first. Why would people recommend this if it's bullshit?

Going back to the forums, a few posts down someone lays out the entire story of that site. The owner of it apparently is a prominent trans woman and cultural person and she made the test because, in her own words "nothing better exists." That's not too bad of a goal, but it's not like you should just be putting it out there and having people stumble upon it thinking it's actually legitimate.

You're frustrated. You wanted to be able to prove to Rose that you're not trans.

An idea pops into your head, one that your trickstery side really likes.

10 minutes later, you have a screencap of the website with a not quite but nearly perfect "Definite Male" score. Bingo. If the test is pseudoscience, faking it to get a result is just as valid as taking it seriously.

ghostlyTrickster [GT] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] 

ghostlyTrickster [GT] sent tentacleTherapist [TT] the file "heresyourproof.png"

TT: I stand corrected.  
GT: damn right  
GT: maybe don't turn every instance of me being a bit more accepting into me actually being something weird, alright?  
TT: I'm not so sure that you're quite as accepting as you think, John.

\----------

John: Be Dave

You're currently Dave Strider, relishing the ability to use your actual name, by which you mean you're chatting with Jade and walking around downtown. Houston isn't exactly the most _interesting_ of urban landscapes, but it beats being cooped up in your house, and you've got some money burning a hole in your pocket.

TG: jade look all im saying is a man has got to stretch his wings  
TG: and considering this man isnt even recognized as a man by basically anyone  
TG: my wings need to be extra stretched  
GG: well then stretch them, dave! :D  
GG: there's gotta be a bunch of stuff that you can do to express yourself  
TG: okay you say that but im a 14 year old guy in houston who owns a skateboard that is getting _**pretty**_ worn out and a computer bro got me so i could work on digital art  
TG: my options arent exactly extensive  
TG: ive got that old polaroid too but the ironic selfie business got old pretty quickly  
GG: well, what about music?

You've come to a crossroads. Not in the conversation, literally, so you decide to head towards the outskirts of downtown, a part of the city that you haven't been to before.

TG: what on earth makes you think this guy right here would be at all good at making music  
GG: you sent me a couple of mixes last year, right?  
GG: what did you make those on?  
TG: those things  
TG: i made them in fl studio  
TG: it only took me like a couple hours a piece  
GG: they were really good! :)   
GG: and it gives us something else to bond over. i play my bass, and you can make mixes.  
GG: i mean, you've always had good _**taste**_ in music, i imagine that probably translates over pretty well into actually making music :P

As she's saying this, as if by fate, you happen to spot a record store across the street. What the hell. First off, how the hell is a record store even able to stick around in this economy? Second off, how the hell did you just serendipitously come across it right as Jade is mentioning to you that you should make mixes. 

Serendipity be damned, you're going to go inside.

TG: i think the world agrees with you because i just found a record shop  
TG: so what do you think  
TG: what style of music should i go for  
GG: geez dave, you're supposed to be the one who is mixing the music here :P  
GG: i don't think you should restrict yourself to one style of music  
GG: just make whatever sounds good to you :D  
TG: spoken like exactly what i would expect from you jade

You scan around the shop a little bit, looking for anything that remotely resembles a mixing deck. Bro works with some people that do mixing, so you've seen one before, but with the cash that you got from him you're probably not going to be able to get one that's actually terribly good or anything. He surprisingly actually paid you to do a job a while ago. It wasn't anything complicated, just run a package to one of his associates on the other side of town, but he paid you a good hundred bucks for it, so you're not complaining and you're not really asking questions either. Whatever his business that he needs to keep so secret is, you're not exactly interested. 

After a few minutes you spot it: an old set, the kind that uses actual records, tucked up underneath one of the record tables. You get under there and pull it out, and snap a picture to send to Jade. It's got a price tag on it that looks like it's straight up from the 90's that lists it at 90 dollars. Perfect. You give the tables a little spin, and look at that, they actually move which is good. The cords are, amazingly, actually with the tables, so you grab the box with the whole thing and start weaving around the store. You don't have any records, which is the unlucky part of it, so you just grab some that look cool or weird, and you figure you can sample some sounds off of them or just try mixing their sounds together until you get something cool out of it.

twistingGeniality [TG] sent gardenGnostic [GG] the file "sweetmix.png"

GG: whoa! :O  
GG: do you know if it actually works?  
TG: i havent been able to like actually test it out or anything but it looks sweet  
TG: theres two tables and the mixing deck itself in there and its only $90  
GG: i don't actually know how much money that is but that doesn't sound like too much  
GG: you have the money for it right? :D  
TG: i think i should as long as the shop owner isnt a tool about it

You end up with four records stacked on top of the kit, each like 5 bucks or so. It technically goes over the amount that you've got, but Bro taught you to haggle so you've got this.

"Hey dude, total today comes out to $117.70. Cash or card?"

"damn thats actually a bit much for me. think you could bring it down to $110?"

She gives you a bit of an incredulous look but, seeing as there's not anyone behind you, you don't really have any reason to _**not**_ keep it up.

"This kits a lot cheaper than you're going to find it pretty much anywhere else, kid, I can tell you that. It also actually works, which a lot of the fuckin' stores around here can't guarantee about any sets they'd give you. It's a hell of a deal."

"yeah and the sticker looks like its from the 90's so youve got approximately zero other people whove come in here in twenty or so years asking for it. im taking it off your hands. $110 isnt bad at all."

She rolls her eyes at that.

"Who taught you to haggle, Dirk 'i'm shit at haggling' Strider himself?"

"what if i told you thats exactly who taught me to haggle"

"Fuckin' christ, you're Dirk's kid?"

"dirks my bro if thats what you mean."

"Whatever, same thing. Dirk used to come in here all the time pulling the same shit, except he was usually dragging some poor guy along with him. Feel bad for whatever dude he ended up with."

Uh. Did you just figure out that Bro is gay through a clerk at a random fucking record store? You push that aside, can't let the realization of the sexuality of your guardian mess up a good haggle.

"listen i can promise you nobody else is going to come in here offering you even $100 for these tables so you might as well take my offer."

"Ah, whatever, I'll do the $110. Tell Dirk I said hi, by the way. Name's Alex."

You give her the money, which is (not so) coincidentally all that you have left in your wallet, and bid her farewell. 

TG: i even managed to haggle the price down to less than what she wanted so  
GG: nice! :D  
GG: you've gotta show me it when you get it all set up in your place!!  
TG: i promise you i will  
TG: ive gotta walk it all the way back there so im gonna hop off  
GG: bye dave!! :)

twistingGeniality [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

It only takes you about 20 minutes to get back with the box in your hand, and another 10 to get all the way up the stairs. As soon as you manage to get the door to your place open (Bro is gone so you don't have to avoid any of the typical traps) you barge into your room. There's a wall of your room that is mostly unoccupied at the moment and you can already see it coming together.

You clear away the pile of clothes that is currently in that space, mostly just throwing it on your bed for the moment, and run back out to the hall. On the roof, you gather a couple cinder blocks and bring them down to your room. A few more trips of this, and you have a sturdy base for a table. Problem is, you don't have a table top.

_Wait._ You do have a table top. A literal table top. Bro smashed through the coffee table last fall and the table top is just sitting the stairway. You go out and grab it and place it on its new throne.

The records fit perfectly underneath and a few hours later you have the turntables and mixing deck set up.

You have a feeling this is going to be a good day.

\----------

Dave: Be Jade

A leaf falls from the canopy above you onto your lap, covering several of your fingers in it's verdant shade. It's Saturday, several days after your confrontation with Roxy. In that time, you've talked to Dave three times. That's the only social interaction you've really had. The White Queen has been busy overseeing the preparation of another batch of clones from the ectobiology labs, and has therefore been unavailable, and while Bec has been _around_ , his mood toward you has skewed aloof. This is why you find yourself sitting, as you have several times before, in the clearing in the woods on your island, leaning against the rock, just taking in your surroundings. 

You hear a high-pitched tweet coming from the tree line to your right and are frustrated with yourself that you can't identify what bird it is. Something in the air is throwing it off. Instead, you try to focus on the texture of the stone and the dirt against your back and legs. It's hard, gritty, but soft, still somehow. Like the stone has been weathered over time but kept some of its original roughness. You peek open your eyes and reach a hand down to pick at the dirt. 

Why Roxy would blow up at you over, what, you don't even know, is a mystery to you. It's agonizing, even. Her companionship had been something that you unwittingly came to rely on, something that made your everyday brighter, but... you're not just going to run back to her, not when she accused _**you**_ of being in the wrong about Rose outing Dave. Family loyalty obviously means a lot to her, understandably, but... god, why didn't you just tell her?

A beetle chooses this moment to crawl onto your hand. It's speckled, with cute little eyes and pincers. You just kind of watch it for a while, as you turn yourself making accommodations for its movements. If you can be so kind and malleable for this insect, why... why do you find it so hard to do the same for your friends?

You rest your head against the protruding mineral that you've chosen as your impromptu resting surface. The sounds of the forest are quite calming, all things considered. You close your eyes and begin to relax. Perhaps somewhere on Prospit can help you clear your thoughts. You feel yourself start to drift towards sleep, and you think you can briefly see the golden walls of your room in the tower. It feels nice, comforting to know that at least soon you won't be on Earth, you'll have escaped to a land where everyone loves and worships you. Its shallow, you know, but it's positive inter-

BRRrrRRRrrRRrrrrRRZZZzzzZZZzzZzzZzzZZZTTtttTTTttTTtTtttTTTTT

It's that sound again. Well, you think it is, it was a lot louder and more intense this time. It felt like it was literally ripping through everything, it shook your whole body and made your brain feel like it was melting. You take a few seconds to recover before you scream out.

"BEEEEEEEEEEC"

Brrzzztt

Dang. That's what you _**weren't**_ hoping was the case. Bec teleports in front of you when you scream to him, and you listen to the sound that it makes. Sure enough, it sounds similar to the world-tearing noise that you've now heard twice. You had hypothesized that he might be involved with this somehow, and that basically confirms it for you. You pet his head, scratching him behind the ears right where he likes it, and whisper to him.

"hey boy, could you bring me back to my room?"

Brrrzzzzttt

You're back in your room, the one on Earth, not on Prospit. Unfortunately, that's sort of a bummer for you, but you'll manage. 

Last time that you heard that sound, you had a new contact in your chum roll. Though it would be strange for that to be the only correlative to the sound, as evidenced by Bec's teleportation having a similar sound, it's a good place for you to start. You open up Pesterchum to check your chumroll and...

Okay, that's definitely strange. 

Underneath your chumroll, you have something new. It's called a "trollslum," though why you would need a new section just for a new contact puzzles you. On top of that, the characters for the name seem to be... corrupted? That's the best explanation you have for it, they're really angular and don't look like any that you've seen in your life. 

Soon, as with last time, they start talking to you. Yet again, though, their text comes up in a script completely incomprehensible to you. You try replying back; Maybe if they see you typing in English, they'll respond in kind? It's about the least likely thing you've ever tried, but hey, nothing ventured.

GG: i'm sorry but i really can't understand what you're saying D:  
GG: i want to try but those letters just dont make any sense to me :\

Nope. The same letters come up, and you're sure both of you are saying pretty much the same thing right now. Strangely, after looking over them a few more times, however, they start to feel kind of familiar. You're almost certain you've seen them before.

If you've seen them anywhere, it would have been in your grandpa's old books, so you head to the den where there's piles and piles of them. "An Almanac of the Tides, 1965," "The Greatest Journey: How Man Can Defeat Aliens From Outer Space," "Dogs All Around The World," "A (Partial) Guide to Interdemensional Travel." Why he would have some of these books is beyond your understanding, though you've never noticed the dog one before. You snatch it for your personal collection.

It takes you twenty minutes to find it. "Informal Alternian: Alphabet, Dictionary, Syntax, and Quirks." Below it is a second title with similar looking characters to the ones that the strange contact was talking with. 

The "book" is also actually five volumes, each easily twice the size of an average textbook. You pick up the first one; It claims to be the one on the alphabet, so hopefully that will help things. It describes things pretty in depth: how to pronounce each letter, their origins, and their various diacritics. 

It's when you're about halfway through that book that you realize that you should probably be taking notes. You rush up the stairs, grab your lunchtop, a notebook, and a bunch of pencils of various colors, and get to work. 

You end up spending three days reading through the volumes. It's dense, and you honestly can't say that by the end of it you remember much of the history of the language. Mostly, you just took notes on its usage. You didn't really get the "quirks" section, and you've mostly discarded it in favor of the stuff that you _**could**_ understand.

There's a pile of dishes next to you, and several pillows stacked up where you've ended up passing out, mostly of exhaustion, every night. You're desperate to make contact at this point. The next step might be the hardest, at least for you. 

You start planning out a basic language interpreter and parser. From what you understand, the syntax of informal alternian is actually analogous to English, amazingly enough. All you need to do is translate the words, and the sentences should make sense. 

It takes you another few days, but after all that time, you finally have it together, compiling. You're not exactly the most adept programmer; You're better than John, but definitely a lot worse than Roxy. Nevertheless, you're pretty happy with what you built. It's basic: takes in lines from pesterchum and spits them back out in English without checking the syntax at all. When you type something in to someone in your "trollslum" it translates it into informal alternian and sends it instead of just sending it. Pesterchum luckily has a pretty simple interface for making plugins like that, so you didn't have to intercept it yourself. 

The unfortunate part is that you can't retroactively apply it to their old messages. It _**does apply to their name**_ though, so you've finally figured out their tag. 

cuttlefishCuller

You're kind of having second thoughts about this endeavor.

You just spent a week trying to communicate, though, so, you open up pesterchum and send them a message.

gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering cuttlefishCuller [CC]

GG: hi there, i'm not sure quite how well this will work, but i think i finally found a way to talk to you  
GG: if you can read and understand this please just say so in your message back :D  
CC: 38O I can sea that  
CC: %Error% there, I am Feferi! It is wonderful to fin-%Error% be able to %Error% to each other!  
CC: I don't get many %Error%-perch-tuna-ties to %Error% to new people 38D  
GG: oh no D: some of your words are still coming through garbled  
CC: Which ones? 38\  
GG: the first one on the second line, and the one before "be" in the same line. there's a few others too.  
CC: %Error%?  
GG: yeah that just came through as an error for me  
CC: I'm not sure why but it might have to do with my quirk  
CC: I can try not talking in my quirk, if that would fix it?  
GG: well it's all clear right now  
CC: Then that would confirm it, silly 38P  
CC: Do you just not have a quirk?  
GG: i don't even know what a quirk is :\  
CC: It's a special way that you talk, that identifies you as you. All Trolls use one! 38D  
GG: are you saying you're a _**troll**_?  
CC: Are you saying you _**aren't**_ one?  
GG: i don't even know what a troll is D:< i'm a human!  
CC: What's... I don't recognize those letters...  
CC: You're saying you're an alien of some sort?  
CC: How did you even manage to get in contact with me then?  
GG: its not like i added you or anything  
GG: you just appeared as a contact  
GG: same as the last time this stuff happened  
CC: Are you from one of the worlds we've invaded?  
GG: i don't think so?  
GG: probably not  
GG: i'm pretty sure if we'd been invaded i would have heard something about it  
CC: So, you still haven't told me  
CC: What is your name?  
GG: i'm Jade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooooooo!!!! :D Chapter 8 
> 
> Gosh, I should have done something with the Serkets for this chapter. A true missed opportunity. Regardless, I hope you all enjoyed it. More shenanigans! >:D
> 
> So, I mentioned art last time, I have a good idea of some places that I'd like art for and I'm going to start reaching out soon for people that offered to do stuff. As always, if there's any scene that you feel like drawing, my twitter is open @FadingEchoes, and I'm going to try to check my tumblr more if that works better for people too. My url is unconventionalcat.tumblr.com.
> 
> Sorry for the late update (I'm going to repeat this 1000 times and nobody can stop me mwahahahahaha), and look forward to next week's update. This arc isn't called the "Introductions Arc" for nothing :p
> 
> I don't think I ever mentioned that it's called the Introductions arc. Whoops.
> 
> Edit: I wanted to make this clear but totally forgot to in my first post of this. I don't have anything really against the COGIATI except that it's not scientific. The author of the test says as much, and while I respect her other work, I don't really think it's a particularly useful tool. She bemoans the fact that there isn't a better test available and I personally disagree. The scene involving that test is I supposed to be reflective of both the involved characters' misunderstandings of gender and what it really *means* to be trans, since they think you can just take a test to find out if you're trans. I stumbled across that test when I was pretty early into figuring myself out and it ended up factoring an unhealthy amount into my own gender discovery. I'm sure a lot of you haven't even heard of it; The last time it was updated was 2006. 
> 
> Just, to clear up any misunderstandings that might have come about because of that section.


	9. Maybe we shouldn't have left the conversational aptitude at home?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John gets into an argument with his real life friends about what it means to be trans. A napkin ends the argument, but John doesn't find any solace in the piece of paper. He's starting to question everything he knows.
> 
> Jade spends some time in her garden, introducing Feferi to the local flora, but gets interrupted by an unexpected chain of messages. The author of said messages brings happiness, but will the happiness last?
> 
> Dave discovers the answer to a hell of a mystery that nobody thought was a mystery, and didn't even really need solving, but damn if he doesn't discover the answer. So, nice work.
> 
> Rose, meanwhile, comes to the realization that if she wants her friends to stop doing something, or wants them to understand that she's uncomfortable with something, she actually needs to talk to them about it. This is an improvement.

Be John

The Time: Noon. The Destination: Uncle Billy's Crab and Fish Shack; Home of the Best Crabs, Fish, also serving Crocodile, and Yes, We Serve Chicken. Kate had suggested getting the whole gang together a few weeks before classes start back up, right before a few of the group had to go to band camp. She told you to meet them there at 11:50 so you could get a table all together.

Problem is, it is now solidly 12:05 and you are _**not**_ at Uncle Billy's Crab and Fish Shack; Home of the Best Crabs, Fish, also serving Crocodile, and Yes, We Serve Chicken. You're about 5 minutes away still. You thought you'd be able to rely on your dad for a ride there, but something came up with his work half an hour before you were supposed to get there and he had to rush to get there quickly. 

What urgent business a street performer could have? This is a mystery to you. 

Wait, did you ever mention that? Your dad has a fascination with clowns and harlequins, one that loves to rub in your face for seemingly no reason. You suspect that it has to do with his day job as a street performer. He must take his position very seriously to answer to emergency calls for performers, but you have a fairly nice house, so you figure that's just the price he pays to keep you well off.

You still feel like you got somewhat shafted by the deal. You have to walk almost _**four whole miles**_ to get to the restaurant now, and it's already made you late. Kate is probably texting you, but you're definitely not paying attention to your phone considering how much you are booking it now. 

Up the street you finally see the tip of the crab, its crustacean pincer beckoning you toward the gullet that will bring you to your friends, and mediocore aquatic cuisine. Your breath becomes ragged as the red form's creaking animation seemingly slows, blurring into a demented form that looks like it's trying to eat you alive. For all you know it is. You slam into the door with a vague thud, startling the hostess.

"Umm, how can I help you?"

She stares at you. It takes you several moments to catch your breath. Luckily, it seems that Uncle Billy's Crab and Fish Shack; Home of the Best Crabs, Fish, also serving Crocodile, and Yes, We Serve Chicken isn't that popular of a food destination this time of the day. Possibly ever. Nobody is standing behind you, and there only seem to be five or six total groups here. You don't even manage to get your breath back, just point when you see Nina's back next to Cael, one of the people in the group you don't hang out with as much.

You flop down in the chair next to Cael, with Kate in front of you, Jace on your other side, and Sara next to Kate.

"Christ, Egbert, Did you decide to do a 5k before you got here?"

"yeah are you alright John? you kind of look like hell"

Your head hitting the table answers their question, and the subsequent groan that escapes your mouth makes it even more clear.

"eeeuuuuuuuuggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhghghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

"I'm going to take it that your dad _didn't_ get you a ride. Which is why you're both _late_ and why you're _sweating a lake **all over the TABLE JOHN PLEASE SIT UP**_."

You sit up. As you do, a wet _squelch_ accompanies a feeling of each and every particle of your face being individually torn off of the table. Fucking ew. That's.

You grab a few napkins and wipe it up, and a few more and wipe down your forehead.

"Excuse me, i'm going to be your waiter for today, is there anything that i can get for you?"

"ummmm, water to begin with, please?"

"i think he needs to regain consciousnes before he can look at the menu."

You sit back in your chair for a minute, relaxing in the cooling air in the restaurant. It smells vaguely of salt water and butter and whatever college kids working summer jobs smell like. You think the smell is disappointment and... fear?

Likely fear. 

When the water is placed before you, you drink half of it in 10 seconds. Hydration finally sequestered once again within your body, you finally zone back in to the conversation, which your friends had seemingly moved forward with without you.

"I mean, given, none of us here are trans, but like, I still think it'd be a good thing to do, you know?"

"i'm not saying i'm **Opposed,** just, you know, If i happen to Forget it is it that big of a deal? I look like a guy, it Should be pretty obvious."

Oh jesus are they really talking about trans stuff? This is actually like just your luck. You peer down at the menu. Oh my how interesting, so many delicious looking choices here. They have crab, and crab, and. Wow, they actually do serve crocodile. You consider going for the crocodile for about five seconds before you realize that that would not only potentially backfire but also if it does backfire you would be out a good fifteen dollars. Popcorn shrimp sounds good to you, with a side of fries. Simple. Nothing too out there. Now to just keep looking at the menu and-

"Yo, egg salad sandwich, are you even listening?"

"huh?"

"We were talking about Pronouns. Like, Kate doesn't really care about pronouns but she uses she/Her. Nina and Sara Prefer she/her. Cael said he only really Wants to use he/him. I personally don't think I'd Mind much if people used they/them, but she/her is kind of off to me. How about you?"

"h-how did you even get on the topic of pronouns? what did i miss before i got here."

"oh, uh, Nina?"

"One of my past partners, who i'm not going to name explicitly for obvious reasons, came out to me as a trans woman. Made me think about it a bit more and I was curious what all of you would want to use."

"wait, how did you..."

Okay, so, that's not. 

"don't you feel like that partner was lying to you, when they were acting like a guy?"

Cael and Sara's faces immediately turn toward the table, shielding their eyes from you. That seemingly struck something.

"It's not... John, _what do you mean?_ "

"john it's not like Nina's partner knew that she was trans while they were dating. it's not lying."

"Trans people dont always Know that they're trans from the time that They're born, you get us?" 

"well like, i guess the best way that i can say is that if i were dating a girl and i suddenly found out that she was a guy that would be... uncomfortable."

Kate takes this moment to full on facepalm, and you think something about how you said that was _**probably**_ not the greatest. Jace is rubbing his forehead, which means the only person _actually looking at you_ is Nina.

"Okay, john, just to like, clarify for me, do you mean a trans woman or a trans man."

"a trans man. like, i'm only attracted to girls, a trans man is... wait, trans man is someone _**becoming**_ a guy, yeah?"

"Yeah. Just. Okay, the way you said that could easily have been interpreted as you saying that a trans woman was a guy."

"no, no, that's not what i was saying."

"Well, given that, yeah, lesbians and heterosexual men dating trans men would be off, considering that they are men, unless they aren't quite as exclusive as they think they are."

"would that actually be that weird, i mean, like, trans guys aren't like, fully guys, they have the biology and everything, right?"

This time it's Nina's turn to become exasperated with you. You've done it, you've successfully managed to get all of your friends to face-palm at the same time. 

"Just because they 'have the biology and everything' doesn't make them girls. You do know what dysphoria is, right? It's like, the defining factor of being trans. one of the most major ones."

"yeah. honestly i think it's kind of just misunderstood dysmorphia though. trans people aren't the only people who have problems with their bodies."

Cael reaches out with a napkin and puts it over your mouth. He looks over to you with a look of just _utter and complete disappointment_.

"i'm really sorry my good dude but seriously you're going to just need to be quiet now. we were having a nice conversation here, eggs benedict, and you just come in here talkin that pure ignorance."

"i'm pretty shocked that you don't know more about this John. Don't you have like, online friends? Most of who are girls?"

"Okay, I get the point that you're trying to make there Kate but that doesn't _**necessarily**_ mean that they know tons about gender and stuff. There's plenty of ignorant girls in the world."

As if on cue, your waiter comes back.

"Have you all had time to figure out what you want?"

A round of confirmations go around. After she leaves, they move on to talking about a movie that you haven't seen. You don't talk much in general for the rest of the meal. Everyone says goodbye to you when you head out, but you head out a few minutes earlier than you actually have to, using the excuse that your dad asked you to come home. 

Could you honestly be wrong?

\----------

John: Be Jade

The nice thing about gardens is that they don't hurt your feelings.

Is precisely the feeling that you had three weeks ago when you were doing almost exactly what you are now. Upon further reflection on the topic, you are starting to reconsider this. After your argument with Roxy, you decided that your best course of action would be to just throw yourself at whatever you could in your house: gardening, maintenance, making salves and tinctures for when you got sick. All of that stuff could definitely help when it came time for all of the stuff to go down, and honestly, since Dave was your only contact at the time, and he was often occupied with... 

Okay, being honest, you're not quite sure what Dave is ever occupied with, but you usually wait for _**him**_ to message _**you**_. Which, he doesn't actually that often, maybe once every couple of days. You've mostly been talking to Feferi, who actually seems to not have very much to do?

CC: So, what plant are you cultivating now? 38O  
GG: tomatoes :P  
GG: they're like these super good squishy red plants  
GG: people argue about whether they are fruits or vegetables which is dumb :|  
GG: because the obvious answer is shut up they're delicious

gardenGnostic [GG] sent cuttlefishCuller [CC] the file "tomato.png"

You've been sending her pictures of just about everything you work on here. She has sent you pictures of her cuttlefish, but she's been hesitant to send a picture of herself. She explained to you that her handle actually refers to the fact that she takes care of cuttlefish, which made you a lot less wary towards her, and also made you squee at how adorable they were. This was how you figured out that the word squee doesn't have a direct translation into alternian, unfortunately. 

She lives underwater, too, which you initially found weird, but she says it's not that weird on her planet. Your fondness for anthropomorphic animals has you going wild imagining what she looks like since you found that out. 

She hasn't asked to see you either, probably as a courtesy since she isn't showing herself. You still let your hands and stuff get in shots since you don't really care? There's no particular reason you think you need to be careful with her if she's on another world.

You keep snipping off dead or dying branches of the tomato plants, and wiring them to the metal cage that you have set up. At this point, with how long you've had them, there's not actually that much you have to do to keep them growing except trim them. 

CC: Are these species native to your world or did you import them from another planet?  
CC: So many of my favorite foods are imported 38D  
GG: no, silly :P  
GG: I already told you that my species hasn't gotten beyond our own world, of course this is a native species!  
CC: Did you breed it specially then? I just have to wonder how it got so... red 38\  
CC: Not that there's anything wrong with that, obviously, that might even be normal on your planet!  
GG: wow, if you think this is red, wait until you see apples! they're so bright :D  
GG: actually, most of our food comes in reds, yellows, oranges, greens, and browns.   
GG: reds and greens are the most vibrant, usually  
CC: Strange, most of the flora on our planet is purple, blue, and sometimes deeper greens.  
CC: I would really love to go to a planet with brighter plants! 38D Maybe one day  
CC: Even the ones here in the water are pretty boring.  
CC: We don't even eat that many plants, a lot of us are carnivores 38|  
GG: dang, i eat mostly just plants :| i have this giant garden and then like, fields outside

You snap a few more pics for Feferi and send them her way, taking particularly good pictures of the apples you grow. 

CC: What are the green, entirely leafy ones?  
CC: Why would you even eat food that small? 38\  
GG: which ones? the ones with the really small leaves?  
CC: Yeah, those ones. They're so small! Is my perspective just wrong?  
GG: no, your perspective is right :P  
GG: they're spices! well, they're certain types of spices, other ones can be under the ground or even the bark off of trees.  
GG: wait, do you not have spices?  
CC: We do have spices, they just... definitely don't look like that.  
CC: I'm actually not sure if you want to know what they look like 38P  
GG: maybe not :P  
GG: hey, i'm going to try to focus on getting this done, i'll talk to you afterwards, alright?  
CC: Sure thing!  
CC: Talk to you later Jade! 38D

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering cuttlefishCuller [CC]

You set your phone down on one of the nearby row tables as you get ready to work on the avocado plants that you have a line of. You grab off a couple of avocados and put them in the basket that you have on the floor next to you, next to the tomatoes, apples, and various other fruits, vegetables, and spices that you've harvested today. You've already trimmed these plants this year, so you start to move on when you hear a faint buzz.

Then another.

And a third.

A flurry of buzzes threatens to throw your phone off the table, and you run to grab it before it falls. Dave must have gotten himself into a pickle again or something. You flip the screen up and open it before quickly realizing that you were very wrong.

You consider not answering, hell, not even looking, when you see her bubblegum-pink tag come up. 

It's been weeks Jade. Maybe even just listen to what she has to say?

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] started pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

TG: hey there jadey i no u probly dont enev want to haer from me  
TG: but i guess  
TG: i just watned to say im srory?  
TG: *wanted  
TG: i invaeded ur privacy n thas totes not cool of me  
TG: i assumed that u were goin to get mad at me  
TG: guses that beacme a self-fulfil  
TG: self-filfullin porpherc  
TG: slef-filfillin prophet  
TG: the thnig that make sitslef happen  
TG: *itself  
TG: i haxed in to ur accuont to get my mom's hadnel  
TG: u weren't semin liek you'd give it to me  
TG: i'm srory  
TG: w/e is happenin betwen u n rose? taht's ur bussines  
TG: *that's  
TG: i juts don't want to fihgt with u anmyore  
TG: pls

You... you actually don't really know how to respond to this. This is so unlike what you had expected that you're completely caught off guard. You had called Roxy stubborn just like her mom, but honestly...

You were being so stupid. You got mad and went off on someone who just wanted to talk to her family. 

You catch yourself as you lean against the table and fall down to the floor. 

It _**was a major breach of your trust**_. You know that, and you weren't lying about that. How did you go about talking to her about it though? You dove right into accusations after she expressed reservations over telling you why.

You ostracized one of your only remaining friends instead of trying to keep her by trying to actually talk things out.

Maybe... Fuck, maybe that stuff she said about you was right. That you just block people instead of actually trying to talk to them. Maybe you need to stop doing that. Maybe the only reason you're out here, alone on this rock is because you've spent so much time pushing people away.

You... you used to not do this. You used to be the happy cheerful girl. You used to be able to help your friends.

You used to actually mean something to other people. Now you don't mean anyth-

TG: jade, please

In. Out. In. Out.

GG: hey, Roxy  
GG: you aren't the one who should really be apologizing here  
GG: i'm the one that did something stupid  
GG: i should be saying i'm sorry  
GG: so, i'm sorry that i went off on you for no good reason  
GG: you really, really didn't deserve it  
GG: i called you a lot of awful stuff  
GG: i'm so sorry

You set your phone down on the ground and pull your basket close to you. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, as the old saying goes; You have often found that they also keep you from crying, for some strange unknowable reason. You bite into one of them, letting the juices drip wherever. You're not in any particular mood to care. You only reconvene paying any attention to your phone when you hear it buzz again.

TG: jade, no, i was kepin stuffs form u  
TG: tihngs u had a rhigt to kno  
TG: *things  
TG: i hanve't raelly had to think abuot that stuff  
TG: usally who ever i hacl is in teh pats  
TG: can't realy hurt poeple who r long daed  
TG: *people *dead  
TG: u maed me achtully thimk about it  
TG: so i ugess thamks for thats jadey  
TG: *guess  
GG: that's kind of a lot to take in Roxy  
GG: it makes more sense to me with that but... still  
GG: it's not _**really**_ my business that you're talking to your mom  
GG: obviously i didn't know that's what you did, which complicates it but  
GG: just, Roxy  
GG: i'm sorry  
GG: i'm glad that it made you think about people's privacy and such but seriously  
TG: i ahev been takling to rose  
TG: i say roes becueas it tunrs out she's  
TG: not my _**mom**_ mom  
TG: weer form differnt unvierses  
TG: *jessus juts all of them  
TG: rose and oen of my oethr friemds figured it out  
GG: different _**universes**_!  
GG: that makes this connection even more amazing :D  
TG: yaeh so in short  
TG: liek, basicllay somethin big went down  
TG: *basically  
TG: colud i inquiure as to what happs wit u n my girl?  
GG: i  
GG: Roxy, i promise it will be better if you don't know  
TG: i'm prety sure i'm in tish no amtter what so?  
GG: i can't tell you everything  
GG: you'll probably understand why when i actually finish telling you but  
GG: Rose outed one of my friends to the rest of us  
GG: without their permission, and in fact, in front of them  
GG: they were panicking the entire time  
GG: another of my friends reacted poorly to the news and  
GG: now everything here is a mess  
GG: the friend who got outed is basically alone except for me  
GG: we all really only have one point of contact anymore  
GG: it's been particularly hard on me  
GG: i live on an island entirely alone  
GG: without my friends, that's it  
GG: i'm doing it because of that friend  
GG: Rose didn't accept that she did anything wrong  
GG: she just... she did what she's always done  
GG: she just tried to blame it on someone else, and started scheming how to "fix" another person  
GG: _**that**_ was what really tipped me over the edge  
GG: _**that**_ was what made me block her  
GG: i couldn't stand that she wouldn't even accept that she hurt that person  
GG: i know she's probably still important to you and you should still talk to her  
GG: hell, maybe you can talk some sense into her where i couldn't  
TG: jade, hoenstly if i had knwon that i  
TG: i don't honestly know  
TG: that wan'st okay of her  
TG: i'll tyr my best to talk to hre  
TG: *her  
GG: thanks Roxy  
GG: and yeah  
GG: of course we can be friends again  
GG: this was all just  
GG: dumb  
GG: so  
GG: friends? :D  
TG: friends

You set your phone on the ground. The tears that were forming in your eyes earlier are completely dried. It was cheesy. God, it was so cheesy, but it was exactly what you needed. You got Roxy back. You aren't just driving everyone away. You aren't just that terrible awful person.

You're Jade fucking Harley

\----------

Jade: Be Rose

A breeze catches your hair as you flip the page in the tale you are reading. Scratching accompanies the rushing of water, the paper catching on the thin sweater that you are wearing. The breeze is cool, but not overly so: your house, centered in the middle of a forest nestled in a set of rotund mountains tends to not get overly warm during the summer, and even though the late summer tends to get significantly warmer, it seems the winds have decided otherwise for once. 

The book you're reading catalogues a woman's travels. While initially they seem to be normal, almost travelouge style events, something that you wouldn't have been opposed to reading, her last few stops have taken a turn for the mysterious and, in your opinion, seemingly eldritch. Ms. Hartford suggested you read this book awhile ago, but you never quite got around to it. With your 'newfound free time' this summer, you've started to devour the remnants of the stack of books that you have left to read with a speed that borders on rapacious. 

Reaching the end of one leg of the journey, as chapters in this story are called, you bookmark the tome and set it down.

  
  
  


It's been a while since you've talked to anyone.

  
  


The silence of the room swallows you, though truly there is no silence. The roar of the falls outside the open window still resounds, and the wind occasionally makes a noise. To you, however, it resounds as if silent. No sound of a phone going off, no noise of your mother doing some odd household task, or drinking herself stupid, or commenting passive aggressively on something that you've done, or are doing.

  
  
  
  


You're not honestly sure how you feel about the silence. To some degree it is nice, calming. Your mother is away on some business trip, so you don't even have to worry that the silence preceeds either finding her in a compromised or compromising position, or that it indicates that she is going to ambush you with one of her strange tasks, or with a backhanded compliment.

You've went all summer only speaking to your mother, John, Jane, and occasionally Roxy. An entire summer spent without contact with Dave or Jade. It feels wrong to you, obviously. You've tried to reach out to Dave a few times but he seems to simply ignore you. He _**hasn't**_ blocked you, for what that's worth. Jade seems to be better off without you, and Roxy, after figuring out that you weren't _actually_ her mom, hasn't spoke to you as much as you expected her to. 

~~What if they've realized that you're of no use to them?~~

Jane has been the most consistent, and has been your greatest source of happiness these past few weeks. She has her odd moments, as you would expect with her being the heiress to a major corporation _**and**_ from another universe, but she still really understands you, why you're trying to be who you're trying to be. 

~~That you're useless if you can't at least be responsible for other people, if you can't tell them what to do.~~

You haven't talked to Jane, **really** opened up to her in a couple of weeks. Since... Well, since she told you that Roxy and her dug up information on your family. Since then you haven't been as comfortable just talking with her.

You're not really sure why. The information that they pilfered was publicly available, anyone with an internet connection could have found it. Furthermore, Roxy is literally a member of your family, _**she deserves to know**_ , to some degree.

~~They didn't even ask you for the information. It's like they knew that you wouldn't tell them.~~

They... They didn't even ask you.

You would have told them... Well, you would have told them the stuff that you actually knew. You didn't know all of it. 

~~It's entirely possible that's a part of it too.~~

Would it be wrong to talk to her about how you feel? You don't know that there's anything _**really truly wrong**_ with what she did, but it still feels like she betrayed your trust.

No, she definitely betrayed your trust. You trusted her, and she went behind your back and spied on your life without even asking you first. That's a fairly major let-down, and you've just been letting it pass by. 

You sit up from where you were leaning on the couch and grab your laptop. You're not going to start a fight. You just want to talk to her, lay out your concerns, and make sure she understands and respects them in the future. 

tentacleTherapist [TT] started pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TT: Hello Jane, I hope you're doing well today.  
TT: I wanted to message you to let you know that I need to talk to you, when you find a moment.  
TT: I have some concerns that I wanted to talk to you about. Nothing overly worrisome, I promise.  
TT: Just some things that I wanted to make sure we discussed.

You know that it will be a while before she manages to find the time, so you lean back and reopen your book.

\-----

It is dark outside by the time she manages to get back to you, though you're not quite sure how that translates in her time. 

GG: Sure thing, Rose! What do you need?  
GG: You can always talk to me about your concerns.  
TT: This is, unfortunately, not going to be a conversation without conflict, so be aware.  
TT: I wanted to be clear to you that I was uncomfortable with the way that Roxy and you looked into my life without my permission.  
TT: I know that Roxy is one of my iteration's daughters, however I still feel like you should have asked me before doing so.  
TT: I would have told you as much as I could have, and we could have tried to find out the rest together.  
GG: Oh, well, Rose, we only dug into what we thought would be important.  
GG: I know it might be hard to believe but I promise that we did not look at anything private!  
GG: Still, I understand your concerns and I apologize, we should have taken it up with you beforehand.   
GG: I am sure Roxy feels the same way, although she is not here.  
TT: I don't really care how "important" you thought it would be, Jane.   
TT: Thank you for apologizing, but there's really no point in trying to justify it.   
TT: You did something which spied into someone else's life, without even consulting them in it.  
TT: I surely hope that this isn't normalized with you being a future CEO; This sort of behavior is absolutely beyond what is acceptable.  
TT: Imagine what could happen if you did that while running the company?  
TT: You could cost it millions, billions, even lose your position. The position that you've been training your entire life to get.  
TT: Jane, it's not just that I was personally hurt by this. I'm worrying about you as well.  
GG: Really, Rose?  
GG: I admit that what I did is wrong and you still give me a lecture on it?  
GG: I think I am smart enough to know that I should not do this sort of a thing when I am CEO.  
GG: You can couch your annoyance at me in worry all you like but at the end of the day you were still mad at me for what I did.  
GG: I said I was wrong. It is your choice whether to accept it or not.   
GG: I know that I do not have any right to demand that you accept it.  
GG: The only thing I am going to demand is that you do not talk down to me, Rose.

Well.

Is that really all there is to it?

Why did you even start to say that you were worried about her. The only reason that you started the conversation in the first place was because you were mad at her.

She's right, isn't she. You threw the "worry" in there on reflex, as a way to try to defend yourself from any lines of attack that she might try to take against you. 

TT: Fine. You're right, I am not terribly worried about you.   
TT: You _are_ my friend, I do worry some, but the overwhelming reason that I am discussing this with you is that I felt personally hurt by what you and Roxy did.  
GG: Thank you, Rose.  
GG: I am sorry.  
GG: I will not do it again, I promise you that.  
GG: Like I said, Rose, you can always talk to me about your concerns. :B  
TT: I suppose you were correct.  
TT: I will take my leave now.  
TT: Goodbye, Jane.  
GG: Bye, Rose!

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

You let your laptop fall off your lap. A strange feeling comes over you. You were, almost subconsciously, expecting a fight. You were expecting Jane to get up in arms with you about her snooping. 

You feel like you almost wanted a fight, like you almost wanted her to give you something to fight about.

It leaves you feeling deflated. You leave your bookmark in your book where you are and lift yourself off the couch. You have long since closed the windows, though the rushing of the falls beneath your house is still quite audible. 

It comes to your attention that you haven't eaten much; You had a bagel for breakfast, and a couple glasses of tea over the course of the day, and it is now dark. The shaking in your hands tell you that you should probably eat.

You trot over to the kitchen and check the fridge. It's mostly empty, having been cleared of the leftovers and easily prepared food in the time since the your mother's departure. The cabinets are similarly empty.

You have money to order food, at least your mom made sure that you wouldn't be left without that, but...

You make your way upstairs. After a quick stop in the bathroom, brushing your teeth and downing a cup of water, you make a slow procession back to your room.

You're too tired to eat anyhow.

\----------

Rose: Be Dave

Your head feels fuzzy. Your vision is dull, flitting. Your vision is filled with a deep, almost plum color. You close your eyes.

  
  


You open your eyes again. A vague feeling of comfort comes over you, like you know that you're safe instinctually. You're not... Not really sure that you've felt that before. The sheets on your bed are a lot softer than you're used to. You take a second to really let yourself fall into the warmth of them.

It's so nice. You flip over to your other side, burying your face in the pillow. It smells like... lavender mixed with something you can't quite put your finger on. It's plush as hell. You've gotta make sure you thank Bro for getting this detergent. 

You drift off again.

  
  


Your eyelids slowly part again when you hear the sound of people moving about in the space below.

  


Wait, the apartment below you is abandoned, isn't it? 

You lift yourself off of your bed and onto your elbows. Sure enough, you can hear something outside your window. You lift your purple sheets off yourself and amble over to the window. Peering out it, you see that the sound isn't coming from _just_ below you. Instead, there are hundreds of people on the ground much below you. From how high up you are you can't make out what they're doing, but there's definitely a lot of them.

  


Maybe there was a parade today that you forgot about? It doesn't exactly look like one though. Your fingers run through your hair. You pull your head back inside the window, almost smacking it on the steepled edges. You cross your arms. What day was it anyhow? 

It occurs to you that something feels strange. You can't quite place it. You look around, but nothing about your room really feels off: your mixing deck, turntables, computer, speakers, all of it is in its rightful place. You drag your hand up your chest and begin to scratch idly at your chin. Your other arm falls so your hand is resting between your pecs, rubbing at your sternum.

  


As you contemplate what it could be, pacing around your room, a stray glance at the mirror confirms what it must be. 

You don't recall buying these pajamas. Where did they come from?

You lean back, letting yourself fall into the comforting embrace of the air behind you, as you puzzle it out. Bro must have bought them for you. Why would you be wearing them, though, if you don't even recognize them. Dang, you must be out of it. They look good on you though. You run a hand down your chest to flatten out the top, which got some wrinkles while you were sleeping. They're soft, snug, and fit your body almost perfectly. You'd figure someone had them tailored, but you know you don't have that sort of money. 

Peering underneath, they don't seem to come with an undershirt or anything, just the shirt for the top, though a quick peak reveals a pair of matching boxers. Fancy.

You're definitely not complaining. Purple isn't exactly your normal style, but it doesn't look bad on you by any means. You could get used to it. 

You start shaking.

_Why the **hell** are you shaking??_

The world around you isn't shaking, it's just you. Did you take some drugs you weren't aware of? Do you need to lie down? Is your strength fai-

\-----

Your eyes hurt. God, a lot. The vague memory of purple and comfort is quickly replaced by a strong, annoying feeling of being shaken violently.

"fuckin hell quit shaking me."

"Come on Dana, you need to fuckin' get up now. Get dressed and come with me. We have shit to do."

You glance over at the clock on the wall. It reads that the time is 6:18. That... That can't be right. If it were 6:18 it'd either be sunset or sunrise. 

A few seconds later you realize that the clock on the wall hasn't worked for a few months. The batteries died and you never bothered to replace them. 

"what the hell time is it?"

"Two"

It's two. Presumably A.M. considering you can see approximately dick outside your window aside from the lights of whatever cars are on the streets. Your street isn't exactly known for its great maintenance of lights, and you wouldn't be able to see them from 53 stories up anyhow.

"aight could you maybe leave so i can actually put some god damn clothes on?"

"Wear these. Make sure your face is covered."

Well that's suspicious as hell. He throws a set of clothes at you that appear to be all black and feel strange as hell to the touch. Like they're coated in oil of some sort. Bro is already out the door before you can make any remark to that, so you slip them on, and the... is this actually, literally a ski mask? What the fuck are you doing? And a god damn pair of gloves, fucking hell.

When you walk out into the living room, Bro is dressed similarly, though he still has his shades on over his mask. He also has a fairly hefty bag on his back that you're fairly sure you haven't seen before.

"so how do you expect to see with shades in the middle of pitch-black night?"

"Kid, trust me, I know what I'm doing. Follow me."

He leads you out the front and down the stairs (holy crap why are you taking the fucking stairs there's an elevator), before gesturing out a side exit about four floors up. Well, alright, apparently you're not even going all the way down. From there, you continue on the fire stairs until you reach the second, and from there you jump. It's not the highest that you've fallen from, and you land safely. 

You barely keep track of where he leads you from there. He criscrosses through the shadows, always keeping out of sight of where cameras, cops, and even just everyday people could see him. You can tell you're heading closer to the center of town, but what street exactly is beyond what you can tell, even after living in the city for so long. The darkness helps to obscure common landmarks.

He comes to a stop in front of a building. It looks old, abandoned, and you actually think you recognize it. It's a few streets down from Alex's shop, and if you remember correctly, it hasn't been used as long as you've been alive. He crouches down and seems to be messing with the door.

"Keep your eyes peeled, if anyone even starts to come this way, tell me."

"on it. you going to let me in on what were doing yet?"

"You'll see, Dana. It's god damn important."

That's pretty much his way of telling you to shut up, so you keep your words to yourself and just look around. A car a few streets up the road looks like it might turn towards you, but it only turns onto the street to cut to another one. You're still starting to get a bit antsy after a minute or so of waiting around. 

"whats taking you so long its just a lock Bro."

"A lock thats rusted to all hell, and we can't leave any trace Dana. Have to make it look clean."

"youve still been doing this for what at least 20 years and its taken you more than a minute to get it open?"

"Maybe if I didn't have a bitchy kid talkin' my ear off I wouldn't be taking so long, consider that?"

"if you didnt want a bitchy kid talking your ear off why did you bring me? isnt that literally like the one thing i do well?"

"Damn, got me there. Listen, just."

You hear a click behind you and he huffs in relief.

"There, I fuckin' got it. Get inside, quickly. We haven't been seen, right?"

"didnt catch anyone looking this way so im pretty sure were clear"

He pulls you inside by your shirt. Your eyes adjust to the dusty and dim atmosphere within a few moments and you see that you are within a stairwell.

"more stairs?"

"All the way to the top."

"you should have fuckin warned me about the stairs Bro"

It takes you 10 minutes, 10 _goddamn_ minutes to scale all the way to the top of the building. You stop at the top floor, seeing as there's no further stairs up. Bro signals you towards the roof access. 

Well, hopefully this isn't going where it usually goes when he tells you to go to the roof.

  


He's already perched by an edge when you get up there and you spy a couple lengths of rope next to him, which sets you a bit on edge. He has the bag laid out on the ground, and is starting to pull things out of it. 

The first is a set of harnesses, the kind you use for climbing. The second is a belt which looks like it can holster a lot of bottles. Last, he pulls out easily 10 cans of spray paint.

Spray paint?

What the hell are you here for? You didn't exactly take your brother for the type of person to go on daring heists to spray paint the sides of buildings.

"Put these on and grab a few cans to put in your belt. I'll thread your harness for you after I've done mine."

He hands you a harness and a belt, and you watch in awe as he puts his on in one practiced motion. He has clearly done this before. While he goes about getting his harness ready, you slip yours on, with the belt as well.

"Alright, so, you don't actually have to do anything today. Just give me the paints when I need them and don't fall from the damn building."

You really haven't managed to say a single thing this whole time. It's just been a steep drop into "what the fuck is going on" and your mind is going on auto-pilot at this point. You see him go up to the edge of the building and brace himself to rappel down. He's got both legs braced and he looks like he's waiting on you. So, you do what you do...

You go to the edge of the building and grab hold of the rope, bracing yourself hard, and slowly lean back. 

"Just release yourself slow. Watch me, it'll make sense."

The slow whirring of the ropes through the pulley on his harness starts up as he descends, bracing himself on the wall as he does. You follow suit and proceed to the point that he is sitting. 

You force yourself, with all you can, to _**not pay attention**_ to the fact that you are currently hanging at least 40 stories in the air. You're not really doing a great job of that, but once you make it to his level, something a lot more interesting distracts you from even remotely worrying about it.

Right in front of your face, in white chalk, easily spanning the width of the building, is a giant spirograph. The outline of a meteor is set within it, the flaming trail passing behind the spirograph. Below, in giant lettering, is the phrase "Death will rain."

This... This is like the other two pieces of spirograph grafitti that you saw. Was it really Bro that has been responsible for them?

They're so elaborate, so well made. Not to say he's not a good enough artist, but... This looks like the work of a professional team. 

"Kid, green."

You hand him the green spray paint. In fact, you keep handing him spray paints and staring as he works. You think it only takes about an hour for him to finish, but in your daze you can't really tell. The size of the painting would imply otherwise.

"bro"

"Kind of busy here, and I'm almost done."

"yeah i know but like"

"Dana, just wait until I'm done, alright?"

" **bro why the hell are you even doing this? what the fuck is this supposed to mean?** "

He stutters in his work.

"Go back up to the roof. I'll tell you when I'm done."

You comply, happily ascending to the safety of solid ~~ground~~ floor. You ditch the harness fairly quickly, the straps long having started digging into your shoulders and your thighs. The air conditioner seems as good a place as any to rest.

"Dana, what the fuck are you doing? Get the hell up."

Fuck. You must have drifted off.

"shit sorry bro"

"Whatever, just stand the hell up and bring your harness over here so I can get it packed away. I'm pretty sure we might have some action on us soon."

"did you get spotted?"

"Not by pigs or anything, but a car drove by while I was finishing up the top, and they were going real slow."

"fuck lets get out of here then"

You throw him your harness and belt, cans of paint still inside it. He catches both and quickly extricates the cans. By the time you hear sirens you're already on your way down the stairs. When you get to the bottom, Bro holds you back from the door and points at a couple officers walking up to your side of the building. Damn.

The door out of the stairwell is unlocked, and the two of you quickly and quietly make your exit through it. The dimly lit warehouse is mostly empty, but for a few boxes and broken bottles. You can't see an exit, but Bro is pulling you forward. You hear the pigs try to enter through the side door, which Bro had the foresight to lock again. They start to circle the building.

Where the fuck is Bro taking you? If the officers are circling the building, wouldn't it be better to go back that way? You're just going to get caught. He's got to realize that.

You get your answer when he pulls you down into a hole in the ground. You can't see still, so his arm is the only thing leading you forward. You faintly hear a trickle of water, and your pants start to feel damp where your knees are touching the ground, crawling forward. It feels like this tunnel is never going to end.

You hear a crunching sound, and your knee impacts with something solid. Feels like concrete, and upon further inspection, your hand finds that there's enough space above you that you can stand fully. Seems like you've broken through to somewhere. Bro's hand has gone slack and while it's mostly still pitch black, your eyes have adjusted enough that you can see that you're in... a basement?

The two of you must have crawled through to the basement of a nearby building. It won't be long before they find this path. Bro points you towards a staircase, which you happily climb. Upstairs you find a single room, all of the windows boarded, and a lock on the top.

"Change in to these. We're going to walk home like nothing is wrong, which nothing is. You're with your guardian."

"bro i need a fucking explanation"

You pull off your shoes, shirt, and pants, as he hands you a set of street clothes out of the bag.

"About the symbol? You'll know soon enough. It's your destiny Dana, what you were made to do."

"what do you mean what i was made to do? im not some fucking legendary hero out of a fantasy novel im me."

"You don't get it, you _are special_. I'm special by proxy. We're a fuckin' special god damn family. All the other people in the world? They don't fucking get it, they can't get it. There's only three other people who do, three other people who _can_."

"i know were both the coolest people but you do have to make a little bit of actual sense if you want me to understand what youre saying. cool people language doesnt make crazy talk suddenly clear as day."

"Humanity, this entire fucking world, the only reason it exists is so you can fulfill your destiny. I'm here to make sure you get there the right way. That's why I'm trying to teach you how to do things right, Dana. Those symbols up there? It's a reminder to the governments of the world who really matters. That there's nothing they can do to stop us."

"what... is this a political thing? i dont get it??"

"It's bigger than politics could ever be. Just wait, you'll see Dana. This is spacetime itself coming together to _**make you fulfill your destiny**_ "

It's early morning. You're on 3 hours of sleep. You're sitting half-naked in a room with Bro, and he's lecturing to you about how you and him are more important than the government, the entirety of society, and almost every other person who has ever lived all taken together. 

Are you fucking hallucinating right now? This has to be a hallucination, right?

You pass out.

\----------

Dave: Be John

It's your first day back at school. You're feeling pretty good going in to this year, considering how many friends you _actually have at school_ , compared to last year this same time. You've already gotten through your first two class periods which were mostly boring. You have the same teacher for Math that you did last year: she's nice, but you've never been terribly good at math anyhow, so you're still kind of worried about that class. English, as always, is easy for you. You're sitting in your science class at the moment, your teacher is going over what you're going to do for the year. You have it with Cael, which is pretty cool, but it has assigned seating so you're halfway across the room from him. You're mostly just flipping through the textbook.

This year's science course is covering biology, which honestly isn't the most interesting topic to you. You're more a fan of physical sciences, the stuff that you can use to throw things around and that makes storms and the like. Still, biology books alway have cool pictures in them. 

"Now Importantly, we _Will_ be doing Dissections in this class, so be prepared for that."

Yikes. You've never opened up anything dead before. That's going to be an interesting time. You wonder what all you're going to be dissecting. You've heard of people dissecting cats and frogs and all of that before, so it's probably those-

You quickly slam the book closed. This draws the attention of quite a few people around you, and your faces starts to flush. You put your face down and try to hide.

"As I imagine Mr. Egbert has just found, we will _Also_ be covering Human Reproduction. This is not a topic to Joke about, however, it is an Important part of Biology, and I expect All of you to treat it as such. Understood?"

A chorus of agreement springs up, though an undertone of giggles tells you that not _quite_ everyone truly does understand. You keep your head down, praying that nobody is still looking at you.

"That's going to just about do it for time Today everyone, make Sure you grab the Homework on the way out. It is Simply a sampling of your knowledge of Biology, so that I can cater the Course to you all. Grading is Completion only."

As she finishes her sentence, the bell rings and you lift your face up and glance around. Nobody is looking at you, save for the teacher herself, and Cael who you figure is just getting a good laugh. You'll get him back for it later. 

You walk up to the desk to grab the paper, and as you do, Ms. Clarke makes it clear that she's not going to leave you alone.

"Don't worry about it John, it happens to Someone every year. They'll forget about it when I make Everyone say the names of the Genitals. I find that it takes away the Allure of them."

"sorry for making a scene, still."

"Think nothing of it."

With the paper secured, you throw it in your bag and head off to your next class. The one you have been the most excited about! Your music composition class! You know Kate is going to be in the class but you figure you can meet her in the class, because you don't know where she's coming from. You start to head towards the band room, when you spot a familiar person walking the same direction.

What the hell do you do? That's the girl that got mad at you last year when you pranked her! You spent a few weeks trying to apologize to her, but she disappeared for the first few weeks and you lost your nerve.

Okay, calm down, Egbert. This might be your chance to apologize to her. She's walking alone, and in the same direction as you. You could be smooth and just slide up next to her but... Okay, when have you ever been smooth. You're kind of the opposite of smooth.

As you're contemplating what to do, she reaches the door to the band room and turns in to it. She's definitely in the same class. Plan of attack?

Sit next to her.

She's sitting in the second-to-front row, and there's a good couple of chairs around her on either side. You're not a social guru or anything, you're kind of a dork, but... this is a sure shot to apologize to her. 

You walk down the slight decline to the row she's in.

"hey, do you mind if I sit here?"

She glances up at you, and her eyes fill with recognition. A bemused expression covers her face.

"Were you planning on shocking me again?"

"it wasn't on the agenda, I swear!"

"Sure. Lucy, you?"

"john. sorry about that, by the way. i never got to apologize for it."

"It was a year ago now, dude. Sure, it sucked ass, but it's not like you're the devil in my mind or anything. The guys are just overprotective of me."

"i kind of noticed. do you always pal around with a legion of guys following you?"

"Ha, I make a habit out of it when I can. It intimidates my enemies. Especially when the guys are the types of people that can down someone in a few seconds. Not to say I can't myself."

"i guess i'm glad they didn't do anything to me then"

Your shoulders tense up, unsure if she's making a threat or not.

"You're goofy John. They knew that you didn't mean to hurt me or anything, you've been in band with half of them for years. You kind of have a reputation. The introduction was more of a formality than anything."

"well, i'm glad to finally know _your name_ at least. are any of them in this class with you?"

"Nah, most of them thought it sounded boring, but I've always wanted to be able to make music of my own and this seemed like a good place to get a more formal understanding."

"i've got a friend in this class, but i don't actually see her around anywhere."

You shrug, and she slouches a bit in her chair, directing her gaze forward toward the board where the teacher has just appeared. You really hope Kate gets here soon, or she's going to be late.

"hey, Jooooohhhnnnnnnnnnn!"

"that would be my friend. hey kate!"

"hey! who's this?"

"Lucy, and from John's yelling I can assume you're Kate?"

"yeah! how do you two know each other?"

"i met her las-"

"He shocked me with a hand shocker thing. What the fuck are those actually called?"

"they're just called hand shockers." 

"john why the actual hell would you do that??" 

"i thought it would be funny? maybe get a good laugh to introduce myself?"

You frown a little, and both of the girls roll their eyes.

"Alright class! Welcome to Introductory Composition, I'm Mr. Barker, your teacher for this class. I'm glad to see we have a larger group than last year. Let's get started!"

\-----

"hey, Lucy, do you want to eat lunch with us?"

"Sure, I don't think any of my friends have lunch at this time. How many of you are there?"

"seven, with you."

"Damn, and you just keep trying to make friends John? Boy doesn't know when to stop friending people."

"hey, kate, can you go on ahead of us for a minute?"

"uhh, sure? (good luck Lucy)"

"This better not be you asking me out or any of that dumb shit. The answer is no if that's what it is."

Luckily, that isn't why you're asking her to stay aside. You're confused. She's acted so cool around you this time, you just don't... you don't understand why she got so angry last time. It's still replaying in your head. She just... she yelled at you. Over a joke, a prank.

"about what happened last year, could i ask you, honestly, why did my prank make you so angry?"

"Dude, you don't just go up to people and shock them. Like, if they're already a close friend, sure, but I barely fuckin knew you."

"i guess that makes sense, i get that. you were just... i guess just the first person who reacted that poorly to it?"

"Listen, I just have. Fuckin, don't worry about it. I don't deal well with being startled, physically or mentally. You could say that that it was a bit of a 'shock' if you wanted to. I'd probably punch you for it, but you could."

She smirks, and readies her fist in case I actually do.

"god that's such a lame joke. i though you were cool!"

"Fuck you, I am cool. That's why I said I'd punch you if you said it."

Her smirk widens into a full smile. 

"You know, I kind of wish I had given you a chance last year. Would have been a fun time."

"thanks! how about we go get some food."

"Hell. Fucking. Yes."

You pack up your stuff to leave, and sling your bag over your shoulder. 

"Hey, two things."

"yeah?"

"First off, what's your last name? I need a good nickname for you."

"egbert"

"Holy crap! That's like the motherlode last name. Alright sausage egg and cheese burrito, here's the other thing."

She hands you a slip of paper and starts to walk away.

"Don't get too dazed."

You unfold it.

aetherealVirago

\----------

John: Be Jade

You're currently standing in the middle of a bunch of industrial machinery, with Roxy on pesterchum. A storm blew over your island yesterday and knocked out one of the filters on the intake. You spent the entire night making a new one. Grandpa stocked a lot of spare parts so that you would be able to do that if it came to it, luckily. 

TG: so yorue basiclly  
TG: fixng ur entier water supply right now?  
TG: girl thas a lot of repsonsiblity   
TG: *that's  
GG: well it's not like i haven't done it before :P  
GG: i've maintained all of the stuff on the island as long as i've been old enough to  
GG: come to think of it, i'm not sure how Bec dealt with it before then :\  
TG: he's a mgaci dog, he might juts be able to ohld a wrench  
TG: dont' undrsestimate bec  
TG: *uderestmate  
TG: **underestimate fuckin got it

You continue to loosen a bolt as you talk to her. The housing for the filter is inside of a fairly large pump, since the water has to pass through the filter at pressure. You've already been at it for an hour or so, and it's probably going to take you the better part of the afternoon. Especially gossiping to Roxy the entire time.

GG: if he can do it, why isn't he in here helping me with it? D:<  
GG: he's supposed to be my good dog, best friend  
GG: he could at least help me make sure i have clean drinking water :P  
TG: it's proably his iedea of a 'stength buildin excersie'  
TG: u hav to chagne it urself to lern how to be inepdenendt or somtehning   
TG: *change *learn  
TG: **u kno what fuck htat sentence  
GG: hehehe :P  
GG: i really doubt that he's thinking that much about my personal growth  
GG: whatever, what i'm doing is boooring!!! D:  
GG: what are you doing??  
TG: oh u kno, juts chattin up a cute gal   
TG: *wonk*  
GG: don't you wonk at me :P  
GG: you're definitely doing more than just talking to me!  
TG: hoe do u kno i was spaekin of teh u?  
TG: *how lmao not sayin u a hoe  
TG: ameby i'm cahttin some other cute gal :3  
GG: i know for a fact that the three girls that you know are jane, rose, and i :P  
GG: you're definitely chatting with me, rose is kind of your mom, and while you i don't doubt that jane is cute, she's also probably busy, because she always is!   
GG: with the power of elimination, you were definitely talking about me!!!  
TG: okay frist off rose is sitll cute, wher do u htink i got it from?  
TG: u also r so sumg like 'i kmow all ur feirnds" well u mised one  
TG: what aout callie?  
TG: *about  
GG: callie?  
GG: who is callie?  
TG: got u! u didn't een know acllie exitsed  
TG: she's so gaert, seh's a rael qt gal, hells of nedry, wrties liek she's egnlish  
TG: *great *nerdy *englihs  
TG: hte lietral ebmodiment of kindess  
TG: also petty sure se's an aelin  
TG: *pretty  
GG: she's a what?!  
GG: you've just known an alien this entire time and you haven't told me?  
TG: hey is't all kidns of chil my gal  
TG: i saod pretty sure  
TG: thre's been a few cules to it  
TG: she's the one whi gaev me teh petserhchum that goes thru tiem  
TG: *who *pesterchum  
TG: *petser  
TG: nope tat was rite  
TG: oethr htan that, she talks  
TG: oh rite i geuss  
TG: *guess  
TG: just turst me  
GG: what if I told you i actually also have an alien friend?  
GG: she's really cool too! :D  
GG: she's been super curious about everything here on earth  
GG: i actually had to write a translator to be able to talk to her at first  
GG: luckily my grandpa had a book that translated into her language  
TG: oaky, two tihngs  
TG: you worte na entier tanslator urself?  
TG: nd ur granpa juts had a tarnslaton book  
TG: *grandpa  
TG: _sittng around_?  
GG: yeah?   
GG: he was a world explorer, so i didn't question it that much  
GG: i can send you the code for the translator, if you want :P  
TG: i tought i was supossed to be teh porgrammre aroun heer  
TG: so waht's she liek?  
TG: is seh cuet? *wonk*  
GG: i don't know if she's cute  
GG: she hasn't sent a picture of herself  
GG: she did say that she was a troll though, which i thought was weird at first  
GG: i know her name is Feferi and she _types with a color like this_  
GG: i think she also makes fish puns?  
GG: or she was trying to when I first talked to her?  
GG: my translator wouldn't work for that D:

There is an uncomfortable pause in the conversation. 

GG: are you still here Roxy?

She still doesn't respond. You keep working for several minutes, revealing the filter fully before you hear your phone go off again.

TG: jade block her right now.  
GG: Roxy what  
GG: i thought you said i couldn't solve all of my problems by blocking people?  
TG: jade u don't fucking understand!  
TG: this is probably the fate of ur fucking planet that is at stake

She's not slurring. At all. 

GG: you're right that i don't understand.  
GG: she was also there for me while i didn't really have anyone else to talk to.  
GG: could you at least explain to me why you want me to?

A solid five minutes later, once you've gotten the filter fully out of the pump, your phone goes off again.

TG: jade i'm not sure u really want to know  
TG: it's not a fun story  
GG: please, Roxy  
TG: fine  
TG: you asked me about the world that i live in when we first talked  
TG: i deflected and implied i didn't know why it was a mess like it was  
TG: guess i couldn't keep that a secret forever  
TG: jane doesn't know this, so neither does rose  
TG: i'd prefer to keep it that way, fyi  
TG: i only told rose that she died fighting a tyrant in my world  
TG: which is true, and i told you that there's still a tyrant over our heads  
TG: her name is her imperious condescension  
TG: she's a troll, and she's personally responsible for killing all of humanity  
TG: all of it except for me and one other person  
TG: trolls have this complicated concept called the hemospectrum  
TG: the color of their blood dictates their rank in society or some equally dumb bullshit  
TG: condy, the bitch, is a fuschia  
TG: she's the highest that it goes  
TG: she's the empress and in charge of everything  
TG: that little troll you're talking to?  
TG: she's also a fuschia  
TG: that can't mean good things jade  
TG: i'm sorry  
TG: we can't trust her  
TG: i know i said that blocking people isn't the answer  
TG: i stand by that  
TG: but you need to cut her off

You... you don't understand. You've only just really gotten to know Feferi, and now Roxy is telling you that she might be a danger to all of humanity? Your whole world is twisting around your head. You hop off the pump and slump against the wall.

You thought you were done with this. 

This isn't...

Can't you just find some way to compromise?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I love reading comments and I always try to reply to them as quickly as I can. You all are kind of the driving force behind me doing this. 
> 
> My twitter is @FadingEchoes and my tumblr is unconventionalcat.tumblr.com, if you want to send me anything, I've been checking both of those fairly regularly. 
> 
> Alright, on to the less strict business stuff:
> 
> I made some very minor revisions to the outline between last time and this time, and the updated chapter count is now at 24. That mostly has to do with wrap up and wind down stuff, but I felt like it would pace better that way.
> 
> I said that I would contact people who were interested in doing art last time, but I didn't manage to find the time this last week. That *is* still something I am going to do, though! :D
> 
> I ended up manually doing all of Roxy's typos this time because I wasn't satisfied with how the program was doing it. Personally, I feel like I can get her style a bit better, so I think I am going to be sticking with that. I'm always open to opinions, though, so feel free to hit me up down below.
> 
> I finally introduced the rest of the gang that John has been hanging out with, and Lucy. Lucy has been sitting in the background for like 8 chapters now, I'm glad she's finally here :P
> 
> Poor, sweet Feferi ;3;
> 
> Edit: WHOOOAAAA D: Unfortunately I got pretty sick early this week which threw my writing schedule completely out of wack. Expect the update after Thursday, possibly around Sunday.


	10. Mice to M33t Mew! :33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade makes the painful decision to block Feferi, after much agonizing over that decision. When she receives another connection to a troll, she wonders whether she will be able to hold on to this friend, or whether they will be forced away.
> 
> Rose, driven to the edge by isolation, takes a step towards the edge, and it falls to Jane to try to help her. Jane, however, may not be able to succeed.
> 
> John, back in classes, has started to embrace more diverse expression, seeing it as a way to convince others that he isn't trans. The trick may be working too well, however, and some old words come back to haunt him.
> 
> Dave, after a night of chaos, wakes up to find the chaos still around him. With his newfound knowledge, he traverses the city in search of answers, after avoiding the dangers that Bro has planted for him.

Be Jade

You find yourself sitting against the pumps, still, chatting with Roxy, contemplating what to do. You really don't want to block Feferi. She's become one of your closer friends recently and she really does seem to be harmless. You can _kind of understand_ why Roxy is afraid of her, but it still seems kind of...

Overzealous?

GG: i don't want to block feferi  
GG: she hasn't done anything to deserve it, roxy  
GG: it isn't right!! D:<  
TG: jadey i egt you butt weve gto to make srue they  
TG: u no  
TG: dno't ivnaed ur erath too  
TG: *earth  
GG: why do you think she's in on it, that she's going to help invade earth? :\  
GG: she hasn't given me any indication that she is, she's just really nice!  
GG: in fact, she just seems fascinated by all the life here  
GG: you said they killed all the life on your earth  
TG: yeh lmao tehy sure did  
TG: motsly juts birbbs and the carpcians  
TG: *moslty  
TG: **mostly lmao  
TG: n i ugess sea lief?  
TG: not suer?  
GG: well why would she be so interested in it if she just wanted to kill it all off?  
GG: it doesn't make sense! :|  
GG: maybe she's working against the empress, and she won't invade us  
TG: donest matter she's a riks  
TG: culoud juts be acting  
TG: *could  
TG: anyhoe tisll a fishcua  
TG: mghit be motnitored  
TG: *montored  
TG: **fuck it  
GG: i  
GG: i guess you're right  
GG: fuck i hate this :((  
GG: why do i have to sacrifice my friendships?  
GG: why can't we just... i don't know, find some way around this?  
GG: find some way to fight the empress if she comes! D:<  
TG: u could tyr  
TG: get tsromped leik we did  
TG: *stomped  
TG: its beter if she juts doents no u exits  
GG: i guess you're right  
GG: i'll go talk to her then  
GG: bye roxy  
TG: good luck jaed  
TG: *jade

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

You rise from the grimy, the dirt clinging to your skirt as you do. You give it a few brushes as you do. This is disappointing, but you can understand her. If this empress is really as dangerous as Roxy says, she might be powerful enough to wreak havoc on earth, and you need to protect your friends. You need to ensure that the four of you get to make it in to the world of your dreams, and have wonderful adventures together.

If that means cutting off a new friend... That ultimately is a sacrifice you have to make.

Maybe you should... prepare yourself first. Take some time to think on it before you actually talk to her.

You grab up the filter for the pump and keep working. That's the best way to spend your time, just keep working, don't think about how you're betraying a friend because another friend told you that you had to. Don't think about how you're going to really hurt someone who did nothing to you...

Wow, you're really failing at not thinking about these things. You work on a couple more bolts and manage to get the filter out completely. The old one slips out fairly easily and yeah, that's completely busted, definitely not giving fresh water. You're lucky you didn't get sick from it. You sliiip the new one in and refit the casing. Bolts screw on, and secure, and you're all good. Now you definitely need to get out of here. The air smells like betrayal. Betrayal and... seawater.

You stil haven't fed Bec today, that'll take some time and will certainly get your mind off the imminent de-friending. Since the pumps are under your house, they have a transportalizer, but the closest to the ground floor is still the top of your grandpa's "collection." Time to make that adventure again.

As you meander through the storage rooms, the effigies kept within seem to watch your silent vigil, as if they know of your sin, the one that you haven't even committed. 

... What the hell is up with your brain?

It's not like you're about to kill someone, you're just telling a friend that you can't talk to them anymore because it might put you in danger. 

They still look at you that way as you continue your trek, even the mummies which don't have eyes. Their visages burn a hole into your brain like a hundreds strong jury. What right do you have to judge Feferi dangerous. What right does Roxy have to judge her dangerous either?

~~Roxy had her entire planet destroyed by the species, _ **maybe**_ she has some right?~~

Feferi isn't like them. She isn't.

~~How do you know she isn't just lying to you?~~

You can't keep thinking like this. You round the corner into the living room and quicken your pace. Find Bec and give him his food. That's what you really need to do right now.

When you get to the kitchen, you open up the doors to the fridge. Steak, steak, steak, steak, damn it!

Where the hell are all of your steaks!!

You scan the entire fridge, but there doesn't seem to be any. You must not have counted right, you thought you have thawed out enough for today. You pull open the freezer and plop one on the counter, just straight on the counter.

Guess you're going to have to wait for it to thaw to give it to him. Which means more waiting with your mind on it.

Maybe you should just... Talk to her now.

You decaptchalogue your lunchtop and set it on the table in the kitchen. The crumbs of something that you ate are still there but you brush them aside and to the floor. You'll sweep them up later, you need to get this off your mind now.

gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering cuttlefishCuller [CC]

GG: hey Feferi, how's it going?  
GG: i finished up with the filter :)  
CC: Yay! I'm just swimming around, tending to my fish and talking to some friends. 38D  
CC: Everything go well with your water filtration device?  
GG: yup! just had to finish installing the new one, it was nothing too big  
GG: it wasn't really anything interesting  
GG: now i'm just trying to feed Bec  
CC: Bec is your overly large and rambunction bark beast, yes?  
CC: He sounds so fun! 38)  
GG: i love how you call dogs bark beasts  
GG: wow i guess that probably just came out as bark beasts bark beasts for you didn't it  
CC: Yes, it did. 38P  
CC: How else would you describe a beast that barks though?  
CC: It's accurate!  
GG: it's just very blunt is all :P  
CC: It's descriptive. I don't know what word your language uses, but I am certain that it is not even close to as elegant.  
CC: A cluck beast clucks, a moo beast moos, it is all so very simple.  
GG: hehehehe, i guess so :)  
GG: i really can't wait to show you the words that we use  
GG: i mean, uh  
GG: i guess  
GG: well, they're funny  
CC: You know what else I find funny? 38P  
CC: You go outside _**during the day!**_  
CC: That's amazing!  
GG: i still think it's crazier that you live on a planet where the sun will literally kill you  
GG: maybe that's why you're so hardcore  
CC: Jade...  
CC: Something's on your mind.  
GG: ughhhhhh D:  
GG: you can't have known that just from this chat!  
CC: I mean, not completely 38|  
CC: You just... seem off?  
CC: Like you've got something uncomfortable bearing down on you.  
GG: i... you're not wrong  
GG: i talked with someone while i was working and they  
GG: they know a lot about troll society  
GG: they said that you're a fuschia blood and that i shouldn't be talking to you  
CC: UGH! 3>8(  
CC: Sorry, I just thought that I would be able to avoid this nonsense with you!  
CC: I'm not dangerous Jade, I promise.  
CC: I am a Fuschia blood which means I will one day challenge our current empress for the throne.  
CC: I plan to win, and I plan to undo all of the suffering which she has caused for trollkind 38D  
GG: Feferi  
GG: i'm sorry, i just  
GG: your kind invaded my friends planet  
GG: killed almost everyone  
GG: i don't know that i can trust you even if you mean well  
CC: Jade 38(  
CC: I'm not like her. I don't want to hurt people.  
CC: I don't believe in culling or invading other species!  
GG: how do you know you're not just a spy for her though! >:|  
GG: you're still dangerous to me  
GG: i'm sorry Feferi

gardenGnostic [GG] blocked cuttlefishCuller [CC]

You

You're not happy right now.

It needed to be done.

* * *

Jade: Be Rose

A room, bereft of light, found padded all in colors of lavender and deep greys. A young lady lies on her mattress, pondering. Blankets encase her tightly into what some colloquially refer to as a "cocoon," though unlike its namesake, no metamorphosis has occurred within.

This young lady, the heir to a large quantity of fuck all and an evening of bullshit, is Rose Lalonde. You already know that, of course, being that you are her. Indeed, some would look upon this scene, where the windows are blacked out even though it appears to be well beyond a time when someone should be asleep, and think that such a young lady would be irresponsible for still being in bed, and that she should wake up and do something with her day.

Those people, of course, would be idiots, and should congratulate themselves only on their ability to be useless clods of barren dirt. The most intelligent of all people understand that when given an opportunity to rest, especially into the hours of the post meridian. At least, early hours of the post-meridian. Past three would be astoundingly unhelpful to both the intelligent person and anyone who hopes to fraternize with such person.

Your various projects are scattered on the floor, most of them finished over your seemingly interminable intermission. Several scarves, sweaters, even a pair of pants (why the _**hell**_ did you think a pair of knit pants would work well?), lay in disarray all over the floor. Four separate piles of books are stacked up almost a meter high each. 

You would say that you had a productive summer, but honestly it's more dismal than that.

A groan accompanies the exhuming of your body. Blankets flop helplessly under your unceasing strength, the true terror of upstate New York. You will be remembered for the horror you wrought upon the poor, helpless horrorterror plush, crushed under a foul tendril of yours. 

Sitting upright feels weird after an entire day of laying down. Or, well, an entire morning of it. You haven't even used the restroom today, which is probably why, upon sitting up, your bladder begins to scream at you.

After quickly taking care of _that_ matter, you decide that you've tired of your cave, and wander to the unknown of the outside.

By the outside, you actually mean the kitchen. You aren't fucking going outside today. At all. No damn chance. 

You've realized that you're actually quite famished, a fact which should probably be unsurprising but which has somehow caught you off guard. Being in bed until the afternoon doesn't often come with healthy eating habits. 

Neither does a barren kitchen. You're staring into your refrigerator, and the void stares back.

Okay, so not really, it's not precisely the void, but the concept is close enough that you feel justified in embellishing somewhat. The total contents of your fridge are as follows:

  * 1x Package of Ham, Honey Roasted
  * 3x Bottles of Water, Opened, Partially Consumed
  * 1x Box of Pizza, At Least One (1) Week Old
  * 8x Bottles of Wine, Variety
  * 1x Bag of You Think That's Mushrooms No Wait That's Mold OH MY GOD



Let's check the pantry and forget about the uncomfortable type of culture growing in your fridge. You throw open the doors to the pantry, aaaaaaannnnnnd.

  * Do you seriously want me to list out a bunch of useless cans?
  * Because that's all that there is in here
  * Nothing that you even remotely know what to do with
  * Or really feel like doing anything with
  * 1x Can of Creamed Corn



You grab out the can of creamed corn. Score. After liberating a bowl from the detritus that littered it's surface, you open the can and pour the luscious corn inside. Pop that in the microwave for a few minutes. 

While you do, you happen upon a loaf of bread that you must have missed earlier in your scrounging. A few slices of bread end up in the toaster and you figure you have a pretty solid meal.

By your standards at least. 

All that's left is to figure out what to actually _do with your day_. You could read, which would honestly not be a terrible use of your time. You have a couple more books you were hoping to finish up before the summer finished.

You've read a lot though. Your mind instead turns to knitting but the briefest thought completely repulses you.

Yeah, you think you've done enough of that as well...

What you haven't done much this summer is play games. You may have a modest computer, but it is quite capable of playing games. You prefer older games anyhow, those CRPGs that you can really dig into the characters and analyze just how they tic. Alternatively, you can analyze just how lazy the authors got with them. Either way, they satisfy a deep, hungry part of your brain.

Maybe you'll dig back into Revenant. It's been a good while since you've enjoyed the depths of that classic. 

Your toast pops up, and becomes enveloped by paper towels, which you clumsily liberated from the roll while contemplating your activities. Soon after, the microwave completes its cycle, and your breakfa- er... lunch of champions is complete. You grab the bowl- _**holy shit that's hot**_ -set it down on the counter for a second. That's going to need something to keep you from just scalding yourself.

Alternatively you could just....

You push the bowl across the counter, in a curcuitous path toward the couch. You were planning on eating there anyhow. You come across a slight challenge at the sink, but manage to surpass it with some finaggling around the front edge. Careful to avoid the wizards perched upon the edge, you place your prize near the couch. From there, a short walk places you near enough to it and god damn it you forgot to get something to eat the corn with.

You could always just... Drink it?

You slurp up a few kernels of corn and, sufficiently satisfied with your newly defined drink, decaptchalogue your laptop and its charger. Once you have that set up, you boot into Revenant, and begin your descent.

\-----

You lift yourself up from your perch on the couch. Your bowl of delicious creamy corn drink has long since been emptied, the only reminder of the accompanying toast being the crumbs that now litter the surface of the couch. You really do need to sweep those up.

Regardless, your real concern is once again the call of the restroom, which you heed with haste. When you leave, however, you realize that the sky is much darker than you anticipated. You must have been playing that game for much longer than you thought. Really got sucked in.

You stretch yourself out at the top of the stares, looking out the window opposite. It's not the first time you've wasted an evening to a good game. It likely won't be the last either, but... you should _probably_ do something else with your time. It'd feel pretty bad to spend your entire day just playing a game. 

So, you sit down on the couch and decaptchalogue the book that Ms. Hartford recommended. You've gotten to some of the creepier portions and you really do want to finish it before you see her again for class this fall. 

But, try as you might to get into it, you just can't. You guess it _**has been**_ quite a few hours, and your stomach is somewhat yelling at you to fill it. You already know that your house has not the provisions to fill it. Your mother once again left you money to get food if you should need...

You pull up the website of the indian place in town. For such a small town, you're lucky enough to have a pretty good indian place, and the couple that runs the place is willing to run it out to you for a few dollars more, since it isn't technically in their delivery radius. You pick out what you want: really just curry, rice, and some naan, and call up the shop.

Something is still tugging at your mind though, and in the daze of starvation mixed with the fog of having just spent a good five hours playing a game, you really cannot identify it.

After glancing around, you realize that you've made quite the mess of yourself. You pride yourself on at least keeping yourself clean, though realistically the same can't necessarily be said about your personal space. The indian is going to take at least an hour to get here, so you run back to your room, grab some presentable clothes, and take a shower. 15 minutes later, you look a lot nicer and no longer have the faint speckles of creamed corn on your shirt.

That was, unquestionably, _**not the highest point of your life**_.

You trot back downstairs, a little bit happier, and your mind a little bit clearer, and plop down on the couch.

You figured out what it was, what was tugging at you.

Nobody has talked to you at all today.

~~They don't need you anymore.~~

Today isn't even the first time this has happened all summer. You spoke with Jane for 15 minutes yesterday, and argued with John for a while a few days before that. Otherwise, it's just been.

E m p t y . . .

You open your phone. Nothing. No notifications, no texts, no missed calls. Not even from your mom, though that's really not unusual.

~~They don't even _want_ you anymore.~~

Well _**what the fuck**_ did you do to deserve it? It's not like you're particularly mean, or unfriendly. You've just tried to help out your friends when they needed it. That's not a bad thing to do. That's not...

They're leaving you. Jade already basically said that she hated you, and while you thought that Dave would come around with time, it's been months on months now and he hasn't done anything.

They're actually going to abandon you, aren't they. Over a stupid fucking coming out?

Jane is too fucking busy, she doesn't _even really count_. She's more an acquaintance that you pour your soul out to like some emotional _**fucking whore**_. 

And John. John is the real reason that this whole problem started in the first place. Jade and Dave would have just been a little annoyed with you if it wasn't for him. He doesn't even deserve how **nice** you've been to him. You should be _**screaming at him**_ for how awful he is treating Dave.

This is such bullshit. _**You**_ should hardly be the one getting the short end of the stick.

~~Unless they just saw that you really don't know anything.~~

AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!

You hop off the couch. Whatever, why do you even need their approval? If they don't want you around, that's... well, that's fine. You can just...

~~Do what, sit here like you have all summer, wasting away, devoid of purpose?~~

You feel your eyes start to...

_**NO!!** _

You refuse to be brought to tears over some betraying friends who blame you for their problems. Problems that _**YOU WERE TRYING TO FIX**_.

Nevertheless, a tear wells up. Then another follows it. Your eyes are betraying your mind, your emotions so frustratingly unconcerned with what you want. Your eyes have become traitors to you.

You didn't even make it a step, you've just collapsed against the couch. 

~~You're so pathetic, this has to be why your friends abandoned you.~~

A valiant attempt is made to mop up the tears as they fall, but they just keep coming. You don't even know where this is all coming from, you weren't feeling like th-

The doorbell rings. 

_**Shit. You had food coming. You completely forgot.** _

Well, this is going to be interesting. Hopefully it's Kuhu, the nice lady who runs the place, and not her son Arav. You scramble to grab the money off the counter, including the fee and the tip, and open the door and oh god fucking damn it it's Arav.

"Uh, hey Lalonde, you look like shit."

"Is that really how you should be talking to a customer, Arav?"

"Dude, you're less a customer than the cute girl that lives up on the hill."

"Oh fuck off, you know I'm a lesbian. As you can clearly tell by... well..." You gesture to your face. "I'm not exactly in the mood for any bullshit."

"Alright. The total is $21.53. You always tip well, but I also accept kisses as tips, just so you know."

You just stare at him. Stare into his dumbshit eyes. You're really, _really, **really**_ not in the mood for his shit right now.

"No, I think the only tip you're going to get is to not hit on clients after they tell you not to. That's called harassment, and while I'm not the kind to actually do anything about it, I will tell your mom."

"Ouuuuuuuuuuuuuch, damn, harsh. You know she makes me do extra work at home every time you do that."

He pouts. He actually fucking pouts, and dear god you can't even begin to parse what is going on in his head. 

"And yet, you continue to pursue me regardless of the number of times that it happens. One wonders whether you have the capacity to actually learn."

You hand him the money, without the tip, and he gets the memo.

"Alright, geez. Sorry Lalonde, just, whatever's up, I do hope you feel better."

"Thanks, I guess."

He turns back to his car as you swing the door closed, the aroma of curry filling your nostrils. This is going to hit nice.

Fucking hell, that didn't do much to stem your feelings, just shocked you out of them. You contemplate eating on the couch again, but your bowl still sits luridly on the countertop. That leaves, your room, the observatory, or the Den. 

The Den is feeling the least... sad at the moment, so you opt for it. As you pass your mom's room, however...

~~Even she is abandoning you.~~

You kind of miss her. When she's here, you never really feel much towards her. She just sort of exists around her.

You push the door open. It's... Wow it's actually really clean. You weren't sure what you expected. There's the liquor cabinet off to the right of the door and her bed in the middle of the room, a dresser opposite her bed, with a mirror on top of it.

You almost expected there to be something more significant in here. Some secret science shit.

You sit down on the floor, leaning against the bed. Sprawl the curry out beside you. Here is as good a place to eat as any, you guess. 

She keeps taking these trips without you. You know they're international, and probably secret or some shit, but it also feels like she just...

Doesn't want you around? Doesn't want you nearby? Doesn't actually care about you?

Well, you kind of already thought that, given her passive aggressive shit. This is just... more aggressive, this is more like what a parent does when they literally just want to drive their kid to do something crazy.

You look up at the liquor cabinet.

You're not the type of kid that's ever really thought of drinking. Honestly, you're been kind of a lame kid, as some might say. 

She stocks tons of liquor. Surely she wouldn't notice if.

You're already on your feet as you're thinking that thought. The cabinet isn't even locked. You reach in and pull out the first bottle you touch. Not the best idea for trying to separate by taste, but... well that's not really what you're looking for, is it.

It's gin. That's one of your mom's favorites. You spin open the top of the bottle and immediately the bright smell fills your nostrils. You had, before, when you were younger, attempted sampling one of your mom's martinis.

It didn't go well...

The scent isn't as putrid as when you tried it that time, however. 

You lift the bottle to your lips and let the liquid flow down. It's not nearly as bitter as it was last time, though you only take one mouthful. You gulp it down and the rush of heat that you feel fills you nicely.

Maybe... Maybe this isn't so bad...

* * *

Rose: Be John

The lunch room table has gotten a lot more lively in the past few weeks, since Lucy joined. Everyone gets along pretty well. 

You're sitting getting you hair braided at the current moment. How Kate managed to get you to do this again is beyond you, but since your excuse was that it just hurt last time, she has promised to be extra careful this time. 

"you know, this might just help confirm the theory that girls are tougher than guys"

You can't tell, but her tone suggests that she's sticking out her tongue. 

"Everyone knows that's just a myth, Kate, come on."

"Yeah, it's no more True than the other way around!"

"Looks like you got the guys a bit defensive Kate. Maybe it hits a bit close to home."

As Nina says this, Kate pulls a little hard on one of your strands of hair, and a not-so-dignified sound comes out of your mouth.

"Ha, Eggs is doing a really good job of supporting your theory, Kate. Maybe you should turn this into a game, see how long you can keep it up."

You shoot Lucy an indignant look, and she just shoots you a peace sign. You really, _genuinely_ don't understand her. It might just be her way of getting back at you for the prank that you used against her, you're honestly not sure.

"C'mon Egg Drop Soup, you've got to give us guys a better name. You're stronger than those little hairs, you can do this!"

"I'd Just Like to Say That I Personally do Not Think He Should be Forced to Act Any Stronger than He Wants To."

Dang. Sara doesn't often speak up, she's a pretty quiet girl, so you had actually almost forgotten about her. 

"thanks sara, i appreciate it, but i really don't need it. i'm doing just fine! let's just talk about something else."

You throw her a smile, which ends up turning into a grimace when Kate pulls on your hair again. What the hell is she doing that she keeps pulling so hard?

"Hey, speaking of something else, you all heard of this cool game that's coming out a year from now, Sburb!"

"Smooth segue."

"What's it About?"

"i haven't, but yeah, what's it about?"

"All of the footage they've shown has been like, a house builder or something, but it looks super realistic. They've also said there's RPG elements and stuff, which seems weird for a house builder."

"rpg elements in a house builder? Like, the Sims but you can play around in it?"

"Well, they keep hinting at something more significant to it. The graphics look super realistic though, and I wouldn't be surprised if there's something cool to it, it's being developed by SkaiaNet."

"Wait, that science company? Why would they make a video game? Aren't they primarily focused on astronomy and stuff?"

"that sounds really cool! if it's being made by a science company, maybe there's some really cool tech going along with it. like, really good vr or something."

"Definitely something I'm gonna keep my eyes on, going forward."

"I don't really play a lot of games, you know, in general."

"I'd totally be down for that, I play way too many competitive games, I'd love something more casual."

"is it multiplayer? If all of you are playing, I'd definitely play with you!"

"I don't actually know, they haven't given out that many details about it, but I'll keep you all in the loop as they do."

You feel Kate tug on your hair again, and hear the snapping of elastic. You're pretty sure that means you're about to be finished, so you ready yourself.

"okay, everything feel good John?"

"yeah, nothing's super tight or anything, you finished?"

"yup, do you want to see?"

"i guess. what do you all think?"

"I mean, not going to lie Scotch Egg, you pull it off pretty well."

"Yeah, it Fits your Face pretty well."

"Like I said at the park, you look cute!"

"super cute!"

Lucy and Sara stay quiet. That doesn't really make you feel great about how you must look right now, but everyone else seems happy with it...

Kate hands her phone to Lucy, who is sitting in front of you on the bench. She gladly takes it.

"Alright, pose for me Eggy Boy."

You mostly just smile. She snaps a picture and hands it to you, and your heart starts racing right away.

What are you going to look like.

_Why do you **care what you're going to look like?**_

You glance at the picture on the phone and-

You look good. Not girly, not like you've been magically transformed, just... good. It's not a feminine hairstyle or anything, it's just back away from your face.

"i... i really really like it. honestly."

"well thanks. Do you want to hold on to the stuff for the rest of the day, keep your hair out of your face?"

"y-yeah. if you don't mind."

You turn back to the main table and you mind is buzzing.

The bell rings. 

Did you really just spend most of the lunch period getting your hair braided. 

_Were you seriously just **okay** with spending most of the lunch period getting your hair braided?_

Lucy catches up to you as you wander off in the general direction of your Social Studies class. 

"Hey, just wanted to tell you, you should totally keep your hair up like that regularly."

"really? you don't think I look like a 'massive dork' like this?"

"Nah. You rock it. You're pretty cute."

D-Did she just actually compliment how you look?

"if you're the one saying so, i guess i can wear it like this more often. _you'll_ have to convince kate to do it though, because there's no way in hell i'm going to actually learn how to do this."

"Maybe I can do it for you. It's really not that hard, I promise."

"i really don't think you want to spend long periods of time just sitting behind me listening to me talking about dumb stuff."

"Hey, Eggs, don't tell me what I do and don't want to do."

You come up on the door to the room, and both of you enter. You sit next to each other, so you don't really have to stop bantering.

"i mean, i can start talking about how great con air is. which is it. it's a freaking legendary film."

"Time out, did you actually just say freaking instead of fucking?"

"yeah, so?"

"neeeeeeeeeeeeeerd"

She leans over and pops you on the arm softly. You return the favor, and both of you giggle a bit.

\-----

As you leave the class, you and Lucy are giggly messes. She's real awful at paying attention, and you're sure the teacher was annoyed at you for it. 

You head to the room for your programming class. Nina meets you about halfway there.

"Hey John, how was social studies?"

"pretty good, and math?"

"Advanced math is dumb and I always question why I do it to myself, but hey, that's my own problem. You figure you have this programming project down?"

"ha, not a chance, i've been struggling with it the whole time. i can't get the number to go through the uhh... i actually can't remember what it's even called."

"You're really not having a great time are you?"

"not really..."

"Hey, I can help you with it."

The program in question is a relatively simple program. Well, that's what the teacher said. you're supposed to take a group of numbers and find where something is. You don't get any of it.

Nina coaches you through it the whole class, and you can feel how exasperated she is getting by the end of it.

"i think i'm getting it, i swear. i'm really sorry for being this bad at it. i promise i'll study more!"

"You're fine, John, I don't mind helping you. This stuff actually is coming really easily to me, somehow."

"alright, well, if you don't mind."

You're walking out of the classroom, towards your lockers, and you can feel that she wants to say something. She's hesitating though.

"Hey, John. Can we talk for a minute. Preferrably somwhere not so public?"

"sure, any time nina."

She leads you to a little alcove near the end of a hall, secluded from where most everyone is gathering. 

"This is about what you said at lunch a while ago."

You try to think of something to say to dissuade her from confronting you about it, but the only sound that comes out of your mouth is "uhhhhhhhhhh", so she takes that as a hint to keep going.

"Do you really think that stuff. About trans guys not really being men? About Dysphoria?"

"i... well, yeah, i mean, i've looked into it and it's my opinion on it."

"'You've looked into it.' Christ Egbert, this isn't some game, this is real people's lives."

"i'm not treating it like a game! i use people's preferred pronouns and name and stuff, i just don't really think it makes them, you know. fully the same."

"I know that you're not trans, that you don't probably get this, but that's so shit to say. Trans men are men. They aren't something lesser, they are just _fucking men_."

"i... i'm sorry."

"No you're not, John. You just want to say that so that you can feel better. I don't want to talk to you anymore. This was stupid to begin with."

She starts to walk away, and something in your heart sinks. Deep. 

"nina!"

You call after her, and she gives you a death glare over her shoulder. You slump against the wall.

You... you just hurt her. Really, really bad. What are you supposed to do about that? 

"Hey, what the hell just happened between you and the queen herself?"

You look up, and Lucy is perched over you. 

"i just... i think i said something really, really dumb."

"Wouldn't be the first time. She'll get over it. Come on, get up, no use sitting here and letting it fester."

She pulls you up from your wall of shame. 

"You going to be okay, dude?"

~~no.~~

"yeah."

* * *

John: Be Dave

You feel really warm. The blankets over you are velvety, their deep plum enclosing your entire body. You shift and they flex so easily, almost weightlessly. They're so comfortable.

You fold yourself up half-over on your bed, stretching all over. Your body feels completely relaxed, almost perfect.

You're in those really nice pajamas again.

Floating lazily from the bed, you approach your desk. 

_You can't... what did you do last night?_

Grab up one of the magazines from the desk. Game Bro. As usual, it's ironically poor quality. 

Set it down again. Meander over to the window and glance out. Hundreds of people are squabbling about below, on the streets. You don't envy having to actually do anything right now.

You lean back, letting yourself just sort of sit on the air. It feels like you're not even sup-

\-----

Heat is bearing down on your back, the sun through the window. You're under a blanket, near as you can tell, and still in clothes. Though, why you would wear clothes to sleep is beyond you.

"Dana, I said wake the fuck up!"

That gets your attention.

"yo whats up bro"

"I'm going out."

"oh alright no problem"

"You do remember last night, yeah?"

Last night?

U-uh? Fuck, last night, painting a giant fucking spirograph. Cops.

"vaguely"

"That's good enough."

He turns and walks out, and you're left alone in the room. Cal sits on the speaker opposite you, staring down at you.

"fuck man its not like i did anything"

Your sleep pretty much ruined, you slide off the couch onto your feet. 

This... This definitely isn't a fucking outfit you own. Did Bro give you this last night? This is way too feminine for you.

Seems like the first stop should be your room, so you start walking towards that. 

Leave the clothes from last night in the bathroom.

Well, that solves that non-existent problem. You continue through the door with the note on it and into the hallway. The few posters that always line the hallway greet you on the otherside, along with Cal. You wave to him as you enter your room.

Your room is just as you remember it from last night, and you just grab some clothes from the closet. A pair of jeans, some relatively androgynous underwear, a shirt, and some socks. Nothing too complicated. 

You made me escape alone last night. There will be consequences.

On the wall opposite your door. Must have missed that when you went in. Should have know there would be though, since you literally passed out on him. He's not going to just let that go is he?

You grab a towel from the closet and hop in the restroom. A shower will help you get clean and probably clear your mind from last night.

All that shit that you saw on the buildings, that was all him. _**Just**_ him, too. 

Not just that either, after it all, he started talking about some crazy destiny, and how you were 'better' than everyone else. What the hell was that supposed to even mean?

By the time you hop out of the shower you have the beginning of a plan forming. You're going to go find every piece of grafitti that you can that has that spirograph, and you're going to try to make sense of it.

You already know the locations of a few of them, and you can't imagine he made any outside of a radius that he could walk to. If you go on your board, it should only take you a few hours.

You dry off, fistbumping Cal when you notice him sitting on the sink, and slip on your clothes. You're going to need more than just yourself and your board with you, so you scout around your house for a few items.

You can't escape your destiny like you escaped responsibility last night, Dana.

Damn, he really isn't happy with you is he. 

That one is pasted on the inside of the door to the living room from the hall. You pick up your notebook from the floor next to the couch, a few pencils from the cup on your desk, your phone, skateboard, and your sword (just in case. With all of those secured, you say farewell to Cal from his perch on the speaker, and head back into the hallway.

You're greeted by a faceful of puppet ass, tied to a string, hung from the ceiling. You deftly dodge out of the way.

Your fucking destiny.

  


Play a game with me, Dana.

  


If you can't even stay conscious while running from the cops, how do you think you'll stay alive?

  


The hallway is absolutely covered with notes, saying things along the lines of this. They get denser as you approach the front door. On the front door, in bold, giant orange letters

WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING??

You approach with caution. He probably set a trap, knowing him, so you keep your eyes peeled for anything that looks like a trip wire or a-

You hear a click on the floor. Something swishes behind you and barely jump out of the way before a knife falls and embedds itself in the front door. 

Something warm trickles down your head. You must have gotten hit. You grope idly at your temples, and they come back red. Fuck. 

You need to just get out of the house.

You push forward, ever vigilant. Nothing says he wouldn't lay another one.

Once you have your hand on the doorknob, you wrench it open and roll out. You head a thud behind you.

Another knife, this time it flew over your head. No new warmth forms, so you think you managed to get out clear. 

You lean down against the ragged wall and pull out your phone and the basic med kit that you carry on you. Chance encounters with swords, and your skateboarding habit, make it a useful thing to have on hand. 

You feel around a bit to gauge the size of the wound. It doesn't seem too big, but head wounds always bleed a lot. 

In the process, however, you notice that it managed to slice off a good chunk of your hair. What the hell are you going to do about that?

~~Not like you didn't want to trim it down anyhow.~~

Whatever, that's less important. You grab out a gauze pad and dab it with some alcohol, then over the wound. It stings, but it's nothing you're not used to.

When you've got it cleaned, you can tell the wound is actually even a bit smaller than you thought. You can probably just patch it with a few band-aids, you don't even need gauze and a wrap. You grab a few of the chunky ones out and...

How the fuck are you supposed to put band-aids in hair?

It's... you guess it's not like there's much hair there anyhow. You grab out a knife from your sylladex and pull the remaining hair taut. It's a good thing you keep your blades sharp or this would be a lot harder.

It takes you a few seconds to get up the guts to do it, but.

You drag the blade perpendicular to the hair, severing each piece as short as you can get it. The patch where you got cut is actually a bit longer, but you'll fix it later. The band-aids stick on pretty well now, and you're satisfied.

You pull out your phone, curious of what you look like. It's a bit... coarse looking, but you think you can dig it. 

Everything gets thrown back in the sylladex, and you pound down the stairs, your objective: find some grafitti. 

Four hours later, you have 13 images, and a map of their locations.

The blue-white planet. The black person, who you now notice looks almost bereft of features. The meteor. 

On top of those three, you found 10 more. A pure white analogue to the pure black person. One with a gear-looking symbol inside of it, made of pure red. A volcano erupting. A sword, broken in half. A frog (a fucking frog? Really???) that was actually really impressive, speckled color everywhere. One with an S and N in it, and the S had an atom, and another spriograph in it. It almost looked like a logo. One of them had the Betty Crocker logo in it (again, what the fuck Bro, you think Betty is in on this? with her delicious cakes?). Two were pretty similar, with a purple planet, linked to it's moon by a chain, and a yellow planet, linked similarly. The last one had a chess board in it.

Honestly? You're not really sure what to think of this. None of this connects with anything to you. You're on your way back to your place, but you're really not looking forward to the confrontation with Bro that's waiting for you there.

Maybe... Maybe one of your friends knows more. Hell, Jade is almost a psychic, if anyone would know, she would. It's not even that late, so you plop down on a bench at the nearest park and pull out your phone.

twistingGeniality [TG] started pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

TG: yo jade  
TG: ive got a mystery do you want to help me out with it?  
GG: sure! :D  
GG: what's the mystery?  
TG: so my bro went all wacko on me last night  
TG: pulled me out to the top of a building to watch him make some art  
TG: then told me i had some big important destiny  
TG: since youre kind of a psychic  
TG: i thought you might have some insight  
GG: i'm not a psychic :P  
GG: i just happen to know some things, sometimes  
TG: alright psychic girl  
TG: so ive got a page full of drawings of these paintings of his  
TG: im going to send it to you  
TG: could you tell me if any of them seem, i dont know odd?  
GG: sure! :)

twistingGeniality [TG] sent gardenGnostic [GG] the file "spirographshowdotheywork.png"

GG: was the name really necessary? :|  
GG: that's a really long name, Dave  
TG: irony is an art form that i see you arent up to speed on  
TG: i can help with that  
GG: and he mentioned a destiny to go along with these?  
GG: honestly they're pretty cool looking  
GG: i like the frog :P  
GG: it reminds me of the temple on my island!  
TG: youre sure nothing here is sparking any memories  
GG: yuuup  
GG: definitely absolutely 100% sure  
GG: i mean why are you even listening to him? :\  
TG: he woke me up in the extremely early morning to _**watch him paint**_  
TG: thats abnormal bro behavior  
GG: okay so yeah maybe some of this stuff is familiar  
GG: i've definitely seen a chessboard before  
GG: and like, there's a volcano on my island  
GG: there's no way he would know about that, though  
GG: otherwise uhhh....  
GG: yeah, no, yup, that's all i recognize  
TG: jade  
GG: yeah?  
TG: youve never really been great at lying to me  
GG: oh shut up I really do mean it I haven't seen anyone on there before!  
TG: anyone?  
GG: fuck  
GG: anything!  
GG: I just mistyped!! D:<  
TG: youre sure about that  
GG: yes! :|  
TG: you dont want to change your answer  
TG: maybe spill the beans

Brrzt

Something green blinks in your peripheral, around your finger, and your whole phone blanks out. Fuck, did you somehow break it? Your finger feels like it got zapped too.

You press the power button, and, thankfully, it starts to power on, but halfway on it tells you it doesn't have enough power.

Shit, the battery might be fried. You thought you might have been getting somewhere with her too. How the hell could her and Bro be connected to this weird destiny of yours?

With a thud your board hits the ground and you push off.

* * *

Dave: Be Jane

Trident training is exhausting. Just one of the things that you have to deal with when you're an heiress to the biggest company in the world, though. You're sweaty, hot, and packed into a limo with a security detail that won't even let you on your phone. It's annoying. 

What you wouldn't give to just have a normal day. 

They escort you out of the limo, clearing your yard and making sure everything is safe. It's all a bit much in your opinion. You've only had eight assassination attempts, it's not an everyday activity or anything. When you get inside, they finally disperse and leave you and your dad alone. Well, as alone as you can be.

"Dad! I just got home from trident training!"

"I'm in the kitchen working on dinner. How did it go?"

"Domm is overzealous, like always. I am going to go shower!"

"Okay, make it quick though!"

"I will, love you dad!"

With your greeting out of the way, you peer around a little bit. Other than the stuffed grandpa, your living room is quite cozy. You got rid of your TV, instead having just a nice cozy meeting area. Neither of you had any time to actually use it, so it made more sense to get rid of it.

You pull off your tennis shoes and scamper upstairs. You may be an hieress, but you're not above a good lass scamper when the occasion calls for it, which this most certainly does! You can't stand being in these sweaty clothes any longer.

A chaotic flop into the bathroom later, and you're ready to get washed up.

You cut forward to _after_ you've showered, to avoid any uncomfortable narration, and soon you're out and feeling a lot better about yourself. You slip into the spare set of clothes that you keep in your sylladex and head downstairs. 

"So, what did you make for dinner?"

"Shepard's pie. Does that sound good to you?"

"Absolutely!"

You plop down in the seat that you always sit in for dinner, and he does the same after placing a ramekin with your pie in front of you. You dig in immediately. You haven't eaten since mid-morning.

"All of your meetings and everything go well?"

"Mhm!"

It's really hard to talk through the thick pie, so you do your best to answer his questions with head nods and affirmative or negative sounds. He gets the picture for the most part, and by the time you're finished with your meal, he has a pretty good idea of what you've done with your day.

"I'll deal with the dishes, you just go actually have some fun for a while."

"Okay, thanks Dad!"

You give him a hug before bounding off for the stairs, and your room. You haven't spoke to your friends in forever!

It seems that one friend in particular is looking to monopolize that time today, however, as when you reach your room, you find a slew of messages from Rose.

tentacleTherapist [TT] started pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TT: I gesus Im' giong to be straightforwrad adn say thta it feels like all of you aer abandoning me.  
TT: Perhaps that is what has led me to drink, or perhaps it wsa somtehing else.  
TT: Regardless, with my nwefound ability to, in sohrt, nto give a fuck, I have to sya: it doesn't feel good to be ignored.  
TT: I'st not just you, all of my 'friedns' are doign it to me.  
TT: Jdae gto mad at me oevr a misunderstandign, Daev gto mad at me fro triygn to make tihngs better.  
TT: John is jsut beign a dumbsas abotu everything.  
TT: I do beileve that the only pesorn who talks to me is you and evne then, it feels lkie yuo use the _rankly smoewhat unbeliveabel excuse_ tath you hvae meetings all the time to gte out of it.  
TT: I'd kind of like an explanation, bceause honestly, I dno't tihkn Iv'e done anything partiuclarly wrogn.  
TT: I mya nto be the msot socially well adjutsed of people, I wlil admit that, but I am qutie smart enough to execute a paln nonetheless.  
TT: So, kindly tell me what the fcuk I did to deserev all of teh htae I am recieving.  
TT: I'm waiting.

tentacleTherapist [TT] is now idle

tentacleTherapist [TT] is no longer idle!

TT: Ignronig me whlie I am calilng you out for ignoirng me isn't a good look.  
TT: So, perhaps you cna pass thsi on to my fake friedns.  
TT: If you want soemnoe to chaneg, eulcidating whta it is taht bohters you abotu their actions is usulayl a good start.  
TT: Or, if yuo watn thme to sipmly go aawy.  
TT: Yuo could just tell me that.

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

What the hell happened while you were out? She sounds as plastered as Roxy usually does. Blast, wait, you probably should not say that.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

GG: Rose? Are you alright?  
GG: I am here, if you need me.

You need some advice on how to handle this, so you trot back downstairs.

Admittedly, you had been somewhat sparse in talking to Rose recently, but it wasn't due to any bad acting on her part. School is about to start, which has made everything just a complete mess for you. Your dad _**insisted**_ that you go to a normal school with everyday kids, not some fancy school that the corporation wanted to send you to, and honestly you're thankful for that. You imagine you would be pretty socially awkward otherwise.

You creep into the kitchen. Your dad's back is turned to you, washing the dishes.

"Hey, Dad, I need some advice."

"Sure Jane, what's up?"

"A friend of mine is not doing well, but I do not know that I am the best person to help them."

"What's going on with them?"

"They feel like they are... well, they feel like they are alone."

"I would say talk to the rest of your friends, get them to talk to them and show them they aren't alone."

"I... yeah, that could work. Anything else?"

"Just make sure you are there for her. You'll do great, I believe in you Jane."

"Thanks Dad."

You wrap your arms around him as he engulfs you in a big hug.

You've got this. 

Once you're back in your room, you notice that she still hasn't responded. Oh gosh, you really hope nothing has happened to her. She certainly wasn't sober when she was sending you those messages, there is no telling what she may have done.

You open up a chat with Roxy. While you don't have access to Rose's friends, Roxy knows at least one of them, so she might be able to help.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] started pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

GG: Hey Roxy!  
GG: I need to talk to you about something kind of important.  
TG: sup janey  
TG: lay it on me leik btuer  
TG: *butter   
GG: I think Rose may be in a bit of a sour spot, and may need some assistance, if we can help her.  
GG: I do not have any of her other friends' chumhandles, but I know that you have at least one.  
TG: yeh i gost one but ist not gonig to be any ehlp  
TG: tehre not on sepking terms  
TG: *theyre  
GG: Darnit. Well, there goes that idea.  
GG: You do not have access to any of her other friends' handles?  
TG: unfrotuately no  
TG: i wsih i culod help u mor janey  
TG: *wish *could  
TG: i relly do  
GG: That's alright, just stay online in case I need something.

You click back over to your chat window with Rose, and see that she is typing. She's somewhere that she can reach you, at least.

TT: Im' sorry Jane, I promise that it wsa mostly foucsed at my otehr firedns.  
TT: You have imoprtant stffu to do adn I was just anrgy.  
TT: Exucse my inadmisasble beahvior.  
GG: Rose, I promise I am not abandoning you.  
GG: I have no intention of doing so, and I plan on being here for you.  
GG: You are my friend, and even though you might be a more recently acquired friend, you still matter to me.  
GG: I value your knowledge and your perspective on things.  
GG: Your relationship to Roxy also makes you important to me.  
GG: That is why I also want you to know I wish you would not do this to yourself.  
GG: You really should not drink.  
GG: It will hurt you more than you probably understand.  
TT: Are yuo qusetioning my aiblity to mkae my onw dceisions?  
TT: I promies you Jnae, I am fully aware of teh repercussions of my drinking.  
TT: Prehasp Id' like to have some relief, is that scuh a srtetch?  
TT: Somneoe in my postiion, wiht the stress of my lfie, and the hadrships thta I haev daelt wiht.  
TT: Wanting some relief from teh pain of being abanodned by her friensd?  
TT: You say yuo respcet my konlwedge, but heer yuo aer questioning it, just lkie everyone else.  
TT: Whta is it Jane?  
GG: Rose, please, I was just expressing my concerns as a friend.  
TT: Oh sthu up.  
TT: Yuo haev no room to talk here Jaen.  
TT: Your'e talknig down to me leik I should _need_ your approavl.  
TT: Like I should need the approval of a _**heiress woh has juts been handde evertyhing.**_  
TT: I don't even truts yuor judgement.  
TT: Why sohudl I, yuor heda is up in the coroprate coluds, all you're worried about is whta yuor advsiors tell you whta to do.  
TT: You ddint' eran any of the nice thinsg you haev.  
TT: So dno't talk donw to me, Jaen.  
GG: Alright, I was fine when you were just saying that I was belittling your intelligence.   
GG: You were wrong, but I was okay, because I can reassure you that I was not doing that.  
GG: Insulting me Rose?  
GG: That is beyond what I will stand for.  
GG: Maybe, Rose, you need to look at why people could perhaps not be happy with you.  
GG: Maybe, Rose, you should consider that acting headstrong and smug about how smart you are is not a great way to keep friends when they have their own decisions to make.  
GG: Maybe, Rose, you should woman up and learn to be responsible instead of just being an ass towards people who do not grovel at your feet!  
TT: Well, haev you possilby conisedred, Jane, taht you are a heug bitch?

tentacleTherapist [TT] blocked gutsyGumshoe [GG]

Oh, crap. That wasn't how that was supposed to go. That was supposed to help her, not make her block you!

You sag back in your seat. Dang, you really hope she's okay.

* * *

Jane: Be Jade

Three books are sprawled out around you, each of them separate volumes from the alternian to english dictionary. However, that is not what you are currently paying attention to. You are paying attention to Dave, who decided now would be a great time to uncover the secret of Skaia, courtesy of Bro. How the hell he managed that is completely beyond your understanding, but you need to try to dissuade him from figuring things out! He needs to go in to things blind.

The books are for the project you and Roxy have been working on. When you blocked Feferi, you were pretty emotionally wrecked, and she tried to help you through it by getting you to work on the translator. The big thing that you two have been chugging away it has been quirks, and you think you've got quite a few of them down. 

They're a strange part of alternian that you don't really get completely. They seem to be semi-unique identifiers used for each person. Well, Troll. Regardless, actually writing the interpreter with the quirks in has been a bit of a challenge, but that's why Roxy has been doing that part. You've just been describing them to her.

Back to Dave, he sent you a picture that has a pretty obscene number of things in it that are relevant to Skaia. You don't get some of them (the frog, betty crocker?), but some of them are familiar. Still, you can't let him in on stuff, he would _freak out_ if he knew the truth.

GG: was the name really necessary? :|  
GG: that's a really long name, Dave  
TG: irony is an art form that i see you arent up to speed on  
TG: i can help with that  
GG: and he mentioned a destiny to go along with these?  
GG: honestly they're pretty cool looking  
GG: i like the frog :P  
GG: it reminds me of the temple on my island!  
TG: youre sure nothing here is sparking any memories  
GG: yuuup  
GG: definitely absolutely 100% sure  
GG: i mean why are you even listening to him? :\  
TG: he woke me up in the extremely early morning to _**watch him paint**_  
TG: thats abnormal bro behavior  
GG: okay so yeah maybe some of this stuff is familiar  
GG: i've definitely seen a chessboard before  
GG: and like, there's a volcano on my island  
GG: there's no way he would know about that, though  
GG: otherwise uhhh....  
GG: yeah, no, yup, that's all i recognize  
TG: jade  
GG: yeah?  
TG: youve never really been great at lying to me  
GG: oh shut up I really do mean it I haven't seen anyone on there before!  
TG: anyone?  
GG: fuck  
GG: anything!  
GG: I just mistyped!! D:<  
TG: youre sure about that  
GG: yes! :|  
TG: you dont want to change your answer  
TG: maybe spill the beans

BRRrrRRRrrRRrrrrRRZZZzzzZZZzzZzzZzzZZZTTtttTTTttTTtTtttTTTTT

A jolt of green electricity flies out of your lunchtop. You, with very little grace, flop hard onto the floor, and let out a little "oof." That's the first time the sound has been accompanied by anything else. The fact that a electricity just _**came out of your computer**_ does not escape your worries.

You shake your head to try to clear the daze that falling put in your head. Alright, so, you know by this point that sound means you're about to talk to someone new. Maybe whoever or whatever is connecting you with people didn't like that you decided to block Feferi?

That's kind of an absurd idea, it's not like this force would be conscious.

When you peer up at your lunchtop, it is, thankfully, booting up. It didn't get fried by that, then. It just got shut down. You'll still have to check that your files are all still there. 

The first thing you should do is figure out if this new contact is a human, troll, or something else. That way, you can figure out how to proceed. You wait a minute until the boot process finishes, then you prod around in your files for a second.

Everything looks fine?

Okay, pesterchum time. You open up the window and, sure enough, a new entry.

arsenicCatnip

The name is under the trollslum, so your guess is they're a troll. You're going to have to consult with Roxy on how to proceed from here.

Also, what the hell is it with trolls and having really brutal sounding handles? Catnip made out of arsenic?

gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

GG: hey, Roxy, I think another troll just zapped onto my roll  
GG: goes by arsenicCatnip and their color is this  
GG: what should I do?  
TG: dman antoher one?  
TG: ur juts the troll mganet :3  
TG: *magnet  
TG: i thnik u shuld be fien wit them  
TG: theyre a lot lwoer down on teh sepctrum  
TG: jtus be crafeul   
GG: okay, I will be  
GG: I'll tell you what happens  
TG: adn tell me hwo the tarnslor works  
TG: *tansratlor  
TG: **translator

Well, with her permission out of the way, you can start chatting with AC.

You do need a disguise though. You want to appear as a troll, so that whoever this is doesn't get suspicious. Roxy gave you a color to use, in case that happens, one that's mid-spectrum and not too suspicious, at least according to her. You set it to the color you use for this chat and start it up.

gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering arsenicCatnip [AC]

GG: hi there!  
GG: i don't know who you are but you just got added, so hi!  
AC: :33 < *ac saunters out of her cave, apurroaching the mewcomer with suspicion*  
AC: :33 < *she clawlls out to them and asks 'Fur what purrpose did mew apurroach me, fureignor?'*  
GG: oh! roleplaying! :P I can definitely do that  
GG: *gg steps back, cedeing ground to the owner of the cave* I come out of curiousity, only! :D  
GG: *she looks upon her host who*  
GG: (uhh, actually, you didn't tell me what your character was like :\\)  
AC: :33 < *the huntress pawnders whether to reveal purrself to the traveller*  
AC: :33 < *she slides her hood meown, unveiling her furry purr beast face, compawlete with two mouths and her cute fuzzy ears*  
AC: :33 < *her ears are back, as she states 'I am a simpawl huntress. Mew apurroached me, tell me your tail, and I might let you live. >:33'*  
GG: *shocked by the threat on her life, gg puts her hands up* I mean you no harm! :O  
GG: *relaxing a little, she tosses her rifle to the ground* my name is Jaken Yelrah, and I heard of a huntress in this land of incredible skill.  
GG: *her eyes steel as she continues* I wish to see you in action!  
AC: :33 < *the mighty huntress sidles furward, pawntenplating her. the huntress questions 'A fancy jade blood? Wanting to see the huntress? :33'*  
AC: :33 < *she rounds behind her pawsible prey, further adding 'Why, you're risking a pawful lot being meowt this far. >:33'*  
AC: :33 < *the huntress opens her claws, and brings them around to the prey's face. In an almewst threatening way, she finishes with 'Mew could get hurt :(('*  
GG: *with a quick movement, the 'prey' jumps out of range of the huntress* perhaps that's why I want to see the huntress in action? :P  
GG: *she returns to where she stood and pokes at the huntress's claws* maybe I want to learn how to better fend for myself?   
AC: :33 < *ac gestures at the several alternian meowns in their low pawsition in the sky, and intones 'You'll have to earn my trust furst. It is early night, how did mew even get here?'*  
AC: :33 < *she brings her claws up and continues 'Purrhaps mew are a rainbow drinker, here for my blood.'*  
AC: :33 << *the huntress retreats to her cave entrance, challenging 'Compawlete a hunt with me, and then your credibility will be stronger.'*  
GG: *jaken follows the huntress to the cave, glancing at a few of the moons as she does*  
AC: :33 < haha! >:33  
AC: :33 < I was right! Mew aren't from alternia!  
AC: :33 < So! tell me where mew're from!! DD:<  
GG: crap :( what gave it away??  
AC: :33 < Alternia only have 2 meowns! :33  
AC: :33 < So, mysterious non-troll person, who are mew really?  
AC: :33 < Purrlus, your real color still shows on the client :\\\  
GG: ugh, that was really dumb :P  
GG: I can't tell you who I am!  
AC: :33 < Why not? :\\\  
AC: :33 < Are mew some secret agent? I purromise I won't tell!  
GG: no! I just...  
GG: you might be a lowblood but you're still probably an empire loyalist!  
AC: :33 < My silly meowrail is, but I don't really care fur them.  
AC: :33 < He's supurr caught up in clawlor supurrmacy  
AC: :33 < I think it's really dumb \\\:<  
AC: :33 < AA isn't worse beclaws she's a rust, CC isn't better beclaws she's a fuscia.

CC... Fuschia? She knows Feferi. This makes this a bit more complicated. If she's really an empire loyalist though- well... there shouldn't be any harm in this, right?

GG: so, what is your opinion of the empire?  
AC: :33 < Well...  
AC: :33 < When I was supurr young, I remempurr impurrial drones coming and attacking my village.  
AC: :33 < Pounce had to run really fast to get away!!  
AC: :33 < I think... I think the empire hurts people, a clawt  
AC: :33 < I don't think anyclawdy deserved what they went through there  
GG: so, you've actually been personally hurt by the empire?  
AC: :33 < In a way, I guess  
AC: :33 < I'm almeowst hiding as it is, from the empire  
GG: I guess i can probably trust you  
GG: I'm not a troll  
GG: I don't live on the same planet as you, and as far as I know, I don't even live in the same universe as you  
GG: my name is Jade! :D  
GG: I'm a human  
AC: :33 < Whoa!! :33  
AC: :33 < That's really cool!  
AC: :33 < I'm Nepeta!  
GG: It's cool to meet you!  
AC: :33 < I have so mewny questions  
AC: :33 < To start with though  
AC: :33 < Do mew want to keep rolepurrlaying? :33  
GG: heck yeah!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :33!!!!! I have not-so-subtly been hinting that Nepeta may be joining, not in the fic itself because there really wasn't a way to, but definitely in other ways. 
> 
> I also may have went overboard on the puns. Give me some feedback, and tell me if it is at least still readable.
> 
> As always, I love to hear from you all, and I hope that you liked this chapter. Sorry for being so late with it, "probably Sunday" turned into Monday because of classes.
> 
> On that note: I believe I will be switching to updating once every two weeks, to both avoid burn out on my part now that I am back in classes, and to allow for more time for editing/revising. There have been a couple narrative... not really mistakes, but complications caused by me writing in the short time span and missing a later event in my outline, and I would prefer to avoid that in the future.
> 
> Further: I am going to go back and do some minor formatting edits. This chapter does the scene breaks differently because, after some reviewing, I've decided that I like that formatting better. If you see things change, it's going to be that. I won't be changing any actual content, though!
> 
> Also, exciting news: thanks to one of the readers, we are going to have several illustrations to go with scenes later on in the fic. They reached out to me and have been making some impressive pieces, that I'm really really happy with and I'm really excited to integrate into the fic. As for the other people that offered to make art, I am still planning on reaching out, I have been unfortunately quite busy and haven't found the time, and I'm sorry for that D:
> 
> Wow, I really have a lot of businessy stuff this time :p 
> 
> I promise I'm not going to just introduce characters and kick them out. I'm not Andrew Hussie. I actually like the HS cast.
> 
> (sick burn)
> 
> Oh gosh! We flew past 750 hits since last update and over 800 now! I really hope all of you new readers are enjoying!!
> 
> I love you all! You really feed me with your positivity!! <3


	11. Her Grasp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As all of our lovely protagonists begin their falls, one thing is definitely in the air. 
> 
> What that thing is? Honestly who can say. I can, probably, but I don't really exist. 
> 
> Rose's return to the academic side is accompanied by a return to the literature which she loves most. The evening before returning to classes, with a book most eldritch, she will find herself face to face with something quite strange indeed.
> 
> John has spend the first several weeks of his schooling getting to know a strange new girl, Lucy. Apparently, This was for the best?
> 
> Dave, finally fed up with his circumstances, makes a change.
> 
> Jade, stunned by a revelation, digs deep into her past and uncovers something which may change how her and Roxy consider their tactical situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for: Blood, Gore, Descriptions of Fluid coming from eyes, other unsightly things. If you want to skip this part, skip to the large text in the final scene.

Be Rose

It's two days before you return to classes. Why your brain has chosen the current moment, an actual morning when you are actually awake and actually active, to contemplate the meaning of several of the events of the preceeding months, is beyond you. You're not typically one to become enamored by the effervescent waves of fleeting drama, yet this past spring and summer you did just that. You're beginning to wonder whether it was _**that very action**_ that led to your downfall in the first place. Whether, once the drama started, you should have sequestered yourself away and simply allowed it to take its course. Perhaps that would have led to less suffering on your part. _Perhaps_ you wouldn't have ostracized further friends. 

* * *

The afternoon following your traipse off the deep end, you awoke in the bed of your mother. This was surprising for two major reasons. The first was that it was definitively not the last location you recalled being the previous night. The second was that, alongside being in her bed, you awoke to the sight of a couple glasses of water and some pain medicine, and a note in her typical handwriting. 

I figured you might need this after the bender you went on last night. Take care of yourself. 

Typically passive aggressive, but you swallowed down the pills and one glass of water quickly nonetheless. Though it was brief and hopefully singular, your flight into the depths of alcoholic consumption left you quite parched.

Also, you had a massive fucking headache.

The actual surprising aspect of this whole diatribe being, of course, that as far as you were aware, your mom was somewhere in Mongolia the previous evening. How she would manage to acquire travel means to the house, let alone how she even _**knew that she should come back in the first place**_ is beyond your ability to understand. Especially with the aforementioned cranial megrims.

When you found the time to free yourself of the shackles of a once again quite warm bed, your languishing completed, you sulked into the living room, fully intending to come face to face with the visual and textural cacophony you surely wreaked on the house the previous night. 

What you again did not expect was for every surface in your house to be completely, glisteningly clean, to the point that a stray shaft of light glancing off of one left you rubbing your eye, and your temples. The bowl of creamed corn, a mere dream, as it found its place in the cupboards. 

In fact, the cupboards themselves, once empty, now were opened to reveal a wellspring of every sort of food you could hope for. The fridge had a similar state, doted upon by various meats, cheeses, juices, and of course, an addition of several bottles of wine. Within reach of you. 

You can't tell if she's mad at you, or encouraging your behavior, or simply resigned to the fact that you are inevitably going to go down this road. You're 14 though. You _**definitely** _shouldn't be falling off the wagon this early. 

You spot her, of course, several times throughout the day, but every time that you do, she brushes you off.

"How is your headache doin?"

"Mom, are you mad at me?"

"Get some rest, Rosie."

and

"I left dinner in the oven for you."

"I feel like I betrayed your trust"

"Just make sure you put it away after you eat your portion, I'm not havin any more."

Why does it make you feel like a child who their parents have just given up on.

Why does that feel like an accurate assessment?

* * *

You, of course, understand now why that feels like an accurate assessment. It was an accurate assessment. She might be showing you it in her typically passive-aggressive way, but you know that that day was a major failing on your part. You need to be better than that, and you intend on it.

The first step in this process is, of course, recognizing the problem that occurred in the first place. That problem was twofold. First, is that your friends, while you love them, are obviously languishing in some very serious issues. Serious enough issues that you cannot take their abandonment of regular contact with you personally. You must simply wait it out and busy yourself with other endeavors. Provide help when you can. Second, of course, was your own problem. 

You often take to psychoanalyzing others' mental states, digging into the core of their essence and trying to eke out whatever threads of being they have into a tapestry of their minds. This obviously comes with the dubiously answerable question of: why you fail to turn that skill to introspection.

The answer of course being "I have no flaws, what are you talking about" followed by more insistence by the questioner, a haphazard "introspection is not as interesting as other people's psyches", further insistence, and finally, the breakdown upon the rocks of the phrase "I don't like to think about my own problems."

Which. Is about the position that you find yourself in right now. Obviously, some weakness came upon you, and clearly there was some issue that led to it, but the study of actually finding what it was? Beyond the scope of your... studies, in prior times.

You are beginning to believe that it was an ill-advised exclusion.

So, beginning today, you are going to attempt to... introspect more. Perhaps it will aid in your goal of relying less on your friends for pure support, since you have the psychological chops to be able to "counsel" yourself through anything that you would perhaps need.

Of course, alongside your introspection, you must have things to work on, projects to busy yourself with. The Complacency of the Learned is your largest project, pushing through the work that you have been idling on for much of your childhood. Presents have been planned out. Further, more complex knitting projects that will satiate the spirit of creativity that you know resides inside of you. 

Finally, you have a number of books, that number being 50, that you are going to attempt to get through this upcoming fall. That number seems low compared to your ordinary count, actually, however the distinction between the regular literature you consume and this literature is that this literature is of a more... academic nature.

Well, some of it is of a more meta-scientific nature, eldritch tomes uncovered from the deepest depths of the libraries that you could uncover, and some literally unearthed, promising secrets beyond your wildest imagination. The purpose of these texts, simple: attempt to understand the nature of the boundaries between the world of you, Jane, and whatever extra-universal entity would have deemed it the appropriate time to connect the two of you.

This is a moment of confluence, a moment when the true nature of the universe will be revealed to you. 

Or, perhaps, you will simply be able to distract yourself for long enough to perpetuate your sanity until you reconnect with your friends. Perhaps, even, you can introduce them to the game that you recently became enamored with, Sburb.

Perhaps, indeed.

  


* * *

  


Rose: Be Jade

A new "school year" brings a new set of books to read through. You're staring at the stack of them and they look... well, dense, but that's never anything new. From top to bottom, you've got some really interesting topics to drudge through, alongside a stack of quizzes and exams, which are graded by an automatic system that grandpa set up back in the 90's. Honestly, it's a good elementary instruction, but you definitely think that there's a lot more information you should get up to date on before the end of the world. These textbooks are at least as old as you are. In order from top to bottom, you've got:

  


  * Advanced Principles of Thermodynamics, VII Edition, Malkus and Meyers
  * Ordinary Differential Equations and Applications, 11th Edition, Anders and Wattana
  * Astrophysical Flux; Particle Theory and Conjunctional Dynamics, 2001 Version, Lalonde et al.
  * Material Properties of Superfluids and Quantum Fluids, Update III, O'Beirne and Zunino
  * Inorganic Decomposition and Synthesis, Cst. Ed. for Jake H., Abbasi, Clarke, and Penzak



  


You read the previous principles of thermodynamics last spring, so it fits that this fall you're doing the next one. Other than that, they're semi-new topics, but they all seem interesting to you, so you're pretty excited about them. On top of all of that, you have a set of projects that grandpa said were absolutely necessary to complete. Those are definitely more long scale, and have to do with modifying a couple areas in the house, but you're excited because they're going to give you more space.

It's always kind of nice around the time of each new semester of "schooling" that you undergo. While Grandpa is always in the other room, standing there being ornery, he made recorded messages for you for each semester, and they always end by saying that he loves you. It makes you tear up every time, seeing him alive and genuinely really happy.

Thing is, even in the videos, you can tell that he was getting worse, physically. When you think back on what happened to him, it makes a lot more sense if he _**was**_ getting less and less healthy.

You looked up information on him, just out of curiosity. You knew he was in charge of a big business and all of that, no big deal to you, but he was apparently notorious enough to have his own Wikipedia page. Jake Harley, current status: Missing, likely dead. The world doesn't even know what happened to him, which seems like an awful tragedy to you.

The worst part is, you know if _you_ tried to tell them, you'd put your life here, on the island, in jeopardy. Someone would realize that you're out here alone, and try to put you in custody of someone else. Maybe one of Grandpa's kids, assuming he actually had any. They'd ruin all of the work that he put in to setting this whole thing up. The only people that can even really know about you are your friends and the lone pilot that is scheduled to deliver a box to your island on John's 16th birthday.

It makes you feel so alone again, makes you realize that, besides the 4 humans that you talk to, you will never contact another human before you get off this planet. For your own safety.

~~˙ɹǝɥ oʇ ʇɐɥʇ op ʇou oʇ uoʎ ƃuıƃƃǝq sɐʍ ǝɥs uǝɥʍ uoʎ oʇ ɹǝƃuɐp ɐ sı ǝʌıl uoʎ ʇɐɥʇ ǝɟıl uɯǝlos 'ʎʇdɯǝ sıɥʇ uı ǝʌɐɥ uoʎ ʇɐɥʇ ǝldoǝd ʎluo ǝɥʇ ɟo ǝuo ʇɐɥʇ uoʎ pǝɔuıʌuoɔ ʍoɥǝɯos ǝɥs ʇɐɥʇ 'ıɹǝɟǝℲ ʞɔolq oʇ uoʎ pǝɔuıʌuoɔ ʎxoᴚ ʇɐɥʇ _ **ǝʇɐɥ**_ uoʎ sǝʞɐɯ ʇI~~

It makes you question whether Roxy's decision was right. Whether she really knew what she was talking about when it came to the trolls and how dangerous they are.

It's driven you to the point of nearly confronting her about it a few times.

And now here you are, once again, sitting here, thinking about asking her, honestly, and in a likely confrontational way, why the hell she hates trolls so much. You _get_ that the Condesce destroyed humanity, but as far as you understand, that was just her. In fact, by that point, the entire rest of her race was destroyed.

So why on Earth should Roxy hate all trolls?

The longer that it takes you to ask her this simple question, the more it's going to fester. At least, that's what your logical brain is telling you right now. Your illogical brain is telling you that if you try to talk to her about it you might end up getting into another fight with her.

So, instead of talking to Roxy, you talk to Nepeta.

  


gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering arsenicCatnip [AC]

GG: nepeta! hi! how are you doing?  
GG: i've got to do a bunch of reading but that's boooring so i'm putting it off  
GG: how about you? :p  
AC: :33 < i'm purrtty good, just sitting around talking to my friends after cooking a kill  
AC: :33 < pounce is being a bit rowdy but when isn't she :pp  
GG: running up and down the halls of your cave, trying to find a stray mouse?  
GG: sounds like bec when i haven't fed him :p  
AC: :33 < she gets like this in the early night and late morning  
AC: :33 < i wonder if it's related to how meow beasts used to live  
AC: :33 < befure her family became lusii  
GG: well i can tell you cats here on earth act exactly like that so it's not something unique to your mom  
GG: wow, it's still so weird to me that you were raised by a cat :o  
AC: :33 < but weren't you basically raised by a bark beast?  
AC: :33 < i don't really s33 how that's any diffurent :\\\  
AC: :33 < he's white and everything! :dd  
GG: well i can't really talk to bec :|  
GG: and it's honestly more like i take care of him, and use the resources my grandpa left behind  
AC: :33 < your ancestor died when you were really young though  
AC: :33 < so he still definitely took care of you fur a while :33  
AC: :33 < therefure, bec is your lusus  
AC: :33 < just like pounce is mine  
GG: bec is a good dog, best friend, but he definitely isn't a responsible guardian  
GG: he left me in the forest when i was 8! d:<  
GG: no kid should be raised by a dog like that  
AC: :33 < that's purrt of the point though, to make you stronger!  
AC: :33 < and if you were 8, you should definitely have b33n able to survive :((  
AC: :33 < which also begs the question, how old are you now?  
AC: :33 < i thought you were the same age as me, about  
GG: i don't know how our time system translates to yours d:  
GG: i'm like, a teenager, a couple years away from being an adult  
AC: :33 < so am i, but i'm 7 sw33ps  
GG: oh gosh i am not in the mindset to do the calculation on a year to a sweep right now  
GG: okay in retrospect i'm sure that sentence came up as something really dumb to you so  
GG: just ignore it, the translator isn't going to be able to give us that level of detail we need to specify this :p  
AC: :33 < so jade  
AC: :33 < the girl with the name that's a blood caste and that's still really funny to me  
AC: :33 < what brings you to the doorstep of the mighty pouncellor this evening?  
GG: do i have to have a reason to want to talk to you neppy?  
AC: :33 < no :33  
AC: :33 < but the pouncellor reasons that gg usually does have a reason to talk to her  
AC: :33 < so is she right?  
GG: nep!  
GG: why are you trolls so good at predicting me!?  
GG: it's not fair :c  
AC: :33 < what do you mean "us trolls?"  
GG: i don't mean anything  
GG: and i definitely don't mean that you should read anything into that.  


  


(The truth is that Nepeta had already read _much_ into it, as we will soon see.)

  


AC: :33 < alright whatefur but in your haste to assure me you didn't know any other trolls you revealed that you actually do have something that you want to talk about  
AC: :33 < so, jade, as the acting prosecution in the absence of my dear friend legislacerator pyrope, what's on your mind?

  


Well okay Nepeta, if you're going to make this difficult...

  


GG: nepeta, what if I just don't want to talk about it?  
GG: honestly I was talking to you kind of as a way to distract myself :/  
GG: not that it apparently worked  
  
AC: :33 < but mew know mew would feel better if it was off your chest  
AC: :33 < i consider myself a purretty good pouncellor, all things considered :33  
AC: :33 < i can drop the rolepurrlaying if that will help ://  
  
GG: no! you know i like your role-playing, that's not really the problem  
GG: it's just… it's about one of my friends, and i don't think you can really get it  
GG: she said some stuff that i'm not really sure what to do with  
GG: stuff that led to me probably hurting another friend D:  
GG: and i'm not so sure that she was right anymore  
  
AC: :33 < why don't mew just talk to her about it then?  
AC: :33 < honestly, my furriends aren't great at just talking to one another when they need to  
AC: :33 < but it's never made much sense to me why  
AC: :33 < we're all just trolls, even vwiskers, as intimewdating as she can be :pp  
  
GG: the last time that i talked to her about something that i thought she was wrong about, we ended up not talking for almost a month :((  
GG: i can't lose her like that again, she's one of my only human friends left  
GG: and as much as you're great, i can't help but feel like i'm so cut off from my own people  
  
AC: :33 < I'm sorry jade, that can't be easy, but come on  
AC: :33 < like you just said, she's like you, she isn't a troll like me  
AC: :33 < shouldn't she be _**easier**_ to talk to than me, with all of my weird phrases?  


  


It takes you a moment to really, genuinely ponder this. Shouldn't she? She's not some completely foreign species, like Nepeta. She hasn't wronged your friend personally, like Rose. She's a friend of yours.

Yet, as you contemplate it, something in you keeps holding you back. 

~~You can't let yourself lose anyone. Being abandoned is greater a fear than losing yourself. If they require you to change to be friends with them, maybe they just know better than you.~~

Some creeping sense of dread that is telling you that _you're_ the one who is in the wrong, and bringing it up will just show you that. So why should you bring it up?

~~In fact, you even lost Rose. What an utter failure that was on your end. You should have tried harder to convince her.~~

A notification sound drags you out of what would surely have been a good five minutes of endless contemplation. Beyond the several messages from Nepeta, luck seems to have smiled upon you.

You have a message from Roxy.

  


tipsyGnostalgic [TG] started pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

TG: hey jaedy  
TG: im booooerd  
TG: *booored  
TG: waths my fsvoriet aquatic copanion up to?  
  
GG: i'm sitting around trying to read about differential equations or something  
GG: what about you?  
  
TG: i _was_ tring to hack inro an old army daatbaes while plain some doom  
TG: prety sure condy cahugt on aans melted the conettion, so now im juts playin doom  
TG: *caught  
TG: and takling to u, u dope :3  
  
GG: well duh you're talking to me :p  
GG: I don't think I'm going to be much help when it comes to comes to the connection though  
  
TG: well dur jadey  
TG: ur not exatcly dumb but u also dont know late 21st cenutry networking tec  
TG: *exratly  
TG: **eactly  
TG: ur mroe in the  
TG: idk astrophysics n stuff business  
GG: i have competencies that span several fields :p  
GG: not any more that your average high-scoring high schooler though  
GG: at least, not as far as i can tell  
GG: rose easily keeps up with me :/  
TG: as mcuh as this might surprsie u  
TG: u n rosey arent ur typical high-schoolers  
GG: you and nepeta can talk to me easily enough  
GG: before you convinced me to block her, so could feferi  
GG: though she was apparently some heiress so maybe she was super well educated  
TG: ok well thyere aleins i cant explani thta  
TG: n my entire childhodo was spnet readign the books of one of teh best-sellnig authors frmo my world  
TG: me n dsitri made a gmae idly gathering as much knowledge as we could  
TG: *distri  
TG: because u kno  
TG: alone except fro carapacians  
GG: i was alone too and i didn't…  
GG: oh gosh i guess that is what i did :(  
GG: but it was mostly because my grandpa left me with schooling stuff to do  
GG: it's not like those are my only interests!! d:  
TG: whoa calm donw girl  
TG: i didnt say that was a bda thing  
TG: in fact i think ist pertyt cuet :3  
TG: *pertty  
TG: **pretty  
TG: its so much fun to hear u nerd out  
GG: roxy!  
GG: i don't do that!!  
TG: srue thing  
TG: *wonk*  
GG: guuuuh  
GG: dont wonk at me  
GG: dont get me all flustered D:<  
GG: i came here to talk about something serious  
TG: yo jadey i liek  
TG: started thsi conversation  
TG: im not sure you came hree for anything lmoa  
GG: well whatever i'm hijacking it then!  
GG: roxy, we need to talk about something  
GG: calmly, and like friends do.  


  


You pause and roll your head back against the chair. Nepeta said that it would be better to talk to her directly about it than let it be.

Which… Nepeta might be a furry alien cat-girl but she probably knows at least _**something**_ about good communication skills.

Wow, okay, maybe that isn't solid grounds to be thinking on. Honestly, it sounds fairly contrived.

Of your friends though, Roxy is the one you need to talk to, and Dave doesn't even know that anything is going on. Nepeta is the only one with _any advice_ that you _could_ take.

So, following her advice, you lean your head back down and look at your messages. Roxy has sent a few more messages since you last looked.

  


TG: is tihs a like "we need to talk" intimiadting conversation?  
TG: because to be fair i didnt eevn tihnk we were in that sort of relationship  
TG: nto that id be… complaining

  


Is she implying that she'd want to… date you?

Whatever, not the point in question right now. ~~Definitely the point to speculate on later with Nepeta.~~ What _**is**_ in question right now is exactly what inspired Roxy's hate of the trolls. _**More than just that bitch the Condesce.**_

  


GG: roxy, i need to know what really happened to make you hate the trolls  
GG: more than just the condesce  
TG: jdae i dont relaly konw what youre talking about  
TG: codny thta fucking bitch killed every hmuan  
TG: she personally execuetd my mom  
TG: *executed  
TG: i thikn i haev pelnty enough reason to haet

  


She isn't getting it. That you aren't talking about _**just the Condesce.**_ That you're talking about an entire people here.

  


GG: roxy, i understand why you hate the condesce  
GG: why trolls in general?  
GG: they're not all like condy  
TG: nah thy all were  
GG: how do you know?? d:  
GG: yeah, some of them might have sucked but we at least know a decent couple  
GG: nepeta is great!  
GG: and feferi was great before you made me block her  
TG: three are things i dont talk aobut  
TG: the codnesce might be the only one letf btu thta doesnt mean thye didnt have one hell of a tmie on their way out  
TG: i dont truts any of them  
TG: *trust  
TG: the nice ones liek nepeta?  
TG: they gte eaten alive  
GG: whoa, literally?  
TG: jeez jade no not literally  
TG: well i dont thikn so  
TG: i don’t actualyl konw waht tehy do to the ones who aer nice  
TG: *know *are  
TG: all i know is that they dno’t stya around for very long  
GG: if not, doesn’t that mean that we should be helping them?  
GG: that we have some common ground with them? >:|  
TG: u kno sure dfe have some commno ground with smoe gencoidal fucking aliens  
TG: srue thing jadey  
TG: i’ll get right on setting out the welcome mat

  


She said that there’s “some things that she doesn’t talk about.” She’s extremely hostile towards your idea. You _**have**_ to be on the right track with this. So, you keep pushing.

  


GG: what did you mean there are some things that you don’t talk about?  
GG: did they do something to you, specifically?  
TG: fuck jade  
TG: you don’t need to know  
TG: i maen ha sholud you even gte to know it?  
GG: what  
GG: i’m sorry roxy :\  
GG: but please, tell me why

  


She doesnt respond. 

Fuck.

You push off the chair and trot towards the transporalizers. You're not really sure if you messed up. 

TG: trolsl dont caer if someone is young  
TG: tehy dont care if sehs screaimng at them to stop whta theyre doing  
TG: theyll just kepe running whatever sick fucking experiment tehy want to  
TG: if she ends up premanently scarred and changed frmo it?  
TG: who really cares?  
TG: shes just a hmuan kid  
TG: better sehll love what she becomes  
TG: teh heirses to a new troll race

  


* * *

  


Dave: Contemplate the meaning of knife

Nice pun. If was supposed to impress, or like, make the situation you're in any better, it doesn't really.

A couple weeks ago, you had a complete _hell_ of a time after a night out with Bro. The following day, you scouted out all of his graffiti, which apparently all has a link to some serious underground activity goin on. Or at least, that's the best that you've been able to dig up in the following weeks. Some sort of anti-governmental resistance and a militia?

The significant thing about this excursion is that you went out explicitly against his orders. He tried to keep you in by trapping the door, and you ended up slicing off quite a bit of your hair.

Which is what has led you to right now, standing in front of the mirror in your bathroom, with the sharpest knife Bro has in your hand, prepping to do as good of a job chopping this into something that looks halfway decent.

You've had to live with the garbage half-chopped mop for a couple weeks, courtesy of Bro both confiscating your swords and knives _**and**_ had you strifing every moment that you weren't at school. Since you finally got them back today, you've been trying to think of what to do…

  


GG: you should just chop it all off!! :p  
GG: then send me a picture of bald dave!!!  
TG: ah yeah definitely  
TG: skinhead is definitely the in style  
TG: especially for  
TG: remember  
TG: girls  
GG: but dave, you're not a girl >:|  
GG: why would you have to care?  
GG: also, there's plenty girls who have short hair  
GG: i think… :/  
TG: i'm trying not to get outed here, it'd be better for me to be as far from masc as possible  
TG: i'm just going to cut the bottom and leave the top  
TG: that way it still looks kind of feminine  
GG: okay >:v

  


You resettle the grip on the knife and round it to the scarred tissue, with the shorter hair. The knife is razor-sharp, so your shaking hand has to be incredibly careful. You grip the remaining hair and-

Schink

Flat, relatively nice looking cut on that side. There's about a quarter inch left there, so you move on to the other side, grabbing a hold and readying your knife about a quarter inch from it, same distance.

Schink

Same clean cut. This leaves you with a really awkward looking mullet-mohawk, which you snap a picture of and send off to Jade. She predictably laughs and calls you cute.

~~You think you really like when she calls you cute.~~

That back though? That has to go. So you level the knife against a bit of hair in the back-

SCHINK

Fuck. Ow. That was the hair, but it was also your finger. Shit. It's not like, falling off or anything, but Christ it's bleeding a lot.

You put pressure on the cut-

"Dude, it's just a fucking cut on your finger. What are you freaking out so much about?"

Bro is standing in the doorway, looking at your new cut. You let on a more relaxed posture and set your finger over the basin of the sink.

"it was a sharp ass knife of course im trying to stop the bleeding. shit cuts deep."

"Alright, just wanted to tell you I'm gonna grab some Chinese for dinner, what do you want?"

"grab me some general tso or whatever, with fried rice"

"You need the first aid kit?"

You slouch back and pop the one out of your sylladex.

"nah, got the one that you gave me forever ago"

He shrugs at it, and you, and wanders out of sight. You return your eyes to the cut on your finger. After running it under some water, he's right, it really isn't _**that bad**_ of a cut. You just need to clean and bandage it.

So, you do just that. A few minutes later, and it’s clean. Then, you take the opportunity to look at your haircut.

It honestly looks a bit weird for you, but that’s going to have to be what you deal with. The long top looks nice, compared to how it did before, but it doesn’t quite match the pure style you had going before the mishap altogether, and it still doesn’t satisfy that core urge you have to just shorten everything.

The problem with having to still try to pass yourself off as a girl. You throw the top into a loose bun and trudge back to your room. 

  


GG: so, are you planning on sending me a picture of what you look like  
GG: now that you presumably finished cutting your hair? :p

  


Fuck, you completely forgot about messaging her. Cutting one of your fingers tends to distract you, as it turns out. 

  


TG: yeah definitely  
TG: just gotta let my hair down first  
TG: yo can you imagine me doing one of those sassy girl hair flips  
TG: kind of cant believe that i used to do those like  
TG: regularly

  


You flip over to the camera app and take an ironic duck-face selfie. Not half bad, if you say so yourself. 

  


twistingGeniality [TG] sent gardenGnostic [GG] file “epicselfie.png”

  
TG: seeing my handle  
TG: why the hell do i still have it as that?  
TG: i havent been particularly genial since  
TG: fuck idk  
TG: 6th grade  
TG: you know what  
TG: i want to change my handle  


  


What the fuck are you going to change it to though?

  


GG: oooh! :d  
GG: what are you thinking?  
TG: well considering how ironic ive become  
TG: read: incredibly  
TG: i think weve obviously got to go with something perfectly ironic  
TG: but also i think i want to keep the same initialization  
TG: fuck did i really just say initialization  
TG: did rose somehow get into my brain  
GG: so, some tg that has to do with your “ironies” :p  
GG: how about tacticalgenius  
TG: jade i said ironic  
TG: not accurate  
GG: okay  
TG: alright i get your point shut up  
GG: taciturngenuineness  
TG: well i can see youre going to be no help  
GG: what do you mean, i’m being incredibly helpful :3  
GG: these are legitimate suggestions  
TG: sure and im actually going to change my handle to taciturngenuineness  
TG: what about  
TG: traditionalguru?  
GG: that’s pretty good

  


Honestly, though, it plays more on the thing that you _**have**_ to do than the things that you _**like**_ to do. Probably going to pass on that one. You glance around your room and notice your turntables.

  


TG: what about something to do with my mixing  
TG: turntableguru  
TG: damn thats really fucking good  
GG: turntechguru  
TG: blow me out of the fucking water why dont you  
TG: but it still doesn’t feel ironic enough for me

  


You drop your arms onto your bed. She keeps sending a couple messages, that you of course will read when you get to it, but…

You used to kind of have a big head. Less so since you realized that you were trans. It’s pretty hard for you to have confidence in yourself when you can’t even show your true self outside.

On the other hand, you live in a house with probably one of the ego-maniacal dudes in the world. He might be fairly cool, but he’s definitely caught up in himself.

The ultimate ironic move would be to make your handle something referencing that fact. Like, turntechEgotist. Except that doesn’t retain TG. You pull back up your phone.

  


GG: what if you went with like, turntechgender  
GG: a bit on the nose, but :p  
GG: or turntechgladiator  
GG: because of your swords and fighty stuff  
TG: ive got an idea  
TG: what if we play off like  
TG: ego  
TG: im like the lowest ego person in the world so obviously thatll be incredibly ironic  
GG: so, something like  
GG: turntechgod?  
TG: i like it except it feels too short  
TG: how about  
TG: turntechgodhead  
TG: fuck that has to be it  
TG: it feels  
TG: so perfect jade  
  


twistingGeniality [TG] is now called turntechGodhead [TG]

  
TG: jade  
TG: thank you  
GG: i love it! :d  
GG: god dude, so, what are you going to do with your newfound freedom?  
TG: honestly  


  


Your stomach grumbles. Fuck, didn’t Bro say he was ordering Chinese?

  


TG: eat some goddamn food

  


* * *

  


John: Acquiesce to the Demands of the Girl

"Hey, Bert without Ernie, come here."

The sound catches you off guard and you wheel around to try to see who yelled at you. You're around 80% sure who it is, but still, her face being less than a foot away by the time you manage to get all the way around catches you off guard enough that you don't manage to catch her before she just slams into you.

"Wow, you really suck at this whole 'come here' thing, dork. I got to you before you even turned around."

You both lay prostrate at the end of the hall, luckily having avoided the wall behind you. She is on her front, her bag having flown over her head, and you are star-fished on your back. Your bag is sitting next to you on the floor, where it was. Luckily not on your back, or you imagine you'd be breaking it right about now.

"didn't know you'd barge in and try to kill me, lucy. what was your plan if i got out of the way?"

"Probs just break through the window and die. I didn't think you'd get out of the way, duh."

"so you were planning on me just being awful?"

"I promise you're not awful, John. Wanna hang?"

"sure. i didn't have anything planned"

You flash her a smile and help her off her feet. The two of you head for the side door to the school, out to where the tree that the group of you hang out by during the nicer days is. She hops up to a branch, her usual perch, and you slam your butt down on the ground.

"So, mister, what's been up with you?"

"you did literally just asked me this same question at lunch"

"Oh shut up you know how this works. I ask you and you answer because we're being all 'oh, i haven't seen you in forever' and then you act like we totally aren't flirting."

You totally aren't- uhhh, what?

"w-what?"

"C'mon john, you've been flirting with me since day two, after you fucked up hard on day one. Just, learn to live a bit and accept it. Not like I mind."

The nonchalance of her last statement catches you off guard. You never really... even had considered flirting with Lucy. You banter with her, sure, but it's more playful than anything. Less about getting her to think highly of you, more just some fun.

Does she... does she think you like her?

~~Do you like her?~~

Your heart does a little jump when you think that. Fuck, you're in a bit over your head. It's a few seconds later when you realize shes been _talking to you_ this entire time. Doubly fuck. 

"Hey, Earth to dumbface, are you getting any of what I'm saying?"

Apparently the bewildered expression says enough. She starts again. 

"Wow, I really stunned you with that whole 'you've been flirting with me' thing, didn't I. Didn't think it'd get you that hard. Most guys know when they're flirting with a girl."

"i'm not exactly _**like most guys.**_ "

"Oh, like I haven't noticed that. Yeah, so you didn't try to literally jump down my jeans once I gave you affirmation that I thought you were cool. Doesn't mean you're not flirting. There is such a thing as subtlety, though a lot of guys don't seem to think so."

You're sure your face is burning by halfway through the sentence, especially from the snickering that she's doing during the second half. You weren't even trying to flirt, what are you, some flirting guru?

Did you accidentally flirt with your other friends too?

Crap.

"i... i wasn't really trying to flirt with you. sorry if it made you uncomfortable or anything."

"God, eggs, you really, really are bad at picking things up. I'm not trying to shame you for it. It's been nice, cute even."

Yup, you're definitely more a cherry than a person now, with how hot your face feels, and how much blood must be there. Is she... _flirting back?_ What the hell do you do with that??

"..."

You open your mouth to say something, anything but... nope. Nothings coming out. No sensible thoughts to get you back from the edge of "oh my god my friend who is a girl is hitting on me", no "hey, i kind of think you're cute too", no "maybe we should take this slower we've only really known each other for a few weeks."

Instead, within seconds you find yourself face to face with her, because she chooses this moment to abandon her perch in the tree and land right, square next to you. 

"Eggs, I get it. You thought I hated you up until the beginning of this year. Worse, I _kind of_ did? I really enjoy hanging out with you though, so hey, I promise I'm not just making fun of you, or trying to get your hopes up. Please, believe me."

And, like the dumbass that you are, you do.

You really do. 

"So, do you want to go out sometime, like, on a proper date? Unless I overstepped a bound, or totally misread the si-"

"oh my god, hell yes!"

You grab her arm and pull her into a hug. You're 14, you've been the class clown your entire life, and you were beginning to think you might never have a girlfriend. Yet here you are, sitting next to a tree with a really, really nice girl, and instead of having to beg for her to go out with you, _**she just asked you out**_.

"Whoa, whoa, calm down, it's all cool. Where do you want to go?"

"i... i don't actually know?"

"We'll figure it out. I've gotta bounce, but make sure to message me when you get home, you cute dork. Laters!"

She bounds off back towards the school, and loops around the front, out of sight. For a few seconds, you just sit there and revel in the haze of what just happened. 

Once you've done that, the realization that you've been sitting here for at least half an hour hits you. Half an hour longer than usual which means your dad is definitely wondering where you are. You shoot him a text and start to make your way home.

Once you meander in the house, you, curiously, find that he isn't even home. Strange. He would usually be home by now. He does occasionally have extra work to do, though, so maybe something like that just came up.

You run up to your room and quickly hop on your computer. You really want to tell someone about this development! Upon looking at your chumroll though, you realize that the only person you _**can**_ tell is Rose.

She'll... probably be happy, right?

Excitement overrules and you go for it.

  


ghostyTrickster [GT] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

  
GT: hey, rose!  
GT: i have really exciting news!  
TT: Yes, John?  
TT: What very exciting news do you have?  
TT: That is exciting enough to require you break our uninterrupted two weeks of not speaking?  


  


Oh geez, has it really been that long? That makes you feel a lot worse about what you're about to tell her... Maybe you should just, not instead.

  


GT: oh, uh  
GT: crap i'm sorry rose  
GT: i didn't mean to, it's just been a busy few weeks for me  
TT: Oh, I'm sure, I just simply thought that you would take the time to check up on a friend.  
TT: I guess not, though.  
TT: Regardless, what do you need?

  


She's definitely not in a good mood.

  


GT: i think i probably shouldn't mention it?  
GT: it might just make you mad  
TT: Now don't go sparing my feelings.  
TT: You've already treated them like they don't exist for weeks on end.  
TT: Jesus John just tell me what's made you excited.  
GT: alright, i  
GT: i got a girlfriend!  
GT: her name is lucy and she's really nice  
GT: i actually met her last year, back when i tried to prank those music kids and messed up  
GT: she was the girl that got mad  
GT: i met her again this year  
GT: in one of my classes  
GT: and we've hit it off really well  
GT: she asked me out!  
TT: That's wonderful John.  
TT: Could you answer a question for me?  
TT: Do you actually know that much about this girl?  
TT: In fact, what do you know about her at all?  
TT: Understand that I don't dislike that you found someone to date but John you suddenly getting into a relationship is... curious.  
TT: You have new friends and I don't want to see you get hurt.  
GT: rose........  
GT: i thought you might be happy for me  
GT: are you really........ questioning me?  
GT: questioning my decision to date someone?  
GT: i know this girl, i trust her  
GT: shes a nice person  
GT: she's not going to do anything to me  
GT: honestly i'm really annoyed that you'd accuse her of anything like that  
GT: you don't even know her  
GT: you barely even know me rose  
GT: you tried to shame me about not talking to you but have you tried to reach out to me?  
GT: you haven't rose  
GT: part of this is your fault  
GT: i'm leaving  
GT: sorry i don't live up to your expectations

ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

  


You can't _**even believe**_ that she really just did that. She hasn't talked to you in weeks and her first real discussion is questioning your judgement? 

You stand up from your desk and storm out of the room, trudging downstairs. Your dad is just entering the house, and he gets swept up by the foul aura that you seem to be emitting. 

"What's the matter, John?"

"it's nothing. nothing, and nobody, and it definitely doesn't matter. honestly, i'm not sure why i expected anything different."

He throws you a quizzical look, unused to your sulking, but leaves it be and heads into the kitchen. You open up your phone and send a message to lucy.

  


ghostyTrickster [GT] started pestering aetherialVirago [AV]

  
GT: hey lucy!  


  


* * *

  


Jade: Contact Feline-Esque Companion

Nepeta? or Roxy? Both are pretty Feline-equse. Considering the state of mind that you were just in, though, you're going to lean more towards Nepeta.

You glance back to the messages that Roxy sent you, after you left. They imply some pretty heavy stuff, stuff that you're not sure you're ready to break into with her. Stuff that, though, you think you might be able to probe into with Nepeta. Which, honestly, is exactly what you're planning to do.

You don't like feeling like you're using your friends, but Nepeta loves talking about stuff with you. She might just like talking to you in general, actually, you haven't really figured that out? Either way, she doesn't mind when you open up chats with her with specific questions in mind.

This time, you're going to probe her about her culture. Alternia has always been interesting to you, it's world a fascinating and new discovery seemingly only you and Roxy know about, however you have a more specific point to you querying today.

Roxy said that she had been experimented on to make her a new heiress, the leader of a new troll race. You want to know what that entails, and who, exactly, the Condesce is.

  


gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering arsenicCatnip[AC]

  
GG: hey nepeta! :)  
GG: how are you?  
AC: :33 < purretty good! i'm working on a secret project :pp  
AC: :33 < did mew want to talk about something?  
GG: i just had a couple questions about alternia  
GG: if you have the time  
GG: if not i can totally ask them later! :p  
AC: :33 < i have the time! what's up?  
GG: i was talking to one of my friends and she mentioned that there's an heiress to the trolls  
GG: that sounded really interesting to me, do you know anything about that?  
AC: :33 < oh! yeah, i actually know the heiress!  
AC: :33 < she's one of my furiends :pp  
AC: :33 < her name is fefuri!  
AC: :33 < shes's supurr nice!  
AC: :33 < unlike the condesce, she actually wants to try to help people  
AC: :33 < though she does talk down to a lot of us :\\\  
AC: :33 < she still has the best intentions at heart :))  


  


Well, you're not surprised that she thinks that, all things considered. She is good friends with the Feferi, of course she's going to assume that. You already knew that she knew Feferi, what you really care about is what Feferi _**does**_. 

  


GG: what does the heiress actually do though?  
GG: other than that she's the next in line for empress  
GG: like, what does the role involve?  
AC: :33 < heiresses here don't just get to become the empurress  
AC: :33 < they have to fight the current empurress fur it, duel by trident  
AC: :33 < it's about showing who is stronger, more fit to lead, that sort of stuff :<<  
AC: :33 < purrsonally though, i think it just sucks. there's no reason they should have to fight  
AC: :33 < except that hisstory dictates it  
AC: :33 < efury heiress fur at least the past few hundred years that's tried to take on the condesce, though, has lost, and b33n killed in the battle  
AC: :33 < i'm honestly scared fur fefuri, beclaws she's going to have to go up against the condesce in only a few short sw33ps :((  
AC: :33 < she has a plan, and a good idea of how to take the condesce down, but i don't trust that bitch to play fair  
AC: :33 < mew don't k33p the tiara fur hundreds of years by playing fair  
GG: wait, heiresses have to fight to the death with the condesce? :(  
GG: that's brutal, and completely unfair  
GG: she's an adult troll, they have to be kids still  
GG: it's completely rigged against them, and they just get slaughtered?  


  


You... can barely believe that she's talking about this so nonchalantly. One of her friends, a fairly close one from what you can tell, is going to _die_ and she's not even that broken up about it. It's abhorrent, inhumane. You...

  


AC: :33 < basically. only fuchsia bloods are even allowed to challenge fur the position, and efury member of that blood caste has to eventually  
AC: :33 < efury fuchsia born in the last few hundred years has b33n hatched to die, more or less  
AC: :33 < its barbarous, but mew're also talking to a cat girl that hunts wild animals to survive  
AC: :33 < alternia has nefur b33n nice  
AC: :33 < that's why i like fefuri so much  
AC: :33 < she wants to change all of that  
AC: :33 < let people be who they want to be  
AC: :33 < she doesn't s33 "lowbloods" as lesser  
AC: :33 < and she doesn't s33 the point in purrpetuating the cycle of murder that rules over our society  
AC: :33 < she's diffurent  
GG: but you basically just said that she's doomed :c  
GG: if every other of her caste has failed to take down the condesce, does she have a chance?  
GG: it doesn't seem likely...  
GG: i hope she does though  
GG: your world deserves better than murder at the top  
AC: :33 < jade, our world is murder efurywhere :||  
AC: :33 < if mew're lower than a jadeblood, it's completely legal fur mew to just get killed in the str33t  
AC: :33 < i've s33n it happen. in fact, it's encouraged  
AC: :33 < it's s33n as a way to get rid of the weak among our population  
AC: :33 < the strong will make their way to the military once they turn 9 sw33ps  
AC: :33 < and then they serve until they die  
AC: :33 < like efury troll befure them  
AC: :33 < it sounds cruel to mew beclaws mew're not a troll  
AC: :33 < but that's just how society works  
GG: nepeta...  
GG: just because that's how it works doesn't mean that's how it should work...  
GG: but... i guess you're right  
GG: i shouldn't butt in on what ultimately i don't know that much about  
GG: the politics of your planet are yours to deal with  
GG: not mine  
GG: im sorry

  


Her description of the Condesce and the process of inheritance piqued something inside you, a strange feeling of familiarity. Your grandpa, in a book of his travels, described the process by which members of the "Betty Crocker" corporation, which your family apparently used to be involved in. Betty herself had a process of inheritance for the CEO by which each hopeful had to challenge the standing CEO to a duel, using tridents, and the one left alive would take the position.

At least... That's what your grandpa said. You brushed it off as nonsense for a long time. It's the same book that said that Betty was his adoptive mother, and you imagine that if you were related to someone like that you'd know. 

Still, the description? It's too similar. It's exactly the same, honestly. You know that Roxy's planet got invaded by the Condesce, is it possible that you've already been invaded?

  


GG: i have another question  
GG: a curiosity more than anything  
GG: does the condesce go by anything other than that?  
AC: :33 < her impurrious condescension is her full title but nobody really calls her that  
AC: :33 < hic, sometimes, i guess  
AC: :33 < to the really rebellious types, she's the waterbitch  
AC: :33 < to ofurs, she's condy  
AC: :33 < i skew towards calling her the waterbitch though :33  
AC: :33 < i think there was a rumor that she went by the name croker fur some reason  


  


Croker? Fuck.

  


AC: :33 < and the really spicy rumor is her name is actually m33nah

  


That solidifies it even further. Several times throughout that chapter, grandpa said that her actual name was Meenah. It has to be her. But... what can you even do with this?

You wonder, for a second, if somehow your grandpa managed to get to alternia, and decide to ask her.

  


AC: :33 < though i don't kmeow how true that is, like any rumors :pp  
GG: croker? are you sure it wasn't crocker?  
GG: also, you said meenah?  
GG: sorry, just, for some reason those names seem familiar  
GG: you wouldn't have happened to have heard the name jake harley, would you have?  
AC: :33 < no, i haven't, that's not even a propurr troll name

  


She doesn't know about your grandpa... You're not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. For all you know, the Condesce already knows about you. She might already be on her way.

You can understand why Roxy is so fearful now.

  


AC: :33 < i can k33p an ear out if mew want me to though! :33  
AC: :33 < i hear a lot of stuff through some purretty cool underground sources, so if it comes up it'll probably come through me  
AC: :33 < if not, i can look up more stuff to try to help mew  
AC: :33 < im curious why exactly mew're digging so d33p into the condesce though  
GG: like i said, one of my friends mentioned that you had an heiress  
GG: with what you told me though, it sounds like their position is just tragic :c  
GG: also, this same friend, her home got invaded by your species  
GG: she's... the one i went to talk to earlier  
GG: she knows the condesce personally  
GG: well... kind of personally?  
GG: it's confusing  
GG: but it seems like she's had a really hard time with the waterbitch  
GG: so i wanted to gather information  
GG: if i could  
AC: :33 < oh! that makes sense  
AC: :33 < was there anything else that mew n33ded?  
GG: not really, not at the moment at least  
GG: i'm going to get off of chat  
GG: thanks for helping me!  
GG: bye nepeta!  
AC: :33 < bye jade! :33

  


You lumber off away from your lunchtop, the energy from earlier drained entirely from you. You need to talk to Roxy again, tell her about what you found out. That your own great-grandmother is the Condesce. That you might already be at great risk.

Your brain is overwhelmed with information, but you know your first objectives.

  * Read through and dissect every word that you can in that chapter.
  * Figure out as much about the Betty Crocker corporation as you can.



Then, only then, will you truly feel safe...

  


* * *

  


Rose: Continue Endeavor of Literary Variety

The evening before your first day of fall classes, you find yourself lying procumbent in one of the wide open windowsills in your living room. As the command requested of you, you are endeavoring to continue your pursuit of the literary arts. The book that was provided to you by Ms. Hartford, which you have failed to fully peruse prior to this moment, lay in front of you, propped open by one of your hands. Its eldritch contents have captured your interest so comprehensively, that you can't recall the last time you moved from this position.

  


"You stumble into the borough, the inky void lapping at your heels. The lachrymal fluid that seeps onto your cheeks stains them an unearthly pitch of ocher. The voices chant in everlasting disharmony, their otherworldly syllables tearing away what is left of your-"

  


The storm outside kicks up. Of course, there is no better time to read such a book than when the world outside reflects the world within. However, you did not plan this, it is simply the greatest serendipity. You return your focus to the sentence where you left off.

  


"tearing away what is left of your leaking sanity. The ground seeps, as a poorly kept sepulcher would, the carmine fluid undulating and popping. A hollow fills the air above you. You must make it to the house, the house where all of this started, where you first found the amulet of Nrub'yiglith.

The corpses surrounding you are already showing the signs of his possession. Bones fragmentized by the mere utterances which constantly pour into your mind; How you haven't cracked is beyond your understanding. Their skin has rended into something more akin to tentacles, their godly metamorphosis already beginning. You pass by so many that the entire population must be obliterated by this point.

No matter. When you finish your task, you will leave this place forever. This will-"

  


A tree branch slams against the window right next to you. Strange, considering the density of trees in your area. The storm must have picked up intensity extremely. You glance out the window and notice a strange hue to the lightning. 

It seems... green? There _**are**_ chemicals that allow for different colors of lightning. You're not sure which one causes green however. You put it in the back of your mind and return to the book.

  


"This will be your sin, the crime you will never pay for on this world. Who would believe that you are responsible for this?

No, the world beyond will be your justiciar for this crime.

You throw open the door to the house, the sinewy walls writing with their newborn flesh, grasping for anything they can add to their mass. You pull the knife from your boot and tread inside, slashing at the gory corpuscles that attack you. The darkness grows as you approach the stairs to the attic, enveloping you as a mother does it's child. Welcoming you to your maker.

The stairs squeal as you ascend them, each one producing fulminous echoes. A sanguinary fog falls over you.

The pedestal sits before you. You return to the location of your greatest sin. It's vessel overflows with a jet black liquid, bubbling. The screams overflow your head and begin to resonate the walls, threatening to break through.-"

  


Strangely, it almost feels as if you can feel the book, the shaking from within being transferred into real life.

  


"You must complete the ritual of full submission. You must return the amulet and give your soul over, to seal the portal.

You retrieve the amulet from under your cloaks, it's warmth palpable against your growing chill. You ready your knife. You clutch the amulet in your hand, as you slice the palm open, letting blood flow over it into the chalice on the pedastal. The sound that reaches your ears cannot be describ-"

  


BRRrrRRRrrRRrrrrRRZZZzzzZZZzzZzzZzzZZZTTtttTTTttTTtTtttTTTTT

  


You tumble out of the windowsill, hitting the ground with a solid thud, and you hear a crunch. That can't be good. The world outside is lit with green, though your newfound post on the floor doesn't allow you to see it.

God. Fucking. Dammit.

You should have predicted this. You _**could have**_ predicted this. You don't know how, it was just... too similar to last time. You stand up and brush off yourself, dog-earing the page in your book. You'll have to return to it later. 

A glance outside ensures that, while there is still green lightning aplenty, none of it seems to have caught the forest on fire. A bonus that you'll gladly take. 

So, last time that an extremely loud noise came out of absolutely fucking nowhere, two things happened. First, your mother, and by extension her company, was strangely active. Second, _**you**_ got a new contact on pesterchum. Following that general trend, you would guess you have one.

You pull up the app on your phone and sure enough, you have a new contact. Strangely, though, they're listed under your "trollslum" which is something that you didn't have before now. 

Even more strangely, their name is completely unreadable.

The letters look like nothing you've ever seen before. They're certainly not latin characters, and if memory serves you correctly, they don't appear to be from anywhere on Earth. Though, given the nature of the previous contact you made, perhaps they're simply from another form of Earth.

The contact opens up a chat with you, but their messages are equally unreadable. 

Knowing nothing else to do, you turn to the only contact that might know something about it. Roxy.

  


tentacleTherapist [TT] started pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

  
TT: Hello Roxy, I was wondering whether you might be able to assist me with something?  
TT: You see, I recently encountered another of the strange glitches that has been manifesting in additional connections between random people throughout multiple universes.  
TT: Strangely, this individual is listed not in my "chumroll" but in my "trollslum" instead.  
TT: They are also speaking in a way completely indecipherable to me.  
TT: The characters that they are using seem to not even be of Earthly origin.  
TT: Perhaps you might have some insight?  
TG: oh! toets do lmao  
TG: me n oen of my frensd have been workin on a translator for that specific thing  
TG: been goin ham on it sinec lkie wekes ago  
TG: *sinc *weeks  
TG: **since lmao  
TG: ill send it to you!  
TG: love you rosie!  
TT: Thank you Roxy.  
TT: I had not anticipated that you would have something so perfect for this situation.  
TT: Not to imply that you aren't incredibly helpful.  
TG: rose i totes get u  
TG: u cna chil  
TG: dotn need to jutsify urself to me  
TT: Okay. Thank you Roxy.

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

  


Several seconds later, a request to send a file appears from her account. It's fairly large, and comes with a full guide on how to install it. Once you do, and reboot pesterchum, you find that the name in your contacts has been rendered readable.

  


antipatheticConsultant

  


Well that certainly sounds like someone who... 

God, you don't even know what to think of them. You open up a chat with them. However, before you manage to even get a single message off, Roxy sends a string of messages to you.

  


tipsyGnostalgic [TG] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

  
TG: hey rose just so u kon  
TG: u should be careful talkin to thsee guys  
TG: tehyre rael shady n stuf  
TG: cant really tlel u too much but  
TG: basically theyer ailens thtave tried to invade eatrh in our time  
TG: janey doenst kon about it becaues shes  
TG: well  
TG: basically because shse kind of in the middle of all of it  
TG: im working on tryign to gte her otu of it  
TG: i promise i wont let her get hurt  
TG: just dont get yourself compromised too  
TG: love you rosie

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

  


With _**all of that information**_ out of the way, you finally get to your chat with the alien. She's already started saying things since you changed to Roxy's chat. 

  


tentacleTherapist [TT] started pestering antipatheticConsultant [AC]

  
AC: As much as I might appreciate contact with new and interesting people, I do have to say that your unexpected and non-consensual intrusion into my trollslum is unwanted, and I must ask that you remove yourself at once.  
AC: In addition, I must ask that you report yourself to your local legislacerators guild, so that you may 8e sent through the proper culling procedures. As you know, we all must do our part to ensure that the proper sta8ility of our society is maintained.  
AC: If you refuse to, I am afraid that I will have to recruit the help of a friend of mine, a quite skilled hacker, to track you to your location using all of the tools at his disposal. I hope that it doesn't come to that.  
AC: I 8elieve that I asked you a question, are you really going to just sit there and not answer me?  
AC: Fine!!!!!!!! I am contacting my friend as we speak.  
TT: Oh. Well, go ahead and contact whoever you want to but it won't do you any good, that much I'm sure of.  
TT: You can't exactly track me. I'm quite sure I'm not looking forward to being subjected to any culling procedures, no matter how much they're required to "ensure the proper stability of our society."  
TT: I'm sure you heard the same extremely loud, almost universe-shattering sound that I did?  
TT: Yes, the connection of our accounts was non-consensual, but unfortunately neither of us had a choice in the matter, and I would assume that we have no choice but to go along with it.  
TT: I've tried removing my connection to another person who I connected to this way and trust me, it came right back.  
TT: So, instead of fretting over this, how about we take the time to get to know one another?  
TT: My name is Rose.  
TT: How about you?  
AC: Well I definitely know that this is a prank, and will continue in my endeavoring to uproot your position now! Rose isn't even a full and proper name. It's only four letters!  
AC: Something like mine would 8e 8etter, more suita8le, 8ut you're not going to get mine. You see, I'm much smarter than the average phisher, con artist, or scammer. Much, much smarter, and evidently much smarter than you.  
AC: I'll get 8ack to you, once I know where you are.

antipatheticConsultant [AC] has blocked tentacleTherapist [TT]

  


Of course they did. Whatever, you're sure that they'll get back to you in due time, so you take the time to go up to your room and settle in, since this is sure to be a long and interesting conversation. 

Fifteen minutes later, they unblock you, and you get a string of long messages, which you've taken to just be a part of their style at this point. Some people are just too verbose for their own good. 

  


antipatheticConsultant [AC] has unblocked tentacleTherapist [TT]

antipatheticConsultant [AC] started trolling tentacleTherapist [TT]

  
AC: Okay, so what I would like to know, Mx "Rose," is how the hell you're managing to keep us from figuring out where you are. This particular psionic happens to 8e one of the strongest in the entire empire, and yet you are completely outmatching his a8ility to either pin down a singular computer address or an actual location associated with it.  
AC: Either you are, yourself, a psionic of incredi8le talent (unlikely considering your hemotyping), or you simply have a large num8er of assets 8ehind you. If it is the latter, what possi8le purpose could you have in using those resources to reach out to someone like me?  
AC: I am aware that I am, myself, quite a talented mind sculptress, 8ut I refuse to use those skills except for helping at the culling station where I volunteer. I am not availa8le for whatever mercenary purposes you could possi8ly want me for.  
AC: So, as I said 8efore, 8egone with these half-8aked schemes of yours, or at least explain to me why the hell you are here in the first place.  
TT: You won't be satisfied with my answer. I know you won't.  
TT: It's as I said, we were connected via some unknown force which intends for us to communicate for some reason.  
TT: Beyond that, I'm not honestly sure what is acting here.  
TT: I am certainly not a psionic, considering I don't even really know what that is.  
TT: I have no team behind me, though I guess I do have access to considerable wealth should I desire that.  
TT: But no, my purpose is much simpler.  
TT: I am curious, I guess.  
TT: What the hell are you "trolls?"  
AC: Does........ Do you mean to imply that you are not a troll? Oh my, with the name, and the near-fuchsia color, and........ I had simply assumed that you were a very high-spectrum mem8er of our species. Are you saying that you are an alien?  
AC: That would certainly explain why we were una8le to track you. You could potentially 8e using systems that are entirely incompati8le with ours. I'll have him try using the known alien architectures.  
AC: You're saying, however, that you sincerely didn't connect yourself to me? I cannot 8elieve that, truthfully. Even if only for curiosity's sake, I 8elieve that you must have had a hand in it.  
AC: I did, as you mentioned 8efore, hear an extremely loud, almost spatially-permeating sound earlier. This does not explain how it would have led to something as elementary, simple, and 8oring as a chat connection.  
AC: I completely, unquestiona8ly, cannot 8elieve it.  
TT: Well, neither could I at first.  
TT: Your hacker friend is sure to hit a few bumps with a device that lies outside of the range of universe.  
TT: An entirely other universe would give them even more issues.  
TT: My name is Rose, I am a member of an alien species, not one that, as far as I know, you have invaded.  
TT: No, I am simply curious why the universe has decided that it is important for the two of us, right here, right now, to have made this connection.  
TT: Curiosity leads us broads to make strange decisions.  
TT: Let's continue from there?  
TT: I am a 14 year old girl, although I'm fairly sure that doesn't translate well, so the best I can say is that I am between a child and an adult for my species.  
TT: Now you introduce yourself:  
AC: I do not need to 8e led through this process 8y the hand like some gru8. I know perfectly well how to introduce myself. I am simply choosing not to on the grounds that I dou8t the veracity of your story.  
AC: Fine, I'll allow you this. I am a female troll of approximately 7 sweeps. My name is Aranea.  
AC: Does that satisfy you?  
TT: Not really, I also would like to know what exactly a troll is, and what planet you live on and oh so much more.  
TT: My curiosity is not satiated by four small facts about yourself.  
TT: So please, will you continue this conversation and actually help elucidate things for me?  
AC: Fine, except I'm unsure what exactly differentiates US from YOU. Perhaps, may8e, possi8ly, you could actually fucking help me here instead of 8eing a useless pedantic asshole.  
AC: Come on here Rose, you're pro8a8ly not the 8iggest douche I've run into my entire life, give me some fucking insight here. You don't seem to 8e as dense as I initially assume that you would 8e.  
TT: Personally I consider myself to not be dense at all.  
TT: Fine, you want a definition?  
TT: Humans: (homo sapiens sapiens) Bipedal species with a skin tone ranging between nearly perfectly white to nearly perfectly black, but mostly with various tones of pale, tan, and brown in between. Mammalian in origin, descended from apes. Major features include slight levels of sexual dimorphism, mostly for the purpose of nursing young. The females of our species are responsible for that duty. Naturally occurring homosexuality is prevalent within the species, as I am one who represents this subset. Hairs ranging from black, to brown, to reddish brown, to pale yellow exist naturally. Dermal extrusions include cutaneous hair prevalent throughout the body, and keratin based nails on our fingers. I assume that you have some appendages akin to that. Furthermore, our species is the dominant species on our planet, and has over 50 known languages, the one which I am speaking to you (though not the one which you are speaking back to me) is known as English. I am not certain how much the translator is going to actually be able to transmit to you, so I apologize.  
AC: Jegus. and I thought I could talk a lot. Fine. Major differences 8etween our species? We have horns, we aren't that significantly sexually dimorphic, and we aren't descended from mammals. We are descended from arthropods, though we have significantly diverged from our origin.  
AC: Whatever. I 8elieve you now, you wouldn't 8e a8le to type that much 8ullshit otherwise. Fine.  
AC: Hello Rose.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh. My. Gosh.
> 
> It has been far too long since I've managed to get an update out and I've been sitting on the first half of this chapter for a couple weeks now. In addition to this chapter, you probably noticed that all of the other formatting broke. Whoops :3
> 
> This will be fixed in the coming days as all of the rest of the chapters are brought up to the formatting spec that is introduced in this chapter. Going forward, this is the level of visual formatting that I am going to stride for, if not higher. It's been a while coming, since I've gotten better at using CSS.
> 
> In the mean time, I'm posting updated versions that at least fix the tag references, so you might notice slight weirdness/inconsistences until then. Sorry for that.
> 
> So, Aranea is here, and Roxy has a dark secret related to the Condesce and some horrible things. Roxy's arc, though not central, is honestly one of my favorites in the story as it's been written so far, and I hope you all enjoy it and enjoy speculating.
> 
> Meanwhile! We've managed to surpass 1000 hits while I've been gone from updating! Actually wow!! :O I get so much positive energy from this fic and I'm so happy to see so many people appreciating it. i hope it just keeps improving from here.
> 
> As always, feel free to comment down below your thoughts, your theories, or if you just caught something that I messed up (to be fair, this chapter is a hefty 12,387 words). I love you all for reading, and I really, really appreciate seeing how much you enjoy the developments.
> 
> Next chapter should be up within the next couple weeks, and will be the first chapter to feature illustration by the wonderful Nat, the artist that I've been working with. She goes by @thisisafiller27 on twitter if you want to check her out, but I will post full links to her profiles next time with the art. 
> 
> And! If anyone happens to make anything inspired by this work (wow I would love that) feel free to contact me at either @FadingEchoes on twitter, or unconventionalcat.tumblr. I check both of those regularly to see if people have messaged me.
> 
> ONE LAST THING: Since the last update, I have taken significant influence in the pesterlog box formatting from the Perfectly Generic Podcast work skin, editing those to fit the particular visual style necessary for this fic. Otherwise, all styling is my own, but damn if they didn't get those pesterlog boxes spot on. So, big ups to them, and you can find the original work skin at https://pgenpod.com/ao3
> 
> <3


	12. who are these extremely intelligent and intimidating women?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We begin this chapter in the guise of Rose, who finds herself enraptured by the marvelous Aranea Serket. Things go slightly astray, when Aranea... Well, let's just say Aranea has some *issues*.
> 
> As Rose heads to school, she is ambushed!! by a foul (not at all) teen meaning to... inquire as to her lunch plans. Maybe Rose should consider letting her guard down?
> 
> We continue the tale with Dave, embarking on an adventure of discovery, and, in the progress, discovering a strange and dark past.
> 
> Jade is chilling with some carapacian bros... sisters? Oh no! WILD GENDER QUESTIONS APPEAR!
> 
> We return then, to Dave, who, after a confrontation with his tormentor/rival Jeff, decides to skip school (like a cool kid) and do something illegal (this is why you stay in school kids)
> 
> Rose Returns once again, and OH NO THE GENDER IS BACK FROM EARLIER! 
> 
> Finally, we take a calm evening with our friend John Egbert, and I'm sure nothing at all will happen.
> 
> ***Nothing at all. Especially involving interdimensional communication***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for the second scene of Rose's first part and the first scene of Dave's second part , both for use of slurs. Rose's is in the context of a reclaimed slur being used by a past bully, Dave's is straight up not cool usage.
> 
> CW also for Dave's first part for general mentions/allusions to child/friend abuse? I think to be safe I'd rather CW it for that.

Rose: Listen to Rambles of Arachnid Alien

Your lounging around hasn't yet proceeded to the point of contacting Aranea for the day, though that certainly is on the list of things you plan to do as soon as you manage to extricate yourself from this plush prison that you seem to have been trapped in. She has been pestering- ahem, trolling- you every day for the past few weeks, as you've gotten into the swing of your classes. It really has been nice to have someone else to talk to, even if her vocabulary is somewhat on the esoteric side. you do have to excuse that, what with her being an alien and all. 

Thinking about this really has gotten you into the mood to message her, so you swiftly hop out of your bed and into your desk chair, pulling up the window. It hasn't been closed for a few days now, since nearly every moment that you're home you seem to be talking to her. It makes you wonder how she finds the time for her studies, but she is definitely intelligent enough and composed enough that she must. She has to be doing the same thing that you are: shoving the studying in into the time that normal people would be cramming for exams that they are _under_ prepared for. Instead, you have the luxury of being _over_ prepared.

Not much of a luxury, right now, what with you not being able to share that with other people.

You swiftly push that thought out of mind, as you send the first message over to her.

  


  
tentacleTherapist [TT] started pestering antipatheticConsultant [AC]  


  
TT: Good morning Aranea, I hope that your sleep was good and your morning activities were sufficiently calming.  
TT: I just finished freeing myself from the sleeping platform that each day I find is less dissimilar to the cocoon that you describe sleeping in.  
TT: My ability to wake up too early for schooling, but not quite early enough to actually be productive in the morning never ceases to amaze me.  
TT: Perhaps one of these days I will petition the school to shift back half an hour so that I can take more time doing actual interesting activities in the morning, rather than simply chatting with you.  
TT: Not that I do not enjoy these times.  
AC: Good dusk to you, Rose. I have had a quite nice moonrise, though my lusus is once again being a nuisance. I plan to leave to my schoolfeeds somewhat earlier than usual, mostly so that I can go past the location of my internship this upcoming warming season, and meet with the troll who will be my advisor and instructor.  
AC: In addition, would your school feeds not be willing to appropriate a different timing for your inadequate sleeping schedule? Most here would provide wonderful accommodations to any slight difference in pattern that any troll might develop over the course of their life, and any disability that you might have.  
TT: I'd hardly call sleeping in 20 minutes longer a disability, Aranea, though I can appreciate the flexibility that your school feeding system has. It seems like a wonderfully flexible and adept system.  
TT: I wish the systems here on our planet were as willing to make accommodations to those who need them.  
TT: Unfortunately, that is not the case. We simply force people to take the same courses with slight adjustments, and require proof that those disabilities exist to a significant degree, as well as that the disability in question is one which is deemed to qualify for that aid.  
AC: To me that is downright barbaric. Over half of our population is disabled, and more than three quarters utilize some form of accommodation. To consider a system which doesn't have those accommodations would be reckless.  
AC: Anyone lower than a jade blood gets automatic accommodation in all of their school feeds, given that their blood color alone makes them less quick and less able to compete with the... well, the more able of us.  
AC: It's unfortunate, but we do make up for the way that biology has made us. I really do wish there was some way for us to improve the cognitive capabilities of the lowbloods but we must simply work with them. Further, many of the purple caste require them because of their unfortunate tendency toward playful violence. It really is regrettable that so many of them require culling.  
TT: Yeah... Really, pretty unfortunate.  


  


While you enjoy her company, her casual tone when putting down nearly half of the fellow members of her species really rubs you the wrong way. She might be smart, but it feels as if she holds herself far above everyone else.

Especially considering that this whole supremacy seems to be based on inborn traits, it just feels gross to you... you don't _**quite**_ have the words to articulate why though, and you've never been one to judge quickly based on something you could possibly not understand.

You send her another message.

  


  
TT: Say, out of curiosity, could you explain to me what exactly culling means to your society again?  
TT: Our species considers culling to be killing and removing from the genetic pool, and I am aware that your society doesn't believe in the same thing, but it is still somewhat tripping me up.  
AC: Ah, yes, of course, it's completely understandable that, given our culture's difference in definition, you could be confused about exactly what I mean by culling.  
AC: I am actually studying to be a mediculler with a specialty in psychoculling techniques, because of my latent ability to understand people's feelings. Do not worry, while I do have this ability, I wouldn't share your feelings with anyone else, and they do not account for any portion of how I interact with you.  


  


Oh boy. Well, you can't say that you're not feeling a little more on edge now, knowing that even over this distance and whatever universal barrier separates you, she can _**still**_ feel your emotional state. You shift a little and try to put down your feelings, holding yourself calm.

  


  
AC: Regardless: the basic definition of culling within our society is that of caring. Culling is when one of a lower caste who is unable to fully care for themselves is adopted by, and cared for by, someone of a higher caste, or, in very rare cases, someone of a very high caste is adopted by the empress herself because of a disability.  
AC: The role of medicullers in our society is that of caring for and accommodating the lower castes, who are unable to care for themselves, and unable to speak for themselves, and so we must take up the burden of speaking and caring for them.  
AC: Clearly, this is a huge burden, and not one that I, as a mediculler in training, take up without due consideration. I know that I must be responsible and thoughtful with how I advocate for those under my care.  
AC: That said, I have actually had experience in culling a few people in my life already, for I have adopted and cared for a lowblood who desperately needed it, and a friend.... rather, an associate of mine, has been helping me approach the topic with care and consideration for some time.  
AC: My cull has been my pride for a long time and I love and care for her, and she was the inspiration for me to get into this field in the first place.  
AC: I assure you, we aren't barbarians here, we care for everyone here, and we work to make sure everyone is cared for as their needs require. Whether they like it is up for debate, we have had a lot of people try to argue that our system is unethical, but they simply don't understand what is best for them, and why they have to go through the process. As I said, lowbloods simply don't understand what is best for them.  
TT: Okay, I mean, you're an alien species, so I don't know that I fully understand what is up with the system.  
TT: Regardless, I have to leave for school soon.  
TT: I look forward to talking to you afterwards.  


  


That definitely rubbed you the wrong way. A lot of what she said felt subtly... disingenuous? That doesn't feel like quite the right word, but it felt like she was talking about people who definitely could speak for themselves, but that she was just not letting them.

On the other hand... You don't really know. They _**are an alien species**_ that you can't say that you're entirely familiar with the biology of. She did seem to be genuinely caring. She hasn't talked down to you about anything yet, so it's not like you have much of anything to compare against, at the moment at least.

You pack up your bag and set it against the door to the bathroom, as you finish up your preparations for going to school.

  


* * *

  


The bus ride to your classes was, as always, unpleasant. You took the opportunity to tear into one of your novels, but the unstable environment coupled with the general chaos made it difficult for you to focus. You only managed to get a few pages in before you found yourself pulling up to the school itself. Another ride wasted, as always.

You trudge in to your first class, contemplating what strange events this day will contain. While you are _legally required_ to come to classes, you aren't legally required to _pay attention_ , so most of the time you spend the class periods looking over other books that you brought with you. Today, in particular, you think that you're going to try to dig into one that you have been meaning to get into sooner, by the title of "A Dive into the Efficacious Nature of the Plural Universe." 

As you go to sit down, however, something- rather, someone- interrupts this plan.

"Rose! Hey, can I talk to you?"

You look over to see Skye walking into the room. Strangely, she is unaccompanied, none of her posse seeming to have this class with her. You gesture vaguely for her to come over, and she does just that. As she approaches, you catch notice of something.

"Hi! Sorry for being so abrupt, and sorry for interrupting you reading that book. I've been meaning to talk to you for the past... well, a while, but I haven't had the gusto to."

"For what purpose did you desire to speak to me?"

"Well... After all that happened last year, with you and I and our group and... well, everyone. I wanted to apologize again. And I guess I wanted to invite you to eat lunch with us. I noticed that you usually sit alone, so I figured you might appreciate the company?"

"Why would I appreciate the company of someone like you?"

The wince on her face tells pretty much the whole story there.

"Okay, that's fair, and like I said, I'm sorry, but this past summer has been a long, very interesting exploration in discovering myself and... fuck, I guess I'm just going to say this. I'm a lesbian as well."

"So you think that just because we happen to share the same sexuality-"

"No! Rose, that's not what I was getting at"

She frowns, and you actually do feel a little bad for implying that she was being that shallow.

"I just thought that... Okay, there's not a lot of queer people at this school, so we ought to stick together, ya know?"

...

"If you don't want to because of what we did last year, that's fair. The offer is open though."

"I don't know. It's not just last year. Need I remind you that your little group has historically kind of been something of a pain to me?"

"No, you definitely don't need to remind me. The lavender hair dye prank is vivid enough in my memory because of how long we spent cleaning the floors in here."

"You understand my hesitance then?"

"Y-... Yeah. Sorry for wasting your time."

She slouches a bit and walks away.

You're surprised she even approached you in the first place. What could you possibly add to their group that they don't already have? ~~A needling pedant? A sycophantic and miserable layabout?~~ Hardly someone fun to be, as you've been shown by the friends that have already abandoned you.

You open up the pages of the book.

  


"For those who aim to unearth the mysteries of this book, heed this warning: The knowledge that is hidden here is not for the faint of heart, or of mind. I cannot promise that you will be unchanged by its contents.

If you still seek this knowledge, proceed into this book with the following insight: in this universe, we are neither alone, nor are we safe. Outside of this universe, we are neither alone, nor are we safe. Billions of cosmologies with billions of species exist, each which can pose a threat to us, and many who would love to do exactly that. Outside of those universes and cosmologies, billions of unspeakable, unthinkable entities exist which could rip our entire universe asunder in an instant. You will never know the sanctity of feeling safe again. You will never feel secure in anything again.

What you will know, however, is the true nature of everything."

  


You flip the page, seeing that the next page contains a rune that you cannot decipher. You dog ear that page for later, intending on looking up anything that you can on it, and proceed further into the book.

  


"The first undeniable and irrefutable fact is that our universe, as we all know it, has a definitive ending point. It cannot be observed by any within it, but it can be detected, and has been foretold by communing with the elder gods. This ending point is not a date, nor a place, but is rather an event which will culminate in the complete destruction of everything within this universe. However, this is not of much consequence to anything living within this universe: all events that occur within this universe will have already occurred, because this event will occur outside of the bounds of this universe's spacetime. 

This event will be caused by four gods, gods originating from our planet. It will also be caused by innumerable other members of innumerable other species, but the most relevant, and most spoken about is the ending caused by the four gods. These four gods will accidentally cause the end of this universe through the creation of a being which they fail to control."

  


Wow. You expected dense, but this is more than you even began to anticipate. It's predicting, in explicit detail, what and who will cause the destruction of your universe, and apparently it's not even a unique event.

"Rose!"

You look up from the book to see your teacher staring at you.

"Yes Mrs. Connoly?"

"While I understand that you have some strange fascination with that literature, I will have to ask you to keep it out of this classroom. The purpose of this class is to learn a specific topic, one which you aren't learning while you're reading that book."

With a huff, you place the book into your bag, and direct your focus to the teacher. The rest of the class drags on and on and on. You pull out your notebook and repeatedly trace the rune that you saw, but after a few times it just becomes meaningless; Beyond that, you fear that you may be evoking some dark magic that you don't understand.

Finally, after a torturous 15 minutes of you _actually listening to the lecture_ you are freed from the class. Skye exits before you manage to pack your things-

-Which is fine by you... Considering you didn't intend to talk to her about anything. You proceed to your second class and recognize someone standing by the door.

"So, Rose, I heard that you gave my gal Skye the cold shoulder in first period. Mind if I take a shot at it?"

Ryan isn't exactly the guy that you would consider to be... well, overly interesting to talk to. Considering however, that he seems to be following up on what Skye said, it actually arrests your interest.

"Alright, I'll bite. What is your proposition?"

"Hey, hey, hey, I didn't say anything about proposition, that's both out of my view and not something I'd be interested in with you."

"Are you just going to ask me to sit with you all at lunch like she did? What gives you the idea you'll have a better chance than she did?"

"Nothing, I don't think I will. Honestly, I think I have a worse chance than she did. She's got a lot more in common with you, and she's a lot nicer and cooler than I am. All I've got is the fabulous ability to sit right next to you all class."

Oh goddesses, he _**does**_ sit right next to you in this class, doesn't he. You approach the door, walk in, and he follows you in, plopping down in the chair right next to you. You pull out the book, attempting to read-

"So, what exactly did she say to you?"

"She told me that she found out that she was a lesbian this past summer. I thought it was cute that she thought that some trite similarity between us like that would make us suddenly become friends after everything that's happened between us."

"Damn, she really just out and said that to you? That takes some guts."

"I'm not entirely sure why you think that's a brave thing to do, I wear my sexuality on my sleeve."

"Not everyone is as badass as you, lady Lalonde. Being queer in the middle of a small town like this? It's not exactly the easiest thing to come to terms with."

You... hadn't really thought about that. You've sort of always been willing to be open about your sexuality because it was your way of being rebellious. You could always stand up to anything that people threw at you.

"Do you not like feeling rebellious? That's the reason that I personally am so open about my sexuality. I like to stand up to the bigots and the assholes in the world that would try to tell me that I'm not allowed to exist."

He chuckles and looks over to you with a look that tells you a hundred different things, and you really can't tell which one he is intending right now.

"I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm barely in high school Lalonde, and if my parents found out about me... well, let's just say that they wouldn't exactly be the happiest with my 'life choices,' if you catch my drift."

"What would they do, kick you out, make you survive on your own?"

"Pretty much, as far as I can tell. They haven't threatened me with as much, but I'm not in the mood to risk it. Most of us have kind of went through that realization recently."

Recognition hits you in the gut: Ryan has had to do a lot of growing up in a really short period of time. Hell, even listening to the way that he speaks, you can tell it. It's not exactly subtle. The deeper, grating tone, the shakiness that you can see.

He's been... traumatized by this stuff, all while you've just been sitting around at home not doing anything.

Maybe you don't have any right to judge them. 

Maybe you should give them a chance?

"Hey, Lalonde, you okay there?"

"Oh? Yes, I'm alright. I was simply thinking about some... things. Let's go with things."

You hesitate before continuing, shooting a look over your shoulder, as if his parents could be there.

"Whatever sexuality, or gender, whatever blend of queer you are, Ryan, I'll support you. Skye was at least correct when she said there aren't very many of us around here. I was holding a grudge against her, and really all of the rest of you."

"Does that mean that you'll come to lunch with us?"

"... _why not_ "

He seems to relax a bit at that, as if he was actually put on a mission by Skye or something... which seems a bit intense for them. On the other hand, you wouldn't necessarily put it past them to _actually give each other missions_ , they have always been a pretty quirky group of people.

When the class finally finishes, the two of you split and you head to your third class. You don't share this class with anyone from that particular group, so you take the juncture to read further into the book.

  


"The reason I discuss the nature of the destruction of our universe here is as follows: it is said that one of the destroyers of our universe will read this very tome. I hope to fill it with as much useful knowledge as possible, as the despoiler of this universe will be the progenitor of a universe of much greater promise, and of near perfection, so say the old gods.

The old gods will, at a time in this young god's life, offer to her the opportunity to commune with members of universes which are foreign to her. She must take this opportunity with great heed, and gather as much knowledge from them as possible, both about their universes and about them as people. The fate of the whole of existence will rely upon the knowledge that she gathers.

Further, this same god will have the opportunity to commune directly with the old gods themselves. They will contact her in a time of great need, and she must take this opportunity to gather great power which she can later use to open the path forward for her associates. If you believe that you are her, hear these words and take them unto yourself."

  


The unsettling nature of the words sinking into you, you flip back to the rune only a page earlier. Staring at it for a moment, you start to recognize a few things. To begin with, the rune represents a birth chart of some sort, though its origin and designation is foreign to you, it clearly demarcates positions of various bodies in their orbits. 

You jot it down again, and consider pulling up a birth chart to attempt to decode what date it would be.

Then, upon glancing at the chart for longer, you notice something strange about the chart: there is a small dot, next to one of the bodies. It has a string of characters next to it, designating it, and it seems to align with the third body away from the center.

You jot down a note about it, and proceed further.

  


"Taxonomy 413: The Origin of All

Delving into the eldritch and unknowable cannot begin anywhere but the origin of all things. While this is a truly unknowable thing to those of us not blessed to be a member of the deified castes which will one day beget the cessation of our universe, a peek into this origin may be obtained in one of the ancient texts of Aayox-Vyyly:

'such is the passage of destruction; a holy mortar, a sacred flicker. The searing of the eyes: prerequisite to knowledge. Whereas to thus one is blind, furthermore they will see all. The truly nameless brings enlightenment; those who have partaken the sacred rite are worthy. Only they ascend.'

This elucidates that there is some sacred rite that must be partaken by presumably those who are bound to the ranks of the deific. This rite results in the blinding of the individual, but only in the literal sense, and appears to allow for greater sight in things unknown. This also appears to imply that the witnessing of the destruction of one universe is necessary to pass into this further realm, which is unknown to the author. It should be noted that this last statement should be taken as speculation on the author's part, due to the-"

  


You lay the book down on the desk in front of you. You're not fully sure what all of that meant. You _**are**_ going to have to go over this section again, but from what you _did_ understand... If you wanted to see what is beyond the universe, you would need to be blinded in a ritual, and also be a member of some specific caste chosen for the role of becoming a god?

Okay, that all sounds like a lot. Considering your goal was to figure out what was unlocking the boundaries between your and your friends' universes, though, that's entirely what you should have assumed.

Perhaps you should put this book away for a time when you have more of an ability to focus on the subject matter at hand and cross-reference it against materials that would help you decipher what exactly it means...

You dog ear your current page and place it in your bag, retrieving out instead one of the more... academic books that you have.

Specifically, a book by one "Amia Tawfeek" on the concepts of gender and sexuality, and their intersection with the oppression faced under modern day society. It was one that you picked up specifically to aid in your discussions with John, since he seems to be gaining some interest in the topic of gender, sexuality, and even, strangely, feminism. 

Where he managed to get those interests from is a mystery to you, but you aren't interested in looking a gift horse in the mouse considering it's effect on your mental health recently. His questions are less grating, less openly attacking, and more actual considerations and questions.

You'll have to thank whoever got him to start thinking, if you get the opportunity.

A short while after you begin your perusal of the introduction of that book, you find that the period has ended, and you are required to proceed to lunch. Where your obligation to Ryan will come to pass, and you will find out whether such dedication to the cause was unwarranted. You start to feel somewhat anxious about the meeting.

As you finish packing up things, however, someone that you don't recognize comes up to you. Their shoulder-length blonde hair blocks out the light and you glare at them for a second. A step out of the way, and a sheepish look as a response, before they start to talk.

"Hey Rose."

How do they...

Something clicks in your mind

"Oh my... You certainly have changed a lot in the last year. For the better, I surely hope?"

You run your eyes up and down their now much more feminine presentation. Their hair is honestly quite cute, and they have makeup on, which looks like it was put on in a few minutes. Their clothes look cheap, and fairly wrinkled. It doesn't take away from her look, really, but it's strange.

"Definitely for the better! I'm glad to hear that you're going to be sitting with us for lunch. I was hoping you would, you're kind of the expert on queer stuff so I... kind of thought you might be able to help me. Then, when in the middle of class, you pulled out that book on gender and sexuality, I was sure I was right."

"So, uh,-"

"Oh! I completely forgot to introduce myself, ha! I'm Gail, and I use she/her pronouns."

She honestly projects a lot of confidence when she's talking about herself and using her name that you're a bit jealous. You grab up your bag and lift off your seat, turning towards her.

"Shall we?"

"Haha, you sound so regal"

She smiles at you, something that you actually can't remember her ever doing before. It's remarkable how just... happier she seems right now.

"So, if it's not rude of me to ask, when did you figure all of this stuff out?"

"Actually, just a bit _before_ that whole thing went down with Skye and you earlier this year. Ryan came out, which I think she alluded to, and we all had a big shock go through our systems because he was sort of _the prototypical masculine dude_. As it turns out though, trying to hide it is a very real thing. Him coming out wasn't exactly the thing that made me realize, though. I think I was the only one that knew **before** he did."

"I assume you took that opportunity to come out right after he did, yes?"

"Haha, no, not a chance. It took me a good month and a half to work up to telling a single one of them, and I told _Tori_ of all people first. She's the only one of us who is actually straight. Not that she was unsupportive, but I probably should have went with one of the others."

She pauses in her train of thought as you make it to the cafeteria. 

"So, do you buy lunch, or did you pack something?"

"I buy. Don't ask why, it's not exactly your business."

"Sorry. I... I wasn't going to ask why."

The two of you file over to the line and are greeted there by Skye, who seemingly came out of nowhere.

"Rose! I was really glad to hear that you were going to be sitting with us. I see G already started talking to you?"

"Skye, I already told her my name."

"Alright. Isn't it so cute??"

You give her a sideways glance. She isn't the first person you would expect to constantly be complementing her friends. It surprises you that she's even so nice as she is. She was the orchestrator of many of the awful things that they used to do to you.

"It's a very cute name, Gail. I'm glad that you found something that fits you."

A faint blush appears on her lightly tawny face.

"Oh gosh, thanks Rose."

...  
...  
...

"Alright, awkward pause over, so, Rose, Gail has a bunch of questions for you, and I'm sure the rest of us do too, but let's focus on getting our food first."

"That sounds completely acceptable to me."

"I'm really good with that, I didn't manage to sneak any breakfast this morning"

She leans against the wall as she says this. Now that she mentions it, you can see the famished look on her.

"An odd question Gail, but, did you happen to do your makeup here today?"

The shock of the question is enough to make her fall to the floor.

"Oh no! Is it that bad?"

"It's not that it's bad, but I was going to offer to help you, since I usually get here early in the morning."

Her face lights up like a bulb, obviously not having expected the offer from you, but happy nonetheless for it.

"Gosh yes, I hide all of my makeup here in my locker, with most of my feminine clothes. My uncle wouldn't have any of this stuff at home, he'd probably kill me."

"I can show you how to apply it quickly, and get it looking very cute. Not that you don't already."

Her blush grows rapidly and you can't help but giggle a bit at how flustered she's getting at being simply complemented.

"God, Rose, I didn't know that you could be so much fun. It usually takes me quite a bit of work to get her this flustered."

"What, has this been a challenge in your group, see who can get Gail flustered the quickest?"

"Not really, but it's fun to embarrass your friends, don't you know?"

"I guess I do"

You ponder on this point. Didn't you used to do that with John, and Dave? Less so with Jade, perhaps out of respect for her, or perhaps for some other reason, but those two boys were so much fun to get all messed up.

The three of you fall into a comfortable silence as you proceed through the line, Skye having helped Gail up from her collapsed position. When you have acquired your meals, you meander over to where the rest of the group is sitting. The first to greet you is Ryan.

"I see the posse of girls has finally arrived. Lot of fun you three were getting up to over there."

You shoot him an inquiring glance, prodding at what he was inquisiting of you.

"Oh, don't think anything of it. We were just getting to know each other."

" _Sure_. and I just want to 'get to know' Thom Michel every time I see him. You're a real flirt Lalonde."

"I didn't come here to get accused of flirting with girls, however cute they are, and however gay I may be. I thought you said all of you had changed?"

As you finsh this thought, you notice that, conspicuously absent from the group is Tori. Though you don't want to bring attention to it, a sideways glance confirms that she isn't in line either.

Strange.

"So, would you like to introduce your 'new selves' to the one and only Rose Lalonde, since you seem to think you've changed so much?"

Ryan falls a bit, chuckling, before catching himself, and righting himself in his seat.

"It's not like we're not the same dumbasses as before, Rose. I'm just gay as hell now. Ready to be a bit more open about it too."

Skye follows up on that, with a laugh of her own, elbowing Ryan from her seat next to him.

"Sure, just a bit more open. You _just_ implied that you'd love to snog one of the guys from the soccer team. You're way more open about it than when you made jokes about how weird gay people were."

"Little did I know I was surrounded by the biggest queers in all of Rainbow Falls."

You cringe at the use of "queers" by Ryan of all people. Considering what he used to be to you, it's a not-unwarranted reaction.

But... He's clearly different now. He has as much of a right to use that reclaimed slur as you do... doesn't he?

You use it for yourself. You're queer as hell, and you're proud of it.

"Hey, I guess I'm next up. I already told you I figured out that I was a lesbian this past summer, and honestly I'm the most out of all of us. My parents know, and while they're not... _**supportive per se**_ , they haven't kicked me out or anything. I really can't parse what their view of it is."

Another story of a queer person having a middling response from their parents when they come out. Unfortunately... That's something of a trend here. You nod along and when she's finished, you answer her.

"Sometimes, they won't say anything, but they _will_ actually be supportive. Hopefully that's the case for your guardians."

"Hopefully. I mean, they've never been too awful about stuff before, most of the reason that I was homophobic was because that's kind of how... well, the world taught me to be. It was dumb and I feel awful, especially because I hurt you three who might be the only other LGBT people in the city."

"Hopefully not. Who knows, perhaps the falls for which this city is named are secretly filled with some chemical which makes us all quite gay. Then we have a very nice time to look forward to."

"Don't you live right on top of those falls?"

This is the first time Gail has spoken up since you sat down, which surprises you, and your head reflexively tosses to the side, where she's sitting.

"Not the only of the falls, but yes, my mother apparently found it fitting that, given her proclivities, she should own a house at the top of one of the falls that are, as it happens, rainbow."

The silence that follows has a palpable awkwardness to it, and given that you've just brought up your mother's sexuality, it perhaps makes sense.

Gail speaks up first, perhaps out of some strange affinity, or some misguided confidence. She stutters a few times before finally getting out what she means to, and you feel for every moment of it.

"uh- W-w.. I-It must be nice to have a mom that's... well, like you?"

"Far from it. She hardly pays me any attention. Not that I have any reason to get into that with you all."

"sorry."

Her voice is quiet and far away, as if she's afraid that you're going to bite her. Maybe you would, if you had the right teeth for it.

You _don't_ talk about your relationship with your mother, not with these kind of people.

~~But you do with your _online friends?_~~

"Anyhow, I uhhh... Mostly told you about myself on the way over here. I knew just a bit before Ryan came out, and while my Uncle is definitely not okay with me being trans, or probably pan, I'm not going to let that stop me. It's my life, and I'm going to live it my way."

The pure confidence that she exudes when she says that overwhelms you. 

"I'm really quite proud of all of you, not that it's my place to be. You've grown quite a bit in the past year."

Indeed they have. It makes you think, and you keep thinking. Through the rest of the school day, and the rest of the day, and the rest of the night.

If they've managed to change so much in just a few months...

Why haven't your friends?

~~More worryingly, why haven't you?~~

  


* * *

  


Dave: Hang Around 

That's what you're currently doing. Well, to the best of your ability. You finished your morning training a bit ago, and the strifing was pretty hellish. While your past few weeks have been overall chill as the antarctic before all this global warming stuff started happening, you're starting to get on edge. It's been too long since something major has happened and you know that bro wouldn't just leave his business like this for so long.

Something's gotta be coming up soon. You've got that itch, that something in your brain that's ticking down to the moment that everything is going to explode and it's not making you any more comfortable with the fact that you're sitting here in the middle of the futon next to him, digging into his skills in a Tony Hawk Pro Skater.

"bro, what the hell are you doing?"

"What does it look like i'm doing? I'm being my regular badass self, of course."

"it looks like you're failing at trying to do a kickflip which is like, one of the easiest things to do in the game."

He glares over at you, the clear indicator that you've pushed that about as far as you can without him actually getting angry at you, and then just to make it clear, he follows up with:

"Do you want to go back up and strife again?"

You don't actually respond to that, just pull up your phone and click through some random feeds. You've been getting steady feedback on sweet bro and hella jeff, most of which is either praising it for it's "postmodern cred" or questioning whether you need mental help. 

Which is, of course, exactly the point. It's a dadaist piece about how the context of modern society and the interconnectedness of...

Nah, you can't even keep up the charade in your own head. You've got an artistic vision, but it definitely isn't some grand and marvelous thought out one that surpasses the boundaries of the... fourth, maybe fifth level of irony.

Damn, you almost sounded like Rose there for a second.

Fuck... Rose.

The sinking feeling in your chest indicates that you need to find a distraction, and quickly, so you switch over to the aggregator that bro set up for you, and tab through the news. The political situation locally has been picking up, with the mayor making an oath to take down the frankly unsettling graffiti (read: the stuff that your bro is responsible for) and persecute whoever is responsible for it. This response was prompted after another one showed up that showed, no joke, heads on stakes and a massive, very sexually drawn lady standing over them, with horns in the color of candy corn, and some strange proportions.

What the fuck is going on in his brain? He's... He's gay, right? 

You attention being brought back to him, you notice that he seems to have stopped playing the game, instead looking at his phone. You pretend to still be looking at your phone, while you try to tell who he's talking to, but it's no use.

You idly tab through your aggregator as he continues this, minutes passing until suddenly, he pulls his phone up to his face.

"Sorry Dana, I've gotta take this. Take over, will you?"

Fuck, this is definitely something serious then. He's going to be paying attention to your playing to make sure you aren't eavesdropping. 

Carefully, you think up a plan. There's a part of this area that you can mess around in without much thought to it. If you get over there quickly, you might be able to catch what he's talking about.

You book your way over there, executing a few tricks on the way just to make it look like you're playing the game legit. When you're over there you listen in.

"Come the fuck on, you told me it would be safe"

You kick your way down a ramp doing a 360 when you get to the other side. What would be safe?

"No way I'm going out there myself. If I have to, it's your fucking hide."

You miss the next trick, but only by a second, and you follow up with an ollie into a double kick-flip, so you're fairly certain that he didn't catch on. You don't catch any of what he says for the next couple minutes, however. The next thing you do catch makes your blood run cold.

"If he gets out, then we're going to have to take care of him. It's how it works."

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, shit. You pause the game, and as you walk by bro, you indicate with your head that you're heading to the toilet. He nods to you, and once you're out of auditory range, he keeps talking quietly.

Only once you get into the room do you start letting yourself panic a little. 

Ha. Hahaha. Fuck, is bro in on some kidnapping and murder scheme? Holy fuck, this might be worse than you thought. Do you need to get out of here?

No. He'd find you, you wouldn't even be safe. 

Other options:

  * Tail him, try to figure out what he's doing, and either join him or report it to the police
  * Stay here, act like nothing happened, and just keep doing what you've been doing. It's only a few more years until you can get out of this, right?



A few more years. Four more years. That's a long time to wait to be free of him. Even then, would you really be free?

As you're considering this, though, a third option pops into your head.

  * Alex. She must know something about this, about what he's doing.



If he's heading out, which, the way that conversation was going, you'd figure he was, you'll have some time to sneak out and go talk to her. It'd be worth it to get the background on him, and maybe figure out if there's any way for you to really escape.

You flush, though you didn't actually do anything, and wash up before leaving the restroom. Gotta keep up images. As you leave, he's still talking on the phone, so you keep up playing the game. You notice that they're trying to coordinate their location, but it's all in codes, talking about "Finch" this and "Red Swallow" that. Nothing that you can use. 

So, with your plan in mind, you just stop trying to listen in anyhow. When Bro comes back over and tells you that he's leaving, you act surprised, but you're not actually surprised. He can probably tell, but he usually leaves after getting called like this. You don't think you're suspicious.

When he's out the door, you wait the requisite 5 or so minutes that he'd wait for you to follow before you run into your room, grab your jacket off your desk from next to a bottle of apple juice and a few GameBro magazines, and you're out the door. You take the fire escape down, considering that he might be on the stairs waiting for you, and you're on the road before you can even have second thoughts about what you're doing.

The store is exactly where you remember (why the fuck would it have moved, Dave?), and you walk into the smell of must and old vinyl, exactly as you remember. You don't immediately spot Alex, but in the low light store, and with the pretty large number of people in there at the moment, that doesn't surprise you. You wander through the halls of wooden milk crates, picking at them each time you spot a genre or artist that tickles your fancy.

You've got a small variety at home, and more that Bro gifted to you once he noticed that you were pretty proficient at mixing and making music. The dulcet tones of your speakers didn't exactly stay trapped in the confines of your room, what with the plaster and probable asbestos that lines your paper thin walls.

Damn, you wish you had more privacy. Even here, in the middle of a musty, dim record shop, you feel more safe and private than you do in your own room. Most of your house is full of security cameras that Bro set up to "keep you safe," though each and every day you feel less and less sure that that was his actual intention with them, and that he wasn't just getting some sick enjoyment out of watching you struggle your way around the house.

Alternatively, that he wasn't selling the footage, what with his proclivities for... videography websites. Who knows what purposes someone might have for the footage, but... you don't want to.

That thought makes you shudder, and you put it out of your mind. You have enough to worry about without having to think about the fact that your own bro might be doing that.

You grab up a strange record, with a breathtaking record of a dragon on the front of it. Dragons are cool, but in the ironic, not at all nerdy way. If you distanced yourself from the nerdiness with a couple layers of irony, anything with dragons could be cool again. 

The name of the band was something like "Blood of the Black Queen" or something adequately silly, but you were mostly looking at the dead things that were surrounding the dragon, and thinking of what _must lie within this record_ to deserve such epic art.

It's only $3 so you slip it under your arm, hoping that it'll be worth your while. You finger through the records around it but nothing else catches your eye. So, you move on to the next line.

Funk Beats. Afro-Caribbean. Punk. Electronica. You swim through the ocean of years and years worth of music, much of which likely has never been touched and is just dying to be listened to and _understood_.

It's kind of tragic, when you think about it like that, so you do your best not to, and instead just think about what awesome music you can make with it. You grab an album with an abstract checkered pattern on it, from the funk section. Another from the punk section that hasn't ever been opened but is still only $1. There _**has**_ to be something worthwhile on there. 

By the time you have your stack of 10 or so records, you notice that it's just about dark, and Alex is the only one (other than your slick ass) left in the shop.

She obviously notices you glancing around, because she gestures you toward her.

"So, Strider. It is Strider still, right? He didn't change that too, right?"

"change his..-what?"

"Nothing, whatever. I figured you didn't _just_ come back for the records, though it looks like you've got a good stack of them. The way you've been ambling around occasionally glancing to see if I'm busy tells me you've got something else on your mind. You've got that in common with your 'Bro' at least. Don't have a poker face worth crap."

Your lips tighten up a bit, as you try to hide a scowl.

"nah, you just _**think**_ that i'm trying to hide my intentions but i really just have an bad poker face for ironic reasons attached to me wearing these sunglasses"

"Sure. Exactly like Dirk used to."

Damn. She knows all of your tricks. You should have guessed that someone so well versed in Bro-ology would be able to spot a bluff like that a mile away.

You pull back a bit on the theatrics and tell her straight up your intentions.

"okay so maybe that wasn't true to my reason for coming here today. sue me. i came here for the sweet records and to get a bit of information, if you would be kind as to dispense it. about bro, and his dealings"

You play up the "guy coming into the local saloon to get information from the barback", or maybe "the local dick coming out from the street to a shady business to get the information he needs" style just to make it extra clear that you're putting on the airs for her, since she called you out so hard. You imagine the color of the scene would go all sepia tinted if it could.

~~Local dick, why were they even called that?~~

She quirks her eyebrow, the tension building until it's palpable, and throws her eyes to every shadow in the place. Whatever secrets Bro is keeping, they're the kind that get people in trouble, at least from how this dame is acting.

~~Holy crap Dave, tone it down a notch, won't you?~~

"Let's deal with the records first, and then get on to whatever information you _**think**_ I can give you, which I'm not going to confirm or deny."

So you go about finalizing the purchasing of the records, and just so you can try to loosen her lips, you don't even haggle (very much) with her. 

Once you're done with the monetary dealings, she flips off the light in the front, locks up the door, and leads you to the back room. You half-expect to be surrounded by cigarette smoke and be ambushed by her thugs, but neither encounter waits for you when you pass through the pot-leaf patterned curtains.

You _are_ met by smoke, but it's only the type of smoke that you smell and see wafting out of the apartments lower in your building, and occasionally smell at your school. As much shit at Bro gets into, surprisingly he never has done any drugs, including something as basic as pot.

You're also met by two guys who you recognize from out in the shop proper. They're obviously the other workers, but when you get in there Alex kicks them out pretty quickly, and they grumblingly leave. She let's down her reddish-brown hair, it settling over her olive-toned skin. You're taking in a lot about her that you didn't before, including the fact that she has a massive scar from her left jowl to her right clavicle, straight down her neck.

You don't know how you missed that last time. It looks pretty brutal, and you almost want to ask about it.

You _**don't**_ ask about it.

She still can't be more than 32, and that's still probably stretching it, given that she knew bro when he was younger. 

"How much do you already know?"

Her voice startles you out of looking at her. (Why were you looking at her for so long. That's kind of creepy dude.) It takes you a second before you manage to compose yourself enough to respond.

"mostly just that he's kind of a weird dude that's responsible for all the weird graffiti around town and some destiny that i'm going to fulfill. and that he runs some illegal shit or maybe illegal shit that sounds dangerous to me and i definitely don't want to be involved in and i'm kind of scared for my own existence at this p-"

Before you know it she's next to you, putting a finger to your lips.

"Shush. You're going to be okay. That dude wouldn't let anything happen to you, as stupid as he can be on his own."

She pauses and looks around again before she continues. 

"I used to be his friend back in high school, back before... well, whatever, that's his business to tell you or not tell you. You're only interested in his business stuff, not whatever I can gossip about."

"you 'used to be his friend'?"

You question her. It sounds a lot like she isn't his friend anymore, and if that's the case how could she know so much about him?

"I was his friend up until, well, about 14 years ago?"

14 years ago... so about when you were born? That's a really strange coincidence.

"did he only start to get freaky and weird when I was born?"

"When you were born? Nah, if you were born around that same time, it was probably a coincidence, though I wouldn't put it past him to believe some ridiculous garbage about it being related to what happened back then. Nah, 14 years ago, a number of meteors fell all around the US. He was super interested in them, especially since one of them fell right smack next to his foster home. That was our senior year in high school. He met up with a few of the other people that had meteors fall nearby."

Another pause.

"Now, he was never like, _not_ good at science or anything, he was a tech wizard that surpassed pretty much anyone else, and he tested out of most of the high school level science classes right away. He had never much cared about astronomy though. His sudden fascination with it was completely beyond me. No idea what came over him. He was like a man fucking possessed. Broke up with his at the time boyfriend, traveled all over the country, tried to figure out where they were going to be landing. I just couldn't commit to that. I had college and all that stuff."

She shifts in her seat and you unconsciously follow the action, adjusting as well to focus more on what she has to say next.

"A few years later, he came back, and he was crazy different, talking about how he knew when the world was going to end, and he had to plan, and try to tell people, and he wanted to get me in on it. We had basically been best friends all through high school, so I wasn't surprised. We were the two queer people at our high school who were willing to be open about it. He was like a brother to me."

"come on, he's a complete ass, how could he be a brother to anyone?"

"You _**don't know him that well**_ , honestly, and you definitely don't know his past. He's not a good person now, but... **he used to be better.** "

Her eyes are getting shinier and... oh god. She's crying.

You've never really dealt with someone crying one-on-one before. Before you can even offer to help, she cuts you off and keeps going.

"Some people got to him, or he got paranoid and changed, or... fucking _**something happened to him.**_ Even just by looking in his eyes I could tell he was different. I asked him _why he wanted to tell people_ and you know what he said to me? He wanted to use the chaos to his advantage, take power for himself, and... I don't even know what his plan after that was. He just wanted power, and he didn't care who got hurt to get it."

"He had _**never been this person**_ during high school. We ran in a bit of a gang, and sure, we hurt some people, but... never like this. Never like he's doing now. His gang isn't big, but they run dark and dangerous operations to hit people in the city and try to destabilize things. He's got his websites which are a 100% legal cover operation. Nothing goes on there that isn't within the boundaries of the law. His gang, though, does all the dirty work of getting him into power."

She's sitting in front of you. 

You couldn't have expected this when you came here. 

She's shattered in front of you.

She's been holding this in for a long time.

How... You can't take this.

You run out the door of the back room and crumple against the racks of records.

It's several minutes before you hear her follow you out. You're not crying. You're breathing like you should be, but no tears are coming, and you can't really feel whether you're sad, or whether you're just terrified, or if you even have any emotions at all.

"Hey. I never even got your name, I don't think."

"dave"

You say it without thinking, and curse yourself as you do. She didn't know that you were trans otherwise. You could have just kept that a secret and it wouldn't have had any way of getting to Bro.

"You _are_ like him. Not the new him, the old him. The nice him, the younger him that cares about people. I hope you keep that."

You see your records put by your side, and she follows them, sitting on the opposite side.

"There's cameras out here. Thought you should know that."

"okay?"

"Alright. Please try to get him back, his old self. I'm a lost cause on that front, but maybe you have a chance."

The thought of you being able to _change_ him at all fills you with a feeling of disgust. **_You_**? Not a chance in the world. He doesn't respect you, he doesn't even think about you except to tell you what to do and beat you up when you do things wrong and to catch you when you fuck up, which then usually follows up with a beating.

"who were the other people that were looking for the meteors?"

It's a strange question, but it's the only one that doesn't directly revolve around Bro being a murderer and horrible person in general.

"I don't remember their names exactly. Just that they ended up forming some company... I think the name was Skaianet. You can probably look them up."

You tuck that in your brain pocket, hoping it'll give you some information that you can follow up on.

The records fall into the groove in your elbow, and you give her one last glance, sobbing as she is on the floor. The lights outside silhouette her so the only thing you can see is the reflection in her tears.

"i'll do what i can. to get him to be a good person again."

"Thank you, Dave."

You turn and walk out of the store.

The moonlight is dim.

  


* * *

  


Jade: Behold the Majesty of the Golden City

You _do_ have to admit it's pretty majestic, but you've been here a lot. Pretty much every time you fall asleep since you first woke up here, which is a lot. The fascination with just how gold everything is, how remarkably clean and pristine the environment of the city is compared to your island wore off a couple years ago. No, you mostly use Prospit as an escape and a way to keep track of your friends even when you can't talk to them directly. 

You've been doing that a lot since John and Rose blew up. It's been so long ago now, it almost feels like nothing is going to get better. Nevertheless, you've been trying to hold out hope, and you've been spending time talking to your new friends, who hopefully can help bring you all together again.

You're sitting on the edge of a walkway in the upper ward of Prospit, surrounded by the bustle of the carapacians who are trying very hard to not act stunned by the presence of their witch among them. It's not everyday that your savior walks among you... well, except that you pretty much do walk here every day. The fact that they remain so taken aback by the fact that you _enjoy being around them_ would be humbling if it weren't still kind of... off-putting.

Like, take the three that you invited to sit with you, for instance. They haven't even said anything to you this entire time. You've been sitting here for gods know how long and all you've done so far is rant about everything that's been going on to some very intimidated looking carapacian.. uh. Honestly you're not sure of the genders of these particular carapacians. Do pawns have genders?

You've never contemplated the logistics of carapacian society. Other than the fact that they have a king and queen, and seem to be organized based off the general idea of chess, you haven't been able to figure out any other distinguishing elements. There have definitely been carapacians that, to your eyes, _**look**_ more feminine or more masculine, but does that _**really imply the same thing**_ to them?

It kind of seems unlikely to you. Then again, from what you've gotten from Nepeta, and the little time you talked to Feferi, the ideas of gender on Alternia are actually pretty similar to Earth. It strikes you as a little strange, that "what is feminine" and "what is masculine" would be universal like that. Maybe... maybe you're just overthinking it?

It makes more sense that it's just the closest word that could be used. Yeah! Since you're translating between languages, obviously the actual concept might not be the same. Something might be lost in translation there.

You peer back at the carapacians next to you. They're looking at you expectantly, waiting for you to resume talking. You really went on a tangent in your own mind there, didn't you. Dang, you should probably get on that.

"So uhh, sorry for just endlessly talking at you three. You seem like nice peo- uhh, carapacians. Everything for the past year has just been... so much! Too much! How is someone supposed to deal with this much? Even before Dave came out, which wow in retrospect maybe I shouldn't be telling you but I think I can trust you to not tell anyone right? Anyway, even before dave came out it was all just so much! realizing what my grandpa did, and the weird sleeping habits I've always had, and... uuuugghhhh!!! I just wish I could fix everything so I could have my friends again and everything would be good and happy!"

They stare at you, transfixed by the intensity of your emotions. That was probably a bit much.

"Okay, I'm going to... go now. Thank you for listening to me!"

You shoot them your best smile, which unfortunately, at the moment, isn't a very good smile. Comes with the territory of being caught up with thoughts of everything bad that's happened for a while. 

You should try thinking about the good things. Like meeting Roxy! and Nepeta! ~~and Feferi! for a time.~~ There you go again thinking about bad stuff.

You fly back up towards your tower and sit down on the windowsill, looking out towards Skaia. It's such a beautiful place in here. Sometimes it makes you wish you could just bring everyone in with you right now, so that all the worldly problems would be gone and you could just try to figure out your social stuff.

You know that's a fantasy though. _**Nobody**_ has the power to do things that great, to teleport people between the worlds, to start things early. Even if they did, you don't really know if you'd want them to.

It might just make things harder between your friends.

So, you hop up and lay down in your bed.

  


* * *

  


When you wake back up on Earth, you feel a slight headache, and the world outside is grey and gloomy. It feels about the right temperature for a storm to roll in, so you close the metal shutters on your window, listening to the sound of the pinging metal from outside. If the wind is that strong already, it's going to be a pretty significant storm, you think.

You go over to your pile of plushes and lay down, looking around your room. You should draw more of your anthropomorphic animal art. It's really cute, and it makes you happy to look at. Same with these plushes. Grandpa got you most of them before he... Well, nowadays, since you have to rely less and less on the plane shipments, you can't really get as many plushes in them. You tried to grow your own cotton at one point, but you didn't get nearly enough to make a sock, let alone an entire plush, and the process of actually **_getting the cotton ready_** was a complete nightmare.

Even with the help of the internet.

So, while you have a massive amount of thread and cloth, you just don't have the raw material for stuffing plushes. Though, you do have _some cotton fluff_ left over from when you tried to do it. Maybe some day you can try again. 

It's about now that you realize that the "metal pinging" that you were hearing isn't the metal shutters, but instead your lunchtop informing you of messages coming in.

You feel kind of silly for mistaking the two. You trot over to where you set your lunchtop, on your workbench by your somewhat functional nuclear-powered heating and cooling apparatuses are (you really need to think up better names for them) and flip it open. The first thing you notice is the two open windows, one belonging to Roxy and the other to Nepeta. Nepeta's has more messages, so you open it first. 

  


  
arsenicCatnip [AC] started pestering gardenGnostic [GG]  


  
AC: :33 < hi jade!  
AC: :33 < i thought i should message mew to let mew kmeow that i won't be available fur a while  
AC: :33 < equihiss asked me to stay at his house while some stuff is happening here and i wont be able to talk to mew until i get there  
AC: :33 < i hope mew're doing okay!  
AC: :33 < i'll message mew when i get there :pp

  
arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]  


  


Dang. it seems like she's already gone. You'll have to wait to talk to her. Instead, you grab up your lunchtop, lugging it and yourself to the pile where you seemingly always plop yourself down, and do just that. Roxy's window awaits.

  


  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] started pestering gardenGnostic [GG]  


TG: heeeeeeeeyyyyy jadey  
GG: hi roxy :)  
GG: how are you?  
TG: haehahehahheha im realllfey durnk and jutst  
TG: tnkhjin but how col u r  
TG: n hoe muhc i wihs i ucodl be evn rmetly s rad as u  
TG: leik u kno hiw to hutn n gruw ofod n stuff  
TG: n  
TG: how to b a gilr rihgt  
TG: wer in basicly teh saem sitch  
TG: butt ur so grilly n i hav too put so muh eforrt in  
TG: what m i doling wrng?  


  


Oh boy, when you opened up the message from her you _**were not expecting this**_. You take a second to collect your thoughts, and think of what you can even say to try to help her.

~~and to make sure you've deciphered what she's saying, which appears to be praising you about how "cool" and "rad" you are, and how good at being a girl you are.~~

This appears to have been a bad idea though, since she fills that void with more messages, leaving you only further behind.

  


  
TG: o ghos i prbos juts inmitidade teh hecc out ov u  
TG: i didn meen tha stuf  
TG: oka i maen i didnt not mesn it tho  
TG: i men u r badiaclly fem perf  
TG: evan bing widly liek u r ur tsil so feminen  
TG: n i em jus not st all  
TG: hoe di u do ir?  


  


Do it? Be feminine?

What the hell is she even talking about. You're "feminine" because you were born a girl, that's about the only reason that you can think of for you being that way. 

And... well, when you were _really_ young, grandpa taught you how to "act like a woman" by playing with his stuffed dolls. That was a weird time, seeing an old man walk around stuffed dolls in an attempt to emulate femininity. 

Later on, after you... lost him, you mostly took the examples from the blue ladies, making up your hair like they had theirs.

It never really worked out, and eventually you gave up on it.

You haven't really put any effort into being one way or another for a really long time, honestly. Not that you don't have preferences, but you never really got the hang of being "womanly."

An idle glance back at your screen scares you back to paying attention to Roxy, her spiral having increased in intensity since you looked away. You need to try to help her _**imminently**_.

  


  
TG: ug im sroryy jaed u shodlny haev to deal with me  
TG: ill goit  
TG: tslk to u wehn i m les dpresed l m a oooooooooooooooooo

  


She cut off there, only a few seconds ago. Hopefully you can catch her attention still.

  


  
GG: no! roxy, don't go!  
GG: i don't have a problem with you at all  
GG: you can talk to me about anything you want  
GG: i was just thinking  
GG: i'm sorry  
GG: i'm the one who was being bad here  
GG: you were asking for support and i wasn't giving it to you  
GG: that's not okay :(  
GG: i was thinking about what you were saying  
GG: do you really think i'm feminine?  
TG: evn wit all teh cray nredy shit u do yeh  
TG: u juts onw it al cuetsy and yte ur condifent  
TG: i ant eiter of thsoe tings  
GG: wait, hold on  
GG: being feminine isn't just about being cutesy  
TG: duuuurrrrr u gotta be codfinent twoo  
TG: bam! femm  
GG: roxy! no  
GG: that's not what it means to be feminine  
GG: and gosh that's such an old sexist stereotype i feel like i'm talking to my grandpa right now  
TG: o  
TG: sory :c  
TG: thas whzt i gut frm the mdeia i heave  
GG: what type of media are you even watching? or... reading? consuming?  
GG: whatever the active verb is for the type of media, what type of it are you doing?  
TG: prety dece bit of tv  
TG: lost of boks  
TG: motsly of the wiwzard vaeriety  
TG: i gess i geet a lit of it from janey  
TG: shes so cuet  
TG: jus liek u  
TG: at teh same tiem noboby mroe condident then janes  
TG: n than  
TG: mt mom  
TG: she wuz obvi amaezbals cuet  
TG: n confisent enogh to cahlleng the waetrbich hreselv  
GG: this is rose you're talking about?  
GG: i mean i don't want to question how well you know your mom but  
GG: rose in my universe is not the cutesy type  
GG: she revels in the dark and profane  
GG: she's basically the least classically "cutesy" of my friends honestly  
GG: but i'd never doubt that she's feminine  
GG: i feel like, and don't get me wrong here  
GG: you're just projecting your expectations for what being feminine should be onto her  
GG: i mean, you never actually met her  
GG: you just have stories  
GG: but because she's your ideal for what being feminine is  
GG: you just take it as given that she'd be that  
TG: rip  
TG: i cnat say ur worng  
TG: wsih i culdv met her tho  
TG: thn id be suer  
GG: roxy  
GG: couldn't you literally  
GG: do that?  
GG: you have rose's pesterchum  
GG: i know it wouldn't be the same but... maybe it'd be close   


  


There's a solid ten second gap in the conversation. Your mind fills it with musing about how that conversation would go. _Especially with Roxy drunk._

Before you know it though, she's back.

  


  
TG: hses nt on  
TG: :c  
GG: roxy  
GG: what time is it for you right now?  
TG: idk  
TG: it  
TG: is dakr tho  
GG: okay  
GG: you know you don't have to talk to her right now, right?  
TG: i  
TG: fien  
TG: u watn me too slep  
GG: yes  
GG: roxy  
GG: i would like you to slep  
GG: please  
TG: aihgt  
TG: jus  
TG: don  
TG: tell aynome abot htis  
TG: an renind me  
TG: to takl to roes tomorrow  
GG: i will roxy  
GG: now get some good slep :)  
  


  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]  


  


Roxy gone, you toss your lunchtop off to the side, slump forward, and do a sick _**youth roll**_ to get to your feet. The windows, their rumbling having calmed, call for you. You unlatch the shutters behind your headboard, peering out at the open ocean.

The wind causes a surge of waves, crashing against the craggy shores adjacent your house. 

An echo of days past flits by, memories of when you were younger surfacing. Your conversation stirred something within you.

You hope Roxy will be okay.

Your mind is restless, repeating what she said. _Are_ you really that feminine? The silliness of the fact that you've considered societal gender constructs twice in a few hours hits you, considering you've never _**been in society**_.

Zap. The transportalizer activates, as you step on it, having mindlessly traversed the stairs, past the housing for your dreambot.

Without much further thought, you past the living room, or, as your grandpa would call it, the "grand foyer."

Why did he call everything such extravagant names?

You end up sitting on the stairs, at the door to the kitchen, watching the deep colors of the clouds swirl above you, hoping to glance the sky.

Why did her saying you were one of her best examples of being a girl right make you feel so weird?

Could...

It's been an hour before you realize it, the thoughts swirling as you sit and suppress the boiling sensation tearing you apart.

Could you really _**not be**_ a girl?

You were pretty sure, even when you were talking to Dave that you were a girl. Why did this suddenly come up now?

~~Did your recollection of your grandpa's attempts at being feminine make you realize how comparatively vapid your attempts were? That even with him being as he was, he could still be more feminine than you.~~

Maybe it was because, every time you were trying to think of counterexamples of what femininity _**could**_ be, you didn't think of yourself at all? You just went to books and theory and people that were _so different from you_ that it made you realize that **maybe you _aren't_**.

Maybe it's because even knowing that you might not be a girl, you so wholeheartedly reject the notion of being a guy, that you feel just empty without having _something_ to call yourself.

Maybe you just need to be a girl, for your own sake?

...

You fall asleep leaning against the door frame.

You awake in your bed, uncovered, but out of the downpour outside.

  


* * *

  


Dave: Bro Sweetly and Jeff Hellaly

Yeah, you're fuckin working on that, slapping down your notebook as you take respite in the abandoned corner of the lunch room at the piece of shit school that you attend. All fucking morning it's been "Dana this" and "Dana that" and "Dana why do you have a black eye" which you have to cover for Bro's stupid ass. Why the hell did he hit you that hard anyhow? You _only_ missed a block, and he hits you with Cal supported by the hilt of his sword?

You suppose you deserve it, you need to get better at blocking his strafed slices. As much as you don't believe in the crazy shit he's doing with his gang, you know the training is just to keep you prepared for anything bad that might happen to you.

It's why you've got your sword on you right now, in fact. School doesn't know it, and they won't know it, as long as everything goes peachy until you graduate. Or until this "destiny" that you've been told so much about (scratch that, you've been told dick and shit about it) comes to pass.

Until then, you're going to work on getting away with whatever small rebellions you can. Like the subtle shit you've been putting into SBaHJ. It's dumb, and really esoteric, but that's the only way you know Bro won't catch on and stick his sword somewhere painful.

Like, in this strip you've got a line about "dick searum" that's totally just testosterone but you'd have to be a wicked genius to get that.

Speaking of a wicked genius, the opposite of that is walking up to you right now. You throw him your most intense "get the fuck away from me" stare, but he doesn't seem to catch the meaning of it.

Wow you're just now getting the irony of naming one of characters in the conksuckiest piece of media ever the same as your bully. Damn, if Jeff knew about this he'd probably throw a fit. You bag your notebook, making sure to mix it in with your others so he doesn't know which one you were looking at, as he approaches the table.

"'sup babe, so I was thinking we should hang out tonight, see a movie, and then we can hang at my place. you know how it goes at my place"

He winks at you. He fucking winks at you and it curdles your god damned blood.

"first off douche mcfuckstick im not your 'babe' or anything close to that. second i think id prefer to never know how it goes at your place. probably a bunch of dudes blowing each other because they dont have the game to get with girls considering your track record."

He bristles at your (hilarious) accusation.

"like i'd ever do something gay! you're probably a fucking lesbian, that's why you're so hostile towards me. i wonder how your _**girlfriend**_ would like it if i broke your pretty face?"

He's moved, fully in your space and (probably in his mind, effectively) trying to cut off your escape. It hasn't really worked, of course, because Bro wouldn't leave you unable to fight off some brainless bully, but you're not itching to pull out your sword in the middle of the lunch room.

"step off jeff"

"or what, you gonna make me? i know you dress like a dyke, but i doubt that you're up to a fistfight"

You see your opening as he leans forward, intruding even more into your space. He's off balance, leaning more on his right foot so he can get as much into your business possible. You take that foot, and ram yours behind it.

He topples over. You flash-step out of the way, just in time to see him bash his face on the edge of the table, the bridge of his nose taking the brunt of the impact. 

The next moment, he's collapsed on the floor.

"damn jeff you should be more careful. next time you might end up with my fork in your forehead if you fall over like that again. then wed have to call you fork jeff or something like that. fork jeff almost sounds like a tv series for little kids. fork jeff and the spoon sisters theyd call it. anyway the point is you gotta watch yourself so you dont overbalance when youre _**trying to intimidate little fuckin helpless girls like myself**_ or you might end up falling over."

He glares up at you, the blood starting to seep out from the impact point (and his nostrils), but his only response is a groan.

You call out to a teacher, asking for help. 10 minutes later, he's off in the nurse's office, and they're none the wiser that he was sexually harassing you.

Your work is interrupted, though, and your brain is on too high alert to get back to it, so instead you retreat to the bathroom.

There's a single occupancy women's restroom on the third story of the building that almost nobody uses, and you can usually hide in for a while. It's also the cleanest by a long shot.

You plop your bag down on the floor, then do the same for your ass. 

Sleazeballs like Jeff really make you feel like shit. It makes you want to just come out and beat his ass, maybe use your sword and show him who is the better fighter.

And then get yourself thrown in juvie for a couple months or years. Yeah. Great idea Dave.

You snatch your phone out of your sylladex, opening up a chat with, who else but the only girl you _want to_ talk to right now, Jade.

  


  
turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering gardenGnostic [GG]  


  
TG: hey so jade  
TG: the jadester  
TG: jadealicious definition make them bois go loco  
TG: damn you probably don't even know that song  
TG: do you even listen to music  
GG: dave  
GG: you're ranting again  
GG: :)  
GG: something is on your mind  
TG: what?  
TG: definitely not  
TG: why would you say anything is ranting again  
TG: is on my  
TG: fuck  
TG: listen you can't just fucking do that to me jade  
TG: it's not cool  
TG: 0% ironic creed  
TG: you'd be sinking to the bottom of the irony ocean  
TG: would the irony ocean be ferric?  
TG: damn i'm getting too scientific for my own good  
TG: been spending too much time talking to you  
TG: should take an egbert binge  
GG: dave  
GG: seriously  
GG: shut up  
GG: and tell me what is going on  
GG: it's just about lunch time for you  
GG: so something must have happened for you to be talking to me and ranting at the speed of light  
GG: and if you don't tell me i'll subject you to the angry jade of a lifetime >:(  
TG: if you think angry jade is scary you should meet bro  
TG: no wait please don't meet bro  
GG: what  
GG: is  
GG: going  
GG: on  
TG: nothing much  
TG: chillin in a bathroom just hanging out  
TG: waiting for my pulse to go down below uhhh  
TG: wait what is a normal healthy pulse supposed to be?  
TG: aren't you supposed to have the panic attack during the time of extreme stress?  
GG: you're having a panic attack? :(  
GG: dave, take deep breaths  
GG: what happened  
TG: honestly nothing really  
TG: just tripped a douchebag  
TG: after he hit on me for the  
TG: idk  
TG: thousandth time  
TG: very satisfying to see him hit the table  
TG: didn't even get in trouble or anything  
TG: but he was all up in my crap like a baboon up in the hair of another baboon  
TG: like why do you have to pick bugs out of another dude's hair  
TG: that's a bit weird  
TG: then you eat them?  
TG: even weirder  
TG: point is its like a normal tuesday for me  
TG: except its not tuesday  
TG: its wednesday  
TG: not important  
TG: what is important is that i sit the fuck down like normal to avoid any retribution jeff and his douchebag friends might attempt and what do i get as a present  
TG: unceasing panic  
TG: nice to see you again it's been a while  
TG: how was your vacation?  
TG: oh it's only been 10 hours 13 minutes and 5 seconds?  
TG: not a lot of time for a vacation?  
TG: tough luck i need you pretty regularly here  
TG: we run a tight shift  
TG: ship?  
TG: fuck, how does that saying go  
GG: dave  
TG: i'm pretty sure it's ship but then that makes no sense  
TG: what does a tight ship have to do with... fucking anything?  
TG: oh boy that ship sure is tight  
GG: dave  
TG: is it referring to the ropes on the ship?  
TG: listen i need to get to the bottom of this analogy  
TG: for the sake of everyone who has ever had to hear some sleazy boss say it to them  
GG: dave!!!  
TG: oh crap yeah jade?  
GG: did he sexually harass you?  
GG: did he _**assault you?**_  
TG: no, i mean, not more than normal  
TG: but he did comment on my uhh  
TG: appearance a bit  
TG: and how much of a girl i was  
TG: and how i was probably a lesbian  
TG: he called me a dyke  
GG: dave  
GG: do you think that might have something to do with it?  
GG: he called you on something you're sensitive on  
GG: maybe you should... i don't know, take the rest of the day off?  
TG: nah bro would have my fuckin head  
TG: i mean he might not seem like it but he's pretty intense about making sure i get my education  
TG: it might have teachers that don't care if i get punched but  
TG: it's also got a pretty decent educational reputation at least for what's in the area  
TG: houston ain't the educational capital of the world  
TG: especially when you've gotta be able to board from the shady part of the town  
TG: nah  
TG: no way could i go home  
TG: fuck i mean  
TG: i just feel like i might  
TG: act like a guy  
TG: to like you and very occasionally rose nowadays  
TG: but nobody sees me as one  
TG: and i sure as fuck don't have any proof that i'm a guy  
TG: i could shout it to the fuckin heavens and most people would think i'm some  
TG: braindead lesbo that hates that she's a lesbian  
TG: so she's gotta go so far as to straight up change her whole body  
TG: or they'd think i'm lying  
TG: not even sure which would be worse at this point  
TG: not that there's anything wrong with being a lesbian  
TG: rose might be kind of a bitch because of what she did to me but she hasn't soured my opinion of the entire lesbian race  
GG: lesbian... race?  
GG: dave...  
TG: okay i'm just gonna own that one  
TG: sometimes things just slip out that don't make sense  
GG: whatever  
GG: dave you're a guy and it doesn't matter what anyone else says  
GG: if they say otherwise, i'll sic bec on them :)  
TG: while i appreciate the support of your dubiously extant teleporting dog  
TG: fuckin christ remind me to never say something like that again  
TG: sounds too much like rose  
TG: while i appreciate it  
TG: i wish there was something more i could do  
GG: get some clothes!  
GG: daaaaave!  
GG: it's perfect  
GG: you could get some guy clothes!  
GG: :)))  
TG: do you want the short or long version on why that's a terrible idea?  
TG: trick question they're both the same  
TG: bro would kick my fucking ass if he found guy clothes in my closet  
TG: best case is he figures out that i'm trans  
TG: worst case is he thinks i've somehow managed to sneak a guy into my room and have been fucking him  
TG: neither case is particularly fun as an idea  
GG: so hide them well!! >:l  
GG: dave if you keep letting your fear paralyze you then you'll never do anything to make yourself feel better  
GG: you'll just stay here sitting in depression-ville  
GG: population one sad trans dude  
GG: i know he's scary but it's not like he's got a literal knife to your throat  
  


  


Oh boy does she not know the half of it. You're half tempted to tell her that, in all reality, he more or less _**does**_ have a knife to your throat, or to be more accurate, a shitty sword to your throat.

But you know what? She might be underestimating things to a degree, but she's not really wrong. You _have_ been letting your fear rule you.

  


  
TG: aight  
TG: say that i do this  
TG: what exactly would be the plan  
TG: most concealable male clothing  
TG: we're gonna do a guy's clothes 'shopping run' fastest time any%  
TG: fuck jade i need to get you to play more games  
TG: you'd love speedrunning  
GG: i understood  
GG: maybe a quarter of what you just said :p  
GG: how about you go with some underwear?  
GG: it shouldn't be too conspicuous and if he does find it, you could always try to pass off that you decided to start wearing guys underwear because your girls stuff was uncomfortable  
GG: though, then comes the problem of why you'd hide it from him that you got it in the first place :l  
TG: cool  
TG: that sounds like a plan to me  
TG: i'll work on figuring out how and when to get them  


  


The two of you chat it up for a few more minutes, before you abruptly cut it off, realizing that it's a solid 10 minutes into your next class.

The heist is planned. Now, it's just left to execute.

  


* * *

  


It's been a few days since the initial plotting, and you've laid out where you're going to do the dirty work. There's a department store a few blocks from your apartment. Bro is going to be away this weekend, so it's the time to do it. 

Jade has helped you prep for it, though her "help" has been...

Unhelpful.

"dave, why wouldn't you try to find a binder while you're there?"

"okay so first off binders are like special products that you won't just find in a department store and second off it's better for me to take as little as possible. lower risk that way."

"ugh fine but i bet it would make you feel better"

She called you on pesterchum (which, after you freaking out that it might not be secure enough to discuss talking about _literal theft_ on, she informed you was initially made by her grandpa's company to be an end-to-end encrypted chat service?) a few minutes ago to finish up the planning. 

Also, you've since realized that she must be theoretically rolling in the dough, if only she could make her way off that island.

Maybe you can figure out where she is if you look up the makers of pesterchum?

That's a concern for later.

Right now, you have to worry about the girl talking your ear off worrying about you getting caught like this is the first time you've stolen something.

"jade i've literally done this to refill my stash every couple weeks for most of my life this is literally no big deal"

"isn't the security going to be different at a department store than a little market or whatever you were going to? i've never really been to either"

Wow her voice is so cute you're really struggling right now. She's just so innocent to the dastardly ways of modern society.

"i was at the corner store so yeah they don't have the scanners but the thing is the department store won't have them on the underwear either"

"what are you going to do if they do have them on the underwear?"

"i'll deal with that when i get to it. all you need to know is i have a plan for that contingency"

"dave"

You're really glad that you grabbed these earbuds so that you can listen to her while grabbing your gear.

"dave"

So glad that you might not be paying much attention to her right now.

"dave!"

"yo"

"glad to know you're not listening to me >:("

You can hear the angry face emote through her voice, it's so characteristic of the way that she says it when she types it.

"i've gotta get my stuff ready"

"fine! just make sure you're being safe about this!"

"i've covered every possible base already, don't worry about me"

"dave i'm worrying about you because you _know_ what could happen if you get caught"

She has a point, as much as you don't want to admit it. _At the same time_ though, you prepped for this for weeks.

The two of you keep bantering as you finish up inside, flinging the pack over your shoulder as you make haste out the door.

Bro left earlier, so you swing the latch down after you (you'll have to use your card to get in, but at least it's locked).

You use the elevator, to make it seem like you're just going on a regular stroll to the store. Jade keeps talking your ear off the whole time

It's honestly kind of calming, like her presence on the screen almost always is. She's so adorably naive, it makes you feel like everything is going to be alright, even when she's worrying her butt off.

Your skateboard cracks out as it impacts with the ground, the wheels roaring in their bearings. The ephemeral state you fall into when you're out on the asphalt.

Before you feel the time pass, you're outside the store, flipping your board into your sylladex.

"i'm here"

"alright, so, what's your strategy?"

"i'm gonna grab a couple packs of guys underwear and stuff them away and then buy a single pack of girls ones."

"wait, why would you buy anything?"

"listen if you buy something it makes you less suspicious especially if you give the cashier some good banter"

"wow that... actually makes a lot of sense :)"

And again, you can just _**hear**_ the smile emoji at the end of her sentence. 

The two of you agree that it would be better for you to _not_ have a voice in your ear as you do this, so you can better focus, so you head your way in without her.

The doors to the store open, and a rush of air hits you. The cool air is refreshing compared to the staggering Houston heat, marvelous though it can sometimes be.

In front of you is a fruitful cornucopia of clothes, a veritable oasis of ass coverings, a plethora of regalia.

Yeah but you're only here for one thing Dave, don't get distracted now.

You take that to heart and scan the scenery for anything that indicates panties or underwear or... damn. It's fucking labeled intimates. Of course it is.

You execute a casual jaunt, making your way (downtown) fucking no goddamn it brain no need to bring up catchy tunes while we're executing an important heist.

Anyway, the section in question is absolutely full to the brim of women's intimates, like, so full that it takes you a solid few minutes to find the men's section within it.

When you do, you come across your first problem.

The men's underwear have those magnet clip things on them. The security clip things. Whatever the hell they're called.

You came prepared for that, like you told Jade, though.

You did a bit of research, and found out that you can pretty easily disengage those with a magnet and a bit of force applied strategically. Trick is the magnet has to be pretty high powered.

 _ **Luckily**_ Bro just happened to have a few high powered magnets laying around from one of his projects. You swiped a small one and it's sitting in your bag, completely undetectable.

You've scoped out for any cameras, and position yourself so you know they can't see you, then flip out the magnet from the side pocket. You grab the first pack and press it up against it, then press the locks together. 

Click. Disengaged. You let the lock fall towards the back of the display, pulling a second pack out and applying the same technique. 

You stuff the first pack into your bag, and follow it up with the second pack.

  
  


As you lift the bag onto your shoulders and round the corner towards the women's section, you're suddenly ambushed.

"Is there anything I can help you with lady?"

You stutter and pale, adjusting a few seconds later and finally responding.

"I uhh need me some... well dang i don't really know how to"

"the women's underwear?"

Your face heats up in a blush, which you're not really sure why, considering that _is_ what you're looking for. 

She takes your non-answer for an answer.

"They're two aisles over, that way"

Her arm is thrust out to her left, so you proceed that way, your embarrassment building.

Your stop in the women's section is much quicker than in the men's section, grabbing a pack and heading towards the front.

The cashier is nice, and you chat him up in your typical cool way. It's all so fluid that you don't realize you're talking until he hits you with the difficult one.

"Is this gonna be all for you today?"

"yeah man just neede- uh... well i mean you know"

Fuck that was not nearly as smooth as you needed it to be is he going to figure out he's definitely going to figure it out god damn it you fucked it all up right at the end it's all over bro i-

"Aight it'll just be 10.03 for you then"

Whoa. Either he fell for your bashful... acting or he just chose to ignore it. 

"oh that's cool here let me just"

You grab your wallet out of the side pocket of your bag, careful no to ruffle anything that would be suspicious. 

You hand him the money.

He bags it for you.

You grab the bag.

Head towards the door.

"Ma'am!"

Fuck. Fuck.

"You didn't grab your change!"

Your heart restarts.

You grab your change and head for the door.

Freedom.

As you exit the building, you captchalogue the bag and pull out your phone. You need to tell Jade.

But even with that on your mind, you can't believe it.

You actually did it, you got them!

  


* * *

  


Rose: Obfuscate the Nature of Your Actions

Why would you ever need to do that? You're simply walking at a not-at-all accelerated pace to make sure you don't miss your transportation to school this morning. You _may_ have left your house slightly later than you meant to and now you _may_ be anticipating that you will be arriving at the bus post-departure, an unfortunate incident.

As you are walking, you can feel your phone vibrating up against your hip, indicating that someone is, with great vigor, attempting to contact you at the current moment. You brush this aside however, your focus on your goal stalwart and unceasing. You _**need**_ to make it to the stop before it leaves you.

The distance just to the "community center" where your evening classes take place is only half the distance between your house and your school, and it still usually takes you nearly an hour to make your way there. You don't even want to consider how late you would be if you managed to have to walk all the way to your school.

As you round the corner, the foliage obscuring the stop from view parting, you see the bus approaching. You break into a dead sprint, your pack vigorously shaking on your back as you attempt to repel the fate you quickly sense approaching.

The dirt comes up in clods, extricating them from their earthly prison as your hasty attack pulls you closer and closer to the pole where you are to be picked up, competing with a tons-heavy behemoth in front of you, closing the gap until finally.

You step onboard, ignoring the giggles and stares of your peers, their judgement null to you. You find a seat vacated of any others, sag yourself into it, dropping your bag next to you to signal your desire for continued isolation, and pull out your phone from your skirt pocket. 

Yes, your skirt has pockets. You're not some uncivilized lady that _**doesn't have skirts with pockets**_.

It was, unsurprisingly, a number of pesterchum notifications. The surprising part is who they came from.

Roxy? Though you don't deem the contact of your not-quite but sort-of daughter to be that strange, she hasn't been that active in speaking to you, at least since your initial conversation. You _do_ question why, whether it was something that you said then, or if it has to do with some expectation on her part that you failed to live up to.

~~You can't imagine that it it's something on _her_ end.~~

  


  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  


  
TG: heyss  
TG: roseiii  
TG: *roseiiiee  
TG: lmao lookit me messin up ur name  
TG: hey! how r u doin?  
TG: roooooooose  
TG: oh gsoh i didnt catch u at a bad tiem did i?  
TG: *gosh *time  
TG: fuckn  
TG: misspellings like a dope  
TG: im sory if i cauht u at a bad time  
TG: but i watned to make sur i did it like  
TG: befroe i forgot  
TG: *before *forgot  
TG: rose?  
TG: yo im jus gonna assume ths isnt god time  
TG: mesage me when u get htis  


  


She always manages to get a large number of messages in before you even have the _chance_ to message her back, and then assumes that you're ignoring her. Somewhat like Dave in that regard, and with her penchant for lacking proper punctuation.

You regard the messages for a second, considering why she might mean to contact you so expeditiously. Certainly, you _**have**_ more or less cut off all contact with her universe, so if something serious was going down you wouldn't have any other way of knowing.

Perhaps it's something that she desperately needs to talk to _**you**_ in particular about.

That thought fills you with hope, and a happiness that you haven't felt in a while.

  


  
TT: Hello there Roxy  
TT: I am actually not particularly occupied at the current moment, as much as my absence in the conversation previously may have made you assume  
TT: What was it that you needed from me?  
TG: hi!!  
TG: i was jus wantn to takl at u  
TG: abuot sum stuff  
TT: Okay, and what "stuff" was it that you were wanting to talk at me about?  
TT: I have plenty of time to kill  
TG: wellllllll  
TG: i was chatn with sombody yesterday  
TG: and  
TG: suffuse it to say  
TG: what do u think it maens to be like  
TG: a girl  
TG: fuck  
TG: *means  
TG: cant be messin up my spelin while askin u smthng this inportant  
TT: What... what do I think it means to be a girl?  
TT: Like, what it means to be feminine?  
TT: That's a hell of a heavy question for this early in the morning  
TT: I guess I think that, as long as you believe that you're a girl, a woman, feminine  
TT: You _are_  
TT: The concept is so ephemeral and defined arbitrarily along the lines of our different cultures  
TT: Femininity in many western, especially European cultures, is being chaste, obeying your husband and father  
TT: Personally, I say fuck that though  
TT: Other cultures view the role of women as being defined by their ability to reproduce, solely  
TT: Femininity, then, is a result of our bodies being viewed, and analogized as being, "meadows of fertility" and other such, in my opinion, frankly insulting and degrading language  
TT: There _**were**_ cultures that viewed femininity as being caring, able, smart, and capable leaders, however our current society fails to do so.  
TT: Roxy  
TT: I _**know**_ you still view me as your mother figure or something like that  
TT: You probably think that I should be the one giving you these important stories and lessons on what it means to be a woman  
TT: I  
TT: I don't have them for you  
TT: You need to figure out what, if _anything_ femininity means to you.  
TT: Culture doesn't even really exist to you, more than your exposure to past culture  
TT: You, _probably more than anyone else_ have the ability to truly choose for yourself what those stories mean for yourself, rather than feeling forced into a mold.  


  


Minutes pass. You don't really know what got you so philosophical right away in the morning. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that you _**feel**_ the responsibility in every word she says to you.

You're only 14 though, you really don't feel ready for this type of responsibility.

  


  
TG: so what do i do if i liek  
TG: dont  
TG: know how i relate to feminininity  
TG: fem  
TG: fuck it  
TG: u know what i meen  
TG: like maybs   
TG: its cool  
TG: but  
TG: maybe  
TG: feminisys  
TG: juts mihgt not be fir me?  
TT: You do know it doesn't have to be, right?  
TT: You could always be trans, maybe you feel closer to masculinity?  
TG: well  
TG: see thas the thnig  
TG: *thing  
TG: no  
TG: i dnt feel like im _more_ macsulin  
TG: *maclsuin  
TG: i don fuckn  
TG: know what i sm :<  
TT: Roxy, you don't have to know right now  
TT: You don't really have to know ever  
TT: You don't even _**have**_ to fall into any particular category  
TT: Like I said, you're in such a unique position compared to almost every person in all of history  
TT: You can be as free as you want  
TT: I don't think anyone is going to judge you about it, least of all me  


  


Again, several minutes pass, as the forests break into fields, and you approach your destination.

You're the one to break the silence this time.

  


  
TT: Who were you talking to yesterday, if I may be so bold as to ask?  
TG: uh  
TG: well u see  
TG: not sur if  
TG: ull liek it  
TG: btu it was jadey  
TT: Really?  
TT: I was actually almost entirely convinced that it would have been Jane...  


  


The silence is palpable.

  


  
TG: aigth  
TG: litsen  
TG: *fuckin whatevs u get me  
TG: im not gonna lectur u about  
TG: jade or whtever  
TG: but  
TG: what haps betweene u and janey?  
TG: that was mad uncool of u  
TG: this is me  
TG: satin this ful well knoin that  
TG: *saying  
TG: that u might block me for it  
TG: but janey has been woried about _**my**_ drunkin probebs   
TG: plents of times  
TG: *plenty  
TG: up rihgt in my face  
TG: n  
TG: i enver had the gall  
TG: to tel her to fck off  
TG: in as many wrods   
TG: *words  
TG: and i certantly didnt call her a hugde bitch  
TG: :l  
TG: i thikn u were being a bit  
TG: mean  


  


She's pinned you down pretty solidly, trapped you in a labyrinth of (poorly spelled) words. 

So, perhaps your acting towards Jane was unfair. You were drunk, being overzealous, and you've since held an unfair grudge against someone who in all reasonable perceptions, appears to be nothing more than a concerned friend.

You've _**sort of been there before**_.

~~One might even claim that you're currently still there, but that one _ **wouldn't be you**_.~~

  


  
TT: Alright.  
TT: You've got me there Roxy  
TT: I admit that my actions toward Jane that night were motivated by a drunken sense of spite  
TT: In retrospect I should honestly have unblocked an apologized a long time ago...  
TT: My pride was keeping me from understanding who was really in the wrong here  
TG: so youll apologize to her?  
TT: Yes, but I won't be able to until after classes today.  
TG: hel yes girl!  
TG: i pormis shes not too mad at u  
TT: I'll take your word for it.  
TT: In the meantime, I have arrived at my destination and will need to depart from this conversation.  
TT: Goodbye Roxy  
TT: I hope your worries leave you with briskness  
TG: n i hope u n janey get ur reconnoiterrn on  
TG: ttyl rose!  
  


  
tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]  


  


With that, you place your phone gently in your skirt pocket and retire from your seat, your destination: school.

  


* * *

  


The bell signifying the end of the day rings, your Thursday finally complete, and you abscond quickly from the premises, not even waiting to catch up with your newfound friends.

You will have quite enough of their attentions with both lunch _**and**_ your evening class today.

No, the singular concern on your mind at the moment is contacting one Jane Whatever-her-last-... wait, her last name is Crocker. You _do_ actually know her last name, she told you it because she had to have it changed when she was formally made the heiress to the Betty Crocker company.

Which still seems somewhat extreme to you, but hey, there's a lot of money in that gig, you're not going to question it.

As you hop onto the bus, slamming down in the same seat as the morning, you slip out your phone again, opening up Jane's chum handle.

The unblock option stares you in the face. _**Even if you unblock her right now**_ , there's nothing ensuring that she'll get to you right away. Perhaps it would be better to hold off?

No.

No, no, no, no, no, that's just your brain's way of keeping you from actually talking to her.

You hit the button, prompting the window to pop up

  


  
tentacleTherapist [TT] unblocked gutsyGumshoe [GG]  


  


Well... This is it. Whether she responds or not, this is your opportunity to really show her that you're repenting for everything that you said to her that night.

  


  
tentacleTherapist [TT] started pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]  


  
TT: Hello  
TT: Again  
TT: Um, wow, I am actually fairly unsure as to exactly how to start a chain of messages for exactly this purpose  
TT: I've only done so once before, and it was a fairly easy conversation  
TT: So, I guess, simply enough  
TT: I'm sorry Jane  
TT: I'm sorry for what I said to you the night that I blocked you  
TT: I was being unfair to you, and I lashed out in that anger.  
TT: I hope that you are doing okay, and I legitimately will accept _**whatever**_ harsh words you have for me  
TT: I feel that I probably deserve them  


  


Minutes tick on by, as the entire bus ride passes with no response.

You suppose this was something that you had anticipated, when you messaged her. Her life is incredibly busy, with all of the management tasks that she has to train for.

In fact, you fail to get a response until you are all the way on your way to your evening class. You're staring up at the stars, imagining what great beasts may lie beyond them and perhaps even beyond your universe itself, when you feel your phone once again make itself known in your skirt pocket.

You heft your book, the one which you have been reading in class, to your right hand, lifting your phone out with your left so that you can type adequately. 

  


  
gutsyGumshoe [GG] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  


  
GG: Oh gosh Rose! It is so good to hear from you once again.  
GG: When you blocked me those weeks ago I was genuinely afraid that you would never contact me again. :B  
GG: My silly head would not quiet down for quite some time.  
GG: As for telling you off for blocking me, I may just have to do a little of that!  
GG: You really should not have called me a bitch!  
GG: I understand that you were drunk but please Rose, you have to be nicer to your friends, especially when they are just trying to make sure you are alright.  
GG: As for blocking me, that was downright uncalled for, I did no real harm to you whatsoever! >:|  
GG: I certainly do not expect you to get down on your knees and beg for my forgiveness but i would like to hear you apologizing some.  
TT: Hm.  
TT: Alright, how about this  
TT: Dear, sweet, wonderful Jane!  
TT: Please, I beseech you!  
TT: In my ignorance I made a grave mistake and took it upon myself to enjoin our separation!  
TT: I now see what a horrid error I made, and implore you to forgive my humble earthly self!  
TT: Please, take pity on a pious soul such as myself!  
GG: You should know that sass and wit will get you everywhere with me. :B  
GG: Fine, I will forgive you Rose.  
GG: Only because I believe that behind your sarcastic apology lies a kernel of truth.  
TT: I'm glad that you're willing to  
TT: I _**am**_ genuinely repentant  
TT: I spoke with Roxy this morning and she managed to knock some sense into my dense head  
GG: They tend to do that, funnily enough. ;B  
GG: Oh darn!  
GG: Rose, I must apologize, the brief period that I had free today just got claimed by an emergency meeting.  
GG: I will have to delay our cheerful reunion to a later time.  
GG: I am really sorry!  
TT: Oh, it's entirely fine Jane  
TT: Give them your all for me  
GG: You know I always do! ;B

  
gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  


  


* * *

  


John: Convene for Flick Consumption

You're _**very much**_ looking forward to your movie night today, after all that this week put you through. Nina and Kate were being so weirdly aloof (though you guess Nina has been ever since that day a couple weeks ago, after school) and it disrupted all of your normal flow in your classes.

Yup, you're so ready to just settle down and watch the 2006 direct to TV classic _"Solar Attack"_. It's completely overlooked by the critics, but you know that it's a _**real**_ contender for best film of all time.

You and your dad have already finished cleaning up from dinner, the smell (and taste) of braised pork chops heavy on your senses. You settle into the couch, preparing for a night of action and cool guys doing cool things!

Your dad struts into the room, wiping his hands on the towel that you often find slung over his shoulder, the true sign of a baker at work (actually, now that you think about it, his apron would do the job just as well?). He tosses back into the kitchen, presumably onto the counter, settling down next to you on the couch.

"So, son, are you all prepared for the movie?"

"dad, what would i even need to prepare?"

"Well, have you washed up after dinner? You could change clothes if you want to, seeing as it's going to be late by the time the film is over."

Ugggggghhhhh, no! You _**just want to get the movie going!**_

"dad, i'm fine, let's just start the movie!"

He begrudgingly gives in to your (admittedly sort of childish) whining and sets the DVD up to play. The previews roll, and you're reminded of why you love this era of movies! The actors! The **_suspense_**!! It's just all so GOOD!!!

But, just as you're about to make it to the title screen, something peculiar happens.

BRRrrRRRrrRRrrrrRRZZZzzzZZZzzZzzZzzZZZTTtttTTTttTTtTtttTTTTT

Your dad pushes you to the ground, under the coffee table as the sound roars out throughout the house. The lights flicker and then go out, as does the TV. The sound shakes the entire house, but as quickly as it appears, its gone.

Now, earthquakes aren't the _least_ common thing in Washington, but they usually aren't strong enough to knock out power. Your dad tells you to stay under the table, while he goes to check what's up.

Well this is kind of lame. You pull out your phone to check if any of your friends are online. Maybe one of your school friends would have felt the effects of the earthquake too?

Strangely, however you notice an addition to your friends list that hadn't been there this morning. Even more oddly, their name is in the "trollSlum" portion of your chumRoll which... you didn't even know existed? Did it exist?

Their tag is completely unreadable. You check the rest of your friends, fearing that it might be a glitch, but everyone else's name seems perfectly fine. The only person who is online right now is Rose, so, instead of messaging the unknown stranger, you decide to talk to her.

  


  
ghostlyTrickster [GT] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]  


  
GT: hey, rose  
GT: have you ever had a weird name just sort of show up in your chumroll?  
GT: one that is, maybe, completely unreadable?  
GT: i'm asking this because  
TT: You're asking this because you heard a strange, loud noise, and, following that loud noise, you found that you had a new contact in your chumroll in a language that you couldn't decipher?

  
tentacleTherapist [TT] sent ghostlyTrickster [GT] the file "translator.zip"  


  
GT: i guess this isn't the first time this has happened?  
TT: Hardly.  
TT: In fact, I'm beginning to suspect that this is something of a trend among our friends.  
TT: Do not be surprised if it happens to you again.  
TT: Now, if you'll excuse me, I think it would be best if you spoke to that new "chum" of yours.  
TT: It tends to be the best thing to do at this moment.

  
tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]  


  


Wow, now **_Rose_** is acting cryptic and prophetic? Can't you at least have one friend that isn't spooky in some way?

Wait, what are you saying? Rose has **_always_** been spooky, she's just acting way too cryptic in the middle of probably the weirdest thing that's happened to you in years.

That's not anything _new_ per se, it's just Rose being herself.

You take the zip file that she sent you, and while you hope that it'll be really easy to figure out how to install, it takes you a good couple of minutes to get it. Once you do, you find that the handle for your newfound contact has been revealed.

The tag in question is a mouthful, and brings forth memories of Rose and her long rambles late at night.

  


governessContumacious

  


The green color also reminds you of Jade, which sends a pang of sadness through you. You... _really_ **_should_** talk to her soon, but it's just hard to know what to say sometimes.

Instead, you choose to open up a chat with this new, unknown person.

  


  
ghostlyTrickster [GT] started pestering governessContumacious [GC]  


  
GT: hi! i know you probably don't know me, and i don't really know you, so this is a weird introduction  
GT: but i think that somehow, our friends might know each other?  
GT: i don't like making a bad first impression to anyone that my friends might be friends with, so i wanted to give a big hello!  
GC: I must make it kno+wn that i truly have no+ idea what yo+u are talking abo+ut.  
GC: Yo+ur handle simply appeared o+n my tro+llSlum after a strange no+ise rang o+ut.  
GC: Quite anno+yingly I might add.  
GC: No+t that yo+ur handle is anno+ying o+r that yo+ur presence is in so+me way anno+ying but rather that I was no+t asked to+ make yo+ur acquaintance.  
GC: Is it fair o+f me to+ presume that yo+u are a blueblo+o+d co+nsidering yo+ur text co+lo+r?  
GC: Are yo+u perhaps instead a lo+wer blo+o+d simply cavo+rting aro+und wearing the co+lo+rs o+f the highblo+o+ds to+ feel better abo+ut themselves?  
GC: Either way I must insist that yo+u do+ no+t treat me with the same co+ntempt that mo+st o+f tho+se o+f yo+ur caste treat me.  
GC: I am **_no+t_** a harlo+t no+r am I a simple think panned lady fo+r yo+u to+ treat as yo+u do+ every o+ther o+f the "bro+o+d-mo+thers" yo+u likely enco+unter.  
GC: If yo+u think that I am willing to+ gro+vel at yo+ur nubs because I have a "go+ds assigned duty" to+ the empire I must ask yo+u to+ reco+nsider yo+urself.  
GC: I am no+t a slave to+ yo+ur system.  
GC: I am a free wo+man.  
GC: If this is so+me attempt by yo+ur system to+ bring me back into+ the fo+ld I wo+n't allo+w it  
GC: I have and will fight fo+r my freedo+m  
GC: What say yo+u Highblo+o+d?  


  


You're enamored by how strongly emotional this persons (meaningless) words feel. You almost believe that they're being serious, until you realize that this just **_has_** to be some big joke that Rose is pulling on you, somehow.

  
GT: wow! i really like how intensly you're playing your character!  
GT: but i'm not buying this for a minute! :b  
GT: rose put you up to this, right?  
GT: i can't believe her, she's trying to out-prank the prankster himself  
GT: i'm surprised she managed to turn off the power in my house though  
GT: that's an impressive touch  
GT: actually  
GT: wow, how did she manage to do that?  
GC: Yo+u do+ no+t believe me?  
GC: Are yo+u no+t so+me highblo+o+d ho+ping to+ sco+re me back into+ the Befo+ran empire o+ut o+f mistaken sense o+f duty?  
GT: i don't know what half of those things mean?  
GT: what is a highblood?  
GC: Are yo+u actually being serio+us at this mo+ment?  
GC: I will humo+r yo+u just in case yo+u _are_ being serio+us and are simply a very sheltered tro+ll.  
GC: Highblo+o+ds are co+nsidered to+ be anyo+ne with a hemo+chro+me between #006C82 and #77003c.  
GC: #77003c is the highest reco+rded hemo+chro+me o+n the hemo+spectrum.  
GC: The hemo+spectrum reco+rds the co+lo+r o+f o+ur blo+o+d in a scientifically precise way by using spectro+sco+py to+ detect the highest intensity co+lo+r in o+ur blo+o+d.  
GC: This also+ co+rrelates with the visible co+lo+r o+f o+ur blo+o+d since that wo+uld be the do+minant co+lo+r hemo+chro+me.  
GC: Any o+ther questio+ns yo+u po+tentially very sheltered tro+ll?  
GT: i  
GT: wait  
GT: you're saying you have colored blood?  
GT: like  
GT: other than just  
GT: red?  
GC: Ah so+ yo+u are a rustblo+o+d.  
GC: Are yo+u simply using the inverse o+f yo+ur hemo+chro+me?  
GC: No+ that wo+uld leave yo+u as a very o+ff-co+lo+r go+ld blo+o+d.  
GC: By what metric did yo+u cho+o+se yo+ur handle co+lo+r?  
GT: i don't know, i just like it  
GT: why did you choose yours?  
GC: It is my hemo+chro+me.  
GC: My blo+o+d co+lo+r.  
GC: I wear it with pride so+ that all that I speak to+ kno+w o+f my rebellio+n against my ro+le.  
GC: That I refuse to+ be a slave to+ the grub and the empire.  
GC: That no+ Jade sho+uld be fo+rced into+ that ro+le.  


  


Jade? Wait, is this actually Jade that's messing with you? You're so confused.

  


  
GT: jade? as in my friend jade?  
GT: i keep getting more and more confused  
GT: this prank isn't very fun :c  
GC: I assure yo+u this isn't a prank o+f any so+rt  
GC: I am a Jade blo+o+d.  
GC: I am no+t yo+ur friend.  
GC: We have established no+ rappo+rt that wo+uld imply as such.  
GC: What is yo+ur name?  
GT: me?  
GT: i'm john, though i'm sure you already know that  
GT: whoever it is :b  
GT: so what about you, "totally-not-one-of-my-friends-pranking-me"?  
GC: My name is Po+rrim.  
GC: I pro+mise yo+u it is a name yo+u will remember.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! Oh. My. God!!!!
> 
> I'm finally out of school (and less depressed), and moved into a new apartment (with a much more manageable space for me and my partners), and I should (wow no promises) be getting back on a more regular schedule of publishing. 
> 
> So! Expect fewer chapters like this one and more _**smaller**_ chapters (around 5000-8000 words) every couple of weeks, or maybe every week, if I can stretch it.
> 
> So again!
> 
> I'm back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Do I have too many exclamation points? Who cares? After two long months, I've finally published the next chapter. I really hope you all love it. At a whopping 21800 words (in my editing program at least), it's a fucking _giant_ of a chapter.
> 
> It also is the first chapter by the wonderful, the marvelous, the amazingly artistic Nat! You can find him over here, at his twitter [@thisisafiller27](https://twitter.com/thisisafiller27) where you can find his amazing art (He's been doing the art for this fic for free, which is incredibly nice of him)
> 
> I've been collaborating with him for a few months now to get several more pieces, but, since this is the first time we actually _see_ the kids, I also wanted to explicitly say the headcanons in terms of ethnicity that I'm going to go with for this fic (because I don't think I'm going to state them outright in the fic anywhere). 
> 
> So :p
> 
> June and Jade are Middle Eastern/Black mixed race  
> Rose and Dave are Southeast Asian/Latinix mixed race  
> Jake is Black, Jane is Middle Eastern  
> Roxy is Latinix, Dirk is Southeast Asian
> 
> The most that it will come up, I think, is in Dave's storyline?  
> In other news! As always, you can keep up to date with things that I'm working on at my twitter at [@FadingEchoes](https://twitter.com/FadingEchoes) and (less so) on my tumblr [unconventionalcat](https://unconventionalcat.tumblr.com/). I check both of them regularly for people who want to talk to me/send me critiques/art/whatever. I'm really a very chill person :3
> 
> Speaking of talking! Given the length that it took to update this, and the number of hits/subs this fic has, I am considering starting a discord server so that you can all keep up with my writing work (not just for this fic but in general too). I want to feel out the interest for that before I get it set up. Feel free to tell me what you think in the comments!
> 
> I'm really, really so happy to be able to publish this, I'm very happy with so much in this chapter, I only with I could have gotten it out sooner to you all.
> 
> To all of the new readers since I last left off! Welcome!! I hope you're enjoying the ride so far! I promise, there's plenty more to come! :p
> 
> To the returning readers and the subs I promise to never abandon this fic, I love it at least as much as so many of you seem to!!
> 
> <3 
> 
> Just, big ol <3 to all of you!
> 
> (Oh, and one last thing, for those of you who _write_ on here, I have a tutorial fic for some really cool formatting stuff that should be out within the next week, so look for that :p)
> 
> Edit: Whoa! Shortly after I posted this, the fic broke 1500 hits so that's pretty freaking cool!!!


	13. Exploration and Remediation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John has a long conversation with Porrim about the nature of life, gender, and everything.
> 
> Okay, realistically, it's mostly the first two.
> 
> Jade takes the time to hunt and contemplate, and then experiments. After her experimentation, her perception of her grandpa changes quite significantly.
> 
> We then, return to John, as a new student arrives at school: She's trans! She's proud of it! and she's got some stories to tell!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings:
> 
> First scene: Discussion of transphobia, implied abuse, extensive discussion of fetishization/objectification of women.
> 
> Second scene: Animal violence (for the purpose of hunting), life threatening situations.
> 
> Third scene: Mention of suicide, abandonment, implied child abuse, spiders.
> 
> Fourth scene: F-slur (used against a trans girl), John's vague transphobia

John: Relax

You kick off your shoes as you tromp through the door, letting the cool air of the house flush away the heat of the **riproaringly** sweltering August day. Whatever deity is responsible for making August, or maybe even just the concept of heat in general, needs to have a serious discussion with you.

Having successfully escaped the tyranny of "weather", you flop down on the couch, legs over the arm. You almost knock over your dad's lamp in the progress, but honestly, would it _really_ be that much of a tragedy if that harlequin-looking piece of crap fell down and broke?

You don't really think so.

Today was basically like any other day in the life of an angsty teen with too much time on his hands: you spent most of the school day contemplating what you were going to do after school, and now that you're actually here, you just want to lay down and not do anything. 

A buzzing in your pocket rouses you from the half-slumber that you fell into, the fugue having consumed a good 45 minutes of time. Shit! Your dad is going to get home soon.

You rush up to your room, hoping to avoid a direct confrontation at this moment. You "accidentally" broke one of his harlequin figurines the other day, and you're still waiting on the backlash for it. Oh, woe is you, having to hide in fear of your dad!

To be completely honest, he'd probably just make you go **_shopping_** with him, asking you for earnest opinions on which ones you want. He's so **_into_** those damn things, you just don't get it. He acts like you should obviously be too, it makes you feel like he's trying to brainwash you into liking them.

You'll never like a clown, as long as you live!

With that frankly asinine thought out of your head, you proceed to sit on your bed, against the wall, and pull out your phone, check what the notification you got earlier was.

It turns out to, unsurprisingly, be a message from Lucy. Your girlfriend (!). 

  


  
aetherialVirago [AV] started pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]  


  
AV: Sup nerd  
AV: How's it hangin?  
AV: oh my god don't tell me you're gonna fuckin ignore me?  
AV: Not cool home skillet  
GT: no!  
GT: i promise i wasn't ignoring you :B  
GT: i just had to get away from my **_dad_**  
GT: make sure i was in the safety of my room  
AV: So how are u doing?  
AV: Make it home safely and all that other "caring friend" jazz?  
AV: lmao, for real though, what's your dad got up his ass today?  
GT: he doesn't have anything "up his ass"  
GT: that's so gross!  
GT: but... well  
GT: i broke one of his figurines  
AV: Oh my god one of those weird ass clown ones?  
GT: "harlequin"  
GT: not that i care but if he ever hears you badmouthing them he might not even let you come over again  
GT: not even joking with that  
AV: so glad i don't have to deal with that shit  
AV: but i'll keep it in mind ;)  
AV: Augh, whatever, I didn't start chatting with my _boyfriend_ to talk about his dad's **_harlequin_** addiction, though  
GT: what _did_ you come to me to talk about then?  
AV: What was that shit between you and Nina today?  
GT: really? that's what you want to talk about?  
AV: well I didn't exactly get to hear it while it was happening  
GT: ugh  
GT: nina was getting on my case again about saying some "transphobic" stuff  
GT: i didn't mean to!  
GT: i really didn't!  
GT: i thought i had fixed myself from last time :c  
AV: Ah whatever, fuck her  
AV: you're doing fine, babe  


  


The rush of having someone call you **_babe_** hits your heart, trampling it in the process. The reality of having a girlfriend still hasn't quite registered to you. It's only been a few days, since your first date. It went really well, the two of you went out to a movie theater and talked over some dumb movie the whole time. 

Afterwards, she gave you a peck on the cheek, and you could have sworn your face caught on fire. You were surprised your dad didn't think something worse happened between the two of you.

  


  
AV: She's just too pretentious and stuck up for her own good  
GT: no!  
GT: you really shouldn't talk about her like that, lucy  
AV: It's not wrong though  
AV: she thinks she's so much better than everyone else  
AV: just because you're struggling with something doesn't make you worse  
GT: you're probably right  
AV: you've got a great head on those shoulders  
AV: yo, have you heard about this new kid who is supposedly gonna come to classes starting next monday?  
AV: she's apparently all the way from Michigan  
AV: wonder if she's gonna sound weird  
GT: oh, i mean, i have a friend from new york  
AV: j, new york is **_nowhere near_** michigan  
GT: really?  
GT: it's a lot closer than we are, right?  
AV: yeah, but it's a completely different region of the country  
AV: I thought you were supposed to be relatively good at geography  
GT: not really, i only know where my online friends live :B  
GT: and one of them doesn't even live in the US  
AV: The weird one that apparently only lives with her dog?  
AV: Which sounds extremely irresponsible on the side of her guardian, or parent or whatever  
AV: not that I'm one to judge, you know  
GT: i think it's more complicated  
GT: she mentions her grandpa?  
GT: but i think something happened to him.  
AV: Ugh.  
AV: I'll be back in a couple minutes.  
AV: Dad is being an ass again.  
AV: <3  
GT: Alright, talk to you in a bit <3  


  


You toss your phone to the side expecting to just relax. The crunch of gravel and pavement informs you that your Dad is now home, meaning that you are effectively quarantined to your room for the time being. Seeing as such, you decide to see what you can do to entertain yourself.

Your bookshelf has been stuffed with a bunch of comics that you loved, but it's been a while since you reached for this particular one. You remember when Problem Sleuth first started being put out, it was such a weird little comic that pretty much nobody knew about. Dan- Fuck, Dave- introduced you to it, having apparently found it through his aggregate feed. You fell in love with it immediately. 

You got the books when they were released, just in case it happened to go offline. It hasn't not yet at least, but sometimes it's nicer to read from a book than off the web. 

You only get a few pages in before you hear a notification from your computer. Hoping that it's Lucy, you hop up and rush over.

  


  
governessContumacious [GC] started trolling ghostlyTrickster [GT]  


  
GC: Go+o+d po+st-midnight to+ yo+u, Jo+hn.  
GC: I ho+pe this message finds yo+u well.  
GC: I assume that I have managed to+ catch yo+u after yo+ur scho+o+lfeeding fo+r the night, yes?  
GT: yeah, for the "night", though you got my hopes up  
GT: i thought that you were my girlfriend  
GC: I apo+lo+gize fo+r tricking yo+u into+ thinking I was yo+ur human partner.  
GC: Ho+wever, is it no+t unlike me to+ co+ntact yo+u at this time?  
GC: I was fairly certain that we had established a ro+utine, as it were.  
GT: no, we have, i was just........ already talking to her  
GT: she had to go because her dad was bugging her  
GC: I co+ntinue to+ make it clear that I am uncertain what that wo+rd that yo+u keep using is.  
GT: what, dad?  
GC: Yes, that o+ne.  
GC: In o+ur culture it references o+ur lusii, effectively o+ur caretakers.  
GT: that's more or less what they are in our culture too, miss "totally an alien"  
GC: But, then, why do+ yo+u no+t prefix the wo+rd with their species, to+ specify yo+ur partner's caretaker in particular.  
GC: That wo+uld seem, to+ me, the mo+st o+bvio+us thing to+ do+.  
GT: because saying humandad doesn't really help specify anything?  
GC: I apo+lo+gize but whatever that wo+rd yo+u just sent was, it did no+t seem to+ co+me thro+ugh pro+perly.  
GC: O+r, rather, it used a dialect I co+uldn't understand, and symbo+ls that were fo+reign to+ me.  
GT: you're going to honestly tell me that you don't know what a human is?  
GC: I do+ have to+ co+nfirm that yes, I have never seen that wo+rd befo+re in my life.  
GT: this act is getting ridiculous  
GT: i mean how much longer are you going to keep it up? :b  
GT: you may have fooled me for a little bit, but i know you're not an aliena  
GC: I assure yo+u, I am fo+reign eno+ugh at least to+ be unaware o+f what tho+se beings are.  
GC: Regardless, we have go+tten o+ff track.  
GC: I asked yo+u ho+w yo+ur night was go+ing.  
GC: I will again inquire as to+ this.  
GC: Ho+w is yo+ur night go+ing?  
GT: my _day_ is going well, honestly, though i got into an argument with one of my friends  
GT: i don't really get why you ask after it so often  
GC: I am simply trying to+ be a go+o+d friend.  
GC: It is my understanding that we are fated to+ be acquainted, o+r so+me similar no+nsense.  
GC: Tho+ugh I do+ find yo+u to+ be abrasive, if this is to+ be the case, I wo+uld rather appro+ach it with tact.  
GC: I'd **_suggest_** that yo+u do+ the same.  
GT: yeah, thanks for subtly insulting me  
GT: but alright, fine  
GC: I do+ have a questio+n fo+r yo+u.  
GC: Regarding ho+w many o+f yo+ur kind appear to+ have bo+th a female and a male caretaker.  
GC: Wo+uld yo+u be so+ kind as to+ explain to+ me why this is the case?  
GC: It seems so+ strange that, no+t o+nly wo+uld they be adults o+f yo+ur species, but two+ o+f them.  
GT: well, i personally only live with my dad  
GT: i don't know my mom and never really did  
GT: actually, none of my friends ever knew both of their parents  
GT: but........  
GT: oh my gosh no i'm not doing this!  
GT: i'm not explaining reproduction to someone over the internet!!

  
ghostlyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering governessContumacious [GC]  


  


Not a goddamn chance. You can't! Why would this "alien" even think that you're going to explain the birds and the bees to them.

This just solidifies in your mind that this has to be someone pranking you. There's no way that this person doesn't actually know why women and men are different. They just... they **_can't_**.

You hop down off your chair and try to find something to get your mind off of the conversation. "Porrim" is definitely still trying to get in contact with you, because your computer is blowing up like nobody's business, but you mute your speakers and ignore it.

You walk over to your box of magic stuff. You haven't replenished any of your supplies in a while, so you're missing smoke pellets, and it could really use a clean up, but you decide to just dig around and see what you grab.

A Jack-In-The-Box. God. Fucking. Damnit.

You don't even know why you still have this in here. Your dad got it for you because he thought it meshed your interests in magic and prankery with his interests in harlequins, or at least that's what you assume. 

You casually tuck it under your bed, to never be seen again.

(This action will have consequences)

As you do, you hear your phone buzzing, and tackle the bed to get it.

  


  
aetherialVirago [AV] started pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]  


  
AV: ughhh  
AV: well, I dealt with the situation  
AV: I've got another bruise to show for it but  
AV: that's what I get, isn't it  
GT: dang, lucy  
GT: is there anything i can do?  
AV: ah, don't worry about it  
AV: I've got this shit handled  
AV: anyway, I got him back good  
AV: so, anything interesting happen to you while I was gone?  
GT: oh uh  
GT: not really  
GT: i read some old comics, talked to a friend of mine  
GT: my dad got home so i'm officially stuck in my room  
AV: you sure you don't have any way to do anything else?  
GT: I mean, I could jump out my window, but that'd probably hurt  
AV: hmm  
AV: have you had anything weird happen to you recently, John?  
GT: not really  
GT: well, there was this really loud noise a few days ago  


  


You hesitate to tell her about Porrim. 

She'd probably just think you're weird, or get you to stop talking to her.

**_Why_** you want to continue talking to Porrim is beyond you. Maybe you're just curious.

  


  
AV: well, that sucks  
AV: i've had a whole bunch of weird stuff happen to me  
AV: weird dreams of places that I couldn't even imagine  
AV: golden towers and strange people  
AV: it's probably just my mind playing tricks on me, lol  
AV: I've always had some pretty weird dreams  
GT: i've actually never really dreamed  
GT: my dad told me i used to sleep walk but i never remembered anything  
GT: it sounds really cool though!  


  


You lament the fact that you've always had empty dreams. Rose and Dave talked about a few of theirs, and they sounded so cool. Rose's were, predictably, full of eldritch beings, just like her obsessions.

Jade has mentioned that she has really vivid dreams to you, but she's been hesitant to go into greater detail. It always struck you as silly, but when you thought about it more, maybe it was because her dreams were really inappropriate?

Fuck, that makes you really uncomfortable. Jade is so innocent on the surface, if she really had dreams like that? God... no. You can't imagine it. You don't want to.

Fuck, you have a girlfriend waiting for you to respond!

  


  
AV: crap  
AV: sorry to flirt and bail on you, again, but I've gotta run again  
AV: I promise I'll catch up with you later today  
GT: alright  
GT: bye lucy!  
  


  
aetherialVirago [AV] ceased pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]  


  


Damn. You were really hoping to be able to get more than a few minutes in with her today. Her dad is always monopolizing her time, and she's really reluctant to explain what's going on. You worry about her, but she says she's fine, so you trust her.

As you're about to toss your phone back down, a message from Porrim catches your eyes.

  


  
GC: I pro+mise Jo+hn, if yo+u co+me back, I will refrain fro+m discussing yo+ur species' repro+ductive techniques.  


  


Fucking. Alright.

You open up the chat with her.

  


  
ghostlyTrickster [GT] started pestering governessContumacious [GC]  


  
GT: you promise you wont talk about........  
GT: you know?  
GT: the sex  
GC: Dear go+ds.  
GC: No+, Jo+hn, I will no+t talk abo+ut "the sex".  
GC: In fact, I will pro+mise yo+u to+ never talk abo+ut "the sex" aro+und yo+u again, if it is such a co+ntro+versial to+pic to+ yo+u.  
GC: I wo+uld have assumed that, given o+ur respective ages, we wo+uld be able to+ discuss so+mething as trivial as repro+ductive systems.  
GC: I see ho+wever that I was mistaken.  
GC: Regardless, my main curio+sity did no+t lie in the act itself, but in the so+cial ramificatio+ns o+f it.  
GT: porrim!!  
GT: you said you wouldn't talk about it!  
GC: And I assure yo+u, I am no+t go+ing to+.  
GC: I simply wo+uld like to+ inquire as to+ what gender relatio+ns are like in yo+ur species.  


  


Oh.

Wow, you're having a hard time really thinking of a way to explain them?

Like, girls and guys are just... people, right? Gender relations only really matter inasmuch as people get together to have kids, and even then, some people are gay.

Sure, in the _**past**_ people used to be really sexist towards women, but it's not a thing _**now**_

  


  
GT: well i guess we don't really have gender relations.  
GT: women and men here are basically on even grounds.  
GT: we got rid of sexism a few decades ago.  
GT: or, crap, i guess for you it'd be like, a few ten years ago?  
GT: i don't know what your "alien" software can understand.  
GC: ...  
GC: Jo+hn, I do+ no+t mean to+ be a cynic, but I am no+t sure I believe that.  
GC: Perhaps yo+u are simply no+t kno+wledgeable abo+ut the relatio+ns?  
GT: no, no, i definitely am!  
GT: we had to learn about them in school.  
GT: a couple hundred years ago people were really sexist.  
GT: women were considered property.  
GC: I must interrupt yo+u.  
GC: What was that final wo+rd, a co+uple lines up?  
GT: what, sexist?  
GT: does your species not have sex?  
GC: I canno+t make o+ut the wo+rd after yo+u said "what".  
GC: Ho+wever, fro+m what yo+u said afterwards, I am assuming it is a term to+ do+ with interco+urse?  
GT: oh god, no!  
GT: it's just like........  
GT: the biological differences between girls and guys.  
GT: wow, does your species really not have a concept of sex?  
GC: Ah, no+, I understand no+w.  
GC: Yo+u are referring to+ the much less frequently used definitio+n o+f sex.  
GC: Yes, we are aware o+f sexual dimo+rphism.  
GC: I assume the wo+rd yo+u used was to+ refer to+ discriminatio+n based o+n that, then?  
GC: ho+wever, I was no+t co+ncerned with discriminatio+n based o+n sex, I was co+ncerned with discriminatio+n based o+n gender.  
GT: i........  
GT: i don't understand?  
GT: is there really a difference?  
GC: O+h my.  
GC: Have yo+u never enco+untered so+meo+ne who+se... well, as yo+u have said, sex, differs fro+m their desired sex?  
GT: oh!  
GT: you mean like, a transgender person.  
GT: goddamnit.  
GT: this has to be rose, doesn't it.  
GT: rose!  
GT: if you think acting like a cool alien and spreading your gender propaganda is going to get me to magically apologize to dana you're totally wrong.  
GT: fuck!  
GT: i mean dave.  
GC: Jo+hn.  
GC: As much as I am flattered by the statement that I am a "co+o+l alien".  
GC: Yo+u really, really need to+ reco+nsider what yo+u just said.  
GC: I assume that this "Dave" perso+n is so+meo+ne who+ yo+u have a relatio+nship with o+f so+me so+rt.  
GC: So+meo+ne that yo+u, perhaps, hurt?  
GC: By saying so+me no+t so+ nice things?  
GC: Perhaps abo+ut transgender peo+ple?  
GT: you're not going to convince me that you're not rose.  
GT: but........  
GT: yes. he is.  
GT: when he first came out to all of us i was a huge butt to him.  
GT: just told him off and acted like him being trans was some slight against me.  
GT: i feel awful about it.  
GC: Excuse me fo+r what I am abo+ut to+ say but:  
GC: So+mething tells me, further, that yo+u do+n't really feel as awful as yo+u're saying.  
GC: At least, no+t abo+ut hurting Dave's feelings, and betraying his trust in yo+u.  
GC: No+, I have a feeling that yo+u still internally believe that he is really a girl, am I right?  
GT: well, of course not!  
GT: why would i ever think that.  
GT: i definitely don't think that he's mistaking body dysmorphia for dysphoria.  
GT: or that he's making a mistake.  
GT: or that........  
GC: Jo+hn.  
GC: May I tell yo+u a sto+ry?  
GC: A sto+ry o+f a friend o+f mine?  
GT: sure.  
GT: go ahead.  
GC: I have a friend, and fo+r her sake, i am go+ing to+ call her Arzahl.  
GC: Arzahl was always a wo+nderful friend: she wo+uld co+me aro+und, play games with peo+ple, talk fo+r ho+urs o+n ho+urs just chatting with everyo+ne.  
GC: Peo+ple ho+nestly lo+ved Arzahl.  
GC: But o+ne day, a friend o+f mine came o+ut as a trans man.  
GC: Arzahl was so+, abso+lutely sure that she was right, that this man had to+ be wro+ng.  
GC: She spent days, o+n days, o+n end, arguing against him.  
GC: She lo+o+ked up "scientific" explanatio+ns.  
GC: At the end o+f the day, do+ yo+u want to+ kno+w what co+nvinced her that he was right?  
GC: Having an ho+nest co+nversatio+n with him.  
GC: At that po+int, tho+ugh, it was to+o+ late.  
GC: Arzahl had o+stracized many o+f o+ur friends. Her kno+w it all attitude made her an o+utcast fro+m o+ut gro+up.  
GC: So+ when she realized that she, herself, was trans, a trans wo+man to+ be precise.  
GC: She had no+ o+ne to+ suppo+rt her.  
GT: what was the point of this?  
GT: are you trying to convince me i'm trans?  
GT: because i promise you i'm not.  
GT: i've never had a feminine thought in my life!  
GC: Be that as it may, that was no+t my main po+int.  
GC: No+, my main po+int was that the mo+re that yo+u fight against peo+ple's happiness, the wo+rse that yo+ur o+wn will o+ften get.  
GC: Just so+mething to+ keep in mind.  


  


As much as you hate to admit it, she does have a point.

  


  
GT: alright, porrim.  
GT: you asked about our gender stuff.  
GT: now i get to ask you about your gender stuff.  
GT: how does your weird alien species do gender?  
GC: I will igno+re the diversio+nary technique, because I do+ very much enjo+y talking abo+ut the gender po+litics o+f Befo+rus.  
GC: Well, to+ begin with, we have so+me mino+r sexual dimo+rphism. The reaso+n fo+r such is relatively co+mplicated, and no+t my specialty, so+ I will leave it to+ so+meo+ne else to+ explain, if yo+u are interested.  
GC: Ho+wever, my caste, the jade blo+o+ds, are an extremely heavily female-biased caste. A large majo+rity o+f us are classed as females upo+n pupatio+n, whether we retain that o+r no+t.  
GC: This has led to+ the asso+ciatio+n between the jade blo+o+ds, and by pro+xy wo+men, and the "sexual" and "repro+ductive".  
GC: In sho+rt, wo+men, no+t just in the jade blo+o+d caste, are treated as lesser, o+ften as mo+re sexually fo+rward, and mo+re sexually pro+miscuo+us, because o+f the asso+ciatio+n that is built-in to+ o+ur so+ciety, between us jade blo+o+ds and the repro+ductive pro+cess.  
GC: Wo+rse even, there is a lo+ng-standing myth that jade blo+o+ds are o+f "lo+wer genetic quality", essentially stating that while we are better suited to+ raising grubs, o+ur innate link to+ the mo+ther grub makes us mo+re "animalistic" and mo+re "feral".  
GC: This, to+o+, has spread to+ wo+men o+f o+ther blo+o+d castes, unfo+rtunately. It is no+t an unco+mmo+n o+ccurrence fo+r wo+men o+f even cerulean o+r higher blo+o+d to+ be treated o+nly as well as a man o+f o+live blo+o+d.  
GC: The institutio+nalizatio+n o+f the hemo+spectrum as a fo+rm o+f regimented discriminatio+n further exacerbates this pro+blem, fo+r wo+men o+f extremely lo+w blo+o+d castes.  
GC: Rust blo+o+d wo+men, in particular, are extremely likely to+ be subject to+ highly restrictive culling pro+cedures.  
GC: I am aware o+f a rust blo+o+d wo+man who+ has been subject to+ just this.  
GC: Tro+ll wo+men o+f all blo+o+d co+lo+rs, ho+wever, are less likely to+ be pro+mo+ted where they are assigned, less likely to+ be assigned to+ critical po+sitio+ns, are affo+rded less luxurio+us ho+using and living amenities, and are co+nsidered less o+ften fo+r o+ff-wo+rld co+lo+nizatio+n effo+rts: a majo+r o+bstacle when bio+diversity is co+ncerned.  
GC: Ah, my, I have went o+n almo+st as lo+ng as the friend I mentio+ned.  
GC: Do+ yo+u have any questio+ns, so+ far?  
GT: yeah, only one  
GT: mostly, beforus has a woman empress, right?  
GT: doesn't that basically prove everything that you just said wrong?  
GC: O+h, grace to+ the dark o+nes, this po+int?  
GC: Every male i have ever discussed these issues with brings up o+ur glo+rio+us empress; Her Imperio+us Magnanimity, blessed be her name, she allo+ws us to+ live o+ur lives witho+ut suffering, all that o+ther crap.  
GC: Fo+rgive me if the presence o+f a single po+werful wo+man is no+t particularly co+nvincing as a co+unterpo+int to+ the evidence o+f the suffering o+f billio+ns o+f tro+ll wo+men.  
GC: Even mo+reso+, the existence o+f the empress can be fo+lded into+ the theo+ry quite well.  
GC: Yo+u see, as with every o+ther wo+man o+n Befo+rus, the empress is fetishized.  
GT: fetishized?  
GT: you mean like........  
GT: people who like horses a little bit too much fetishized?  
GT: ropes and ball gags fetishized.  
GC: In a manner o+f speaking.  
GC: Tho+ugh, in a so+mewhat less crude sense. She is fetishized in a less explicitly sexual way.  
GC: She is, to+ many Befo+rans, the example o+f what the perfect tro+ll sho+uld be: kind, co+mpassio+nate.  
GC: Ho+wever, she also+ has many traits that, perhaps, aren't as endlessly po+sitive: unflinching, ruthless, fickle.  
GC: I co+uld be culled simply fo+r saying these things, I understand. I wo+n't be tho+ugh.  
GC: Her Imperio+us Magnanimity has to+ maintain the illusio+n that she is in favo+r o+f free ideas. Hence, she allo+ws me to+ speak, o+ne so+litary so+ul that she believes to+ be weak.  
GC: My go+al, o+f co+urse, is to+ pro+ve her wro+ng.  
GC: Regardless, back to+ the po+int.  
GC: The empress is never co+nsidered as a perso+n: her real, actual life, her experiences, her decisio+ns, what she had fo+r lunch, no+, tho+se are never co+nsidered.  
GC: What is co+nsidered o+f the empress is the image o+f the empress. What do+es she wear. What affectatio+n do+es she put o+n. What nice wo+rds do+es she say.  
GC: In this, we see fetishizatio+n: The o+bjectificatio+n o+f a perso+n o+r thing, fo+r the purpo+se o+f satisfying o+urselves. And yes, to+ answer the questio+n that is bo+uncing aro+und in yo+ur head, undo+ubtedly, she is o+f co+urse sexually o+bjectified.  
GC: She is simply also+ culturally o+bjectified: the archetype o+f what a perfect wo+man sho+uld be.  
GC: So+, wo+men in o+ur so+ciety are faced with two+, o+ppo+sing ideals o+f what we must be: we are either sexual o+bjects, no+thing mo+re than o+ur base repro+ductive instincts, o+r we are the empress, the perfect picture o+f empathy, kindness, sexual beauty, o+penness.  
GC: It is an unbeatable game.I have refused to+ play it. I have called o+ut the o+rganizers o+f it fo+r the hacks that they are.  
GC: So+, Jo+hn, I have to+ ask yo+u.  
GC: Do+es any o+f this so+und familiar?  
GC: I wo+uld wager that it do+es.  
GT: i........  


  


Just as you're about to respond to her, or rather, dig through your brain to try to manage to fumble out a half-decent response, you hear a sound from down below.

"John! Dinner's ready!"

You swivel your chair back to your desk, gripping the keyboard on the home row, and send out your saving grace of a message.

  


  
GT: darn it.  
GT: i have to run to dinner.  
GC: Think o+n what I've said Jo+hn.  
GC: Have a go+o+d dinner, either way.

  
ghostlyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering governessContumacious [GC]  


  


As you stand up to leave, you trip over your Problem Sleuth book. Must have left it out.

You pick it up idly and page through, and you stop on [page 448](https://www.homestuck.com/problem-sleuth/448).

HYSTERICAL DAME. She's one of your favorite characters, being responsible for the first killing strike against MK, and how cool she is when she wields her Chainsaw!

But, with what Porrim just said to you, you have to think about her. and Nervous Broad. And how, while they're competent, they're still given these... handicaps.

Handicaps that fit with what you thought old-times sexism looked like. It was a good _joke_ , right? Hell, even their _**names**_ are sexist tropes, where Problem Sleuth, Ace Dick, and Pickle Inspector are just tropes from the sleuthing genre. Sure, the sexist tropes were from the genre too, but... It's just a joke, right?

That's all it is, a joke, right?

You put the book away, shoving the thought out of your mind. You're sure it's just making fun of that idea.

The sound of the stairs pulls you out of your fog, tossing you into a minor panic. If you've been up here long enough that he's coming to get you, he's totally going to make you do the dishes for being late!

You quickly toss open the door and scramble through the hall, meeting him at the intersection of the hall and the balcony.

"Ah, hello there son. I was beginning to wonder whether you were coming down."

"yeah, dad, i was. i got hung up on something."

"Well, just remember to wash up before you do. Don't want to be eating with dirty hands!"

You stop into the bathroom, wash your hands, and make your way down the stairs, where the smell of freshly made roti hits you. You guess he's feeling like indulging in some home-style food. You'll never complain about Pakistani food.

He's made a full spread, which definitely gives you the impression that he's missing Nanna right now. Salan, roti, pilaf, ; It's going to fill the house with the smell for day, and he's definitely made enough to last for that long.

You plate yourself up a helping. Neither you nor your dad says anything the entire time.

Once you're fully settled and the both of you have eaten about half of your food, dad speaks up.

"John, you've got to keep these recipes alive. They're not only an important part of our heritage, but they're a way to remember your Nanna, too."

"i will dad."

"I know you didn't ever get to meet her, but she was truly a wonderful person. The most marvelous chef there ever was. An even better prankster, if you can believe it."

"hey... dad."

"Yes, son?"

You haven't ever really spent much time talking with your dad about Nanna. More, he's spent a lot of time talking _at_ you about her. Given, you can't really understand how he feels about her. Sure, you care about him, so you care about her by extension.

But, you know, you never got to meet her. Though he's reticent to explain exactly _how_ , she died the same day you were born. 

"what was nanna's life like?"

A **_look_** comes onto his face. It's hard to describe what exactly this look is: it's somewhere halfway between grief, relief, and confusion.

"Well, I mean, I'm sure you've heard what it was like back then. She was a Pakistani woman living in the United States. Times weren't always kind to her, but she was a strong woman, and she managed to keep us in a stable house and a happy home even with her... unusual circumstances. She's the reason I raised you the way that I did, to respect our heritage, and to treat women as equals."

Ah. _**There it is.**_ The real unspoken point that you were trying to get at, but your brain wouldn't let you.

"but... dad, the world is a better place to women now, right?"

"I mean, sure it's on the upswing in some places but you can't let that get you complacent. There are a whole hell of a lot of people out there that still want to do harm to women, and _do_ harm to women. It's not our place to protect them, but it is our responsibility to be there to defend women if they need it."

The reality of it strikes you. 

You excuse yourself from the table, and though your dad is still talking behind you, you ignore him.

Your bed is a comfortable place for you to collapse and have an existential crisis about the state of the world. You bring up your chat with Lucy.

  


  
ghostlyTrickster [GT] started pestering aetherialVirago [AV]  


  
GT: hey, lucy.  
GT: i know you're messing around with your dad, with whatever goes on with him.  
GT: but, if you get this and you can talk, i need to talk about some........ stuff.  


She doesn't get back to you by the end of the day. You spend most of the night trawling the depths of internet forums, websites, and articles explaining Feminism.

Oh, how ignorant you were.

  


* * *

  


Jade: Acquire The Sweetest of Meat

You wouldn't exactly consider the meat that you're hunting to be the sweetest meat. No, and that's your fault. You're currently out in the woods, hunting and trapping what you can so that you can make up for the meat that you accidentally left out when you took one of your impromptu naps. 

He still ate the meat, just early. Lousy dog, naughty friend.

But he'll make a massive mess of your room if you don't feed him, so you've still got to make up for the days that you left out. So, you have to catch and prep about 5 days worth of meat. either 2 elk, 5 poor little bunnies, way too many fish... Any way it happens, you have to kill too many animals. You really hate that Bec has to eat meat.

While you're sitting in the trees, though, you've had plenty of time to think on what you and Roxy talked about last time that she messaged you. It's been a few days since that, and while you're sure she's okay, it's a bit worrying that she hasn't gotten back to you.

You've just had to steel yourself though. She will get back to you, you know it.

In the meantime, you've decided on a bit of a fun way to pass the time: You're going to play dress up.

Okay, not dress-up like all the little girls do. Maybe. It's _**sort of**_ like that, but only in theory. Yours will be much more proper, like a dress-up fashion show.

A crack of a stick tugs you abruptly out of your internal monologue. you look down to where a mossy stone leads the opening of a few trees, where the sound originated. The sunlight pierces the canopy, touching lightly the back of a boar- Wait, a fucking boar!?

You ready your rifle, resting the butt of it against your shoulder. This beast has probably been responsible for the ruined crops, killed animals, messed up terrain on the island. How the hell did it even _**get**_ here??

You sight in the beast, sure that it's unaware of you. It'll even give you enough meat that you'll only need to really kill an elk or a couple bunnies. And you get to eliminate this pest of a beast.

It's around when you finish lining up the shot that you realize the sound of the branches breaking _wasn't_ coming from the boar. It was coming from the branch you were sitting on.

You have a couple of seconds to swear under your breath and try to scramble off the branch before it collapses to the ground and you find yourself face to face with the angry beast.

Face to face as in a good 20 yards away, but that's a pretty insignificant difference when a wild animal is involved.

You pull your rifle up and immediately fire off a shot at the boar, aimed torso-wards. You don't even try to check if it impacted before you line up another one. When you empty your magazine into it, you reload with the few FMJ rounds you keep stashed. You need to get this boar on the ground quick.

As you're loading, the boar rears its head back, letting out an ear-piercing yowl, and charges at you. You have to duck behind the tree to avoid it. It has a clear line at you, so you sprint across the clearing to a tree a couple dozen yards further away, before sighting up again.

One good shot in the organs, that's all you need. You ready, put your finger on the trigger, right at it charges at you again. Right below the head, that's the best place to get the shot in to hit the organs. Slightly to the left side.

You pull the trigger, and the round explodes out of the barrel. The boar is only a dozen yards from you by this point. You close your eyes, bracing for it to hit you, or the tree or both.

It doesn't, though. You hear skidding, and a groan, and... nothing.

You peek open with your right eye, afraid of what you're going to see. But, it's dead. You managed to kill it.

You captchalogue its corpse, to butcher later. Trawl off towards the edge of the forest.

You'll finish hunting later.

When you get back to your house, you pull the card out of your modus and stick it in the freezer. You were never sure if that actually worked, or was necessary, but it's just easier to organize that way. All of the rest of the food in your house is on cards, considering your grandpa was one of the main brains behind the captchalogue/modus system. You've got piles on piles of them around the place.

You grab another card as you walk by one of the aforementioned piles (this one is in the den) and keep your deck where you like it: a nice, even 10.

Actually, considering that you're going to grab a bunch of outfits, you grab an extra 10, so that you can fit all those clothes. You slip them into your modus: at the moment you're using Memory since it's the easiest for you. 

You're going to grab a bunch of outfits, across the spectrum of what you can find in your house, from your grandpa's old stuff (you're talking really old, he still has clothes he captchalogued that he used to wear when he was in his early 20s), to your dresses, to your less feminine stuff, and mixing and matching everything in between.

You run into your grandpa's room and get started.

  


* * *

  


At the end of it all, you end up with 12 outfits.

  * Your summer dress, speckled with flowers, with a sun hat with a huge flower on it.
  * A set of cargo shorts, yours, and a green tank-top with a little skull on the breast pocket, Grandpas.
  * A blue striped skirt, with your blue atom shirt on top. Both of them are yours.
  * One of your grandpa's full suits.
  * Your hunting outfit, which is really just a camo t-shirt and a set of dark brown pants.
  * One of your grandpa's sets of grey shorts, and a short sleeve button down that again has a little skull on the breast pocket. Strangely you hadn't noticed this trend before today.
  * Your short shorts, which are just jeans, an atomic-green button-down short-sleeved shirt, and your grandpa's suspenders, which you mostly just threw on there for fun.
  * A pair of your granpa's fancy pants, which are pinstripe, you think, but with a rose blouse that you honestly didn't even know you had?
  * Short shorts, the same as before, with torn-off tank top that _was_ originally violet you think, but it's more just lightish red now? It's yours, obviously.



At around this point you started to run dry with ideas, so you really started messing around with ideas.

  * One of your darker dresses, a denim one, with a leather jacket on top, one that you scavenged from your grandpa's stuff.
  * A brown pair of shorts, your grandpa's, with some light blue tights underneath, and white short-sleeved button-down over a forest-green t-shirt.
  * Grey shorts, and your light blue squiddle shirt! This is your most neutral one.



You lay all of them out on the floor, admiring your work.

Admittedly, it's not the most impressive, you just sort of threw some things together, but you think it'll probably help you elucidate things.

So, you start with your dress. Of course you like it! it's literally one of your favorite outfits! You wear it all the time! It's not long before you decide to move on though, just a few twirls in the mirror, nothing stunning. It's plenty flowy, which you love, and it doesn't feel tight or constraining in any way. A definite winner.

The next one you try is the darker dress since, you want to try moving in a sort of logical order, from most feminine to least feminine. As expected, it's a pretty big hit for you too: the leather jacket makes you feel super cool, like you could take on anyone and win, but you have to quickly take off the outfit because it's so hot outside. Another winner there.

Next, you think is probably the skirt with your shirt, which is another of your regular outfits. You spend quite a bit of time in this one, because you just love it so much! Skirts always look so cute! Soon enough, though, you get antsy and want to try on something else.

Here is where it gets harder to qualify what is more or less feminine. You grab up the short shorts and tank top, since those are yours, and you guess that makes them more feminine? Though you do really like these, it's a pretty simple outfit, not helped by the fact that the _tears on the arms_ keep tickling you! You just need to get out of it, and quick!! For your sanity's sake! You knew there was a reason you stopped wearing it!

Everything on this side feels like a toss up to you, except for the suit, but you start with the shorts, tights, and button down outfit. Once you get it on, you're startled by how good it looks. It's honestly really _cute_. Or maybe that's just you? The tights your legs, and the shorts are really comfy, while the button down just fits right. It takes you quite a few minutes to convince yourself to change into the next outfit.

The pinstripe pants and rose blouse pass by without much thought. They really aren't your thing, they're too fancy and honestly just cover too much about you. Same goes for your hunting outfit, however much you have to wear it when you go hunting. Your "neutral" outfit passes bar, being a pretty much neutral reaction for you, since you'd definitely just wear it.

Next, you move on to the short shorts + button down + suspenders combo, which again blows you away. It definitely falls on the more masculine side of androgynous, for you, but it is _so_ your style, and it makes you feel so powerful, you never want to take it off. 

You do, though, of course. The grey shorts and button down outfit is the first one you'd describe as _handsome_ , which you like quite a lot. It's not as good as the last one, from your judgement, but it definitely hits you just how much you like it.

The shorts and tank top are okay, but again just... too little. Boring. That's your only complaint.

When you try on the suit, you realize just how similar your and your grandpa's frames must have been. It fits you to a t, every curve forming perfectly to yours, even though you know your grandpa was a muscular man.

Perhaps, then, you could be considered a muscular gal? You definitely don't mind the moniker. It even strikes you as a nice one, you like being strong.

When you get it all put together, and pull your hair up, what you see in the mirror shocks you. You're honestly incredibly handsome. You don't really look like a guy, not _really_ , but shucks if you don't feel like your grandpa.

Your grandpa...

Damnit, this was supposed to help you figure things out, wasn't it? But all you've done is desecrate the belongings of your beloved grandpa to play dress-up, and you don't even have anything to show for it.

Frustrated, you toss off the suit coat, vest, dress shirt, and pants, pulling on some leggings that you have sitting around alongside the tank top that you had under the suit.

Why can't any of this stuff be simple. You spent literally from noon to dusk today trying on clothes, hoping it would elucidate _**something**_ about what you are, who you are, but no. it just confused you more.

You stamp down the stairs, bringing out your frustration on the innocent concrete underfoot. Of course, it didn't do anything to deserve it, it just stood there supporting you since it was created, but you don't really care about personifying something as trivial as the stairs right now? No, you're making your way downstairs without any real purpose, just to get away from what you don't want to handle right now. That's your _real_ purpose, if you could admit it to yourself, anyway.

Somehow, in your mindless trawling around, you manage to end up in your grandpa's study. How that happened is a mystery to you. The smell of the books, abandoned since he.... well, since he left them here, it fills you with nostalgia and sadness. He used to pull a random one off the shelf and read it to you, on those messy days when you couldn't go outside. Many of them were simply technical books: dry details on his journeys around the world. That didn't mean he didn't fill them with endless _**personal**_ anecdotes, as he was telling the stores, though. Recounting how he once went and fought a boa in the congo, or how he met a lion in the Himalayas. You always thought those stories sounded pretty cool, but now that you're thinking about it, they don't make much sense. He probably made a lot of them up so that you would think he was cooler. 

Well, it worked. But at the end of the day, he was already a pretty cool person. It just makes you remember how he died...

That a person like that could have really ended up....

_No..._

You're going to play the game with your friends. You're going to get out of here, and you're going to make your life better.

~~Even if that didn't work for him, you'll make sure it works for you.~~

You plop down on his desk chair. It's a rusty old thing, one of the extremely high backed chairs that you always imagined would be equally fitting in the office of a head of state. If you knew what that word meant, really. It just always sounded really official, so you figured this really fancy chair would make sense there. His desk is one of those ones that locks, and has a rolling-top that covers all the stuff inside it. There's a bunch of letters in various compartments inside. He had left it locked, the key left somewhere unknown to you, but you picked it open a long time ago. You're not an expert lock-pick or anything, it's just a really simple lock. It only had one real pin, for gods sake! it was like it was begging you to pick it!!

Whatever. You pull one of his journals out of the many compartments. This one details a period of time in his earlier life, when he was working alongside some scientist out of Mass. Your digging has determined that this was probably the state of Massachusetts, but he didn't speak much on that part of his life. He was much more focused on the later time of his life; His adventures and scientific pursuits that he could truly call his own were much more often the topic of his long, rambling reminiscing sessions.

You were always fascinated by this period, though. Maybe for the express reason that it _wasn't_ something that he talked about much. It made it that much more of a mystery, something that you felt like you weren't supposed to know. In reality, it was probably just something he didn't like talking about, since his mentor had since passed on. 

As you're reading, twisting in your chair (damn your fidgeting tendencies!) you manage to bang your leg against the right side of the desk's interior. It hurts for a solid second, and then you realize that there was something strange about it.

You hit your foot against the wood plate again. Then against the other side of the desk, same spot.

Well that's strange.

The right side of the desk sounds almost... hollower than the left?

You get down on your hands and knees and crawl under the desk, determined to figure out this mystery. Your hair catches on something, and you belatedly realize that there was a spiderweb in the back. Your sudden jerking motion impacts head with desk, making you fall to the floor.

Ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow, owwwwwww.

You brush your hands over the full length of your hair, to make sure you get the web out of it. When you bring your hand back around, you're met with something moving on your hand.

"oh, my! hello there!"

The spider, of course, does not respond.

"well, you're certainly a cute little spider. let's see if i can figure out what type you are! :)"

It continues to walk around your hand as you spin it. It's hard to tell precisely what type of spider it is: it's a light brown one, and you quickly figure out it's _not_ one of the dangerous ones. Your best guess is a... hobo spider? You set it down and it scampers off, to make a new web. 

Returning to the task at hand, you put your hands on the panel and tap around. The back sounds the hollowest, so you try pushing it around. You'd never put it past your grandpa to put in an _actual secret compartment_ into his desk. It's just what his adventurer heart would want.

When you push down in just the right way, you hear a click, and the panel releases. You pull it back and reveal...

Another book.

You're not really surprised, but maybe this one is more interesting than the rest of them, since it's stuff you haven't read a hundred times.

You pull it out. The front reads, as you expect, Jake Harley. Right underneath it, though, are two lines that are scratched out. It definitely looks like someone crossed them out in a fit of anger, the lines uncontrolled and deep. 

So... you delve in.

  


  


February 18, 1918. ~~Joan Crocker~~ Jake Harley

Janey put forward the idea that I should compose this book. As she puts it, it can be a place to "air out my frustrations with mum." Well, as much as I think that idea sounds like a bowl of hogwash, I suppose it can't hurt anything. I am downright chuffed at her! Mum has been absolutely relentless this whole danged fortnight, with the food preparations, and the cleaning. If she keeps on us like this, I'll be ragged as a mop after 3 years use. Jane, of course, blessed be her, is right as rain and downright perfect at all of this. Me on the other hand? I can't seem to make a pie to save Pop's life, fitting as that is. Still, Jane is the one getting all the discipline, and I'm the one getting all the praise. 

I hope that one day Mum will see the truth, reward Jane how she deserves. In the meantime, we just need to hold out and keep our chins up.

  


Well...

That takes a solid minutes for you to actually parse.

Your grandpa. He was... He was actually a trans guy???

It's not explicit, he obviously doesn't say it, but the crossed out name is definitely a feminine name.

You... You were involved for the process of stuffing him, but there were robots that did most of the actual process, and of course you didn't actually _look_. It just amazes you that you never noticed, living with him all of your life. 

But, when you think about it for any real time, it makes perfect sense. Sure, he didn't have the opportunity to do anything when he was young, that's for sure. Sure, if he even did anything physically, he would have done it very late in life. But he just _**EXUDED**_ masculinity. You had no reason to ever question him. And really, you still don't.

You flip several pages in to the (admittedly quite thick) journal, and find another entry.

  


August 28, 1920. ~~Joan Crocker~~ Jake Harley

That dastardly woman has done it! The next opportunity I find, I am leaving this place! Jane will have to survive without me, because she doesn't believe me! I know what I saw, though! While mum (I dread to call her that anymore) and I were cleaning up after baking a pie, I slipped and dropped a knife, cut myself right good. When I looked up, though I saw something even more surprising than the blood on my own hand. Mum's leg had a cut in it, and spewing out of the cut was definitely not the blood of a human. 

That marks 5 different things I've seen now that don't add up, and this takes the cake. Firstly, I caught her one day before she had her hair fully taken care of, and I swear to heavens, there were _**tentacles**_ in it! Humans don't have tentacles in their hair! Secondly, when I accidentally walked in on her after she got out of the shower, she had _gills_. For anyone who happens to read this, they were on the sides of her neck, if you ever need a vulnerable spot. She must cover them up when she's doing her makeup or something, because I swear you can't see them at any other time! Thirdly, and I cannot fathom how I am the only one who has seemingly noticed this, she has a tail! A literal god-blasted tail! She hides it in her long dresses and skirts, but it's there! Like a squirming little devil trapped itself under her knickers and has gotten right fed up with it. Fourthly, her real eyes are yellow as the dirt in Nevada, unless you get mad, and then they glow an unholy red. If I was a more superstitious person, I'd suspect her of being a demon, but since I believe in science, I've got to say she's most definitely an alien. Alongside the blood, there's just no flippin way she could be human. 

This settles it. I'd already had a plan in place to ride Halley off into the sunset, consarn the consequences. All I require is to get all my eggs together and I'll be off on a capital new adventure. I regret that I'll have to leave Janey behind to do it. She's a strong lass, though, she'll be better off than I would be.

  


The entire time you're reading, you can't help but laugh. Grandpa always had a really funny way of thinking about things: of course he would jump to the (somehow true) conclusion that his mom was an alien first, rather than thinking that she was just a bit weird.

You consider hopping over and telling Roxy that you've gotten more evidence for the fact that the Condesce is in this universe as well, but reconsider. There's so much more you might find out about her in your reading. 

So, you continue on. The next few pages appear to have been ripped out: it's not a mystery why. The pages after are blacked out with scratched ink, completely indecipherable, and the next _legible_ page is a full 30 years later.

  


June 12, 1950. Jake Harley

I can't believe the absolute hornswoggle I feel like I have to have pulled over on Jane. We used to be the best of friends, not even just that, we were _sisters_. I chose to toss that all in the bin for a queer notion of what our "mother" was. Who cares if I was right? Who cares if her villainy spreads across the dangblasted planet? I've botched it up worse than a great buggering load of mothballs. I haven't been able to find where my good dear Jane has settled herself, and the whole damn load of society has as well as ousted me because of my queer disposition, what with being a man and all. I'd piss up the grand canyon just for a chance to say I'm sorry to her once again.

For the time, though, I'll park my peanuts in Manhattan, where I'm among kindred folk. At least there I can find _some_ people who treat me like a human some of the time. But dearest Jane, if you ever happen to read this, know that I loved you, and I hated myself for what I did to you.

  


You take a second to clear a tear that managed to slide out of your eye. Your hypothesis about what happened to your grandpa is looking more and more likely the more you read of this.

To think, though... Your grandpa went through a lot of the same difficulties that you did when he was growing up. It troubles you.

You're feeling... Like you don't want to finish this right now. You pick up the journal and captchalogue it, to return to when you manage the emotional strength. It'll be a little bit before that happens.

The door feels heavier on your way out of the study.

  


* * *

  


John: What's that new rumor?

You're fairly certain you haven't heard any new rumor, considering you just arrived at school for the day. That said, you mostly keep your head down when you're at school. The escapade that you had into trying to make friends was awfully strange of you, as if you were suddenly possessed by some friendship-making deity. In fact, if there were some friendship-making deity, you would imagine they would look vaguely humanoid, but only like, barely discernibly so, just enough to gesture at them and be like "yeah, they're probably a human, right?" They'd probably also not really have a gender to speak of, since of course, everyone knows that genders just provide a barrier to FRIENDSHIP, and you'd want to minimize those barriers as much as possible, so that you could be friends with as many people as possible. They'd probably have some kind of dubious morals, since, you know, friendship is their only goal, but at the end of the day they'd be a pretty good person who cares about a lot of other good people.

Wow, okay, you're not really sure where that digression came from. It almost feels like you channeled some other universe where there _is_ a friendship deity. That sure would be weird, wouldn't it.

You sit down in your chair, thoroughly confused by your brain and content to brush it off as a case of "not enough sleep." You haven't been getting a whole lot of that, since your dad and Porrim collectively rocked your worldview. No, your nights have been spent reading a lot more. You haven't really been comprehending it that well; It definitely is the type of stuff that Rose would be well suited to, but you're not on her level. You're putting in the effort, though!

You and Porrim have spoken a few more times on the topic, but you've been hesitant to talk to your real life friends about it. It's not really embarassment about your lack of knowledge: you jump headfirst into your ignorance pretty often, that's never been a problem. No, it's more that, since you aren't really sure how accurate it is, you don't want to say anything wrong and insult anyone.

Rose would spout something about "the burden of knowledge" but you just think it's the polite thing to do, as a guy that's learning.

As you're doing all this self-congratulatory thinking (this is not a thought that passes through John's mind, unfortunately), you overhear a couple of students talking on the other side of the classroom.

"Yo, that new guy is a total faggot, dressing up like a girl, thinking he can fool people."

"Yeah, and I can't believe he got the school to call him a fucking girl. Goddamned bullshit that is."

You... You stop listening. You don't really want to hear anymore.

You knew that a new girl was going to be joining your classes, but you didn't know very much about her: the school valued her privacy and, obviously, nobody really knew her before she moved in. Finding out that she's apparently trans, though, or at least these kids think that she is, is a shock. You pull up your pesterchum, to try to talk to one of your friends and find out.

  


  
ghostlyTrickster [GT] started pestering nominitiveNuturing [NN]  


  
GT: hey kate, did you hear anything about the new girl?  
GT: some guys in my class are talking about her and...  
GT: they're saying some really mean things.  
NN: nobody has said anything to me yet today, but I basically _just_ got to my first classroom. I'll tell you if I hear anything.  
NN: was there any particular reason you're asking?  
GT: well, they're saying that she's a uhhh  
GT: not as nicely, they're saying she's a trans girl?  
NN: oh gods, I can't imagine how much that must suck for her. I'm gonna try to talk to Nina and the others and see if we can't try to help her.  
NN: anything else? I've gotta get ready for class.  
GT: no, that's all  
NN: aight, see you in a couple periods.  
GT: bye.

  
nominitiveNurturing [NN] ceased pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]  


  


Well, Kate couldn't confirm it for you but was, predictably, excited about the prospect. You open up another window, this time with Nina. Maybe she'll have some better idea.

  


  
ghostlyTrickster [GT] started pestering notionalOverlord [NO]  


  
GT: nina.  
GT: did you hear that the new girl is apparently trans?  
NO: I both haven't heard that and would be hesitant to take rumors at face value.  
NO: Come on John, I thought you were better than that. You've always been smart enough to not listen to that crap.  
NO: But hey, whatever, if I find her and it's true, I'll be nice to her. You'd better be nice to her too!  
NO: I **_know_** you have some problems with that stuff but you better have enough common sense to not misgender an actual trans girl to her face.  
GT: come on nina, it's not like i'd do that...  
GT: i've been getting better!  
NO: Okay, just be careful.  
NO: You can be insensitive when you think you're trying hard enough.  
NO: Gotta run, see you in class.

  
notionalOverlord [NO] ceased pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]  


  


Nina. Ugh, you've been fighting on an off with her for a couple weeks... okay, more like ever since the two of you clashed before the school year started. You really _have_ been trying to learn more about this stuff, gender and all that. You've learned what dysphoria really means, and boy were you wrong about your "it's just misplaced dysmorphia" point. Which you've told her! But you can't seem to get in her good graces.

It'll probably just come in time. You're not going to stress out about it much.

  


  
ghostlyTrickster [GT] started pestering aetherialVirago [AV]  


  
GT: hey lucy!  
GT: good morning!  
AV: hey john, how's my boy doing?  
AV: Keeping up with the latest gossip around school?  
GT: are you talking about the new girl?  
AV: yeah!  
AV: rumor is, she's trans, which is cool, but get this:  
AV: She's totally just walking around with pride flags all over her  
AV: she's not even trying to hide it  
GT: whoa.  
GT: she sounds like my friend, rose.  
GT: did you see her, to get this information?  
AV: oh yeah totally, you know how I get here super early.  
AV: well she came in and sat down, talked to me  
AV: A real gem, that one  
AV: not even being sarcastic there  
GT: that's so cool!  
AV: I'm sure you'll see her around, she's hard to miss.  
AV: but enough about heeeeeeerrrrrrrrr  
AV: I want to talk about you  
GT: well what about me?  
GT: it's not like i've been doing too much  
AV: oh really?  
AV: the glorious eggnog hasn't been doing anything?  
AV: I highly doubt that (◔_◔)  
GT: what?  
GT: why would I be doing anything interesting?  
AV: I don't know, you've been really quiet when we've been talking at lunch recently  
AV: and you've been doing a hell of a lot more looking at your phone  
AV: so are you _sure_ you've been doing "nothing"  


  


You're starting to get nervous. Lucy isn't usually one to let something like this just drop, if she thinks she's onto something. You can either throw her off the trail by telling her something false or... you could come clean. You don't really feel right lying to your girlfriend. 

So... maybe just a half-truth?

  


  
GT: well.  
GT: okay, you've got me.  
GT: i've kind of been reading a lot recently, because one of my other friends opened my eyes to the fact that i was being a real dummy.  
GT: like, extremely dumb, in some really not cool ways.  
GT: specifically in the way that i kept acting like women weren't oppressed anymore and there was equal rights and all that.  
GT: so i've been trying to educate myself and fix that, you know?  
GT: i know i don't usually get stuck on this stuff, but i think it's important!  
AV: oh, no, that totally makes sense  
AV: you're on your first feminism bender  
AV: i can respect that  
GT: wait is that like, a thing?  
AV: oh, not at all, people don't call them "feminism benders" or anything, but it's just when you start learning something new and you get so engrossed in it that you spend, say, an entire week reading on it  
AV: pretty much all of the rest of us do it, it's nothing weird  
GT: whoa, how have i not heard about this?  
AV: i'm sure you've done it before, it's super common for people with uh  
AV: well, i'm not gonna diagnose you or anything, that's your business  


  


Diagnose you? Do you have an illness?

No, wait, she might have just been talking about some psychobabble shit like Rose does sometimes. You have to wonder what though.

  


  
AV: alright, hey, eggs, it's getting to be about the beginning of classes  
AV: You should get off your phone, dummy  
AV: <3  
GT: <3  
GT: see you, lucy!  
  


  
aetherialVirago [AV] ceased pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]  


  


Your classes pass by quickly, the energy of your curiosity about the new girl permeating your mind the entire time.

~~A later version of you would look back at this and wonder whether you should have been able to tell, but at the moment, your subconscious brain brushes your excitement off as simple curiosity.~~

  


* * *

  


"Egbert! Hey!"

The resounding yell from behind you surprises you. You turn to see Nina accompanied by a girl that, while at first you don't recognize her (and being completely blunt, you didn't immediately recognize as a girl) you quickly figure out must be Ella.

Ella, as you found out the name of the new girl is, has been creating a stir all day, with several of your teachers having to break up discussions during classes that regarded her. A good half of those conversations were at least kind of transphobic, which really sucked to hear.

You're not surprised to see Ella with Nina, considering the scheming that your friends were doing at lunch: Nina, Kate, Cael, Jace, and Lucy made it their explicit goal to get Ella to join your group, when they spotted her sitting alone and getting jeered at by some other classmates.

Knowing them, she was getting pelted by conversation for the entire afternoon from your friends. It's cool to know that they're so supportive though, and you're happy that, of all of the people in the school, you can claim to be among the people who are willing to stand up for her.

~~Even though you ** _didn't_** stand up for her when she was being harassed earlier.~~

You jog quickly over to the two of them, who are giggling about something or other.

"hey nina!"

You think about greeting Ella, but considering you don't **_know_** her, you hesitate for a second too long, and the opportunity passes.

"Hey John, so..."

She turns to Ella.

"This is Ella, she's the new girl everyone has been talking about, and Ella, this is John, he's one of the guys in my friend group."

~~You ignore the internal cringe at being called a guy. Why would that indicate anything?~~

"hi ella! i was super excited when i heard that there was a trans girl that was here, one of my friends is a trans guy... well, we haven't been talking because i did something stupid, but that's not really related."

Wow, you totally just said too much there.

"oh, Okay, well, hi! It's cool to know that there's at least, like, Someone here that was looking forward to me being here. I've gotten shit all day. Luckily all of your friends have been Super cool."

"i'm glad to hear that. transphobes suck and i wouldn't want you to have to deal with them without having some supportive people here too."

Ella shifts her weight to her left leg, towards where Nina is standing, and her face falls a bit, but her smile remains.

"Yeah. Definitely."

Nina pipes up, after a few seconds of silence that follow.

"So, hey, John, do you want to go sit down and talk about some stuff?"

You're not sure entirely why Nina is asking **_you_** to talk about stuff, but you're completely willing to hear her out, so the three of you meander to a nearby table. Ella pulls out a notebook and starts to write when you sit down.

"So John has just recently been educating himself about the nuances of trans experiences and what it means to be trans. So, do you want to talk about your experiences with him, Ella, maybe try to help him understand some stuff better?"

Oh. That's what this is about. Nina is trying to "educate" you.

You can't help but feel a little talked down to. She kind of always does this, acts like she knows better than you, but doesn't precisely say it. It can be really, really frustrating. You've had enough, though.

"nina, i keep telling you, i'm trying to get better."

She shoots you a glare.

"And I'm telling you, maybe listening to an actual trans person would be a better way of getting better than just looking crap up on the internet."

She yelled that...

She hasn't ever yelled at you before. It shuts you up nice and good.

Ella, after a couple more moments, gets the confidence to speak.

"nina **_is_** right. While it Can be useful to use online resources, it's going to be Much better if you listen to someone who is actually here, in real life."

You... You can't argue with that. So you let her keep going.

"did you have Anything in mind for what I should talk about, Nina?"

"Mostly what it feels like to be trans, and some of the different terms. I know it's difficult to describe, but, as much as you can, and feel comfortable doing."

Ella nods, and a contemplative look falls over her face. You take the time to note a few things about her. 

She's startlingly pretty. Which feels bad to say: you have a girlfriend after all. Something about her face, though, just strikes you as artistic and wonderful. The way that the light glints off her eyes, and the slightly golden undertones of her skin, the wonderful dark color of it.

Oh god are you crushing on her?

Oh no...

"... and a trans girl or trans woman is, of course, a Girl, who happens to be trans, meaning that she was Assigned or Designated male at birth. did you Get all of that?"

Fuck... You didn't. But, you really don't want to admit that you didn't because you were staring at her face.

So...

You lie.

"yeah, i got it."

"I guess we should move on to the Topic of what I have experienced as a trans woman and I..."

She pauses.

"So, I don't Personally know how you perceive your Body, but from a very young age, I always saw that there were subtle things about my Body that I could tell were... off. The obvious parts come to mind, but the most illustrative Conversation I can think of is one with my Mother where I asked her 'when will i get my Child Bearing Hips' when she mentioned her own, and she had to explain to me that Boys didn't get those, and I was distraught. Obviously It seems a little silly in retrospect, but I was Genuinely unnerved. These sorts of Experiences are indicative of the types of disconnects from what we expect from our bodies that Trans People tend to Experience: I thought that I was going to Naturally develop feminine features, because my mind told me that's what I was."

That.... wow, that's the first time it's been explained to you where it just clicks.

"that makes a lot of sense... the subtle distinction between what you expect and what you actually experience."

"Typically, this would be known as Dissonance, and indeed, this is a form of dissonance, but it isn't Cognitive Dissonance, it's known as Dysphoria: it is distinct from dysmorphia and other body-brain dissonance Conditions because of the implicit nature of its existence. While not every trans person will necessarily experience dysphoria, if you Experience dysphoria, the only proven way to minimize it is to bring your body in line with your minds expectation. The other Way around does not work, though plenty of conversion therapists have tried."

She halts in her speech again, seemingly contemplating what to say next, and while she does, Nina hops in.

"Keep in mind, John, being trans is really different for everyone. My ex explained to me that she just felt a general confusion about how she was supposed to be, and look, and a general dissatisfaction with her body. Dysphoria manifests in a lot of ways."

This makes you contemplate a couple things.

You think back to the first day of high school, and every other time before and after that, when you've looked in the mirror.

When you've looked in the mirror and contemplated: what were you really thinking then, when you were so unsatisfied by what you looked like. When you kept describing your body as looking like "nothing" and "boring". When you looked at the pudge that you have and would sigh, annoyed but unsure, because you never really minded being heavier than average.

It... It definitely couldn't be that you're trans.

But then you think back to everything else. To the test that Rose suggested that you take. To the thoughts that you have when you're up real late at night. To your excitement over meeting Ella. 

To the way that you always related to Dave, and his experiences. Why you were so close to him in the first place...

And a layer of something cracks...

"Yo, John, are you paying attention?"

And gets subsequently shoved back down.

You're not trans. Sure, you might be a weird kid, but you're definitely not trans. You have a **_girlfriend_**. You've been raised by your dad your entire life to fit the perfect model of what a man is supposed to be.

You can't be trans. It's impossible.

So you push it down, and focus on talking to your friends.

"oh, sorry, i was just trying to get all of that in my brain. you know how i am."

You put on your dopiest, silliest smile, but you know it doesn't look right, it looks like you're faking it. 

"Of course you weren't paying attention. John, I had something really important to tell you..."

Oh... well you probably should have been paying attention then. That said, you feel like what you were thinking about qualifies as pretty important, itself.

"John, I've been thinking, and talking to people, and I've been trying to catch everyone today because I feel like this is the best time for me to tell everyone this, given the introduction of a new friend into the group who is trans. so..."

and she stops.

For a solid minute.

The air is palpably still for that time, but you don't rush her or... push her.

"John, I'm trans. I'm not a girl. I'm a guy. I want to use he/him pronouns and be acknowledged as a guy and dress like a guy and I just don't identify as a girl."

Oh.

  


  


  


OH!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap it's been more than a month, again!
> 
> I cut this chapter in half, and it was still 13,000 words. I am very glad that I did.
> 
> As always, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. If you did, I would love to hear from you in the comments: the comments fuel me :3
> 
> I will mention that as I said last time, I am going to attempt to publish more frequently, however, this chapter ballooned to behemoth proportions and took much longer than expected.
> 
> So yeah, part of the reason this took so long is that I got really anxious about the quality of my understanding of feminist theory, Jake, and dysphoria. So I just spent a lot of time just thinking about that over and over and over.
> 
> If you like this fic, and want to hear about updates, you can always subscribe or bookmark it here on the site, however I also have a twitter, @FadingEchoes, a tumblr, unconventionalCat, and as of just recently, a mastodon, @AlsoACat@snouts.online, where I will post updates and other content as I have it available.
> 
> I have another fic that is in the same vein as this fic, however it's a lot shorter, by the name of How We Discover Ourselves, if you just desperately want more of my writing.
> 
> I'm still tepidly considering opening up a discord for those who would be interested, however last time I didn't get much of a response so I'm unsure.
> 
> Anyhow, Thanks for reading!! Have a great July!


	14. What is a body?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade questions what it means to be a woman, and, moreso, what her questioning _means_. She seeks a questionable form of counsel.
> 
> Rose and Aranea consort, questioning the morality of some of Mrs. Lalonde's practices. Hard questions are asked but not sufficiently answered.
> 
> Dave gets beat down. Seriously, it's really bad, and not at all cathartic. In the end, however, he turns it around into something positive for himself, if only for a short period.
> 
> John gets more questions regarding his gender. He refuses them at face value.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for: multiple use of slurs in Dave's scene, as well as descriptions of some pretty gratuitous violence. Please take care when reading this part.

Jade: Check Vital Status

The experience of pleasuring yourself is always a good one. Not necessarily one that you do often: you're a plenty complicated person and find yourself with many things to do. That said, it never fails to bring you out of a sad moment or to bring your mood up. Something about the simple act of letting your body do the work and letting your mind turn off for a moment.

Unfortunately, now that you're done with it, you're finding yourself thinking over everything once again. Your identity issues didn't just iron themselves out in the twenty or so minutes that you spent on it.

The key thing on your mind at the moment relates to your body: One of the things you know from your "research" is that most trans people will be uncomfortable with their bodies. The problem that you are being faced with right now is that, in all honesty, you don't know if you can say that you _are_ uncomfortable with your body. 

Sure, there are times where you look at yourself and wish that you looked a bit different, but not to the point of being outright **_uncomfortable_**. Does that... Could that mean that you're just completely wrong? That there's no chance that you're trans?

The thought unsettles you. What if you're just a weird person that likes to dress differently. After all the time that you put into experimentation, that thought seems... disappointing to you. 

Maybe this whole thing was just out of a desire to feel closer to your grandpa, but subconsciously. Perhaps you actually _did_ know that he was trans, but you... But before last week how could you have even known? It's not like you've suppressed many memories of him. You have almost perfect recall of everything that's happened during your life.

Still, the confusion is disconcerting to you. You're so used to being _sure_. You've always been good at finding results. Science, reality, the clouds, Skaia, Prospit... they've all been so concrete. Factual. Things that you could look at and know for sure. Even your grandpa's death was a "mystery" but, one that you found a fairly straightforward answer for once you were old enough to dismiss the idea that the _doll_ killed him. Suicide is awful, but it's not hard to come up with as the cause of death when there are a grand total of two people and a dog on an island, and you certainly didn't kill him.

Your mind is quickly becoming overwhelmed by all of this, and you're still just sitting there, covered only by a sheet. You decide to do the only thing that comes to mind: distract yourself, get dressed, water your plants, do something to stave off the oncoming panic. As you pull on pants and toss on a shirt, however, something in your periphery catches your attention, and you pause.

The journal. You'd left it on your tinkering table after cleaning up this morning. 

Perhaps... As uncomfortable as this may be, perhaps your grandpa has some insight your conundrum. It's been almost a week now. Surely digging into the tome further can't be... _that_ bad of an idea.

You pick up the book. The cover still feels strange to you, like it is both well worn and somehow brand new. You crack the book open to the last place you left off, hoping that you can find an entry during his 30's and or late 20's where he talked about this.

Pitch Black. You had forgotten about the damage that he had done to it.

You flip past the entry from the 50's. Though the idea that you might find something like what you're looking for later on, as he was approaching the age that his body would have been entering senescence, feels unlikely to you. Nonetheless, you find the next legible entry.

September 26, 1958

I write this entry to proclaim something of the utmost urgency! I found her! I found Jane! After years of sitting right pretty on my derrière, I found myself out on a trip to Washington for my company. In the midst of a heat flash (in September, of all times! what poppycock!) I took refuge in a nearby shop. While browsing the accouterments on offer, I heard an auspicious sound: a crash from the back of the shop. I went to investigate it, hoping to assist with whatever malarkey went down. When I got there, my eyes nearly bugged out at what I saw: right there in front of me, it was her. After more than 30 years.

Many tears were shed and many words were said, but at the end of the day I still had my plane to catch. Unfortunate that one. I got her home phone number, and we swore to chat with one another, when we got the chance. It feels so good to be back in contact with her.

Unfortunately, the thing I didn't tell her was that I was in Washington to talk to higher ups at Betty Crocker about a loan. She'd downright kill me if she knew, but I need the money to get off the ground. This company is important, I just know it. The technology that we create... It's going to save the world some day!

To see this side of him. Hopeful, daring, but at the same time, betraying everything he had said he believed in. The fact that he went back to **_her_** to the _Condescension_ of all people, for the money, after literally running away from her.

It doesn't feel right to you. You look at all the tech in your room and hope beyond all hope that he didn't give out any rights to alter the technology with that first loan. 

You flip to the next pa-

What. The. Fuck.

pnppiaaiianannaiipnnpanipiniipnnappniapppipappipapiinapippniiaiaananpiinpppapnapnaaiaapanaiiipippiippnanappinppananiniaippaniaippainpapappiaapinaaiiipniininpapnnppaiaiininiinnnnpiiipiinpninaannpnanpaanppninnaipnnaipanaapnnpainapniapipppinaipipppiiiannipniiaapniiappinaipaiiaiiinninianinipnpniaiaiiipipiiippapipnnpiniaanainanaapniinaaaninipnanippanppnapapnnnaiipiianapaiipiaiipaanpppnipiapnaapppiipinpaanpnaiipnnaipnpiipappapnppaiipppaaniiapanianinniipnpppaaiinpinniniiapaipinipipiinniinpnapnannppnaapippnnpniiiainipppiniinppaipiapannnnaniniiiapanaipninaianapipipnpanannpannnniaiiiinpiinanpippiiapppaipiinpaaanaapiiippppaiinnainniipnianniappiiaaapanpnaapaniiinaiaaapnnnnppnpaiiaappnannpipnaannnnannaniaiapaiaaanniinpiaananpiapninapiainppinnaiiaiaapiniaiapaippippippaaappiapiipapppainnnanipnianpppipnppappnpannanpnipipiaananppipppiiipappiaanaaaiipannnipaannipiaannpnappnnpappipppiainapinpnppaipiaaiappippppnanaanniiinaipappaaiiianipaiainpaipinippnannapnniiipaaapniiiaaipnainipaapaaainpaaapnainnpaapippnannappppnpinnnpaiiaaaaanaaaiipnapiiaiannipaapiipipinaipniaaaapanainiannaiapnpaainaiinaippaipnanipiniinpiipainnpiaiaiappnnnnapiiipipppapnaaaannaaaaianppaapaiaipiianapipiiaappaaapnpiannpnpapaianiapiaaiianiaipapaiippppipannanipnapapipipinpnnnnpninnaaanniinaapiaininipninipninnppianipinipppannnpapiiinnnipiiaapipanapiainanpaipannanpanipipnaiiiiiipiiapinnnnpinaiipppiiiipaaninianpnapiipappiipipaippainininpipinnnnpiiaaiapanaiaaianpiaannniininpinipipnianaaipananaaiipininanaiianaapnnapipnppnaaanannppiipippianapiapiipniannipnpananpinppainannnppipiipppnaapniannpipipniainppniannapananiipnpaniiinpanniiiaapapnpain

Pages on pages on pages filled with nonsense, four letters repeating endlessly. You don't know how you didn't notice it before, but looking at it fills you with a strange sense of dread. You flip past quickly. 

The next entry is an _actual_ entry. It's also several pages later, after more scribbled out, blanked pages. 

Your grandpa had so much to hide, its honestly starting to scare you. 

January 1, 1961

It's been a helluva few years, but we did it! Skaianet is completely independent! I bought Betty's last stocks off her yesterday, with the final paperwork passing off to the ol' desk jockeys to look over one last time. It cost us a lot, but her little grabbers are finally out of our pies, as the old saying goes. It's left me a lot more thoughtful about... the future. With my _formal_ separation finished, and my contact with Jane in the past few years I've been thinking about instituting the more... theoretical works focused arm of the company. Skaianet has always been a scientastic company with its eyes towards the skies and the future. 

I think we might need to be more than that to survive what's to come. In our most recent conversation, Jane let on that she's been hearing reports of some strange astronomical activity in the northwest. Spontaneous meteor showers. The same reports have been coming out of new england, and, strangely, the southeast of Texas. I can only assume that the batterwitch has something to do with these events, somehow. 

I plan to move to the northeast, set up camp near the city of Hauntswitch, Mass. It'll keep me close enough to major scientific hubs that our company will survive, but far enough away that we'll maintain the air of secrecy and interest that has partially kept us afloat. And, far enough away that we can do proper astronomical research.

As always, onward we must tread, for the good of humanity!

There he goes, right back into his long-winded conspiracy theories and lighthearted ideas about what the world is like. Except, well, they weren't exactly conspiracy _theories_ were they. While you can't exactly prove that the Condesce had anything to do with the spontaneous meteors, she definitely _was_ a malicious force. It comforts you to see that he managed to gain his independence from her, in the end. 

One more entry, maybe then you'll get your answer. Hopefully. You're honestly getting tired, it's been a lon-

  


* * *

  


Your eyes focus. Golden spires tower overhead, their peaks blotting out the light from above. The sky blue light pierces your eyes nonetheless, temporarily blinding you. When your eyes regain their acuity, you realize where you are.

Prospit. You must have passed out on the floor. Not very unusual for you. You _were_ looking forward to reading the next entry, but... well, you don't mind spending some time on prospit. You look around, the space you are in familiar to you. Posters, precisely the same as the ones in your room, but tinted to match everything else on the moon. Your lunchtop sits where it was left, also a dark golden color. 

You wonder what hour of the... prospit... day... it is? The window is open, as always. The shutters from your house aren't installed on the moon towers, on account of the lack of weather. Actually, you wonder what your bot is doing. It's going to rain at some point today, and your bot can get finicky in the rain. 

Eh, Bec'll help out with it. 

You see that the tower is just passing the halfway point, opposite to when it enters the Skaian atmosphere. The Light that hits the room is passing through the peaks of the towers on the main moon itself, not the sub-moon that is chained to it. You hop through the window, uncaring of your destination.You'll figure it out as you go.

The chain leads you to the central works, where the massive stabilizing fixture is. You pass by a number of workers as you fly, from the stocky rooks to the prim and proper bishops. Each of them is going about their day, their (adorable) little forms mere ants from where you hover. That's not what you want though, so, you get closer. Seeing them up close is marvelous. The way that not only do each of them stylistically resemble the chess pieces for which they are named, but the ways they differ, not just from chess pieces, but from one another.

The rooks have massive, multi-segmented bodies, arms like tree trunks. Their muscles are visible underneath their carapaces, unlike most of the carapacians. The rooks on the other hand are lithe, small impressions of distinct segmentations visible on their otherwise seamless bodies. All of them wear simple clothing, indistinct from one another, a sign of their status and little more. 

Beyond the simple King, Queen, Bishop, Knight, Rook, and Pawn, though, there are more types of these anthropomorphic chess people. The infrequent courier, and the blacksmiths, the cooks, and the very rare ectobiologist. All of these types, represented by a different piece. A society made of pieces playing out a simplified form of society.

At times, you would get jealous of them. The simplicity of being born into a life where everything you did had a defined purpose. Instead, you had to question everything, learn so much just in case it _might_ be helpful to you. Not to say you don't **_like_** science, the opposite of course but... at some point, it all becomes so overwhelming.

You... you need guidance. The only person you _know_ you can turn to when you feel like this is the white queen. So, you do.

You touch down in the courtyard, the plants as gorgeous as ever. A new sculpture has went up, one of the heroes. You can't really say you're a **_fan_** of it, given who the statue depicts. It's hard to not admire the pure quality of the form.

You scurry inside, again utilizing the age old technique known as **_LASS SCAMPER_** to bypass anyone who might want to talk to you before you make it to the queen. She is your only target, your goal. 

Several anxiety inducing moments later (not because you were going to get in trouble, because you didn't want to _talk to people_ ) you arrive in front of the door. Giant, expansive, intimidating. Exactly as you remember it. You crack it slowly, not wanting to interrupt her in case she is doing something important. 

You gaze in, and find yourself faced with something you've never witnessed before. The queen is sitting at her throne, fast asleep. Dozing on the job. She always seems so regal and put together, to catch her at a moment of weakness is... _heartwarming_.

You slide in the door and knock on it, getting her to open her eyes a crack before wearily blinking away the sleep. You step forward another few paces, now halfway into the room. She gestures at you, gracefully summoning you forward.

"I apologize for my laxity, I should be ready for your arrival at all times. What do you require from me?"

"oh gosh you don't need to keep yourself from resting for my sake"

" _Nonesense_ , you are one of the saviors of our people, you deserve my attention whenever you desire."

You already feel sort like you're putting her out, but with how sincere she sounds and how off you're feeling, you decide to just go with it.

"so, uh, i had a question for you?"

"Go ahead, Witch"

"how do you... know you're a woman?"

The queen tilts her head sideways, seemingly confused by your question. You say it again, in case she just didn't hear. 

"you know, how do you know that you're... right? that you are actually supposed to be the queen and not, i don't know, the king?

Her face goes from tilting sideways to open surprise as you finish.

"My dear, you are... questioning your place in life? What you should do, what you should be?"

"i guess so. when you say it like that it sounds so _intense_ , though."

"Hmm. Witch, my savior, I must confess confusion about this. I do not understand. You are the witch, a position which you will fulfill in time, and a statement of your purpose. To be the witch is to be a woman, at least, as _our_ witch. There is no other that you could be, just as I, as a queen, am a woman."

Your mind is swirling with the implications of what she's just told you. You think... you think she's telling you to accept that you're a woman, since that's how you were born.

It just... it doesn't feel right. Too conclusive. 

"you're saying that no carapacian has ever thought about changing their morph?"

"Well, it's just impossible. Sure, we have the deluded few, but they do not matter in the long run. A rook cannot become a bishop, and it is delusional to think otherwise."

You feel... off put by this knowledge. The queen _is_ trying to help you, though. Surely she knows fairly well: you've often come to her as a source of knowledge and insight. Still, you question.

"how do man and woman even have meanings in your society?"

"Why, by our relation to _you_ and the other saviors of course. Previous ones, even. Our ability to understand which of the genders we relate to depends on our understanding of the gods that we follow, for they **_must_** be correct. This of course means that each of the 12 castes within our society is either male or female. There is no other way."

Your mind whirls. If their entire religion is based on you and your friends, and that religion says you have to be a girl... Maybe there's no point in questioning it. Certainly, they've never been wrong before.

You excuse yourself from the Queen's presence, ruminating on what she said.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Hold on, did she just mention previous saviors?

  


* * *

  


Rose: Consort with Conspicuous Character

You arrive to your house following an asinine, complicated trip through a number of arbitrary, atrocious hoops.

That is to say, you arrive home after riding the bus, since your mom could apparently not be assed to pick you up. You are still deciding whether that is a good or bad thing, given her prediliction for imbibing inebriating libations. On one hand, you arrived home safely.

On the other, it is yet another nail in your hope that your mother cares for you.

You move spiritedly towards the stairs, as you hear a noise from the kitchen. You will _not_ be caught by one of your mom's famous tirades about the state of wizard culture, or the quality of the "booz" that she has been drinking. You simply refuse to be party to such antics.

You successfully transit to your domicile, unaccompanied by any guardians, and proceed to make haste to your computer. You simply _need_ to hear back from Aranea. You see, earlier today you sent her a sampling of your writing which you thought she might be interested in, and you'd like to hear her feedback on them.

You check your pesterchum, and sure enough, she has attached a copy of your document full of comments. They range from simple grammatical comments (strange, considering she is in theory speaking a different language) which often comprise of moving subject and object around. You wonder why she would move subject and object around, there wasn't any mistake there.

Regardless, you push through the comments up until the smut scene. There, strangely, the comments stop. 

Maybe she just... didn't finish, but wanted to send you the comments regardless?

You go back and check your pesterchum. There are several messages that, in your haste to see what she said, you missed. 

  


antipatheticConsultant [AC] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

AC: Hello, Rose.  
AC: I finished with your writing, and will attach my revised notes here.

antipatheticConsultant [AC] sent tentacleTherapist [TT] the file "TheUnfetteredRevelry[revised].docx"

AC: As you will probably notice, I failed to complete the work.  
AC: This is because, in short, I became uncomfortable. I would have preferred that you had warned me that there would be sexual content, and your descriptions of your Human genitalia would be so explicit.

  


You take a moment to re-read what she said to you. It feels like a slap in the face, like she truly thinks that your writing is bad. You almost go off on a tirade on her: the only thing that stops you is the ambiguity with which she's said it. Perhaps she does not think your writing is bad, and simply is uncomfortable with smut _in general_. That would feel much, much better to hear.

  


TT: I have to question why you're uncomfortable with my smut writing.  
TT: Was it bad?  
TT: Was it simply too much detail for you?

There is a pause before she responds. When she does, it is worse than you could possibly have feared.

  


AC: I have no qualms with sexual content. In fact, I would consider it to be a healthy means of expression for any person. Indeed, my main concern is, er, in the _exposed parties_ to this content. You mentioned that your mother had read this and critiqued it, correct?

  


Your mom? 

Yeah, this is the piece that your mom read, but why... why is _that_ relevant? It's hardly like she gave you great tips. She just told you to write better smut. 

And that the kissing scenes were really gay, but like, in a good way.

  


TT: Yes, this is the piece that prompted my mom to send me to "writing school" as it were.  
TT: Why is that relevant?  
AC: Rose, I would like to ask you something. Is it normal in your society for parents to read, and even critique, smut written by their children? I would hazard a guess and say that it is not. Why, then, are you seemingly perfectly comfortable with the fact that your mother flippantly disregarded your boundaries and read your _smut_ of all things. Then, to your face, she critiqued it, mentioning, _explicitly_ the smut that you wrote. This all seems so... problematic to me.

  


You've... never really considered that. You've always thought that your relationship with your mom was fine and even better than most people, at least in that sense. She hasn't ever pestered you for your writing, your sexuality, or the overlap of the two.

  


TT: I have to disagree with you over this.  
TT: The only problem with what she's done is that she accessed the writing without my approval in the first place.  
TT: She's just being a supportive parent.  
AC: I'll trust your judgement on this, Rose. I just want you to take time to think on it. I also want to stress that I'm not implying any malice on her part, simply that she does not understand acceptable boundaries for what she should and should not comment on. Your descriptions of your mother paint a certain picture, however, of neglect and otherwise careless parenting. It feels almost as if she doesn't want to be your parent.

  


As you read her message, you start questioning something: why are you even trying to defend her. She constantly passive-aggressively attacks your interests, and she rarely pays enough attention to you to actually do basic things like providing you with the love and care that she should. Let alone food.

TT: I... being entirely honest, I don't know.  
TT: I feel conflicted here; My mother has never been **_terrible_** to me, she just... she doesn't pay enough attention.  
TT: I'm sure that's a perfectly normal thing for a parent to do.

But on the inside, you're questioning it. Sure, your mom doesn't always pay the best attention to you, but... she wouldn't do anything that's outright _wrong_ would she?

You close the chat, ignoring what Aranea might say to you. Your bed is soft when you crash into it. It's only midday, but you quickly fall into a light sleep.

  


* * *

  


The whispers. They're overwhelming.

The ground around you is purple and fuchsia, a reverent and royal combination that instantly overwhelms your eyes. You are unused to these eyes being opened. 

THE WHISPERS.

You can't even begin to decipher what they're saying. They flow around you, like a harsh, decimating wind. You feel split between your desire to **_understand_** and your lizard brain's screams of "run, run!" You lean up, the room around you coming into focus. It's your room, but... more purple. The glass windows that usually lie in one corner are replaced with a single, tapered topped rectangle. 

This place feels... familiar. Your clothes are different, a simple dress with a long skirted bottom. It is soft, like the most comfortable pajamas that you've ever worn. They feel soft, perfectly contouring to your body and supporting your spine, but not squeezing.

You feel yourself slipping further and further away. Something is disrupting your conne-

  


* * *

  


You are shaken awake, the force that of someone a bit stronger than they think they are. You wearily open your eyes, blinking away the sleep. It's your mother, standing above you.

"heyyyyyy roes i fishined making dinnnnner"

"Okay, I will be down in a moment."

She jaunts out of the room, the pep in her step obvious. She must be easily 10-15 drinks in at this point, completely plastered.

You... you think Aranea is right. You need to confront her about it, too. She needs to know that what she did with your writing was wrong, and that she shouldn't keep doing it.

But, when you get downstairs and start trying to tell her, you choke.

You don't want to do that to your mom.

  


* * *

  


Dave: Take Out Your Frustrations

What frustrations? You're totally chill, cold as ice, 100% frozen cold chill yeah no who are you fucking kidding, of course you aren't. Jeff was pushing you around at school, and when you got home Bro immediately wantetd to strife. 

He beat you down.

Hard. 

Then, you got a piece of "fan mail" that happened to be someone calling you a "faggot" and telling you to "get a life that isn't drawing shitty faggots sucking each others dicks."

Yeah, today was fucking trash. 

You're walking to your room, steeping in your fury. It hurts, both physically, and mentally. You can barely believe that he'd do it to you except, hey, he's done it to you every other day of your life, so of course you can. The insult was just icing on the shit cake that was today.

**_FUCK_ **

In your rage, you punch the wall next to the door. It goes through the wall and drywall and you hit something, hard. Your hand is screaming in pain and you want to cry out, but you know that'll only worsen what's about to come.

"I guess you wanted another beatdown today, little bro."

It comes from all around you, which seems impossible. You've never really questioned Bro's abilities though. He's like some fucking ethereal monster, impossible to beat. You can only hope to withstand what he's about to do.

In a flash, you see him enter your room, and then he's gone again.

In his place, a note: 

Roof. Now. There will be consequences.

You already know what the consequences will be. He's gonna beat the shit out of you. You don't want to keep him waiting, though, or the consequences will be worse. You flashstep out the door and quickly make your way to the stairs.

As you open the outside door, you feel the heat pelting you. It's late October, but that doesn't stop the roof from being a thousand fucking degrees.

He's standing there, back to you. You know this pose. You have to approach him.

As you do, you can already feel the beginnings of a hell descending on you.

When you get right behind him, he disappears, and within a second you feel a kick to the stomach. You go flying backwards, hitting the ground _hard_. Something might have snapped, but you're not honestly sure. He catches you before you fully hit the ground with a punch along the jaw.

"You should be **_STRONGER_** than this."

He picks you up off the ground by the neck of your shirt.

"You think you _deserve_ to damage **_my_** fucking apartment? Do you have **_any_** idea how much that shit is going to cost to fix?"

He drops you, and you crumble. Quickly, however, knowing that he'll continue kicking you while you're down, you get up and pull your sword. Blow after blow lands on your sword, and you parry about half of them. He never slices to injure seriously, but the lines on your arms are _intense_.

Just when you think he's going to let up, you feel a kick to your back. You go flying forward and **_OH FUCK_** the door to the stairs is open.

You tumble, hitting each chair with a solid _crunch_. You lie at the bottom, wheezing, trying to get yourself back up.

_sching_

Your sword embeds in the ground right next to you. That probably means you're done.

You feel around yourself: no broken ribs, luckily, and while your arm is dislocated, you easily snap it back in. The sting of pain is a reminder of your failure, not that you need it.

Bro has already left, you can tell because he _oh so carefully_ placed your sword less than an inch from your leg. You stagger your way to your bedroom, wincing with each step, and chuck yourself on the floor.

You'll tend to your wounds in a minute, just gotta make sure to stay awake for now. The floor might be hard, but it's better than getting beat again for getting bloodstains on the bed. Again.

The ceiling is speckled, the kind that hurts to brush your fingers against too hard. It's white, which, what ceiling isn't, and the rough texture gives it a pareidolic effect, shapes appearing and disappearing as you look at it. Maybe that's actually because of how bad you hurt your head.

Wow you're really brought to the point of analyzing the ceiling by just being beat twice. It wasn't even that bad the second time. Why is is nagging at the back of your mind, telling you that you _shouldn't_ accept this.

You lift yourself up and head to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, it's like you're a Halloween costume and your cuts are fake but they're real. You have one straight across your nose, which is bleeding all up and down your face, and another on your arm that feels pretty deep. He must have... nah, he doesn't _miss_. 

You pull out the gauze and bandages. Most of the smaller cuts just get a bandaid across it, to hold the cut closed. It'll heal on it's own. Your nose and your arm get a small slice of gauze and some tape. You'll have to think of an excuse for it when you get to school tomorrow, if anyone even asks.

Sufficiently cleaned up, you head back to your room. The floor has a little pool of blood on it where it rolled off your face. You'll wipe it up later.

You plop down in your chair. No inbox messages, no pesterchum messages. You'll have to send one over to Jade later to see how she's doing. She's been sparse recently.

For now though? You're going to draw.

SBaHJ has been an outlet for a lot of your frustrations recently. Anytime Jeff does something at school, you come home and draw. Anytime Bro beats you to a pulp, same. Anytime someone misgenders you? To the drawing you go. It's nice, calming, and doesn't actually require too much skill since you, well, are intentionally making it shitty.

It also means you can draw it with a bruised wrist, a benefit that becomes more obvious as you're trying to right now.

Your left hand is completely fucked. It's your dominant hand, and the one that you usually draw with. It's not terribly difficult to switch to your right. 

You start automatically drawing SB's face, the contours all jaggy and messy. That's part of the charm. As you're finishing, however, you get a great idea. You start drawing, and sooner than you would expect, you have your next comic.

"I WARNED YOU ABOUT STAIRS BRO!!!!!!" sits there, as the jpeg-artifacted asshole that you dubbed sweet bro falls down a set of stairs, over and over and over.

For some _great_ comical effect, you have the stairs just keep going, and duplicate the second panel about 1000 times before you call it complete. 

A masterpiece. Surely this will be your best work.

Just then, your pesterchum pings.

It's Jade.

  


gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

GG: hey dave! how are you?  
GG: i'm so sorry i've been sparse recently  
GG: with everything going on with our friends, i just got so overwhelmed... :c  
GG: i'm going to try to be better  
TG: yo its totally chill  
TG: dont even worry about it  
TG: ive been  
TG: i mean ive been better lmao  
TG: my left hand is completely fucked from a strife with bro  
GG: oh no :o  
GG: that sounds horrible  
GG: dave, why do you not do something about it?  
TG: jade you just dont get it  
TG: hes doing this stuff to make me stronger  
TG: yeah it might seem extreme but  
TG: ill come out of it better  
GG: now come off it dave  
GG: i know you don't believe that, not really  
TG: sure i do  
TG: he might be a crazy dude that thinks were going to end the world but hey  
TG: at least he knows how to fight  
TG: thats what a real guy does  
TG: youve gotta be strong  
TG: now listen i get that you live on an island so you might not understand the cultural nuances but  
TG: i promise  
TG: none of this is out of the ordinary  
TG: im just a usual teenage guy  
TG: who strifes with his bro  
TG: on a scale of 1 to platypus im like  
TG: at least at bald eagle levels of normal here  
TG: which is i guess a little abnormal since its not exactly the most common bird  
TG: point is  
TG: im normal  
TG: bros normal  
TG: were out here having a normal picnic in normalsville  
TG: thats how goddamned normal my situation is  
GG: :\  
GG: okay  
GG: if you say so  
GG: but i seriously think you should try to get help  
GG: strifing might be normal for _us_ but john and rose's strifes are like  
GG: not even a third as violent as yours  
GG: john usually gets a cake or pie or something tossed at him  
GG: i think his strifes are more like... practical jokes, almost  
TG: so hey was there a particular reason for you messaging me  
TG: because im about to upload another comic and i got my focus stolen by  
TG: island babe extraordinaire  
TG: fuck thats a good one  
TG: im gonna call you that forever now  
GG: dave  
TG: yo  
GG: did you really just call me a babe?  
TG: fuck  
GG: did you just wholeheartedly imply to me that you find me attractive?

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

Well, that probably could have went smoother.

  


* * *

  


John: Hang Out With Your Friends!

You're leaning (sideways) against a tree as Kate braids your hair. It's gotten to mid-shoulder length, something which has not gone without comment from your friends. It's chill though, you're just not actively doing anything with it.

~~It definitely isn't weird either that you really like it being long and having your hair braided. Nope. Nothing at all.~~

"Hey, Egbert, are you going to like, Answer her?"

This snaps you out of your haze.

"oh, yeah, sure"

A few seconds pass while you don't "answer her" and it's starting to get a little awkward when finally, Jace says something.

"You uh... you don't Know what she said, do you."

You do not.

Ella is the one who speaks up, having apparently been the "she" that was being referred to.

"I just asked if there was any particular reason that you were growing out your hair, or if you are just being lazy."

This question strikes you as odd. What possible other reason could you have for growing out your hair? She quickly answers her question with another question, which gives you an idea of where she's going with it.

"Well, when I was an egg, I grew out my hair 'because I didn't care' but really it felt really nice."

An... Egg?

"what is an egg? i'm assuming you're not talking about the round thing."

"Obviously no"

She smirks and sticks her tongue out at you.

"Being an 'egg' is a state where you're trans and theres so many signs, but you don't acknowledge them."

Wait a minute. Is she actually saying that she thinks you're trans. Not this again, you got enough of it from Rose.

"are you... are you implying that you think that i'm trans?"

There's a nervous pause, and it fills the air with a palpable tension. She glances down, and then glances back up at you, holding eye contact for a bare second.

"Is it that crazy of an idea? I mean, I'm not saying that you **_necessarily_** are but I'm saying that I think you would benefit from cracking open your shell and analyzing yourself."

Analyzing... yourself? You've never been great at introspection, least of all when it comes to complicated things like gender or sexuality. You've just... went with the flow. It's obvious to you that you like girls, and you're a guy, so that makes you straight. Probably.

But... does that really mean that you're straight? You've never really **_thought_** about if you could like guys, you just went with the default which you _know_ you like. Girls are great, they're wonderful, gosh you like them a lot.

  
  


You realize that as you've been having this conversation with yourself, all eyes have landed on you, including Kate who leaned around from behind you and is now making _intense_ eye contact with a point on your face.

"wh-what?"

As if it isn't obvious. Your denial was half-hearted at best, and you haven't said anything in response to her.

"i'm not trans!"

"Alright, alright, we believe you. You're just... the least open and introspective of us."

Ignoring the _insult_ that Nina just said, you continue to just zone out and listen to the conversation.

"Aaaaaaaaaanyhow, hey, N, did you think of a new name?"

"No, I've been struggling to decide on a single one. It's just so _hard_ , since I'm going to use it for the rest of my life."

"Well, that's not necessarily true. If you find you don't like it, you can always change it again later. That's a pretty normal thing to do!"

"Yeah, I know, but I just want to... choose something meaningful."

"I chose Ella because it's what my mom would have named me if I had been born a girl. Not that, well, she seemed to appreciate it much."

"Actually, I think... that gives me an idea. I was going to be named Nico if I was born a guy. I do... I do really like that."

With that, you think that N has chosen a new name, and you're starting to feel like you should get home soon.

Before you can say anything though, Lucy interrupts you. As she's jumping down from the branch in the tree above you, where she has been sitting this entire time, she calls out.

"I'm heading out. I'm 'expected home' and that means if I don't get there I'm going to get in big trouble. See you all later."

Seeing an out, and an opportunity, you chime in.

"i can walk you home if you want lucy."

"sure eggs benedict. lets rock."

  


* * *

  


You get about a quarter of the way through before Lucy starts asking questions.

"So, Ella hit any targets there with you? Sure seemed Like it."

Of course she's prodding about you being trans. Who isn't at this point? Rose, Ella, Nina, and now Lucy.

"just because i'm growing my hair long doesn't mean that i'm trans!"

you yell it a bit louder than you intend, but she was frustrating you. Ella, that is. Not Lucy. Lucy is fine, great even, but she's teasing you.

Geez that train of thought got away from you. 

"Hey, I don't Think it means that, I was just Curious. Figure it doesn't matter to me whether you Are or you Aren't."

She wouldn't... she wouldn't care?

"wait, why wouldn't you care?"

She looks over to the right, opposite of where you are, and shrugs.

"Pretty sure I'm Pansexual. Don't think I particularly care what you are, you're my partner."

Holy... you've been dating someone who is gay this entire time?

"wait, you're **_gay_**???"

"Fucksake, Egbert, no, I'm **_pan_**."

Like the old latin meaning all? How can someone be attracted to _everyone_?

"so you're attracted to everyone?"

She groans and slaps her hand to her face.

"No, dummy, I'm attracted to all genders. Or, IDK, it doesn't matter to me someone's Gender. Whichever way you want to Think about it."

Oh, wow, you don't know why you thought it meant pan as in all _people_ , not all _genders_ first. That leads to another point of confusion, but you're about out of time since you're right outside her house.

"Hey Eggs."

"yeah?"

"Just try to be Honest with yourself."

She kisses you on the cheek and walks off, into her house. You stand there dazed for a few moments before starting on your own way, towards home.

  


* * *

  


You arrive home, frustration boiling over into anger.

Why? Because of what Ella said. If she genuinely thinks that your _hairstyle_ is because you... because you're trans, then you'll just have to prove her wrong.

Immediately, you think of your dad's electric razor. He doesn't use it often, only to clean up his hair occasionally. As he's always said, a man with unkempt hair is an unkempt man, and you shouldn't trust them.

He uhh... has some strange opinions on masculinity.

Regardless, you bound up the stairs and reach the top. Turning right, you find yourself in the hallway to your dad's room and the bathroom. 

Your dad's room is still off limits to you, even when you're a teenager. You find it weird. What strange things could he even be hiding in there that would warrant keeping you from them?

It's not important. You step into the bathroom and look in the mirror. Your hair is **_really_** starting to get long, and it definitely isn't as well kept as you should have it.

So, you pull out his razor and the second-shortest attachment. 

If you're doing this, you're doing it fully.

You turn it on, the buzz vibrating your hand and giving you an idea of the full weight of what you're about to do.

Which is obviously nothing, you're _just_ cutting off your hair. It's a perfectly normal thing to do, you **_haven't_** been putting it off for any particular reason.

You bring the razor to your head, the length set to a quarter of an inch. It cuts through the first hairs with a "schink, schink, schiiiiiiiiink," and your hair starts falling to the ground.

Just as you get through the first bit of hair, you look up in the mirror and realize that, no, this does have some significance.

Why are you on the verge of tears?

Why does it feel so bad to be doing this?

It's just hair.

It's just hair.

You've already started, so you basically have to finish or you'll end up with a weird line of chopped-off hair where you did that first cut. Each pass is agonizing, and you're left feeling and looking bland, normal, unimportant.

Why. Why did you do this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS NOT DEAD!
> 
> Gosh this chapter has been pretty hard to write. The content, if you've gotten this far you should know, was a lot heavier than previous chapters. I promise I won't keep it this way, I just needed to say a few things.
> 
> For anyone who hasn't seen yet, I have a tumblr @unconventionalCats, a twitter @FadingEchoes, and a mastodon @FadingEchoes@snouts (I forget the precise address but it's on snouts). 
> 
> Unfortunately, the person who was providing art for the fic has officially sworn off/distanced from homestuck, so I only have a few pieces of art. As always, anyone who wants to do art, either fanart that they want me to link or if you'd want to do specific pieces, you can always contact me at my social media.
> 
> I *am* currently commissioning a piece for a very important scene, and may do more as this progresses. 
> 
> Finally, I will be trying to update more often, but I make no promises. 1 every month or one every 2 weeks might be the best that I can do, at least for the moment. I dearly apologize for how long this took me to get uploaded.


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